The Christmas Waif
by SRAM
Summary: This is a little story, I have been working on since Christmas 2014 and I wanted to submit it while the holiday is still fresh in people's mind. It is AU a different beginning for Leonard and Penny. It is rated M for mostly for language.
1. Chapter 1

**The Christmas Waif**

 **Chapter 1 - December 23, 2005**

Penny was too tired to go any further, besides she had no idea where she was, so she found a bench and sat down, in front of what she thought, as she looked around, was an apartment building. She had at first started running at midnight and then when she wasn't able to run anymore, walking, until now, some time in the next afternoon. It was so cold outside and she immediately felt that cold as the heat she had been generating while walking soon vanished as she sat. She couldn't keep going anymore, so she pulled up the hood of her hoodie tighter, trying to get warmer, as she also wrapped her arms around herself to try and get warmer. She was alone, scared and hungry, and she also knew her eyes would be wet if she wasn't so dehydrated, since she hadn't anything to drink since the day before.

Yesterday, it seemed like so long ago, she had been homeless for two weeks, her only possessions the clothes on her back and it seemed she was cold and hungry all the time those weeks. So when the care workers came around to take some of them to the shelter it seemed like maybe her luck had turned. They told her it was going to be too cold to be out the next few days and they offered food, a warm place to sleep and even a shower, it was like a dream come true she thought. That was until she went to the shower area, and then everything turned wrong, really wrong, putting her in the situation she found herself now. A couple men, she came to the shelter with, had followed behind her to the showers and had seen her go into the girls changing room. They walked into that changing room and saw her without her coat, her now grasping that they had probably thought she was a boy with her short hair, but now they realized she was a girl. What happened next terrified her as they had pulled at her clothes and tried to rape her, making her fight for her life to get away from the horror of what they planned to do to her. She was weak, from weeks on the street, and barely got away, loosing her coat in her escape, running away from the shelter, then walking, until she got there, now not able to walk anymore, too weak and tired to go on.

It was so cold, as she kept trying to make herself smaller and hold herself tighter to keep warm, the clothes on her back her only remaining possessions anymore and the only thing she had to keep her warm. Everything she had owned was in the pockets of the warm coat she lost, and now that she had lost everything, there was nothing left for her and as it got colder she realized it might be the end of the line for her. It was a lot different now, then when she first came to California, over a year and a half ago, she had come with dreams and a boyfriend named Kurt. Kurt made her feel special and he told her she was pretty enough to do movies, it was just he never told her those movies were porn. She had resisted him at first, even getting into fights with him about it, but after about six months she gave in and did a couple movies with him. She had hated it but rationalized that as long as she was doing it only with her boyfriend she could go on, swallowing her pride and doing it for him, or them, like he told her.

Then one day everything changed, she showed up one day at the studio and found they wanted her to do more, they wanted her to do a gangbang scene with three men and that was something she could never do. Kurt and her fought all night, her telling him she couldn't do it and him telling her she was selfish for not wanting to do something for them. It was then that she started to grow up, she now understood that no man that loved her would agree to have her fucked by so many men, so she knew what she had to do and finally left Kurt, once and for all.

The next several months went by in a blur, she now had nowhere to live so she got with guys she had met through Kurt, guys she thought may care for her by the way they acted around her before, buff handsome men, like the guys she always hung out with in high school. She would live with these guys for a couple of months at a time, before they would all throw her out, of course only after they were done using her. It was only two weeks ago when she got thrown out again and it was two weeks ago that she found out she had no place left to go. It shocked her, she couldn't believe she had no place left and as the day, then night passed, she ended up finding a place to rest resulting in her sleeping for the first time on the street. It rapidly went downhill from there, not being able to access simple things, like a shower or clean clothes, she got scared, her life was falling apart in front of her and there was the cold, there was always the cold. So after only a couple days she knew she had to do something, she went back to the studio, telling them she would do any type of porn they wanted, but they were not even interested anymore and they sent her away.

That's how she ended up were she was now, lost, hungry and cold, people walking by her not even noticing, she felt she didn't exist anymore and sometimes she wished she didn't. Like right now as a tall lanky pale man walked by her grunting in disgust, as he passed her to the door of his apartment building, not even acknowledging her existence. Then a second man went around her, shorter, with glasses, who seemed to be trying to catch up to the taller man, again too busy to notice the homeless girl on the bench.

She was a nobody, the world was done with her, and as the cold soaked deeper into her, she realized that there was nothing left for her and there was nothing she could do. She shivered and there was nothing she could do to stop it, the cold was wining, there was no way for her to get warm again and there was a numbness forming in her soul that told her she wouldn't survive the night. She was scared and ashamed, the thoughts of her being found with no ID, no one to claim her body, created another chill in her and that chill consumed her too as she wasn't able to do anything about it either. Penny closed her eyes and waited, she had given up and hoped in wouldn't be painful, but she was tired of being cold and to be honest she wanted it to be over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Leonard hurried after Sheldon, the taller man purposely using his longer legs to make Leonard almost run, it was just another way he would try to impress Leonard of his assumed superiority to him. But the extra effort Leonard was making to keep up and the heat that it generated, still couldn't mask the nip in the air making him nevertheless still feel cold. That cold also reminding him of the weather report for that night calling for just above freezing temperatures, that would go below freezing tomorrow night. He also remembered there would be a chance of a light dusting of snow for Christmas, something southern California was not use to but actually looked forward to by all the people he knew, except for Sheldon of course. Sheldon hated any change and a chance of light snow was just another change he did not like.

However, even with that all going through Leonard's mind, there was something else troubling him, he had noticed and felt immediately awful for the lonely person on the bench they passed, he was obviously homeless and not dressed for the cold. The more time his mind dwelled on that person, it made his empathy go into overdrive, as he stopped at the apartment building door, to look back at the solitary figure sitting there on the bench and with that look he knew he could go no further. Leonard always tried to help, partly because he felt extremely lucky that he had his life, like it was, and partly because he knew many of the homeless couldn't help that they ended up that way. However today was worse, it was the holiday season and he felt no one should be suffering, especially in this cold, so he sighed and then pulled out his wallet to take out some money, hoping it would help.

He couldn't see the person's face, as he walked up, the hood he was wearing was pulled tight around his head, but he could see the person was shivering, which made him wonder how much a hotel room would cost for that person tonight. "Excuse me." he said as he walked up to stand next to the bench.

Penny didn't hear him, her mind was off somewhere else and the cold was the only thing that was penetrating into it. Her shivering made it worse and as she tried pull into herself to survive, the outside world was lost to her. It was the third 'Excuse me.' that finally got through, even though she didn't even register the words, the noise and presence of another person finally broke through. She turned her head up to look at the person who was looking down at her, someone had noticed her and she became immediately scared that she would do something to make them leave.

Leonard was taken back when the person's head turned up to look at him and he was greeted by the penetrating green eyes now staring up at him, he had been completely wrong. It left him speechless for a couple of moments as he looked at her face and his mind processed he was actually looking at a girl that was younger than him. It then took him a moment to compose himself as he finally got out, "Are you okay?", now thinking that just giving her money didn't seem enough, she was a young woman and he needed to make sure she was alright.

Penny had never even noticed that he had turned back and had been a little shaken when he spoke to her, but now looking at him, she felt like crying. She looked up into his deep brown eyes and she saw a tiny bit of hope, the horror of the last two weeks now seeming to well up in her mind as she croaked out, "No." It was the truth and all she could say as she then turned her face back down to look at her hands shaking from the cold.

Leonard sat down next to her, he now couldn't leave her out there alone, "You are cold." it wasn't a question but a statement and he felt stupid saying the obvious as soon as the words left his mouth.

Penny just nodded, then quietly responded, "Yes."

Leonard thought quickly, even though he knew Sheldon would have a cow, there was no way he was leaving her outside. She would get sick out here or even worse, because it was going to get even colder tonight, close to freezing, she needed to be inside. "You want to come inside. I have some soup, I could heat up for you."

Normally a strange guy asking her up to his apartment would have kicked Penny's survival instincts into high gear, but she had given up long ago, she was cold, hungry and had lost all hope. She really had no choice if she was going to survive, so as she slowly looked back at him again, she was beyond resisting his offer and all her reservations went away at the thought of being warm and eating. "Okay." she responded.

Leonard stood up and waited for her to stand, then lead her to the apartment building door, unlocking it to bring her in. "I'm sorry the elevator doesn't work, we have to use the stairs, I live on the fourth floor."

Penny just looked at him, "Okay."

Leonard slowly led her up the stairs, walking at the same slow pace as her, she seemed to him to be very tired and he was concerned by her movements, that she might not make it up the stairs. So he watched her closely, noticing she was probably just as tall as him, but looking like she was a couple inches shorter, slouching like she was, also that she was very skinny, he thought her weight to not even be 100 pounds. He even thought he would have to help her on the last flight of stairs but was surprised when she finally made it to the top by herself.

"We're here, my apartment is 4A." Leonard said with a little smile, trying to keep talking to her for reassurance. He took out his keys, then opened the door to let her in, immediately looking for Sheldon as they entered. He was relieved to see his roommate not around, so he lead her over to a stool near the kitchen, which would be easier to disinfect after Sheldon found out she sat there.

Penny did what she had been doing since she left the bench, just following to where she was lead, sitting on the stool and just happy to be off her feet. Her previous nights long run, then sitting in the cold had stiffen her feet and made them sore, so now sitting inside, away from the cold and the coming night, was like dream to her. It also felt so good to be somewhere warm, but now out of the cold her hunger seemed more severe, it quickly became her next priority as she eagerly looked around the kitchen. She was both hungry and thirsty, but very scared to say anything, afraid the warmth she was now in would be taken away from her if she complained to this man who was being nice to her.

"Do you want some soup. We have chicken noodle." Leonard said as he watched her look wide eyed around.

Penny nodded eagerly, "Yes please."

Leonard nodded then went to quickly make the soup, putting a steaming bowl in front of her in record time, with a bottled water, then stood back and watched. He had never seen someone attack food like that, she wasn't sloppy, she just inhaled the soup while drinking the water in between. It actually made Leonard feel bad, to think there were people out there so cold and hungry right now like her. He was so deep in thought that it surprised him when he noticed she had finished the bowl and water bottle was empty. He was about to ask her if she wanted some more, when he heard the gasp.

"What in holy hell is this." Sheldon exclaimed, immediately grabbing Leonard's attention.

"Sheldon calm down, everything is okay." Leonard quickly answered.

"Leonard, everything is obviously not okay, you have a bug invested street urchin in our home." Sheldon then slowly approached Penny waving his arms, "Scoot you disease ridden pest." as he tried to force her out of the apartment.

Penny was startled and got up from the chair, a terrified look in her eyes as she backed away from Sheldon towards the front door, tears now coming down her cheeks, as she barely squeaked out, "I'm sorry."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The scene unfolding before Leonard seemed ridiculous to him, the young woman needed help and that was what he was trying to do with her, while his roommate was acting like a crazy person. Leonard looked from Sheldon to the girl, trying to quickly decide what to do next because nothing was going right at that moment and he had to do something before the situation got out of control. Sheldon's face was full of inappropriate rage, and the girl's face a mask of terror, this could not go on, "STOP!" he yelled, surprising both of them and even himself. They both stopped moving and turned to look at him instead of each other, their faces now covered in expressions of surprise and confusion.

He pointed at the girl, "You come back here and sit down and tell me if you want more to eat." he commanded her, he was determined now and he needed her to just listen to him and ignore Sheldon. It was a surprise to him that it actually worked, as she slowly moved back to the stool in the kitchen, her head down. Leonard then looked at Sheldon who was about to protest, pointing at him, "And you shut up, you're scaring her and that is just being cruel. She is a young woman in distress, what did your mother teach you about women in distress."

Sheldon turned his head and mumbled something Leonard couldn't hear.

"What was that Sheldon, I don't have Vulcan hearing like you." Leonard purposely asked him.

"I was taught to help women in distress." Sheldon said in defeat, then looked at Leonard with exasperation, "However, she never said anything about filthy women."

"Fine." Leonard looked at Penny, "Would you be willing to clean up, to stay?"

Penny looked at the short man, the glare he had a moment ago was gone and she could tell by his eyes he was pleading for her to agree to appease the tall man. She didn't know what he meant by cleaning up, but she had long ago given up on resisting, plus the thought of being clean was appealing, along with being warm and maybe more food. It was really a no win situation for her, she had no choice, she was afraid that if she said no she would be told to leave, so Penny just nodded.

"See Sheldon she is going to clean up and wash the germs away." Leonard said to Sheldon with a hint of a smile.

Sheldon shook his head, "She is your problem Leonard, and I want the bathroom disinfected after she is out." Sheldon then made one last huff and glared at Penny before he stomped to his room and slammed the door.

Leonard sighed, then looked back at Penny, "I'm sorry about him." Penny just nodded. "Look I hate to ask you, since this is probably all strange for you, but could you take a shower and let me wash your clothes."

Penny still didn't like the idea, but she also didn't want to leave the warm apartment, the thought of being outside again, in a strange place when it was already getting very dark scared her to death, even more than taking a shower in a stranger's house. "I don't have any other clothes." was all she said in response.

"Um…you are about the same height as me, I could let you use one of my clean sweat suits until you clothes are done. It will probably be baggy, but otherwise it should fit." Leonard told her.

Penny looked around unsure, then finally realized she had no choice if she wanted to stay there. "Okay."

Leonard smiled at her, "Okay, good. Let me get those sweats." he turned to go to his room then stopped. Um….we have some left over combination fried rice with chicken and shrimp in it. If you are still hungry, I can heat it for you."

Penny was still hungry and didn't know when she would eat again, so nodded to him. "Yes, I would like that. Thank you."

It only took Leonard a couple minutes before he had the microwave reheated rice in front of her with another bottle of water. He stopped for a second to watch her dive into eating that too, making him again feel bad about her being so hungry. However he quickly shook it off and went to his room to get her the sweat suit, his only thoughts now were to get her fed, cleaned up and then into a warm place to sleep that night.

The meat and rice tasted so good, she savored every bite and when it was gone she didn't feel as hungry as before, plus after two bottles of water even her thirst was at bay too. She felt warmer now and not starved, she was still nervous about taking a shower there, but she also couldn't help the feeling that a warm shower would be so great. The short man returned then took her to the bathroom, showed her where everything was, and put the clean sweats down for her, finally giving her a laundry bag to put her clothes in. She was surprised when he showed her how the bathroom door lock worked, she was also confused, he seemed to be trying to put her at ease and assure her nothing would happen to her. But after he walked out, she knew she had no more choice in the matter, so she quickly stripped, put the bag of her clothes outside the door, locked the door and got in the shower.

Penny had thought she would quickly shower but the warm water felt amazing, driving the last chill out of her body, and suddenly making her very tired. She didn't know how long she stood there, but finally she grabbed the shampoo, that looked like a science fiction character, and lathered up her hair, enjoying its smell and the feeling of washing her greasy hair. She shampooed her hair twice, until it felt clean, then washed her body twice until she felt clean again. She hated turning off the water, but she knew she had been in there a long time and needed to come out by the look of her toes and fingers, they looked like prunes. She was actually clean, the first time in weeks and it was a wonderful feeling, so she quickly dried herself off then put on the clean good smelling sweats the short man had given her. They felt so good against her skin and she felt warm in them, she closed her eyes hoping this wonderful feeling never ended. However her hair was still wet, so she took the hair dryer, the short man had showed her, and the brush to dry her hair, again relishing in the heat and the feeling of being clean.

It was about 15 minutes later when she left the bathroom, padding over to the living room, in the oversized sweats with the waist tied tight around her. This was the first time in a couple weeks that she was clean, warm, and not starved or thirsty, she felt like a human again and it was amazing to feel this way after so long. This previously lost feeling was so good that she again reminded herself that she didn't want it to end, and as she sat down on the large couch she realized she would do anything for it not to end. That thought made her look over at the shorter man, who was heating water on the stove, he seemed really nice and now as she looked at him she thought he was cute. She wondered what it would take for him to let her remain there, if he would let her live there if she gave herself to him, she had done it the months before, let other men have sex with her while she lived with them. So sleeping with him was not really hard for her to accept, she had become beyond desperate and right now she would do almost anything if he would just let her stay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Leonard had heard her come into the room but was not prepared for what he saw when he turned around, it made him stand there stunned for a moment, her transformation from the person he found on the bench to the person now sitting on his couch, almost unbelievable. Under those ratty clothes, dirt and matted hair was a beautiful young woman, and it made him wonder how such a person ever ended up this way. "Um….I just put your clothes in the dryer so it will be a few minutes. Would you like some tea?"

Anything warm seemed heavenly to Penny, who nodded and then responded, "Thank you"

She then watched him as he turned and made the tea, it being only a few minutes later that she was on the couch, sipping the deliciously hot brew while shorter man sat in the chair next to the couch, obviously giving her some space. She hadn't felt anywhere near this comfortable in over two weeks, and as the minutes passed she knew she didn't want to give it up for anything. Her deep down desire to not loose this new found comfort made her know that she would even sleep with him to stay there, the thought of sleeping in a nice warm bed that night more important to her right now than giving up her body to this man. She was scared though, how did she let him know she would barter her body for shelter with him, and what if he didn't want her and turned her out in the cold again.

Leonard wanted to talk to her, but he didn't want to scare her away, she seemed so quiet and she reminded him of a scared animal ready to flee, so he went with a simple introduction. "I'm Leonard." he said while looking at her.

She was still thinking about how to stay there when he spoke, surprising her, "Um…..I'm Penny."

"Penny…..that is a nice name. Are you from around here?" Leonard felt stupid as soon as the words left his mouth, but he didn't know what else to say.

Penny shook her head feeling a little sad, "Not originally, originally I'm from the Omaha, Nebraska area."

"Oh…that is a long way away from California." he responded, again not knowing what else to say. Then a sudden thought came to his mind, maybe she was a runaway.

"I know." Penny croaked out, she suddenly wished she was home in her parents house, and had her old room back.

Leonard saw how sad she had quickly became, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Is there anywhere you rather go after your clothes are dry, a friends place or a shelter?"

Penny's head shot up to stare wide eyed at him, she never wanted to go to the shelter again and she had no one in California anymore, all she wanted right now was to not leave his apartment. The sudden thought came to her, as she started to panic, that she should do something to let him know she would have sex with him if he let her stay. "No, please, I have no where to go."

The pleading look in her eyes, immediately made Leonard feel bad, so without even thinking he blurted out. "You can stay here tonight if you want."

His offer made a sense of relief flood Penny's body, she had someplace to stay tonight, that wasn't outside and she thought was maybe safe. She still didn't know what the price for staying there was, but if it was her, she would pay, she had done it before and she knew she would do it again.

"Thank you." was all she said.

A few minutes passed as they both drank their teas in silence, Leonard had seen her scared look when he asked if she had someplace to go and although he didn't know why she acted that way, he thought maybe that he should not ask her any more questions for a little while. It was about fifteen minutes later that Leonard told her he needed to check her clothes in the dryer and excused himself, but before leaving turning the TV on low so she could watch a Christmas show. She had been left sitting on the left side of the couch, with a throw he gave her, just before he left, to cover her feet, feeling now warm, clean and comfortable, and along with the low sound from the TV, it all made her feel tired again. Even though it was only about 7 in the evening, she had been awake since the day before, so being so comfortable now was causing her to relax to the point she was having trouble keeping her eyes open. It soon became too much for her, so Penny decided to close her eyes and stretch out on the couch, her head and part of her body resting on the right side of the couch facing the apartment door, her feet on the left. She mentally told herself she just wanted to rest her eyes, but the feeling of contentment she felt was slowing making her dose off no matter how hard she tried to stay awake, so when she heard the shout she practically jumped off the couch in fright.

"What hell is this. Leonard! The bathroom is a mess." came from the bathroom scaring the crap out of Penny. She sat up on the right side of the couch looking around and finally seeing Leonard's tall roommate come out from the hallway, anger all over his face and when he looked at her he seemed to be angrier. "What do you think you are doing!"

Penny wilted under his stare, "I don't know…I'm sorry."

"First you turn our bathroom into a germ infested cesspool and then you park you bug infested body in my spot. That is what you are doing." he shouted at her.

Penny now stood up and backed away from him, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, but you need to leave, now." Sheldon said with venom in his voice.

"I'm sorry." Penny croaked out.

"I SAID LEAVE!" Sheldon shouted.

Penny now quickly went out through the apartment door to the hallway, wearing only the oversized sweat suit, her bare feet on the cold floor, not knowing what to do, as she watched the tall man slam the door behind her and then heard the lock set. She had nothing now, not even her clothes, nothing to protect her from the cold and she was terrified. It was that moment that everything fell apart for her, she couldn't go on, she might as well been nude in a blizzard, she would never make it through the night outside. The tears now fell down her cheeks and she couldn't stop them as she shivered more from fear than the cold, she was totally helpless now, having no place else to go.

It was just then Leonard walked up to the fourth floor, with the clothes basket, reaching the landing to find her trembling body frozen there. "Penny why are you out here?"

Penny looked at him, the tears now falling more freely, "The tall man ….'sniff' …he said I couldn't…'sniff'…. stay here." she barely got out as she started to sob.

Leonard put the basket down and carefully pulled her against him, to let her cry. "It's okay, you are staying here tonight, no matter what he says, just ignore him, you don't have to worry."

Penny just melted into him, she had no strength to fight anymore, she was beaten, anyone could do anything to her now, she was beyond resisting, she just wanted everything to be over. She barely felt herself being lead back into the apartment, not even hearing the short terse remarks Leonard made to the Sheldon. She just let herself be taken down the hall to a bedroom and be put in the bed, covers being put over her as soon as she laid down. She closed her eyes, not caring what happened to her next or what he did to her, but instead of feeling his body next to hers, all she felt was a soothing hand rubbing her back, the soft warm bed and his voice telling her to rest and sleep. It didn't take long for warmth to engulf her, finally overcoming all that happened to her in the last 24 hours, as she quickly drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The sun shone through the bedroom's window that Penny was sleeping in, it was clear that morning just like it had been clear the night before and very cold. The suns rays that morning had been creeping through the bedroom until they had finally landed on Penny, at first making her instinctively just roll away from the window, and the sun, to bury herself deeper under the covers. She felt warm and so comfortable, she snuggled deeper in the soft clean bed and her only want was just to sleep a little longer. Except she couldn't because even in her currently barely conscious mind there was a voice that was telling her something was wrong. She rolled again in the bed, again the softness and warmth of it trying to lull her back to sleep, but as her mind started to come awake, it hit her, she was in a bed and not on the street. Her eyes now popped open and her mind started to race as she became fully awake and wondered where she actually was. Penny sat up in the bed to look around the bedroom she was in, and it was the sweat suit she was wearing that made her remember much of what happened the night before.

She sat there a few minutes to remember, she was pretty sure she was still in Leonard's apartment, and that she had spent the night there in that bed, she also remembered how clean and warm she felt last night, just like now. The urge to just stay there in the bed was intense, but there also was the need to get out of the bed and get dressed, the memory of what happened with the tall man last night now also returning and making her want to be in her own clothes again as soon as possible. So it was with some relief that she saw her clothes folded neatly on the night stand, they were clean, even her sneakers were washed, which made her feel slightly less uncomfortable in the situation she was now in. She got out of the bed reluctantly, then went over to the door and locked it, her survival instincts still not letting her trust these two men, especially the tall one. That was about all she could do before she stripped out of the sweat suit to put her clothes on, feeling much more secure now in her own clothes. However, she was no sooner dressed and just standing there wondering what to do next, when she began to hear movement in the rest of the house, reminding her that she was also a little hungry again, so she opened the bedroom door and headed cautiously down the hall to the source of the sound.

Sheldon was watching TV, after finishing his breakfast cereal over two hours ago, Leonard was just up from napping in his chair after Sheldon kicked him off the couch at 6:15 that morning. He was sipping coffee when he noticed Penny coming around the corner from the hall, her green eyes taking everything in, Leonard barely able to keep a small chuckle in at the sight of her with her sleep messed up hair. "Want some coffee?" He noticed her look at Sheldon for an outburst before she turned back to him and nodded, moving to sit in the stool at the small kitchen bar, closest to him.

Penny felt safer being near Leonard, she already knew he had protected her from the tall man, but there was also a feeling she had that he wouldn't hurt her, though why she thought that was not something she could explain. Maybe it was because he took her off the street, gave her food and cleaned her up or maybe it was because he gave her a warm bed to sleep in. Those thoughts made her pause to wonder why he was being so nice to her and again she wondered if there was something he wanted in return.

Leonard handed her a full cup of steaming coffee and then put some cream packets and sugar in front of her. "Hungry? I was about to make some sausage, eggs and hash browns?"

Penny immediately forgot what she was thinking about as her mouth watered to the description of the breakfast he planned on making, she now felt starved again. "Yes, Thank you."

Sheldon thankfully said nothing as he watched a Christmas Eve, Dr Who marathon, so Penny was able to eat in peace that morning. Leonard again found himself amazed at how she wolfed down her food, like a starving animal and he felt bad about her situation all over again. Something else entered his mind while he watched her, her age, she looked like an adult but then again he thought she could just as well be under aged too and if she was a minor they would definitely need to get her to the proper authorities. "Penny how old are you." Leonard asked, hating to do it but needing to know.

Penny looked up at him while she crewed her food, worried about why he wanted to know. Based on her life over the last year she assumed he wanted to know if she was an adult so she was legal to have sex with, she had really expected that to come up way before now. This was probably what he wanted for helping her and she now was surprised nothing happened last night. "I just turned twenty last month." She then waited for him to suggest she pay him back and the thing was she would, if he would let her stay there. He seemed nice enough, she already trusted that he wouldn't hurt her, and she really didn't want to go on the street ever again.

Leonard nodded, "Okay." then stood there thinking, "Penny, I know I asked you before, but do you have anywhere to go?"

Penny was waiting for the offer, the one for her to stay there as long as she would have sex with him, she would do it of course. Penny shook her head, "I don't have anywhere to go." She figured he would ask her about sex next.

Leonard nodded, now really thinking, he couldn't let her go back to the street, not if she didn't want to, but as he looked at Sheldon, he knew her staying there for a little while would be difficult. "Penny do you want to go back out on the street again?"

Penny looked at him, wondering what he offering now, "No. I don't want to go back there." She told him, she was now convinced she knew his offer was coming so she just waited for what he wanted in return. But the longer he delayed asking her the more worried she got, the thought of going back out on the streets in the cold worse than she had first thought. She now actually wanted him to suggest it because she would have sex with him or if she had to both of them if it meant she could stay there, even with the tall mean one.

"So, if you want, you could stay here for a little while." Leonard cautiously told her.

"LEONARD!" Sheldon interrupted.

Leonard sighed, "Yes Sheldon."

"We don't have sleepovers. I just let her stay last night because you said we had to help her, but that is the end of it." Sheldon admonished him.

"I know Sheldon, but it is Christmas Eve and she has no place to go, she still needs help, so what harm will it do to let her stay." Leonard tried to reason.

"Oh where do I begin." Sheldon responded.

"Anywhere you want, crazy person's prerogative," Leonard sarcastically replied.

"I am not crazy, my mother had me tested." Sheldon snapped back.

Penny's life, the last year, had involved staying with different men and providing sex in return for a roof over her head, so her body was the only thing she had to offer. As she watched the exchange between the two men she believed that the tall guy was determined to throw her out and she now started to panic. "I promise I will do anything, anything you guys want, anything, anything at all." Penny blurted out, without even thinking, her panic now in complete control of her.

Leonard and Sheldon both stopped talking and turned to just stare at her, making her feel suddenly uncomfortable and that she had done something really wrong. "I'm sorry." she squeaked out under their intense stares.

Sheldon didn't catch what she was saying but Leonard understood, "Penny, no one is asking for anything in return."

"Return for what?" Sheldon was now confused.

"Nothing Sheldon, it was nothing." Leonard told him, trying to change the subject.

"Leonard, this is completely unacceptable. She is just going to cause trouble. I don't want her in our apartment. She needs to leave immediately." Sheldon almost shouted.

Leonard now looked back at Sheldon, "Sheldon she is not causing problems." he said back, rather loudly, then he looked at Penny and whispered. "You are not planning on causing problems, are you?"

Penny shook her head and squeaked out "No." then she looked at Sheldon and Leonard in turn, "I'm sorry."

"Leonard she still needs to go, the sooner the better." Sheldon demanded.

Penny was now really scared, it seemed like everything was now going wrong and the thought of being on the street again, in the cold, so soon after she found a place to be warm was tearing her up inside. Her stomach now was upset and the food she had ate was churning inside her, making her need to use the bathroom. She looked at Leonard and almost begged, "Can I use your bathroom?"

"NO." Sheldon responded.

Leonard shook his head, "Yes, go ahead," he said while glaring at Sheldon, then looking at her and seeing the fear in her eyes, he again whispered, "I'll talk to him."

Penny hurried to the bathroom and closed the door, the last she heard was the tall man, Sheldon, saying to Leonard, "I don't care what you have to say, my mind is made up." Penny didn't hear anymore, because she broke down crying as she sat on the toilet.

It was fifteen minutes later she finished her crying, flushing the toilet and then brushing her hair, with the brush Leonard told her to use while she tried to end her sniffles. She felt this was the last time she would be doing this and that soon she would be on the street again trying to get warm, that thought almost making her shiver. She was barely in control her emotions when she walked back out into the living room, only to see Leonard sitting on the couch alone.

Penny's face told Leonard everything he needed to know, her eyes were red from crying and they still had that scared look in them as she looked around the room. "Don't worry, Sheldon is not here." he stated to try and calm her, then watched as she nodded with that scared look still in her eyes. So he continued talking, "He agreed that you could stay longer, and Penny." Leonard stood up and walked up to her, putting his hands slowly on her upper arms to again try to calm her as he now looked directly at her. "You don't have to do anything to anyone to stay here."

Penny just looked at him repentantly, "I'm sorry."

Leonard sighed, then he gave her a small smile. "And you don't have to keep saying you're sorry."

Penny responded, "I'm sorry." then realized what she said and blushed, then just nodded.

"Sheldon did have one requirement, though." he told her getting her attention. "He demanded that you have new clothes to stay here and that you can't wear those 'street' clothes in the apartment, so if you want to stay we need to buy you some clothes."

Penny looked at him wide eyed, "You don't have to do that."

Leonard gave her a sad smile, "Yes actually I do. His exact words where, 'she is not staying wearing those rags you found her in, I will not have a hobo in my apartment', so I promised him I would get you new clothes as a condition for you staying. So basically if you want to stay, you have to get new clothes." Penny just stared at him, she didn't know what to do, but she did want to stay so she just nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

That morning Penny not only learned she was getting new clothes but that the tall man, Sheldon, was also leaving that same morning by airplane. So it was only a couple hours later she was sitting in the backseat of Leonard's car as he drove Sheldon to the airport, the both of them talking in hushed tones in the front seat, her knowing most of the conversation was about her. She watched them argue for a few more moments outside the car before the tall man left, in an apparent bad temper, to disappear through the entrance door of the airport.

Nevertheless it was with a little relief to her that Leonard sat back down in the car alone with her, but then he didn't say a word and just drove off, which started to worry her again. He seemed now distant to her and she wanted to ask him what was wrong, but she knew it had to be something to do with her and the thought of saying anything that would get her on his bad side made her keep her mouth shut. So the uncomfortable silence continued until they finally pulled into a Target department store a while later.

Once Leonard shut off car he slowly turned in his seat to look at her, "I'm sorry about the drive here, but sometimes Sheldon gets to me so bad that I can't think straight."

Penny nodded, that was something she could understand, the tall man seemed strange to her too.

Leonard then gave her a little forced smile, "Okay then, why don't we go inside and get you some clothes." he then opened his door to get out, while Penny opened hers to follow him. The cold air making her hurry into the store, it felt like it was teasing her, wanting her back, and laughing at her, making her involuntary shiver as she entered the store.

Shopping immediately turned awkward, the only time she had shopped for clothes with men was when the men wanted her to get something sexy or slutty, like tiny bras, thong panties or a completely slutty dress. Shopping with a man who just wanted to get her normal clothes seemed weird and what made things worse, Leonard seemed to be nervous being in the woman's department with her. However there was no way she was going to suggest she shop alone, he was her life line in a world that forgot about her and she was not going to tell him to go off to let her buy the clothes.

Leonard stopped in the middle of the department and gave her a nervous glance like he wanted to say something but was too afraid to speak. After he had brought her into his apartment, protected her from the tall man and pretty much had taken care of her, this part of him seemed strange to Penny. They stood there for a few moments and just when Penny was going to ask him if something she did was wrong, he began to speak. "Penny, I'm not sure if there is exactly a way you women shop for clothes, so if there is a specific way could you please tell me."

Penny shook her head, "We just buy what we want."

Leonard had really hoped there was a plan to the way women shopped, since most of them seemed to really enjoy shopping, but now that he found there wasn't he found himself even more nervous. He was really out of his depth, but he knew he couldn't just stand there with her looking at him, so he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Well why don't we work from the inside out until we have everything."

Penny just nodded, "So underwear first." she said as she continued to just look at him.

Leonard hadn't even considered that his plan would involve women's underwear shopping right off first and he suddenly felt like a pervert. "Well we don't have to do that first."

Penny was not going to argue with him, she would do anything he wanted, "Okay." she just stood there waiting for him to tell her what to do next.

Leonard also just stood there a moment, while Penny just looked at him, her staring just making things worse for him, he knew he needed to do something, but what. He purposely looked around, like he was actually looking for something, while he tried to regain his composure and resist the panic that was making him just want to forget completely about clothes shopping for her. He knew he had to get over his anxiety, the girl needed someplace to stay and it was the holidays, so he had to overcome his own fear because he knew he could never kick her out. Those thoughts gave him strength, he needed to help her, and he slowly got himself together to return her gaze and speak. "Why don't we just start from the outside and work our way to the underwear later."

Penny just nodded, "Okay."

Leonard then lead her to the area with pants and tops, just asking her to pick things, which she did, picking a long sleeve pull over top that looked warm and a pair of jeans that looked like they would hold up on the street. With her choices in hand she walked over to Leonard to show him her new clothes, "Okay, I picked these." demonstrating to him that she had done what he asked only to be confused by the frown that formed on his face. Again she made the mistake of thinking he wanted her to pick something cuter or sexier, "Do you want me to look for something else?"

Leonard shook his head, "No you pick what you want. What I want is you to do is select more, what are you going to wear tomorrow if you wear these today? Please get some more clothes Penny."

Penny was about to protest, but looking at his face and the sincerity it projected, she knew she had to do what he asked, so just nodded, "Okay."

During the next almost two hours Penny found out she was suppose to buy clothes for the next one to two weeks as Leonard insisted she select more. She picked out some more long sleeve pullovers, in different colors and then a couple nicer shirts, making sure that all of them were functional and not very expensive. She also bought some t-shirts to wear under them, because they came in packs of three, were inexpensive and looked warm. However when she went to buy jeans she found everything in her size looked too big and it was Leonard who suggested she try them on to make sure she got the right ones.

Shopping had actually been relaxing to her, especially after the first half hour, when Leonard seemed to loose his nervous demeanor and helped her. By the end of the first hour she was actually enjoying buying the clothes, it felt so natural to be doing that to her and she even bought one shirt that was more cute on her that functional. She had become comfortable around Leonard, so when he suggested she try the pants on, she didn't think twice about it and forgot about her fear of loosing him. Those thoughts were even more buried in her mind as she looked at herself in the full length mirror with the new pants on that were suppose to be her size.

She knew she had lost weight, she saw her thinner face in the mirror of Leonard's bathroom but now in the full length mirror she could really see what had happened to her that last month. As she held up the jeans that wanted to fall off of her, she could see how much her hip bones stuck out, her never remembering them being so prominent before. She let the pants slip down to her ankles and pushed her shirts over he head until she now just stood in front of the mirror in only her bra and panties, and the person before her made her want to cry. She felt so ashamed, her bra and panties were discolored for not being taken off for over two weeks and she thought how gross it must have been for Leonard to wash them for her. Then there was her body, she was so skinny, not attractive skinny but starved skinny and she now thought she knew why Leonard wasn't attracted to her. How could any man think she was attractive with so many bones showing against her skin, it just made her feel more ashamed as a couple tears dripped down her cheeks. She also found she couldn't look at herself anymore and quickly put her own clothes back on to cover herself, she needed to get smaller jeans anyway, so she quickly gather up everything to go back to Leonard.

When Penny came out of the dressing room and looked around to find Leonard panic started to form in her, he wasn't there, she couldn't see him anywhere. She dropped the clothes on a table and moved quickly away from the dressing room, as she now searched for him, looking down each of the aisles close by. He had left her, he was gone, her mind couldn't handle that he had just left her there and she frantically looked around hoping he didn't abandon her to get rid of her. It was like her worst fears were coming true, she was in a store located in an area she didn't know and she was alone, alone with no identification and no money. She was dressed the same way she was the day before and she could tell from earlier it was getting colder, colder that the day before, as all her thoughts centered on her survival and how helpless she really was now.

She walked through the whole ladies department, checking every aisle and looking everywhere for him, becoming more depressed and hopeless as every minute passed. She felt so alone, even with all the people around and as she looked around she saw other people look at her, making her think they knew she did not belong there. She didn't know what to do, she had no one and no place to go and the thought of going outside again paralyzed her where she stood. So she jumped when the sales person walked up behind her and addressed her, "Can I help you?"

Penny turned around in panic, "I don't know. I lost someone."

The sales woman had worked there for a few years and had seen homeless people wander in the store before, some looking warmth, to use the bathroom, to ask for handouts or even shoplift. Therefore they had a procedure in place to take care of those types of situations. "Miss are you shopping. Who did you loose? Do you have any money?"

Penny felt she was now alone, she didn't have any money, so couldn't buy a thing there. "No." she squeaked out, then, "A man was helping me."

The saleswoman was use to homeless people not making sense when you questioned them, but that was not important, she also knew what she had to do. "Please come with me." the sales woman demanded in a tone that told Penny she had no choice. Penny was then lead down the main aisle to what she thought was the front door, not knowing she was being taken to security. It was standard procedure at that particular store to turn homeless people into security, who would call the police to take them away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Leonard was walking back towards the woman's fitting rooms from the front registers, holding a small bag with something he bought and didn't want Penny to know about yet. He had figured with her in the changing rooms he could sneak off and purchase the item, hide it in his pocket, and then get back before she came out, just like nothing happened. However, as he stuffed his purchase in his jacket pocket, while walking up the main aisle of the store back to the changing rooms, that plan fell apart when he saw Penny walking towards him with a store employee.

Something was definitely wrong, Penny was walking with her head held down looking towards the floor and the employee seemed to be escorting her as she walked. Leonard first thoughts were of the worst, that Penny had somehow done something wrong, and that maybe Sheldon was right, she had caused trouble, it made him hesitate for a moment. But those thoughts lasted in his mind for only a second, being immediately replaced by concern for her, as he told himself she was his responsibility so if she was in trouble he needed to try and help to get her out of it.

Leonard walked straight up to the employee and Penny, almost blocking their way, "Penny?" he first said to her, then he looked at the employee, "Is there something wrong?"

Penny's eyes shot up to him, catching his attention as he turned to look back at her, her eyes expressing a wild scared pleading look in them, it actually hurt Leonard to see her in such a way, it also angered him, making him then turn again towards the employee to address her, "Is there something wrong? Why and where are you taking Penny?"

The employee, who knew exactly what she was doing a minute ago, now was confused, the young man did not look homeless and he seemed to know the young woman. Suddenly the saleswoman was not so sure of herself and what was happening, her thoughts now becoming that she just wanted to be gone, "Um…do you know this girl."

"Yes she is with me shopping." Leonard told the woman with a edge in his voice.

"She told me she has no money and was not shopping." the saleswoman said, trying to now to defend her actions and as sort of a challenge to the man.

"That is because I have the money and she is shopping with me. I am Dr Leonard Hofstadter from Cal Tech University and again I'm asking if there is some problem." Leonard was actually talking down to the saleswoman, something he never would do normally, but Penny was obviously scared, which in-turn angered him and he blamed this woman for it. Leonard pulled out his University faculty ID and put it in front of the woman's face, another thing he never had done before that moment.

The saleswoman now was the one scared, people were starting to stop and watch the confrontation that was happening between her and this college 'professor' and she knew if he complained she could loose her job. "I'm so sorry, this was just a misunderstanding, I'm really sorry." the saleswoman now blurted out.

Leonard took Penny's arm and pulled her to him, she didn't resist at all, being next to him and protected by him was exactly where she wanted to be at the moment. But with Penny now with him Leonard got the feeling the crisis was over and so he softened his tone with the saleswoman, he really did not like having to bully a person, it was completely opposite to the person he was inside, "I can understand that there was a misunderstanding, so if you don't mind we will just continue shopping."

The saleswoman nodded and smiled, "Yes please continue shopping and if there is anything I can do to make your shopping experience any better please let me know. Thank you." the woman then turned on her heals and disappeared down a clothing aisle.

Leonard would have chuckled if the whole situation hadn't been so serious, he knew there was no way he was going to find that saleswoman again, she just disappeared, but he didn't even smile as he looked at Penny who was just watching him. He really didn't know what to say to her, he now felt terribly guilty that he had left her in the first place, so he just said, "I'm sorry." but it must have been enough because the scared look in her eyes softened and she nodded.

They returned to the apartment about 2 in the afternoon after that crazy morning of shopping at Target on Christmas Eve. After their little incident Penny stayed glued to Leonard the whole rest of the time, making it almost impossible to get her to try on some more pants, her now being scared that she would loose him again and she would have no place to go. It took Leonard talking to her for a few minutes and promising not to move off the chair outside the fitting room, until she came out again, for her to finally try pants on again, but even then she came out to show him each article. Even Leonard knew it wasn't for his approval but to check every few minutes that he had kept his promise and to make sure he was still there.

Leonard also took her to lunch, before they returned back to the apartment, picking a buffet place to allow her to eat all she wanted. That too being a little awkward since she would only leave the table to get food when he did, so he made several trips, eating probably more than he should, to make sure she got all she wanted. So now it was actually a relief to be back to the apartment for both of them, Leonard noticing her relax a little after he closed the door behind them. Her immediately sitting on the couch after they got settled, and as he watched, slowly getting more comfortable each minute she was there.

After all the activity and stress Penny went through, she was tired, also her belly was full and now she just wanted to lay around, so she got comfortable on the couch. Leonard sat in his chair and went through his bags, emptying them all on the coffee table before he went over to make tea for both of them. So no sooner then he left for the kitchen, Penny did the same thing, emptying her bags on the couch, to inventory all she now had. The first thing she pulled out was the underwear, over a weeks worth of panties and bras, all of them very durable and functional, but most of all new and clean. Then there were the tops, again over a weeks worth and several pairs of pants to go with them. Finally there was nice new sneakers, a nice pair of comfortable walking shoes, a set of woman's sweats, pajamas, robe, slippers, undershirts, a new hoodie and a warm coat. The coat would normally be too warm for California, but after loosing Leonard at the store that day and her fear of being put outside again, Penny never wanted face that cold again without a coat, and it was on sale, plus cheap, so she bought it. Leonard said nothing when she picked it up and didn't even try to stop her, also saying nothing when she put it on after they got outside the store. But that was still not all, even with all those items, she also had some smaller items, toiletries and socks, so she had everything she now needed, and a wheeled duffle bag to put it all in. Just seeing it all in front of her made her feel even more human again, all the clothes simple and functional, none of them expensive, but she appreciated them all like they were designer names.

Penny looked around the apartment, becoming more relaxed as she was slowly becoming more comfortable there, and began to wonder if the tall man, Sheldon, would be back anytime soon, no one told her where he was going or when he was coming back. She just wanted to stay there for a while, if Leonard let her, until at least the cold was over, and the tall man worried her, he could always throw her out when he was there, so she couldn't help being nervous when she wondered when he would return.

Leonard noticed her looking around and quickly figured out why, as he saw the nervous look in her eyes return as she looked towards the hallway. "I should have told you before, Sheldon's leaving from the airport today was because he was going home for the holidays." Leonard then looked at the clock. "He is halfway to Texas already."

Penny's eyes jumped to his, "He went to Texas?" Leonard nodded and smiled, "How…is he going to be gone long?"

Leonard softly chuckled, "He comes back the day after New Years. He didn't go home last year, so his mother made him promise to come this year. But Sheldon doesn't like Christmas or the holidays, so he waits till the last moment to leave, and comes back on the first flight after New Years." Leonard swore he saw her physically relax, as she nodded to him.

Leonard now brought the tea over, the warmth of the brew made Penny feel warm inside and she welcomed it. The past two weeks on the street had seemed to drive the cold deep into her bones, making every trip outside, like today, feel even colder while out there. But this warm apartment, the warm drinks, warm showers and warm bed had helped her slowly push out the cold and make her feel better, along with the feeling security that kept growing in her around the man who was helping her.

The minutes passed quietly while they drank their tea, again the quiet time seemed comfortable, even relaxing after the day they had. Leonard finished his drink first, then looked at the items he bought and proceeded to sort through them like Penny did with hers previously. What Leonard was going through was something else they bought, while they were out buying her clothes, the Christmas decorations were on sale since this was the last day before Christmas, so Leonard bought a little tree kit, with lights and ornaments to set up in the apartment. Leonard started to now take that purchase out of the boxes it came in and as he worked at it, slowly Penny who first just watched, began to help him. They both spent the rest of the afternoon setting it up in the corner of the apartment, both standing and staring at it when it was done, it made feel like a real Christmas now.

The apartment now decorated with a small tree for Christmas only begged more Christmas activities, so it was very early evening that found Penny and Leonard back on the couch again, watching a Christmas movie while they had some lactose free hot chocolate. Penny lounging to one side now, having changed into her new pair of sweats she bought that day, the couch throw blanket over her while she leaned on a couple pillows, warm, secure and comfortable. Leonard sitting on the other side, again putting space between them, laying against pillows himself as he watched the TV. They hadn't talked that much and right now it was very quiet except for the TV but it was again a comfortable silence which made Penny relax even more.

It was almost two hours later, when Leonard gently shook her from her sleep, it seemed every time she got warm and comfortable she fell asleep anymore. "Hey, are you hungry?"

Penny looked up at him, not even realizing she had a little smile on her face, "Yes."

"I was thinking of getting some Chinese food, they usually stay open on Christmas and Christmas Eve. Do you like Chinese food?" Leonard asked her, also giving her a little smile in return.

"I love sweet and sour chicken…and some of that rice would be nice again." she felt starved again.

"Okay, I going out to get it. Will you be okay here alone?" He smiled as she nodded to him. She wasn't scared about being in the apartment alone, it was weird but it felt like her home now and she hoped she would be staying there for a little while. Also, she sort of knew in her heart he would come back, ever since what happened in Target, but why she knew that was still a mystery to her.

Penny curled back onto the couch, closing her eyes, then hearing the door close and lock as Leonard went to get their food. It felt so good to have a place to stay, especially now, and she involuntarily trembled as she thought about if Leonard didn't stop to help her, she would be out in the cold now, if she had even survived the night before. She had forgotten how amazing it felt to be clean, secure with a roof over her head and comfortable, even after only two weeks on the streets. She knew she didn't want to go back to the streets and she told herself she couldn't go back, those being the last thoughts before she dozed off again.

Later they ate and continued to watch Christmas movies, until about 11 that night, Penny now getting tired again, Leonard noticing her yawning and her eyes closing. "Hey, sleepy head, want to call it a night." he kidded her.

Penny opened her eyes, "I'm sorry."

Leonard chuckled, "You're doing it again."

"Oh" Penny said as she realized what he meant. "I'm sorry."

Leonard just chuckled, "Okay. You can go to bed, if you are tired, you don't have to stay up and keep me company."

Penny looked at the hall then at him, "I don't want to take your bed again."

"It's okay, I'm going to stay up and do a little work, then when I am done, I'll sleep." He smiled at her, "It is really better for me." Leonard still saw the indecision in her eyes, "Really, go to bed, I prefer to sleep here."

Penny just nodded, going to the bathroom to use the new toiletries Leonard bought for her, finally going to his room to get her new pajamas and robe, before she took another of those warm comforting showers in their bathroom. It warmed her and made her even more sleepy, so once showered and dried, with her new pajamas on, she crawled under the covers, cocooning herself in the blankets on Leonard's bed, and quickly fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Penny rolled over again, the warm soft cozy bed again seducing her to stay longer in its comforting grip, however, unlike yesterday she knew exactly where she was and was not scared about what would happened next. It was an amazing feeling to be in a soft clean bed, herself being clean and in clean pajamas, comfortable and warm under the covers, it was a feeling she had taken for granted before and now she just cherished. However that morning she felt rested and actually wanted to get up, she wanted to see Leonard and eat with him, it felt strange that he was someone she had met less than 48 hours ago but she already enjoyed his company.

Penny got out of bed and put on her slippers and robe, just about to leave the room when she looked towards the window, there were flurries in the air and as Penny looked out she could see a light dusting of snow on everything. It was Christmas and it snowed, a small smile formed on Penny's face as she thought how perfect it was, snow seemed hide all the ugliness in the world and cover it in a soft blanket of white. That small amount of happiness though soon disappeared as she watched a person walk to their car all bundled up, it made a chill go through Penny's body, her smile dropping as she thought that she could be out in that cold right now. Cold and hungry, no place to go, the memories of less than 48 hours ago now came back to remind her how bad her situation had been and that there was had been even a chance she would had never survived the night. The thought of her cold lifeless body covered by that light dusting of snow, she was now looking at, send a shiver through Penny and she stepped back from the window, the thin glass now seeming too close to the cold for her. She felt like she was outside all over again and now pulled her new robe tighter around her because she felt so suddenly cold. She just wanted to get away from the thoughts of outside, so she turned away from the window to hurry out of the bedroom, she felt the need to be protected from the cold, and that only person who could do that for her was Leonard.

Leonard had been watching TV since just after waking up after 9 that morning, after sleeping amazingly soundly on the couch that night. He had gotten worried about Penny a little after 10 but when he walked down the hall, to his bedroom door, he heard her snoring softly inside so decided to let her rest and didn't bother to even try to wake her. So he wasn't surprised to see her pop out from the hallway a little after noon, her slippers dragging on the floor giving notice of her approach long before he saw her.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty." Leonard teased. Her hair was a mess and she was wrapped tight in her robe, but she looked adorable just the same.

"I'm sor…" Penny blushed for a second as she caught herself from saying 'I'm sorry', "Your bed is very comfortable, I couldn't help myself." she corrected herself.

Leonard chuckled, "Nice Save."

Penny just nodded, the teasing seeming so normal that a small smile formed on her face, she thought he was so nice, she liked being around him and just being near him seemed to make the cold go away. "Thank you." she responded, blushing a little more.

"There are some pancakes on the counter in the plate under the towel, to keep them warm, if you are hungry. Getting up so late means you have to eat what is left, no choices." he teased her again.

Penny smiled a little more, "Pancakes sound great." they actually did, she was starved.

The pancakes where just where he said, a bottle of syrup next to them and a clean coffee cup next to that, obviously for her to use for the fresh hot coffee waiting in the coffee machine. She turned to see him smiling at her, it made her smile a little more, "Thank You."

She got her coffee, then put syrup on her pancakes before coming to the couch to sit there with him, quietly eating while watching TV with him, everything just felt so good to her at that moment. The pancakes were delicious, just like everything she ate there, and she soon finished, putting her plate in the sink before she sat back on the couch to finish her hot coffee. The whole time she had been on the couch that morning she had been sneaking sideway glances of Leonard, so when she looked once again at him, after a sip of coffee, she was embarrassed to see him looking directly at her.

Leonard hadn't noticed her looking at him, he just had been concerned about her and been thinking about her and her situation all morning. So now when she turned her head to completely to look at him, a slightly confused expression on her face, he decided he needed to seriously talk to her. "Penny, do you have any immediate family?"

Leonard knew she couldn't stay in his and Sheldon's apartment forever and actually he didn't know how much longer Sheldon could be talked in to letting her stay. So he knew he needed to help find her a more permanent solution to keep her off the streets and the first idea that came to mind was her family and if she had any. He had learned long ago that almost all families were different than his own and that most of them cared about each other, so he hoped she had a family that cared about her.

She nodded, "I have a mother and father, plus a sister and brother." she noticed a hint of surprise on his face.

Leonard was a little stunned that with so many immediate family members that she would be homeless, it made him wonder again what had happened to her for her to end up like this. "Penny does you family know you were homeless?"

Penny looked down at her hands and shook her head, "No."

Leonard was really confused now, "Why not? Why didn't you tell them?"

She couldn't stop the tears that started to come down her cheeks, she had been wanting to talk to her parents ever since she was thrown out by Kurt and now Leonard reminding her about them made it even worse. But she honestly didn't really know what to say to them, she couldn't tell them what had happened to her or what she had done since she had been in California. Even now, how would she even explain to them that she was staying at a guy's house she had only known for 48 hours. So just like the many months before, she felt she couldn't call her family, she just didn't know a way to explain what she did, and that was tearing her up inside. She had wished she was back home for months now, especially the last few weeks, so she just looked at Leonard and shook her head. "I can't."

Leonard didn't know what was going on, he had hoped she had family after she told him about Nebraska before, and now finding out she did, he didn't understand why she seemed to not want to contact them for help. "Penny don't you want to call your family?"

"I want to but I can't, I just can't." Penny responded in angst.

Leonard couldn't understand why she was getting so upset, so he asked, "Why not?"

"You just don't understand. I can't call them or go home again." Penny was on the verge of sobbing.

Penny's responses and the tears again surprised Leonard, he was immediately torn between just stopping his questioning of her, so she would stop crying, or pressing on because she needed help. He quickly decided he wasn't going to give up, he just knew she needed her family, "Then explain it to me."

"I can't." Penny was now getting mixed up in her mind, she wondered what would he think about her if he knew everything and then too that he seemed so nice, he wouldn't hurt her.

Leonard thought about telling her she couldn't stay unless she called her family, but that would be too cruel and he could see that scared look in her eyes again. He would also never put her out, she was his responsibility now, and barring Sheldon, the only way she would leave is if she wanted to leave, it was something he had know since the minute he saw her. "Penny people who love you will never abandon you, your parents will forgive most anything and I don't think you did anything that would make you go to jail, did you?" he tried to reason with her.

Penny looked down again at her hands shook her head, "No."

Leonard gave her a small smile, "So how bad could it be."

Penny had been an emotional mess since those men tried to rape her at the homeless center, she had been scared and hopeless, even thinking she was going to die, so she needed someone to care about her and she couldn't help herself that she had picked Leonard. She saw him as her protector, she thought he honestly did care for her and she was beginning to trust him, so she dropped her guard, "I did sex films." she whispered while continuing to look down at her hands.

Leonard actually thought he had heard her wrong, her response a whisper, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

Penny looked up at him, new tears covering her cheeks, "I let my boyfriend have sex with me while they filmed it…I made porno movies."

Leonard blinked and tried to keep his face impassive, but it was hard, he was really shocked at what she told him, he just wouldn't have guessed in a million years that she would be involved in making money by having sex in movies. This information played against Leonard's major flaw in having so much empathy towards people, he never thought badly about other people, especially women, he would put them on a pedestal like they could do no wrong. So now he really didn't know how to feel or what to say, all thoughts of her being an innocent young woman now vanished as his mind painted her in a different light.

Leonard also started to wonder if Sheldon had been actually right and Leonard knew if he ever found out about Penny's life, Sheldon would throw her out and never let Leonard forget it. He needed to think and to do that he needed to have some time to himself, so he just looked back at her and started to talk, "Penny, I need to start dinner, I have a small turkey and I cook one up every Christmas, so I'm going to start dinner now." he rambled in a way to excuse himself from being near her, then got up and walked to kitchen. Leonard actually felt some relief by putting some distance between him and her, he just couldn't be around her right now, until he thought this through.

Penny was upset but she did notice Leonard's change in demeanor and in a way it didn't surprise her, it was his response that convinced her months before that she could never tell her family, because if he was shocked, her family would be devastated. She now felt she had fallen victim to Leonard's kindness and the false feeling that he would take care of her, but now after telling him, her worries about her immediate future came back as she now wished she hadn't said a thing. She watched him as he moved around the kitchen, pulling a small turkey from the fridge and putting it in a pan to prepare it for cooking. She especially noticed he didn't look at her, he was ignoring her, and that just made her feel worse, she was all alone again and she now wondered how much longer she would be staying there.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Penny just sat there on the couch for almost an hour, watching Leonard the whole time, he never left the kitchen or even looked at her, and as each minute went by she felt more and more like she wasn't even there, it just made her even more anxious about what would happen to her. She felt horrible, like she had deceived him after he had been so nice to her and the loathing she felt towards herself was eating her up inside making her stomach hurt. She also wondered, if he had known what she had done, would he have even taken her in, it made her feel like a bad person and she also now thought he felt that way about her too. So the longer she sat there, the more depressed she got, she was ashamed, worried about what would happen to her next, and becoming more sure she would be thrown out of the apartment before the night was over. With all those thoughts going through her mind, it wasn't long before she started to worry herself to the edge of panic, her breathing getting heavy as she was on the verge of crying. She knew if she stayed there much longer she would break down and would get sick, so she got up from the couch and went back to the bedroom.

However, Penny's response to the situation, by leaving to go to the bedroom, had really been a mistake, she had forgotten about the window, the cold and the snow, so no sooner than she closed the door it felt like the cold was closing in on her again, but problem now was she had no place else to go. She couldn't bare to go back to the living room again with Leonard there, her fear of being turned back out now filling her mind with dread, that dread now amplified by being in the bedroom, the snow flurries still blowing against the window seeming just to want to come and get her. She was still having trouble breathing as the tears came, she was actually panicking and her frantic mind just wanted to hide, hide from everything, so she got into the bed and pulled the covers over her head as she began to sob.

Leonard had stopped working and now just stood in the kitchen, he had known every second she was there and had felt her watching him, he just didn't know what to say to her. He really didn't have any experience with things like what she told him, plus she now seemed so different to him, he could not imagine her as innocent anymore. That was his problem and he knew it, he tended to put women on a pedestal, he knew it was his neediness to be loved but he thought with her somehow it was different. There was something about her that made him feel different, it was not lust, it was this need to make sure she was okay that he would protect her. Leonard shook his head, those thoughts were all well and good, but now what did he say to her, she obviously had experiences he could not imagine and he thought she had probably also saw more of life that he had, what advice did he have to offer? He just didn't have a clue what to do now about her, and it just made him more frustrated, she seemed more like a stranger to him than before.

He also felt so frustrated, it was bad enough when she was in the room with him but now when he heard her leave the living room, then heard his bedroom door closing, it made him stop everything he was doing and become concerned about her. 'God why is this so hard' he thought, why wasn't he smart enough to know what to do, he really didn't know how to interact with women too well it the first place, based on his limited experience with them, so he had no idea how he was suppose to act about things now. Plus she was a porn actress, even though Howard would probably have thought that was awesome, it still sort of disturbed him just as much as it did when he heard her say it, and he realized that it was not because she had sex with men, but because the person in him that thought all women were angels, thought she was something better.

He began to over think, 'Better?' he rolled that word around in his mind, trying to figure out how much 'Better' he expected her to be. She was homeless when he found her, she looked like she is suffering from malnutrition and he had actually thought she was underage because she looked so young. Leonard suddenly felt a wave of shame flow through him, as he remembered when he walked up to her, thinking how this person didn't have much on and looked so cold, he just had to help. He then thought what if he had just kept walking, Sheldon was in a hurry and he normally just went along with what Sheldon wanted, what if he had just left her in that cold, what would have happened. He had seen the snowfall on the news that morning and he now pictured her in that snow, in that cold, remembering again that she wasn't dressed warm enough for it when he found her. 'What if he left her in that cold' he thought and it made him swallow hard, then look at the hall as his mind now told him what he didn't want to think about, 'She could have died, frozen to death.'

Leonard now just stood in the kitchen confused, trying to understand in his mind if he was just over thinking again about how bad off she had been, when he found her, or was finding her a matter of life or death like he was trying to tell himself. It was then that word came back to his mind 'Better' but now it wasn't about her it was about him and how he was acting about all this, was he the one that needed to be 'Better'. She was a living breathing human being and didn't deserve to be out there on the street, nobody did, no matter what had happened in their life, especially in that cold. Again he shook his head as his mind processed the truth for him, and again sometimes the simplest answer is the right answer, it didn't matter if she did porn films before, the simple truth was that she didn't deserve to be out there, hungry and cold. It really didn't make a difference what she told him, it wouldn't have made a difference to him then when he took her in and he knew he wasn't going to put her back out. Leonard just knew he still needed to help her, not judge her, hell who was he to judge anyone anyway.

Leonard quickly checked everything would be cooking alright for a little while, then walked to the hallway on the way to his bedroom, hearing a muffled sound as he got close to the door. He needed to talk to her, but felt he just couldn't walk in because she needed to have some sense of privacy and security if she was staying there so he just raised his hand and just started knocking, "Penny?"

Penny didn't hear a thing as she continued crying under the covers, her body in a fetal position, her world feeling like it was crashing down around her. She just knew she would be outside soon and she couldn't bare it, she couldn't go back out there and she just didn't know what to do, the thought of the snow and the cold only making her cry harder. She was in a full panic and with that panic crazy thoughts started to go through her mind, she felt she would die if she went into the cold outside and that picture of her body covered in snow haunted her mind. She didn't want to die in the cold, if she had to die she wanted to die right there, so she would not have to suffer anymore, she didn't understand her thoughts were just making herself more hopeless, slipping her more into deep despair.

Leonard however couldn't just stand outside his bedroom anymore, he had knocked for a little while now and all he heard was muffled sounds, it was driving him crazy with worry and self loathing because he now blamed himself. He had to see that she was okay, so he just opened the door and walked in, ready to apologize for anything he walked in on, however at first he saw nothing and just stood there stunned. But the noise under the blankets made him realize where she was and he now recognized the sounds he had heard was crying which only made him feel worse. He didn't over think this time, he sat on the bed near her and gently lifted the covers to expose her face, the tear filled eyes that opened to look at him breaking his heart.

Leonard didn't even consciously think what he was doing as he scooped her into his arms to hold her close to him, pulling the blanket up behind her trying to keep her warm. She reminded him of a small child and offered no resistance as her body molded itself against his, her head going to his shoulder, and her tears making his shoulder soon wet. He also felt her body shiver with each sob and he pulled the blanket up even tighter around her, desperately trying to make her warmer to stop the constant shivering that seemed to wrack her body, while he pulled her even closer to him to warm her.

Time seemed to stop as they just held each other, both wrapped in each others arms, the blanket around them, mostly her, and neither of them moving. She eventually stopped shivering, the warmth of their two bodies with the blanket over them driving the cold out of her, along with the comfort of being held by another human being. She also stopped crying her head on his shoulder, her body pressed so close to him that she was partly in his lap, but she noticed none of that, she had become beyond distressed her arms were around his neck as she hung to him for dear life. He had been her link to this world she was now desperate to stay in, a world she lost weeks ago and he had kept her from being taken back to the world of the street, but that was now over she thought.

Leonard had no plans to let her go until he made sure she was okay, he was full of guilt about handling her confession to him so badly, putting her in this state. His mind now thought only of her, she had gone through a lot, being outside where he found her, suffered through his roommate, the incident in the store and now him being stupid. He felt like he screwed up again, he was suppose to helping her not stressing her out more, he needed to get his act together, and think more about her. There was something else that kept going through his mind, a saying that he remembered, it was a Chinese proverb or just something from one of his science fiction shows, 'Whenever someone saves another's life, he's responsible for them forever'. He felt that way with her, he needed to make sure she was going to be okay, from now on, he had to make sure she never ended up again like he found her. So he just held her and without thinking started to rub her back to comfort her.

Penny was mentally numb, she had stopped crying now but she was far from better, she had been over the edge and into the abyss so as she held on to Leonard she was still far from coming back. Being in Leonard's arms brought back memories from her, when she was younger and her mother would hold her and make the pain go away. Whether it was an injury, a disappointment in life or loosing a boyfriend she had loved, her mother's comforting hugs seemed to make it not seem so bad and allowed her to go on. No man had ever made her feel like that till now, being in Leonard's arms made her feel that comfort and warmth she had missed over the years and with that feeling came her final request. 'Please take me now' she prayed as she squeezed Leonard a little harder, 'Please take me now, don't send be back out there to die, I want to go now', new tears dripped down her cheeks as she prayed, 'Please I want to go now'.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Leonard held Penny having no idea of the state of Penny's mind otherwise he would have been appalled that she was praying for it all to end while in his embrace. Also, it would have shocked him to know that she was mainly ready to end it all because of this last real comfort she was receiving by him. He would have probably tried to talk to her, tell her all she had to live for and reassure her that she would not have to ever go out in the cold again, if he knew. He even would have probably promised her that he would take care of her forever, if he had found out what was going through her mind at that moment, but that was not going to happen that day.

The smoke alarm going off made them both jump, since it was an alarm it was already loud but in the quiet of the bedroom, Leonard and Penny in each others arms, not a sound around them, the alarm sounded like the world was coming to an end. Of course that was the purpose of such alarms to be so loud and shocking that they took away all thoughts except those of why they were going off. So its wailing sound made Penny and Leonard immediately separate, to looked at each it stunned silence, their only thoughts at that second, what was that noise and what did it mean.

Leonard's mind was the quicker of them both, "That's the smoke alarm, Oh my God, 'FIRE'." With that last word, Leonard jumped off the bed and headed out the bedroom door. The thought of the apartment burning down now taking priority to the young upset woman he was trying to comfort.

Penny blinked as she watched him rush out, getting up a second later, one reason because he had said 'FIRE' and the other reason being she felt safe being around him, so she just followed him. She actually felt relieved when she got to the kitchen a couple of moments behind him, there was no fire, just smoke, as Leonard took the offending pan and put it in the sink. However there was a lot of smoke, in the kitchen, and the alarm was still going off as loud as could be, it was so annoying that it actually made Penny feel aggravated, completely forgetting her recent state of mind. So instinct took over, Penny was a horrible cook, she had burnt food before that she had tried to prepare for her boyfriends, when she was younger, and with Kurt, when she still lived with him, so she had set off many the smoke alarm in her day. She also remembered what she had done before when that happened as she quickly scanned the kitchen area and found what she needed, grabbing the towel to fan the air around the smoke alarm. Leonard now moving over to open a window, to let the smoke out and get fresh air into the apartment.

It all ended as quickly as it started, smoke left the apartment through the window and Penny's fanning the smoke alarm brought fresh air through it making it stop its persistent wail. There was silence in the apartment again, as Leonard, who had moved to the kitchen again, put a lid on the pot to keep it from smoking anymore and Penny put down her towel. Penny's mind was now free again to resume her panic and depression all over again, except for one thing, Leonard was looking directly at her, making it impossible for her to look away, even if she had wanted to. Again they said nothing as they just looked at each other, the crisis now over and them both slightly fatigued from the exertion.

Leonard finally broke the silence as she became his highest priority again, "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier, believe me I had no intention of doing that."

Penny looked down then shifted her feet a little before looking back up at him, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause a problem."

Leonard shook his head, still looking directly at her, "Penny you have never been a problem." he answered her quietly. "I'm actually happy I was able to help and get you out of that cold, no one deserves to be out in that weather."

Penny stared at him, wondering if he actually understood how it felt to be out there cold and scared, he was so nice, maybe he did. She hadn't really talked to anyone about what happened to her, she wanted to talk to him, she now was thinking maybe he would understand, "I lost my coat at the shelter."

Leonard looked at her confused, "You left a shelter?"

Penny nodded, "Some nice people took several of us there, to be warm, eat, and get clean. But some men followed me into the showers…." a tear came down her cheek as she remembered, she looked down again at her feet for a moment then she just looked back up at him "I had to get away, so I ran and lost my coat and everything else."

Leonard just looked at her almost speechless now, "Oh my God." he whispered, watching as she wiped the tear off with the sleeve of her robe. It took a moment for him to compose his thoughts and speak again, "That is why you don't want to go back to a shelter."

Penny nodded, "I was scared, they yanked at my clothes." again she stopped talking a moment as she seemed to relive it again in her mind.

Leonard was shocked this had happened to her, "Penny you don't have to go back there, you can stay here as long as you want." Leonard now offered, to try and comfort her, maybe give her a sense of security, he would figure how to deal with Sheldon later.

Penny stared at him, so many men had lied to her in the last year and she instinctively wondered if he was lying too. But she only saw the same kindness in his eyes, it had made her trust him before and it made her trust him now again. "I want to stay here." she said quietly as she looked down at her hands again, a little afraid how he would now respond.

Leonard nodded, "Then you can stay her as long as you want, no one will make you leave until you want to…..not even Sheldon, I promise." he would need to figure some way for Sheldon to agree but he had a week to figure something out, he thought.

Penny looked back up at him again, she was a little stunned that he made it seem so simple, she could just stay, just like that she had a place to live. As it sank in it made her feel unbelievably content as his words ran through her mind again, she now had sort of a home and she didn't have to worry about being thrown out. "Thank you, thank you so much."

Leonard nodded and smiled, "That is okay, just make yourself comfortable, this can be your home for now." It made Leonard feel good to help her, and in a slightly selfish way he actually liked the feeling of being needed, when he was young, no one ever seemed to need him, until he met Sheldon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Penny didn't know exactly how to feel, the last hour had been an emotional rollercoaster for her, but Leonard had told her she could stay, she would be warm, have food, take showers, wear clean clothes again and have a roof over her head. No more looking for a safe place to sleep at night or being scared anymore and no more living in the cold outside again, it was almost too amazing to believe and as she now looked at him she believed every word he had told her. But there was also something else, this feeling deep inside of her that made her just want to just kiss and hug him and thank him anyway she could, those thoughts making her look at him now differently, which confused her in a different way. "I better get changed." she said quietly, suddenly remembering she was still in her pajamas.

Leonard just nodded, "I need to get the food out and off the range, before something else starts to burn." he told her quietly, giving her a small smile to let her know he was joking about what had just happened.

"Okay." she responded and slowly turned to go back to the bedroom.

"Don't take too long, dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes." he said before she left, he was feeling pretty sure things were getting better.

Penny turned to look at him, "Okay, 20 minutes." she then turned back and headed to the bedroom, no sooner closing the bedroom door then leaning back on it as she then slide down till she was sitting on the floor.

She suddenly felt overwhelmed, her feelings were all over the place even though things were now better for her, the best they had been in a long time. She still was emotionally fragile, those horrible feelings she had just went through an hour ago still not purged from her mind, it made her feel like she was just getting over being really sick and her mind still felt a little numb. That fear she had felt had actually been too much for her, it had pushed to a place she had never been before, and the strain it caused on her was something she still had to get over. Just thinking about it now caused her eyes to water, but she kept herself from outright crying by telling herself she would be okay, Leonard was helping her now.

Then there was Leonard, that was something else that was also stuck in her mind and was confusing her, the way he held her when she felt so lost was something she was having trouble forgetting. It had felt so good to be in his arms and for the first time since she left Nebraska she had felt cared about, and it gave her a feeling of peace she couldn't explain. That was causing her a problem because even now that things were better she still desired that feeling again and knowing she could get it from Leonard, amplified her feelings that were beginning for him. She just didn't know what to do, she was trying to get herself back to normal, but it was hard when she was being assaulted by feelings she didn't understand, feelings about Leonard. It was actually stressing her all over again, except this time the fear was not about dying, it was about living.

It was almost a half hour later when Penny came back out from the bedroom, Leonard already a little worried at her taking so long. He had only kept himself from going to see what was going on with her by telling himself woman took longer to get ready. However he now thought he understood her tardiness, because she looked pretty when she finally came out to join him, nevertheless he quickly shook that off, he was not helping her because of her being attractive. He put the last items, he was keeping warm, on the kitchen island then looked back at her, finding she was just standing and looking at him. "Food is done, why don't you take a seat."

"Okay." Penny walked up to one of the stools at the counter and sat down, never taking her eyes off of Leonard, she had to actually force herself to finally look away from him to see the food on the table. There was a small Turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas, salad, cranberry and other foods, it was a feast to Penny, but she didn't have the appetite she had all the times before because instead she now had butterflies in her stomach.

Penny watched as Leonard sat down and said a generic Thanksgiving blessing, the last part giving thanks for her being there to share his dinner with him. The words made Penny's lower lip tremble but she didn't cry, finally pulling herself together and giving him a small smile and a soft 'Thank you'. She then slowly picked at her food, more interested in the man next to her than the food she put on her plate. 'How can anyone be so nice' kept going through her mind, she had never meant anyone like him since she arrived in California, it seemed everyone here had an agenda and wanted to only look out for number one, themselves. It was hard for her to understand so she just quietly ate some of her food, her mind distracted almost to the point of being zoned out as she kept looking at him while she ate.

Penny was so deep in thought she didn't even realize she was staring at him again instead of eating, Leonard trying to ignore it because of what happened earlier. Finally it just got too awkward, "Penny is there something wrong?" he softly asked, trying not to upset her again like he did before.

Penny blinked, coming out of her trance to actually look at him staring at her, again only seeing caring and concern on his face. "I'm sorry." she quickly gave him her go to answer and turned to look at her food.

"Penny, am I making you uncomfortable? If I am, please let me know what I can do to correct that." he quietly said to her again trying not to upset her.

Penny's mind screamed out immediately, 'hold me' but thankfully her mouth didn't blurt out what her mind was thinking. "Nothing, I'm just tired." she lied.

Leonard nodded, "I understand." after all that had happened that morning he could understand how she might be worn out. "Penny I know this is probably not where you planned to end up, but like I said before as long you want, you are welcome here." he tried to reassure her, thinking the stress he caused her earlier was the cause of her mood now.

His continued reassurance made Penny's feeling towards him even more confusing and when she looked back at him, his eyes again told her he cared. She was already an emotional mess, still trying to come to grips with everything she was feeling and the stress from that morning, so it was just became too much for her making her start to cry. Again the feelings of being scared, feeling hopeless and knowing her life was over passed through her, only this time it was pent up emotion and not true fear. Never-the-less she wasn't able to control in anymore, and now broke down, tears coming down her cheeks as sobs wracked her body. Through it all she knew he was talking to her while she cried, so when he touched her arm to rub it for comfort, she just reached for him.

That feeling engulfed her again, it was so warm, comfortable and peaceful, that she came off her stool to pull herself closer to him, to get more of it, like if she got closer she would feel it even more. Leonard who was a little surprised at what was happening just reacted to her actions, scooping her in close like she seemed she wanted him to do. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder as her crying turned to soft whimpers while still holding him tight. Time seemed to stand still for Penny, her mind relaxed as her only thoughts settled on how good she now felt, and how she never wanted it to end.

Leonard didn't know what to think, he was still sitting on the stool, but Penny was standing next to him her body pressed against his while she held herself close to him, her head on his shoulder. They had been like that for a little while, her crying having completely stopped and no sound coming from her for several minutes now. He was holding her too, like she seemed to want, but even though he had never held a woman for so long before, he would have been dishonest to himself if he said he didn't like it. It was that thought about liking it that made he realize they needed to end it, as he began to whisper her name to get her attention. "Penny….Penny…."

It was his saying her name over and over that finally broke Penny from her happy place she had made for herself and brought her back, "Leonard?" she whispered in return, mentally confused at being drawn back.

Now that he had her attention, he needed to get them apart, he also needed to do it without upsetting her again by making her think he was rejecting her, "Would you like to sit on the couch?"

Penny nodded her head, "Okay." but she didn't move, her response being automatic, no thought given to actually moving from his embrace.

Another couple minutes passed before Leonard finally realized she had no intention on moving, so he gently let go of her and then put his arms on her shoulders to push her away. He almost regretted it when he saw her face and the way she looked at him, but it had to be done, "You want to sit on the couch?" he repeated and gave her a small smile, hoping it would help and relieved to see her nod.

However her eyes were something he could not escape, even though he thought her to be barely taller than him, her slouching made it so she was looking up at him and those eyes seemed to touch his soul. He didn't even realize until he got off the stool that he was still rubbing her upper arms, because he was too engrossed at returning her gaze. So he quickly dropped his hands, and continued to just look at her, "Maybe we should sit."

Penny couldn't take her eyes off of him either, his dark brown eyes were like pools of warmth and comfort staring back at her. She had not been ready to let him go and so she just wanted to be held by him again, the feeling of being held by him now even more desirable to her that before. However he wanted to go to the couch and she had felt when he had removed his hands from her, so if she wanted to be near him again she needed to move. Penny nodded, then followed him towards the couch not even realizing how awkward it would soon become.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Leonard stayed standing until Penny sat down on the couch, her going naturally to the left side towards the door, like she had been doing since she got yelled at by the tall man. But no sooner that she sat down, Leonard went over to the opposite right side and sat down, leaving the middle cushion empty between them. Penny realized it was how they both had sat on the couch together, ever since the tall man left, and she had appreciated Leonard giving her space at first because it made her feel comfortable. However, now the empty cushion seemed like a chasm between them, she actually wanted to sit closer to him, and there was a part of her that wondered how it would feel to be tucked in close to him with his arm around her cuddling her. But that empty cushion was like a wall between them now and to Penny, in her current state of mind, it bothered her immensely.

Leonard was a little confused on how exactly to act with Penny right now, she seemed to be constantly on edge and he thought he had to be careful how he interacted with her, because he didn't know what would exactly scare her. Like at that moment, she was looking at him again and he wasn't sure what was bothering her, but the previous hug by her, just a few minutes ago, had left a real impression on him. It bothered him that after he got over the initial surprise of her hug he had actually enjoyed it, it made him feel guilty, because he never had any ulterior motives when he decided to help her. So pursuing any such feelings he had made him feel that he would only be taking advantage of her, even if she was receptive. He also wondered about her mental state, now that she was cleaned up and off the streets she was obviously beautiful, but her needy behavior, plus her now clinging to him, made him think that she was still very vulnerable. He still believed she was thinking that she was not safe from the being on street again and that may be a factor in her attraction to him she was showing. So the bottom line to him was that he really wanted to help her, not take advantage of her, therefore he felt he had to keep his current relationship with her limited to being her friend.

Leonard's last few moments of his thoughts made him think that he at least had a plan on how to treat her, nevertheless it now seemed that things were getting uncomfortable between them fast. They hadn't said a word to each other since they sat down and the longer they stayed quiet the more an uneasy feeling seemed to fill the void between them. For someone like Leonard who was not experienced with women a small panic started to well inside him, so it was with some relief that he then remembered his purchase at the store the day before. He hadn't been sure if he should give it to her before, but now it seemed like a way to start a conversation with her to prevent an awkward night between them.

"I got a little something for you." Leonard blurted out, then stood up and went to his desk drawer to retrieve, then hand to her, a bag with a box inside.

It was a big surprise to Penny, pulling her from her own thoughts and she just swallowed, as she stared at the package, barely whispering, "You shouldn't have gotten me anything, I….I…"

Leonard shook his head, "It is not really a Christmas Present, it is more of something you need, like the clothes we got yesterday. Look, I didn't really wrap it in holiday paper, just the bag it is in." he then sat down on the couch again.

Penny looked at the bag and noticed the box inside, so she opened the bag to see what was inside, gasping when she saw the printing on the box. "Oh my God." she then stared at Leonard her eyes wide and her hand over her mouth.

Leonard actually felt a little embarrassed at her reaction, so quickly said, "There is a card inside the box with time on it. It will give you a way to contact…..people." he was going to say 'your parents', but after this morning thought better of it, "and them to contact you, it also gives you a phone number to be reached."

Penny took the box out of the bag, opening the box and taking the pay-as-go cell phone out, there was also a card, like Leonard said, for 100 dollars of talk time. "I don't know what to say." she said looking at him, it was so amazing for her to have her own phone again, after loosing hers when she left Kurt, it being on his plan and him taking it from her when she left. It meant a lot to her, even more than she had ever imagined, now that she had her own phone again in her hand. It was just another step in making her feel normal again, another thing distancing her from the street, and she couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes, as that thought came back to her mind from before, 'Who was this wonderful man' she thought as she continued to look at Leonard.

"Penny are you okay?" the tears dripping down Penny's cheeks worrying Leonard that maybe giving her the phone had been a stupid idea.

Penny nodded, looking at Leonard, she wanted so badly to hug him again, but the distance between them discouraged that, so she just gave him a little smile, "Thank you." she then whispered.

Leonard gabbed a tissue and gave it to dry her eyes, hoping this emotional response from her was not too serious and would end shortly. It really bothered him when she cried and it scared him the feelings in generated in him, the need to just grab her and hold her. But she seemed to settle a little and the crying didn't get any worse so Leonard now decided he needed to put some space between them at least for a little while, "Penny I need to clean up". He didn't really want to leave her on the couch, but that also was the reason he needed to leave.

He stood and started to the kitchen, then stopped to look at her, "If you want you can call anyone you want." he gestured at the phone hoping to make her think about it.

Leonard's words made Penny do exactly that as she now looked at the phone instead of thinking about her feelings for him at that moment. There was only one person she wanted to call, her mom, but she was too ashamed to do it, and she thought she would die if her parents ever found out what she did with Kurt while she was California. So she just looked at him and said softly, "I don't know."

Her response made him really think she was thinking about her family, so he just took a chance, "Penny you said you hadn't talked to your parents since you lost your phone, they are probably worried about you, and it's Christmas which probably makes their worry greater." He then stopped talking to see how she took his words. She stared at him with what he thought was confusion on her face, so maybe, he reasoned, he was getting through to her, that made him continue, "Penny the greatest gift you could give them today is to let them know you are okay." Leonard finally said, then stopped talking hoping he didn't go over the line and make her upset again.

Penny stared at him, her mind locked on his words, and then she looked at the phone again, guilt now filling her heart, she had been so worried about herself that she had forgotten completely about her parents and that they could be worried. She knew they loved her, if anything in the last months she now realized how much her parents really had always loved her and even now understood why they weren't happy about her going to California with Kurt. However the shame she felt was still so strong in her and it was still preventing her from calling, so she just looked up at Leonard again, just repeating, "I don't know."

Leonard nodded, he felt he pushed way too much already, he wanted her to relax and be comfortable not be stressed out all day, so he just went to the TV and turned it on. "There are probably some Christmas shows on, why don't you just relax while I clean up." he then continued to the kitchen.

Penny just nodded, her mind in turmoil as she sat there while she just stared at the TV, her mind completely something else. She still clutched the phone in her hand, the reassurance of it made her feel actually more normal, it was like a form a security for her. But it was a two edged sword, it also made her feel guilty, all she had to do was punch in her parents number and she could talk to her mom and the thought of her mom sitting at home worrying about her tore at her heart. This caused a conflict in her, the need to talk to her mom countered by the fear of them finding out what she had done and what a mess she was in.

Penny looked over at Leonard, he was so kind and smart, she just knew he would tell her the right thing to do if she asked, but then it dawned on her. He had been telling what she should do for the last several minutes, call her parents and let them know she was okay. She trusted him and didn't think he would do anything to hurt her, like other guys had done, her mind now thinking, 'like every guy she had known before has hurt her'. So it was this trust she had and his words, overriding her fear, that made her pull up the phone to her face and start putting in her parent's number.

The little beeps of the phone buttons being pushed, made Leonard turn to look at her, a small smile form on his face that quickly faded as his own self doubts now made him wonder if his advice to her was really the best thing to do. He watched as she typed in the phone credit then a phone number, her face so pensive that he expected her to stop at any moment but she surprised him and just kept at it. The fear and confusion on her face was evident, and he was actually proud of her that she was brave enough to go on with the call, but he was becoming scared just like her as he watched. So Leonard didn't even realize he was holding his breath in anticipation as he watched her, not breathing again until he heard Penny squeak out, "Mom".


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Leonard stood there in silence, watching Penny as she talked, she was not looking at him, so it made it easier for him to just watch her and try to listen to her side of the conversation. He was happy she called, but he also felt scared for her, because just like her he didn't really know how her parents would react to her situation. He had no idea how this would work out and he began to be concerned that maybe he should have minded his own business, even now as he listened to one side of the conversation.

"I'm sorry mom." Penny responded, "No, I left Kurt about a year ago…..You did?…..Mom he was lying to you, I don't think he knows how to tell the truth unless there is some kind of advantage for him….That is why I left him mom, he was cheating on me….I know mom….I'm sorry mom….no I understand now….I love you all too." Leonard watched as Penny wiped a tear from her eye and immediately felt guilty about watching and listening to her. So her turned and got back to cleaning the kitchen to allow her some privacy.

It took Leonard about 10 minutes to clean everything up and put the dishes in the dishwasher, much less time than if Sheldon was there because he didn't have to disinfect. He had heard Penny talking while he worked but with the noise he made he didn't really know what she was saying, but now that he stopped and looked over to her again, he could hear every word. She was curled up on the couch with the blanket he laid out for her, covering her, the phone against her ear and basically looking down at her lap as she talked, again not noticing him watching at her.

"Yes daddy, I'm okay, I'm at a friends place now…living with her…..No everything is fine, really, I have an job and plenty of money…" Leonard frowned, her lying to them was not what he expected. "Maybe I will come home to visit in the future daddy, but right now I'm just too busy…." Leonard shook his head, she needed help and she needed her family, but the way she was talking to them right now, they would have no idea of her situation. He wanted to tell them the truth but he also knew it wasn't his place to do that, so he just left the kitchen and went to the bedroom, mostly to be out of the way and again give her some privacy.

Leonard changed the sheets on the bed, mostly to just have something to do, then straightened up a few things before sitting on the edge of the bed to think. He really wanted to just lie down, tension he was now feeling was causing him a slight headache but he now felt that the bed was Penny's so he couldn't bring himself to do that. That was all going through his mind when his phone began to ring and when he pulled it out of his pocket he silently groaned because the caller was Sheldon.

"Hello Sheldon." he finally answered after about the fifth ring, knowing it was useless to ignore his roommate because he would just keep calling. Also it might be important, Sheldon had only sent text messages to him since he left.

"Leonard is my room still locked?" was Sheldon's response.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Sheldon." Leonard answered sarcastically.

"Leonard is that sarcasm, because I would never say 'Merry Christmas' and you know that." Sheldon scolded.

Leonard sighed, "Yes Sheldon that was sarcasm and yes I have not touched your room so it is just the way you left it."

"Leonard is not you I'm concerned about, I would hope I have taught you to abide by the roommate agreement and not to touch my possessions. I am concerned about that lice covered waif you let into our apartment. I hope you searched her before she left to make sure she didn't take anything of mine." Sheldon explained.

Leonard got quiet, he didn't like to lie, even to Sheldon when he was being ridiculous but this conversation was already going to a place he didn't feel comfortable with. But old habits die hard, "Sheldon she is still here so there is no need to search her."

"Leonard, I thought my feelings on this matter were clear before you dropped me at the airport." Sheldon scolded him.

"Sheldon she has no where to go." Leonard now felt himself pleading.

"That is not my problem." Sheldon quickly responded.

Leonard wouldn't give up though, he needed to defend her from his roommate, he would never be able to live with himself if he put her out, especially now. "Sheldon it is the holidays, you can not be mean to people on the holidays."

"Leonard the holidays are just points in the calendar where the retail market can sell their goods at inflated prices by convincing weak minded individuals, like yourself, that gift giving is a social responsibility. It is the reason I detest the principle of gift giving and the holidays in general." Sheldon lectured him.

"Yes but that has nothing to do with being nice to people." Leonard countered.

Sheldon paused for a moment, he knew Leonard was not sufficiently intelligent enough to verbally fence with him, but his response had confused him for a moment. "Not when it inconveniences me." he finally said.

"But you are not here, so there is no inconvenience." Leonard shot back.

Sheldon paused again, "It bothers me." he finally responded.

"Sheldon, she is not disturbing anything, your room is locked and I am cleaning up after her. I got her new clothes and she is clean, so really what is there to be bothered about." Leonard told him.

Sheldon paused again, he was having trouble in this argument with Leonard and he decided that he would have to rewrite the roommate agreement, to have Leonard just bend to his will in the future, when he got back. "I want her gone when I come back." he finally said.

It was a small victory, but for Leonard he was willing to take anything, "Thank you Sheldon, I promise you, you won't regret letting her stay here this week."

"Leonard I regret it already. You just make sure she doesn't touch my stuff and I hold you responsible for the cleanliness of my home when I come back." Sheldon responded.

"Okay, no problem, I can do that. Have a good vacation Sheldon." Leonard now just wanted to end the conversation.

"Some vacation, I'm in hell. Leonard you just remember your responsibilities." Sheldon then hung up.

Leonard brought the phone down from his ear and just stared at it, now he did have a headache and he wondered how such a short conversation could make him suddenly feel so tired. It was at that moment that a funny feeling came over him, the kind of feeling you have when you think you are being watched. Leonard turned quickly to look at the bedroom door and gulped as soon as he did, because there stood Penny, with that scared expression on her face again and a tear dripping her cheek.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Penny was left emotionally drained after talking to her parents, the last few months of thinking about them and dreaming about going home, taking a toll on her as she had listened to their compassionate voices on the phone. But talking to them had also been a two edged sword, she had lied to them, at first telling herself she was doing it because she didn't want them to worry about her, but knowing that the shame she felt about what she had done the real reason she had deceived them. Subsequently no sooner had she hung up came the feeling of sadness, and now without their voices to soothe her, Penny felt lonely, making her desperately need to be around another human being. It was that need that quickly overrode any other thought in her mind and it made her instinctively look for Leonard.

Penny found him in the bedroom on the phone, at first thinking he went there so they would not disturb each other during each's phone conversation. However as she stood in the doorway and listened it soon became clear he was talking to the tall man and they were talking about her. So she remained there, listening to his side of the conversation, and it had been almost too much for her to take, his words on the phone about her having no were to go and staying one more week now were tearing her up inside. Penny was still fragile, she had not recovered fully from that morning and her call to her parents had just taken more out of her so this new additional stress left her paralyzed, she couldn't move, it was like she had nothing left as she just stood there and began to cry.

Leonard sat there in stunned silence, also temporarily unable to move, he was trapped by the look in her eyes, she had not talked much ever since he took her in, but her eyes had spoke volumes. He had seen curiosity in them, contentment, pleading and once or twice they even smiled, but now he only saw incredible fear and misery and it tore at his very soul. He just knew that fear had been caused by him, thinking she must had heard every word he said, heard him beg Sheldon for a week while he had promised her more. To her it must seem like he lied and he cursed himself for being that way with Sheldon, always bending to his will, never able to stand up for himself because one look in her eyes showed the how much he hurt her.

It was because of her eyes, all Leonard's previous thoughts about keeping her at a comfortable distance, being her friend and just helping without getting involved with her now seemed impossible for him to uphold. So they were summarily dismissed, because now his only thought was to fix this problem that he caused. He needed to comfort her and to do that he needed to go to her, so with that consideration driving him, Leonard stood up and walked the few steps to the doorway, never saying a word, to take her into his arms. There was no resistance as he pulled her against him, she just put her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder, before she began to sob.

Penny had watched him come to her, still unable to move and actually there was no place she wanted to move to, so when he took her into his arms, she just gave in to him. There was no way for her to describe how it felt to be held in his arms, it was like a warm wave flowing over her, dulling her pain, soothing her and making her relax as she settled into his comfortable embrace. Even though it was him that pulled her near him, it was her now that held him tighter, that same feeling she felt earlier that day consuming her again, the thought that as long as he was holding her she would be okay, nothing would be able to hurt her. The longer she remained in his arms the better she felt and her crying began to slowing transition from fear and hopelessness to tears of relief as he continued to hold her and keep her from falling into the abyss she had believed herself to be descending into again.

Neither of them knew how long they stayed in the doorway, just holding each other, their perception of time again just stopping as the closeness of their two bodies seemed to dominate their senses. Penny eventually stopped crying, and now just clung to Leonard, her head on his shoulder with her eyes closed, both her arms around his neck as her fingers brushed against his thick soft hair, and her very intensely aware of the constant soothing feel of his hand rubbing her back. She couldn't move if she tried, the need to be held was so strong in her that she knew she could just stay that way forever. Leonard's eyes were also closed, he was much more relaxed now too since she stopped crying and he could just tell by the way she was holding him that she was also better, so he just continued to rub her back, happy that such a simple action could provide her so much comfort.

Though neither of them knew it, neither of them wanted to let the other go, but again it was Leonard's active mind, over thinking the situation that finally won out. The thoughts again of not letting things go the wrong way finally winning over the incredible closeness he felt with her. "Penny, we should probably go back out to the living room."

Penny squeezed her eyes tighter, trying to prevent any more tears, it was just too soon for her, she didn't want to let him go, but even through all the emotion she was now feeling she knew it would always be too soon. She knew in her heart, that unless he was willing to get in bed with her right now and hold her all night, she would have to let go of him way before she wanted to, so with controlled regret she just nodded and whispered, "Okay."

So they slowly separated, but no sooner that they moved to a point they could look at each other, their eyes locked, it made both of them freeze for a few moments. Penny was the most emotionally dependent right then, therefore she was the most impacted by their gazing at each other and she had to fight to keep herself from throwing herself back on him, her need for him to continue to hold her almost consuming her. Leonard just stood there in stunned silence again, wondering what was happening at that moment and why he was feeling the way he was towards her. It was those thoughts that again fueled Leonard's fear and that made him push his feelings aside to finally look away, while saying to her, "Yeah, why don't we go into the living room and watch some TV."

Subsequently it was a very short time later, Leonard was sitting in Sheldon's spot, while Penny sat towards the other side, but this time not completely over to the side. She had sat more between the middle and end cushions, as close to him as she dared, her desire to be sitting actually near him now driving her. However her position was unnoticed by Leonard, thoughts what happened in the bedroom doorway now occupying his mind, as he took a sideways glance at her only to find her staring at him instead of the TV. It made him want to say something to her but he couldn't find the words, he wanted to ask her what was happening but was too afraid of what her answer would be or if it would only make thing worse.

However for Penny, the staring at him only brought back her thoughts of the bedroom doorway were she was held by him, his warmth and touch from just a few minutes ago still etched into her mind. But the way they were now sitting only made it clear to her that she was to be denied that feeling and him, even though he was close to her. So unable to be in contact with him, she started to feel alone and with that, cold, making her instinctively reach to the throw blanket to pull over her legs that were now on the couch under her.

It was seeing that small movement for the blanket that gave Leonard the opening he thought he could use to begin to talk to her. He felt he could begin something by saying something casual and harmless. "Are you cold?"

Penny immediately looked back at him, again the thought of being next to him coming to the front of her mind, "Yes."

Leonard suddenly found his innocent question was not turning out to be safe at all as her eyes seem to plead to him, making him uncomfortable and really not sure how to respond. That silence now between them lasted a few seconds, becoming awkward, and that made Leonard finally respond, "If that blanket is not warm enough is there something else I can get you?"

Penny stared at him, she wanted only one thing, so she just answered him honestly, "Can I sit next to you?"

Leonard swallowed hard, never expecting her to ask that and what made things worse were again her eyes, they seemed to plead even more for him to allow her to sit next to him for warmth. He now had an impossible decision, his promise to himself to not get too close was at odds with the feeling he shouldn't reject her after all that happened, plus if that wasn't enough, he had made another promise to take care of her. Those thoughts tore at him, but in the end Leonard found he wasn't as strong as he thought, quickly giving into his internal struggle and just nodding to her, "Okay….I guess." He then slowly lifted his right arm to the back of the couch to offer her the spot against him.

Penny blinked, at first not believing that she was actually getting what she wanted, but that lasted only a moment as she quickly shifted over close to him, moving the last inch carefully until she was against him. She then molded herself along his side causing all these new feelings to course through her, she was both scared and excited at the same time, it was more then just comfort she was feeling, she was enjoying the pure pleasure of being close to him. So when Leonard's right arm came down to her shoulder to gently encircle her, to warm her, Penny completely relaxed fully into him. It felt amazing to her, being held by someone who she knew cared for her by the way he was trying to help her, and for the first time in a long time, Penny was being held by someone she liked, someone she wanted to be with. She felt very comfortable next to him and after a few quiet minutes cuddled under his arm, she couldn't control the soft sigh of contentment that left her as she closed her eyes and let her mind go blank to all her troubles.

Leonard felt her press herself close in to him after she had taken his invitation to sit next to him and he kept telling himself he was doing this for her, as she cuddled up alongside him. Her movement had been almost feline like, as she got her self comfortable against him, then suddenly relaxed, while the whole time he kept trying not to enjoy the feeling of her being so close. Leonard had never been in this situation with a girl before, he had never had a girl snuggle up beside him because she wanted to be against him and wanted to be as close to him as he wished he could be with her. It actually felt so good that it made him feel bad and he had to keep reminding himself that there was nothing to this and it would all stop when she felt better.

Therefore after they were settled, Leonard just sat there, trying to concentrate on the movie instead of the young woman under his arm, who just seemed content to remain there. So it was with a small surprise when the movie ended he looked down and found her asleep, scolding himself that he should have noticed earlier after she become so quiet. It was now during those minutes that he watched her sleep, thinking how angelic she looked, the innocence of sleep making her even more beautiful than he had first imagined. He also realized she was stunning, the kind of girl who would never give him a second look, a girl that was way out of his league and anything that he thought was happening between them was surely born out of her situation and desperate place it put her in. The good guy in him reminding him that all he could do was take care of her so she could recover and then go back to her life that was so different from his.

Leonard's deep thoughts made it so that he didn't realized how long he had been watching her until he heard the 30 minute news broadcast end, that came after the movie, making him shake those thoughts about her from his head. It was now coming on 11 at night and they both needed to sleep, so with a gentle shake of her shoulder he tried to wake her, "Penny, wake up, it is time to go to bed."

Leonard's attempt to wake Penny only made her come partly awake, she felt warm and comfortable, and somewhere in her mind she knew she was laying with someone and she was safe. Consequently because she was still half asleep and thought she was in bed, she just brought her right arm around him pulling herself closer, more on top of him, as she got more comfortable and drifted back to sleep. Leonard, who made no attempt to stop her, was now gently forced into a semi reclining position, as Penny held on to him, her head on his chest. So again he just laid there watching her for a little while before he finally was able to convince himself to try to wake her again, finding it even more difficult to purposely break the closeness they were now sharing like before.

However this time he tried harder and took her shoulders to lift her as he tried to wake her, "Penny you have to go to bed." attempting now to move to a sitting position so she would get up.

This time Penny woke up, even though that wasn't what she wanted to do, she had been very comfortable where she was and would have happily slept on the couch with him. She was still tired however, so she let him lead her to the bedroom and reluctantly got into the bed when he turned back the sheets for her. Again forcing herself to just do what he wanted, because she didn't want to do anything to loose him, and if it had been any other man, like before, she knew she would have simply asked him to sleep with her. But this was Leonard, and at that moment there was honestly no other man she would trust to sleep with her but him, if only she knew how to successfully conduct herself with him . There was no way she could ask him to sleep with her though, the risk was just too great and she was terrified she would do something to drive him away, plus she believed that day she had asked too much of him already.

But again it was her eyes that wouldn't let him go, the innocent way she looked up at him from the bed made it difficult for him to leave and just made him feel more protective of her. Those eyes also made him sit on the edge of her bed and bend slightly down towards to quietly ask, "Penny are you going to be alright tonight?"

Penny so wanted to touch him and pull him down to her, but again her fear was too great, so she just buried her needs and answered, "I think so."

"I'll just be in the living room, you know you are not alone and I promise you are safe." Leonard just felt the need to comfort her so she would rest and sleep, so it was without thought that he began to rub her back, like he did before.

And just like every time before his touch made Penny's heart take an excited jump before that touch began to make her whole body relax again, his gentle massaging of her back was so soothing and comforting. It seemed she couldn't get enough of his touch, so his hand now rubbing her back, provided that feeling again of contentment, making her close her eyes, then whisper, "Okay."

It was just a few minutes later, after Penny seemed to be about asleep, that Leonard carefully got off the bed to leave, stopping at the door to look once more at her. His thoughts going to that day, it had been an unusual for him, leaving him, leaving him confused and he still didn't know how to understand what had happened between her and with him. He just knew he needed to rest and think, so he turned and walked out he door, closing it behind him, to go to the bathroom to finally get ready for bed.

But Penny wasn't asleep and after she heard the door softly close, it made feelings of loneliness return as she again began to miss him, his being so close, just moments before, only making it harder for her after he was gone. So her mind quickly cluttered with thoughts and those thoughts centered around the man that just left, they were confusing to her but one thing stood out clear she wanted to stay there with Leonard. There was something about him that seemed right and it was also something that kept nagging at her she didn't understand, but even though she was confused she still knew she wanted to be near him. She did know nevertheless that she liked him, liked him a lot, and being around him made her yearn for his touch, so she wanted to stay with him now more than ever. And there was her problem, Penny didn't understand what it was about Leonard that made her feel this way and she didn't know what would happen if he did let her stay, the only thing she really did know was she didn't want to leave.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Leonard had not gone to sleep till late the night before, thoughts about the previous Christmas day with Penny keeping him awake well into the night. He had spent those hours going over in his mind the events of the day, the way Penny acted and the possible reasons for her actions, finally convincing himself that the damage done mentally to her, by having to be homeless, the only reasonable answer for what happened. Again he told himself if he would just concentrate on helping her, getting her back to normal and allowing her to be self sufficient, she would be able to leave and resume her life again. So he recommitted himself to do just that, that pledge to himself allowing him get over some of the guilt he felt for actually enjoying the feeling of her in his arms or the feelings that would intensify in his heart when he looked at her.

The resolution of those thoughts finally let Leonard fall fitfully to sleep that night, resulting in him only being asleep for a handful of hours when the sun finally came up. That also meant that he had not slept that long when a couple of hours later loud knocking on the apartment door woke him from this limited sleep. At first the knocking just made him roll over and pull the pillow over his head, it was just something he did instinctively ever since moving in with Sheldon, his roommate never even considering being quiet when he woke up before Leonard. However, again the knocking persisted and then someone shouted his name, making Leonard finally start to wake up as he recognized that voice to be Howard's.

The second set of knocks also made Penny stir, she had laid awake after Leonard left the bedroom the night before, thinking about him, but unlike Leonard she was not thinking about leaving when she got better, she was actually thinking about staying. Also, unlike Leonard, she had been extremely tired from the events of the day, so sleep had taken her sooner, resulting in her having more hours of sleep than him. So Penny woke almost fully up and laid there just listening, slowly becoming nervous about not knowing what was going on this early in the morning.

Leonard opened the apartment door to the two expectant faces of his friends, Howard Wolowitz and Rajesh Koothrappali, Howard being his first friend when he first came to Cal Tech. However he was tired, so while rubbing his eyes, still confused from not being fully awake, he greeted them, "What are you guys doing here?"

"What are we doing here?" Howard said incredulously, "You agreed we would get together Monday morning after Christmas." Howard stopped and looked at the blank expression on Leonard's face, so he added, "It is Monday morning."

Leonard felt like his mind was running on half speed at the moment, not clear on what he said a few days before, but he did know he didn't want to discuss it with his friends while they stood in the hallway. "Why don't you guys come in." He then stood aside as Howard and Raj walked in, only for both of them to stop short of sitting down on the couch when they saw the blankets and pillows still on it.

So after Leonard closed the apartment door, he turned around to find them still standing there looking at him with questions on their faces. "Did you sleep on the couch last night?" Raj asked.

"Was there a good movie on last night, that we missed." Howard added.

Those questions pulled Leonard completely awake and he looked at his friends, confused and slightly scared how to respond, not knowing why, but suddenly wanting to protect Penny from them. "I…I just fell asleep while watching TV." he quickly responded, moving towards the couch to pick up the blankets and pillows while subconsciously putting himself between them and the hallway to the bedroom.

Howard looked at Leonard confused, "If you just fell asleep, why do you have blankets and pillows?"

Leonard should have known his very smart friends would have seen through his lie and he was trying to think of another plausible excuse for Howard's question when he noticed his friend Raj suddenly stiffen and eyes go wide. Since Leonard was slightly taller than Howard and was standing right in front him, Howard didn't have the view of the hallway, like Raj, who was taller and standing off to the side. As a result, Raj immediately saw the young woman walk up to the living room dressed in pajamas, a pink robe with matching slippers, and short bed tousled hair, momentarily shocking him and making Raj quickly loose his power to speak.

Penny had become wide awake as she heard the door open and then the voices finally drove her from the bed, she was worried sick, convincing herself that the tall man had returned to throw her out, after the conversation he had yesterday with Leonard. She needed to be with Leonard, to her at the moment it was the only safe place for her to be, so she quickly grabbed her robe and slipped her feet into her slippers to find the only man she had ever trusted to protect her. Therefore, it was a surprise to see the two strange men talking to Leonard when she got to the living room, and Penny now stopped, at the end of the hallway, to see now what was going on.

Raj turned to Howard, pushing on his arm to get his attention, the pretty girl he was now seeing making it impossible for him to say a word to his friend. But Howard was oblivious to anything but Leonard, so just turned to Raj with the aggravated response of a man who was just interrupted, "What is wrong with you?"

Raj pulled Howard to the side, pointing as he did, making Leonard turn too to see what was up, a soft 'Balls' coming from his mouth as he saw Raj was pointing at Penny. Howard though was not as vocally reserved as Leonard or Raj, "What the frack!" coming almost immediately from him.

Before Leonard could react, Howard walked around him and right up to Penny, making her take a small cautious step back at the boldness of his action.

"Well hello Mademoiselle, Howard Joel Wolowitz at your service" Howard said while taking a little bow, Raj having followed and now standing quietly behind him.

Penny stared at both of them for a second before finally squeaking out, "Hi." not knowing what else to do.

Leonard had watched the whole thing helplessly, also not knowing what to do, her sudden appearance and Howard's quick reaction leaving him befuddled. However that confusion ended after Penny barely said 'Hi' then looked over to him, her eyes now giving him a pleading look for help and maybe for him to do something. "Guys this is Penny and you just interrupted her from getting her shower." Leonard now interjected, then looking directly at her mouthing 'sorry' while trying to convey to her, with his eyes, that she should leave.

Penny, who was at first at a complete loss about what to do, had been looking for any excuse to leave at that moment, so Leonard's comment was immediately grasped by her, his eyes confirming to her that this was her chance to leave. "Well I guess I will leave you all alone to talk…..while I get my shower." She then quickly turned and tried to not run to the bathroom.

No sooner that the bathroom door closed, Howard came back to Leonard, Raj again behind him, "What the hell, Leonard. Why didn't you tell us you had a lady friend over, especially one as hot as her."

Leonard had watched Penny leave with some relief, but now he looked at Howard, realizing he had to tell them something, "Because she is visiting for a while and I didn't want you hitting on her." At least part of that was true, Leonard definitely didn't want Howard hitting on her.

"For a while? Is she your cousin or something?"

"No she is not my cousin or something." Leonard said in frustration

So….you two are a thing?" Howard asked in disbelief, then as an afterthought, "When did you meet her and where…are there more like her?"

Leonard was honestly not prepared for questions like that, thoughts of last night and his internal conflict coming immediately back to him, making him pause in his response. His feelings for her and his need to protect her, even from Howard, now jumping to the front of him mind, but then just as quickly those thoughts went to the promise he made to himself last night to just take care of her. "No we are not a thing." he finally responded, with conviction.

Penny suddenly felt cold and alone again, she had been listening, her ear against the door, ever since she went into the bathroom and closed the door. That made her feel bad enough, but there was something else that was bothering her, her heart ached, Leonard's rejection of her just then hurting her in a way she never imagined. She backed away from the door as his words sank in, all the time wondering why he didn't want her, the tears now forming in her eyes. She cared for him and thought he cared for her, but now realizing she had been wrong hit like a ton of bricks as she backed up against the far wall and began to silently cry.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"So she is available for coitus." Howard stated with glee, giving Raj a look that conveyed she was all his so his friend better stay back.

Howard's words struck a dull nerve in Leonard, bringing out again his need to protect her, that need only amplified by his suppressed feelings for her, "Hell No!"

Howard and Raj were actually stunned by Leonard's harsh response. "But you just said you were not involved with her." Howard sheepishly responded, he was little bit scared at Leonard's outburst at that moment.

Raj who had been a outside observer to all that just happened and had a little more insight into what was happening because of it, finally spoke, now that the pretty girl was gone allowing his muteness to leave like she had just done. "Dude, he is lying about what is going on between him and her."

Howard first looked at Raj then at Leonard, momentarily confused, but then quickly recovering, "Is she or isn't she with you?"

Leonard felt drained, so almost in defeat he responded, "She is not WITH ME, but she is staying here."

"So you are hitting on her, but she is rejecting you." Howard responded a little sarcastically, then he thought for a second, "Then why can't one of us have a chance with her?" Raj just nodded and smiled at Howard's remark.

Leonard couldn't help but be frustrated with his friends, he was tired of lying too. "Look she is homeless, I took her in two days ago and she is staying here for a while until she has gotten herself straightened out."

Howard and Raj just stared at him for a few moments, both not knowing immediately what to say, until Howard finally got over being stunned by Leonard's explanation, "You mean there are girls like that on the streets just waiting to be picked up?"

Leonard was now the one to stare, trying to get over the initial shock of Howard's remark, "Do you listen to yourself, what you are saying is creepy."

"Hey just because you picked up a girl off the streets and she isn't in to you, doesn't mean that there is not one out there who has a thing for Jewish Engineers." Howard shot back.

Leonard shook his head, "Howard sometimes you are so disgusting that I can't even to stand to be around you."

"Yeah, whatever. Come on Raj lets get out of here so Leonard can keep sucking up to the homeless girl." Howard then headed to the door, Raj in tow.

However, as they were walking out of the apartment Raj turned to Howard, "So what do you want to do now?"

The two of them were already in the hallway as Leonard started to close the door behind him, easily hearing Howard's response, "I know an underpass in LA that all the homeless people hang out around."

Leonard stood there is disbelief, even getting more disgusted as he heard Raj's response. "We'll make them take baths before we make out with them, won't we." So he just slammed the door shut, wondering why they were still his friends.

Leonard now felt even more tired then when he had answered the door, a few minutes ago, his friends having strained his emotions to the limit. So he just sat down on the couch in Sheldon's spot and leaned his head on his arm, closing his eyes, just wanting to rest for a couple minutes. The apartment was quiet again and he could hear the shower running, making him feel a little better that Penny had not been there to hear how stupid his friends actually were. He was also glad he was able to protect her from another situation that could have upset her, she had been much too upset the last couple of days, so keeping her from the conversation of a few minutes ago seemed like a win for him, and with those thoughts Leonard's mind relaxed as he began to doze.

Penny's own mind was her worst enemy, making everything bad she experienced ten times worse, in her mind, than it actually was, the emotional scars of her couple weeks on the street, now deeply rooted in her psyche. So her perceived rejection by a man she was strongly drawn to and now emotionally dependent on, hit her hard and was devastating to her. Ever since Penny had been young she had protected herself from being hurt, it served her well through her years in high school, with Kurt after he started to 'Make' her do things, and finally with the men she lived with over the months to survive. However the weeks on the street had devastated her, driving her into deep despair as each day she got further away from her past life, it had also left her emotional walls in ruins and eventually she was left emotionally bare to the world. It had actually now left her so psychologically helpless that just thoughts about what would have happened to her that night, if Leonard didn't save her, made her cry and her only thoughts, at those times, would be to go to him so he could save her again.

But now things had changed, in her mind she had completely lost Leonard, the grief and despair she now felt only making her desperately want to be held and comforted, by that same man, Leonard. It was a situation that her now chaotic mind couldn't handle anymore, so as she sat curled up in a little ball on the bathroom floor, tears falling down her cheeks as she softly cried, the fear, despair, loneliness and the increasing cold feeling she felt, were more than overwhelming. The cold and the numbness those feelings especially brought with them drove her to strip and get in the shower, the need to be warm making her turn the water temperature steadily up trying to drive the cold from her body, her skin getting redder and redder as her mind told her she was cold instead of that she was actually overheating herself. The sound of the water also drowning out her sobs as again she only thought the worse, that Leonard's rejection and his discussing her being there a week, would soon result in her being on the street again.

Penny was actually lucky, the hot water heater was not that large for the apartment, so even though she was in the shower for a while, her constantly turning up the water heat, resulted in her using up the hot water before she suffered first degree burns. But even then her mind wouldn't let her body realize the water went really cold until the cold started to make her shiver, her eventually turning off the water and sitting in the bathtub in a ball, her arms wrapped around her trying now to get warm again. That extreme cold feeling now deeply penetrating her body was making her feel even worse than before, her constant crying now turning to sobs of hopelessness.

Leonard had been lightly dozing, the only sound in the apartment that of the running water from the shower, a sound that was actually soothing and only helped Leonard's tired mind relax. It would have been hard to pin down which of the changes actually brought Leonard out of his semi-sleeping state, the shower stopping or the muffled crying he heard, maybe it was even both of them, but never-the-less Leonard came awake. So it took him only a couple seconds, after coming fully awake, to determine someone was crying and it was coming from the bathroom.

He went quickly to the bathroom door, standing there for a couple moments listening to make sure he was actually hearing crying, the verification of the sound making him worried and resulting in him giving the door a light knock, "Penny…..Penny, are you alright in there?"

He waited for less than a minute before trying something else, thinking the guys maybe upset her, so lightly knocking again, "Penny…...Those guys left if that is why you are still in there."

But again no answer which now made him extremely worried and not overly concerned about her privacy, so he knocked louder, "Penny if you don't answer, I'm coming in." however, when he heard no response and tried the door knob, he found out it was locked.

"Penny please open up." Leonard yelled as he now pounded on the door, in desperation. He was getting frantic and was just about to seek some way to break the door when he remembered Sheldon had a key. Sheldon kept a key to the bathroom on his dresser, he had used it a couple times to come in on Leonard when he felt Leonard had abused his bathroom privileges too much.

Leonard was just about to get the key when he heard the lock click open, quickly grabbing the doorknob to find it was now unlocked, he only hesitated for a few seconds before telling her, "Penny I'm coming in." Leonard then walked in.

The sight he saw made him feel horrible, he had expected to see Penny, but not to see her sitting on the edge of the tub, shivering and with only a towel over her. He looked helplessly around the bathroom for something to cover her, unsure of what to do next until he saw her robe on the floor. So Leonard quickly got the robe and put it over her, then sat next to her, rubbing her back hard to try and get some heat in her, to stop the shivering. He was at least relieved she was okay, but concerned that something was seriously wrong for her to act like this. He also now noticed her hair was still soaking wet and even though she was not shivering as bad as when he first came in, she still was shivering.

Leonard continued to rub her back vigorously while he moved his head near hers to whisper, "Penny tell me what's wrong."

She turned slightly to look at him through eyes made red from crying, "I'm sorry." she whispered.

He just answered with, "It's okay Penny." then got up to grab the hair dryer, quickly plugging it in and turning it on to dry her hair, which didn't take too long since it was short.

However, even with her hair now dry she was still shivering. "Penny, you need to get into bed and get warm." She didn't respond but didn't resist when he pulled her up to stand and lead her to his bedroom, putting her, with her robe and towel still covering her, all under the comforter to get warm.

Leonard got her covered as best he could, tucking her in tight. "Penny are you feeling any warmer."

"I'm so cold." she whispered and started to whimper.

Leonard was still really worried and a little scared, he knew he needed to get her warm again, so he reconciled himself that he had to do it, as he took off his robe and got under the covers with her, pulling her against his body. Leonard was a little surprised she didn't even flinch when he put his arms around her and was even more surprised when she pushed her back against him molding it to his chest as she put her hands on his arms to pull them across her body to pull her in tighter. But he reasoned it was because she was so cold, so he just pulled her tight against him and tried to wrap her in him as much as possible. In just a few seconds, her back was completely against his chest, her legs were against his, almost between his, and she had his arms pulled tight around her, Leonard had never in is life held a woman like this before and it made him feel a little awkward, but she was still shivering so he just continued to hold her, hoping this would warm her up and hoping he was doing the right thing.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Leonard getting in the bed with Penny, only made her want to be close to him even more, his reaching out to put his arms around her was all the excuse she need to put her body against his as close as she could get. She was both mentally and physically dependent on him now, so being able to put herself into Leonard's embrace, to be cocooned in his warmth, was something she desperately wanted. The feeling of him pulling her tight against him was immediately relaxing to her and his warm body made her feel less cold, making it only take a few minutes before she stopped shivering. She was living in the moment, her despair and fear temporarily put aside as she just sought Leonard's comfort, as she submitted herself to his control hoping he actually wanted to take care of her.

Leonard's side of the situation was at first more clinical, his actions directed at getting her warm quickly and feeling happy when he succeeded and she stopped shivering. However after her shivering stopped, he wanted to get out of the bed so not to invade her space anymore, but that then created a new problem, she was so deeply imbedded against him and she actually showed no desire to move. This produced a new situation for him that he wasn't sure how to solve, but since she did seem to be still cold, he told himself he couldn't leave her just yet and that he would wait till she moved away, letting him know he could leave. But then that plan fell apart when, as time went on, nothing happened, them laying there for a while until it was obvious Penny had fell asleep, leaving Leonard with another decision, try to leave and wake her up or stay, this again putting him in a situation that truly befuddled him. But it was his body that finally solved this problem for him as he let out a large yawn, he actually was still tired himself, so staying with her won out as he decided he could just sleep with her for a little while. Consequently Leonard closed his eyes, justifying his decision that she needed to rest and he needed to keep her warm, discounting that holding her and taking care of her in fact made him feel good.

It was six hours later when Penny woke up, she felt chilled and sweaty, not knowing she had actually got herself sick and had a fever. Her physical condition already being bad when Leonard originally found her and the three days with him had not sufficiently strengthening her body to anywhere near normal, her weight still down and her immune system already stressed from a couple weeks on the street. So the chilling of her body in the shower had finally done her in, she was now sick and now even more dependent on the man that was holding her in the bed. She didn't feel well, worse than she normally felt the last couple of weeks, but she also didn't want to move, the fever left her chilled and she was afraid if she did anything, Leonard and his body heat would leave her. So again she felt confused and scared, and again it made her want to cry, her barely keeping the tears at bay as she now trembled a little due to how bad she felt and that made her unconsciously push herself closer to him.

Leonard woke up immediately, slightly disoriented at first, but feeling Penny move he quickly remembered where he was and pulled away from her thinking she wanted to get out of his embrace. He was even thinking of getting immediately out of the bed, his mind telling him that it was way over the line to continue to share the intimacy they had just shared over the last couple of hours. He also though he may be now scaring her by laying in bed with her for so long, something he really didn't want to do, so he quickly started to move away from her in the bed. However her trembling body and soft whimpers stopped him before he fully left and he froze there just watching her back.

It seemed like a very long time, but in actuality it was only seconds before Leonard got up the nerve to move back closer her to speak. "Penny are you feeling okay?"

Penny just rolled on her back to look at him, mostly because she was too emotional to speak, her mind so needy right now because of how sick she felt. Her only thoughts being she wanted to be next to him, not even thinking that she was still only wearing a robe and that it opened up completely as she rolled to look at him, her mind only wanting to grab on to Leonard so she could pull herself closer against him again. Penny felt horrible and all she wanted was to be scooped up by Leonard and held, her yearning for that comfortable feeling of being in his arms her only desire.

Leonard was so ashamed he had even seen Penny's partially exposed chest, him only blaming himself for it happening, quickly reaching over to cover her up. But in doing that he was unable to not brush against her skin as he brought her robe closed and the thing he noticed immediately was that she felt cold and sweaty. This now made him notice her pale complexion as it stood out even more to him, it also made him now concerned for her well being, forgetting his embarrassment as he resigned himself now to find out what was wrong. So with this new concern driving him he felt her forehead, noticing it was warmer than it should be, making him worried that Penny was really sick with a fever, it also seeming to explain to him a lot about how she was acting. But he needed to find out how sick she was, how high her fever really was, so he started to get out of the bed only to have her grab at him and look at him with pleading eyes. "Please don't leave me." coming from her as she continued to look up at him, the real fear of him leaving her now consuming her.

"I'm just going to get a thermometer, I promise I'll be right back." he tried to comfort her with his words and it worked because she let go of him and settled more into the bed. So he quickly wrapped the comforter around her then left for the bathroom, for once happy that Sheldon was sort of a hypochondriac because their apartment was filled with many medical devices and they probably had every non-prescription and some prescription drugs to treat minor sickness.

Leonard made sure he quickly returned and got back in bed with her as she moved first close to him then against him, her head on his chest as he put the thermometer in her ear to get a reading. The device quickly giving him confirmation of what he guessed, she was running a fever, the thermometer showing a temperature of 101 as it verified she was sick. So after convincing her again that he would return he got some orange juice and Ibuprofen to give to her, then just laid in the bed with her while she laid on him, again her head on his chest. So it was only 10 minutes later she drifted off again to sleep, however this time she was wrapped around Leonard, like he was a big stuffed toy, making him even realize she was using him for a source of comfort.

Leonard, now very awake, laid there thinking, he had used the bathroom and drank some juice with her, consequently he was fine for a while, so he just rested in bed quietly, while Penny laid practically on top of his side. He knew the best thing for her was rest and he had no plans to ruin her peaceful sleep by moving, as a matter of fact this time gave him some time to think, think about what was going on and how to take care of her. Leonard didn't have a lot of experience with sick people, his family seemed to have no tolerance for sickness, his mother usually telling anyone sick in the family to 'Buck Up'. Sheldon had been really the first person he had ever cared for who was sick, and though the way Penny was acting currently with him seemed strange to him, if he compared her to Sheldon, Sheldon was even more needy and worse. Even the way Penny was, cuddled up to him right now, Sheldon had tried to do to him before when sick, however unlike Penny now, that is where Leonard drew the line with his strange roommate.

Leonard was also trying to put into perspective what he should do with her since she was sick, he wanted to take care of her of course, he had wanted to help her since he saw her on that bench outside the apartment building. It was just he never had a woman be so…..intimate with him like she was now, her head on his chest, her hair tickling his chin, while her outside leg lay on top of his and her arm was across his chest. He couldn't lie to himself that he did like her being so close and he had even put his outside arm around her to hold her, which by her actions of getting herself more comfortable after he did that, only confirmed to him that she wanted to be held right now. It was just he wondered if he was doing the right thing, because in a way he was still concerned that he was taking advantage of her, he knew he liked comforting her and when he compared this to taking care of Sheldon he couldn't help reminding himself he never really liked taking care of his roommate. It was confusing to him and after thinking about it for a while he could only come up with one conclusion, the bottom line was, he told himself, that he was only in the bed to hold her, she was sick and that was what she wanted him to do to comfort her. He was not doing this for himself or to do anything to her, he was only doing what she wanted so he couldn't be taking advantage of her, could he? He was still laying there, trying to figure out that question, when she began to stir, two hours having already passed as Leonard had been over thinking the whole situation the whole time.

Penny still felt bad, she was achy, felt tired and just didn't want to move, except to get closer to the person she was hanging on to, her half asleep mind knowing she was safe next to Leonard. She trusted Leonard completely, she felt safe next to him and she was developing real feelings for him, so there was no other place in the world she wanted to be when sick right now but being held by him. So it was really hard for her to respond to Leonard whispering her name, she didn't want to loose any of the closeness she now had with him, in her mind she needed him and she needed to be against him.

"Penny?" Leonard whispered, he could tell she was either awake or about awake and he wanted her to take some more fluids. "Penny…Penny." he whispered again and then with his arm around her he gave her a little shake.

Penny didn't want to get up or let Leonard go, plus she was really sick so she was feeling justifiably selfish, moaning out a 'No' as she grasped him tighter.

Leonard felt her grasp him tighter and the soft 'No' that came from her, it almost made him smile, like he realized before, no woman had ever been so intimate with him or, like now, didn't want to give up that intimacy. However it was also blurring for him the line between what was right and appropriate, he even found he had to consciously stop himself from kissing the top of her head and giving her a squeeze back, both of those actions truly crossing any line he established for himself with her. So he forced himself to not do something he would regret and brought both hands to her shoulders, to try and move her so he could talk to her.

Penny felt herself being pushed off him, it was something she didn't want and being sick, it made her just want to cry as tears immediately filled her eyes. She even couldn't stop the sniffles that immediately started, her mind again assuming the worse, she was sick and being rejected by Leonard. So when she was pushed back enough so Leonard could look at her, all he saw was a upset Penny with tears already starting down her cheeks.

Leonard felt horrible as soon as he saw her, the picture of the tears on her face now imprinting on his soul as he realized she was crying because of what he had just done, his emotions now taking complete control of his actions. He really did care for her much more that just someone he was trying to help, she was special to him, so without a thought he just pulled her to him, her head immediately going to his shoulder as her body coming with no resistance to be pulled against his. He had no doubts he did the right thing as her arms went around his neck and he felt her pull herself closer until their bodies were flat against each other.

Penny however, was now on an emotional rollercoaster, made only worse because she was sick, her going from being comfortably laying on Leonard, to a sense of being rejected by him, and now being tightly being held against him again. So she couldn't help herself from softly crying, she was just too emotionally distraught, part of it being upset from what happened and part of it happy to be in his arms again where she was starting to feel she belonged every time he held her. But there was also something even deeper that was upsetting her, the feeling of rejection then being taken back to where she wanted to be had overwhelmed her, so she had almost told him she loved him when she got into his arms again. She had barely held those words back, not because she didn't feel them, she knew she wanted him and knew she was falling in love with Leonard, her need for him was only growing stronger with hour she was with him. However her mind was her worse enemy again, the thoughts of love for him, being tempered by the thoughts of being rejected by him tearing her up inside and only making her begin to sob.

Those soft sobs from Penny now were like knives in Leonard's heart, and tears quickly formed in his own eyes as his own heart mirrored her pain. It was becoming impossible to fool himself anymore, he knew he cared for her, the three short days they had been together, only allowing her to creep deeply into his heart. He couldn't get over the shame of it, because he knew they wouldn't have ever even met each other if it wasn't for her desperate situation. He also knew he would be hurt deeply when she left, because no matter how much he felt for her, he would do anything he could to get her back to normal so she could take care of herself again. He squeezed his eyes tight as a tear then rolled down his cheek, holding her like this was the most wonderful feeling he had ever experienced, the feeling of two people needing each other and holding each other tight, taking comfort in each other. He also wished, in a way, it had never happened because now that it had he knew he would want to experience this feeling again and he wondered if he would ever be able to feel that way with someone other than Penny.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry for the long time between updates, I ended rewriting this chapter several times before I came up with this. I'm still not perfectly happy with it but I don't want to delay the story any longer, so here it is. On the plus side it is a little longer than previous chapters because it was worked on for so long.**

 **Chapter 18**

The longer Penny was in Leonard's arms the fainter the feelings of being scared and being rejected by him felt in her mind. Leonard's warmth radiated through her and just touching him soothed her, making her feel that only him could ever make her feel better again. She was succumbing to that overwhelming feeling, from before, time seemed meaningless and nothing existed for her but him and the comfort she felt being held by him. That feeling was making her now felt safe knowing he would not hurt her and his holding her, like he was now, only reaffirmed to her that he would take care of her. The once street-smart popular girl from Nebraska, independent and self assured that had come to California was now long gone, instead the only thing that was left was a needy and sick broken girl who was extremely vulnerable and desperately needed to be wanted by Leonard.

He noticed that her tears had stopped for a while now, the adrenaline from the stress that caused them seemingly all used up and with her body now apparently relaxed against him he guessed she was tired again, probably just wanting to sleep. She had fallen asleep twice on Leonard already so he now could almost sense when she was going to fall asleep again, but he also knew they both couldn't sleep comfortably like this. Additionally, he was more than a little concerned about her health and wanted to get some more fluids in her. On the other hand, based on what happened just a little while ago, Leonard knew he had to be careful with her, he now knew never push her away again, so trying to be careful, he began to softly talk to her. "Penny, please don't go to sleep on me, okay."

"Okay." she whispered back.

"Penny, I need you to drink some more and I want to try and give you some soup before you sleep because you are weak and need food." he again whispered to her. "Penny you haven't gone to the bathroom for a while either, do you have to go."

She did, him talking to her about it now only making it more intense for her. "Yes."

"Okay, why don't we get up, to use the bathroom and get some food down you, before we go back to sleep, so you can get better." Leonard then waited for her to respond but heard nothing. "Penny please, I'm concerned about your fever, please do this for me."

Penny nodded, "Okay." she also loosened her grip on him, terrified to let him go, but reluctantly obeying his wishes, she was just too tired to resist him.

So it was a few minutes later that Leonard helped Penny to the bathroom, she was actually more weak than he had thought and he had to bring her right to the toilet. "Okay, are you going to be alright now?" Penny nodded, so he walked out and closed the door behind him, waiting outside the door until she called him to help her to the living room.

It had been over four hours since he had given her medicine, so after Leonard got her back on the couch he gave her some more orange juice and pills to take while she laid wrapped up on the couch. He then quickly moved to the kitchen to get some soup made, soon accomplishing that, then returning to the couch to help her eat, while having some soup himself with her. They ended up going to bed a half hour later, Leonard holding her against him soon after she got in the bed, her again pushing herself against him to make it clear she wanted to be held. Penny fell asleep quickly, Leonard falling asleep over an hour later after going over the events of the day in his mind, he was beyond confused and had no idea how to explain what was going on with Penny. He was actually giving himself a headache before he finally gave up and decided not to think too much about what he was doing as long as he just gave her the comfort she needed and with that sleep finally came.

They both slept hard, Leonard's phone barely waking him up in the middle of the night so he could wake her and give her more pills washed down juice, again. However after that she seemed nervous again, she was facing him and just looking at him it the dark room, it made her look so small and miserable to him so he laid on his back, not surprised when she came close to him to lay near him. It had now become even easy for Leonard to see what she wanted and a second later he put his arm around her, her accepting it as an invitation to move closer, until her head was on his chest and her arm across his stomach. It amazed him how she seemed to relax against him so quickly, her movement stopping and her breathing becoming shallow and rhythmic indicating she had immediately fallen asleep. Her closeness and innocent sleep, quickly relaxing him too, his eyes closing while he tried to think, only to fall asleep quickly himself.

The bedroom was actually bright from the morning sun when Leonard woke again, still on his back but with Penny having moved in the night to be practically half way on him. Her head on the center of his chest, her arm wrapped around him tight and her outside leg now draped over his, with her body now partially on his body, putting him in such a position where he couldn't move without disturbing her. So he just laid there listening to her breathing which had the same shallow rhythmic sound to it that made him know she was still asleep, and he made himself be still to give her the needed rest she required to get well. However it was hard in that bright morning sunshine, that filtered into the room, for him to not marvel on how much she looked like an angel, so innocent and unburdened with stress while she slept. It also made him realize how much he had missed in his life, this new comfortable feeling that he now felt as she slept on him and intense feeling inside him to protect her from the world, he was definitely falling for her and sadly that revelation only made him feel disheartened.

It was an hour later that Penny slowly opened her eyes, she felt a comfortable warmth and as she awoke more realized she was laying against someone, but any disorientation she had upon that realization, instantly dissolved as her waking mind remembered that she was still with Leonard. That knowledge making her immediately relax again and as she now laid there she could feel his arm on her back, he was still holding her from when she cuddled up to him during the night, that again only intensifying her feelings for him as she laid motionless on him. Her thoughts now drifted to the last 24 hours, especially her being sick and him taking care of her, creating an even stronger feeling of affection for him as she unconsciously pulled herself tighter to him.

"Penny are you awake." Leonard quietly asked just above a whisper, her now noticeable movements and her change in breathing alerting him she was awake.

"Yes" she answered just a quietly.

Leonard then moved his hand slowly to feel her forehead, not able to see Penny close her eyes as she relished his touch. "You don't seem as warm as yesterday." he told her while removing his hand, Penny missing the touch of his skin on hers immediately upon its removal. "I'd like to give you some more medicine and have you eat something if you can. You need to get your strength back…..so could you get up and eat this morning?"

Penny actually felt a little hungry and she had to use the bathroom, she had slept well and was feeling better, so even though she didn't want to get out of bed with him, she nodded and responded, "Okay."

It was a short time later, Penny, after using the bathroom and now resting on the couch, she watching Leonard moving around the kitchen while she drank some tea he had given her. In her mind she kept going over her last couple days with him, remembering the fear, then relief, she felt when he found her, then how scared she was that she may be put out again, only to be reassured by him she wouldn't, and finally now, how she just felt safe around him. Her intense feelings for him, where hard for her to manage now, she was not in control of her emotions anymore they seemed to seep out of her like water, and all those emotions were centered around Leonard. He had endeared himself to her heart, he was so gentle and kind to her that it made her feel cared about and her confused mind even thought…..loved. She now felt like she couldn't even survive without him, and those feelings were overwhelming her, Leonard had become her whole world, it made her want to stay there with him even more, because she definitely wanted to be his, she adored him.

So where once Penny had been scared about being homeless, her mind now only wanted Leonard, and only feared she would somehow lose him. Those feelings had become so deep that she now had trouble not staring at his back while he worked in the kitchen. Penny just couldn't help herself anymore and the longer, and more intensely, she looked at him, her mind started to wander as she began to daydream about him. She just desired to be closer to him, so close she could feel him, her mind imagining they were in a relationship where she could just walk up behind him, put her arms around him and kiss him. Kissing him was something she had been thinking about a lot, part of the flood of emotions that were controlling her and something she was getting more and more desperate to do, the more time she spent with him. So now in her daydream she just pictured herself pressed against his back while she kissed his neck, it would be so nice she thought, he was about the same height as her and it would be so easy to kiss him while standing behind him. She also thought how nice it would be to hold him like that, she knew it would feel like when they held each other in bed, and as her mind got deeper in her daydream, she thought how warm he would be when she put her bare chest against his bare back, she just knew it would feel so good.

"Penny?" the sound of her name broke Penny from her daydream as she looked up at Leonard holding a plate and a glass, a confused expression on his face. She had completely zoned out and felt instantly embarrassed, putting her arm up immediately to cover her bare chest, the last thing she remembered in her daydream, only to realize she was still wearing her robe and pajamas as her arm came over the cloth.

"Penny are you okay? You're not feeling like you are getting sick again are you?" A confused Leonard now asked her as he looked down on her on the couch.

Penny shook her head, "I guess I'm a little tired still and I think I was sort of was falling asleep." she lied, her mind now coming to grip with just what happened and the thought of him finding out scaring her.

"You still feel like eating, don't you?" Leonard now said, a little concern in his voice.

Penny did remember she was hungry, plus she wanted so badly to divert the subject from what just happened. "Yes, thank you." so she then put out her hands to get the plate and glass of orange juice.

Leonard then went back to get a plate and drink himself, before he joined her on the couch to eat. They were quiet for several minutes while they ate, Penny's temperature that morning was now down to just over 99.5, allowing her appetite to return as she slowly ate all the food he gave her. However while they ate, Penny's mind was also all over the place too, her daydream had been a little too real for her, and the more she thought about it the more she actually wished it would have happened, because she did want to be that way with him. Leonard was not like anyone she had ever met before, she had already determined in her mind he was so much better and as those thoughts still whirled around in her mind, she didn't realize she was again staring off, while still holding her empty plate.

Leonard found himself again a little concerned for her, as he noticed her staring off like before and he was afraid maybe her fever was up again. "Penny are you feeling okay." he quietly asked her, to not surprise her like last time.

Penny looked at him, then blinked, "Yes, I'm sorry, I guess I'm more tired than I thought." she lied again.

Leonard nodded, he thought it was probably that too and that she probably needed to rest some more, but he still wanted to make sure she was okay before she went to bed again. "Can I take your temperature again and give you some more medicine?"

Penny nodded, then watched him take her plate and put them in the sink, where he quickly ran some water over them. Leonard then left the living room to return a few seconds later with the thermometer and pills he had given her before and had been still in the bedroom. She watched him sit on the couch next to her, and then her emotions took over, she couldn't help herself as she put her head on his shoulder to expose her ear to him for the thermometer, the need to be in physical contact with him again, after her daydream, driving her to crave his touch.

Leonard was stunned for a moment, her head on his shoulder while looking up at him made him forgot for a moment what he was suppose to do. It was only looking at the side of her face and then realizing her ear was now exposed for him, to put the thermometer in, that finally made him give her a small smile of embarrassment as he quickly inserted the temperature probe into the offered ear. The whole situation actually made him feel foolish, him again blaming himself for the feelings he was experiencing, because he was becoming even more attached to her, which was making him, wrongly he thought, taking everything she did in the wrong context.

Leonard was again so deep in thought that when the thermometer beeped he didn't even recognize it, just staring at it for a moment while his mind pulled itself back to finally realize what he was doing. However it did relieve him to see her temperature to be exactly 99 degrees Fahrenheit, down a little from even that morning, and that she was getting better, so her being tired seemed to be her only problem after all. It made it so Leonard was able to concentrate again with the good news of her dropping temperature, so he smiled at her, "Your temperature is going down, so you are getting better, which is good. Do you want to take your nap now?"

Penny actually was a little tired, but that was insignificant in her mind, the more important thought of being in bed with Leonard again, was actually all the motivation she needed to get back in bed. So she nodded, "Yes". However as soon as she said it, a thought came to mind, now that she was feeling better and very interested in Leonard, she started to think about the way she looked to him, remembering her sweating the day and night before and how she must smell right now. "I am tired, but I would really like to take a shower before I go to sleep?" She quickly asked.

"Oh, of course." Leonard quickly responded, then without even thinking, "You could even have a bath if you like. I have heard baths are soothing when you are sick." he didn't tell her he heard that from Sheldon. Sheldon only took baths when he was sick, it was something his mother started with him when he was little and Leonard knew he seemed more relaxed after each one.

The idea of a bath did sound great to Penny, the thought of laying in a tub of warm water while it soaked her body was always relaxing to her, and she couldn't remember when she last had a bath. She had never had never taken a bath when she was moving from man to man after Kurt and she had never had taken many of them when living with Kurt. There was also something in the back of her mind that said to her that if she took a bath it would somehow involve Leonard. So without a second thought she responded, "I would actually like a bath."

Leonard had actually regretted mentioning the bath after he said it, but her enthusiastic response made him feel better, so he gave her a small smile. "Okay, I can start the water for you and then you can get in." he then got off the couch and started to go towards the bathroom before suddenly stopping, "If you don't mind, I could also wash our bed clothes while you are in there….if you don't mind. It would give you something clean to wear when you get out."

Penny quickly thought about putting back on clean clothes and nodded, "Okay" then got up and followed him into the bathroom, watching while he started the water and gave her the bubble bath and telling her to use all she wanted. He then gave her a smile that made her melt inside before he told her he would be outside to get her pajamas when she took them off, so he could wash them.

However, Penny felt a strong sense of being alone as soon as he shut the door behind him, the now needy girl left alone in the bathroom desperately missing him already and sad because she now knew a bath would not involve him. It was all she could do to not cry, forcing herself to do as he asked, quickly stripping and putting her pajamas and underpants outside the door for him. Then in only her robe she put bubble bath in the tub and sat on the toilet watching the bubbles form, a little bit of calmness coming over her as she slowly started to come to grips with being alone and she started to tell herself a bath would feel good.

Leonard hurried and put on his jeans and t-shirt, then grabbed her other pair of pajamas, his pajamas and the pair she put outside the door, into a basket to take to the wash. He was then out the apartment door a moment later and down the stairs to the laundry room, putting the load in the washer and starting it, before he headed right back up the stairs, him not feeling right about leaving her alone for long. It must have been a sixth sense that drove him to work so quickly because no sooner that he walked in the apartment door he heard Penny's cry, 'Leonard, help me!'


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Leonard ran to the bathroom door, "Penny are you okay."

Penny was in tears, "I fell, please help me."

Leonard's concern for her now took priority over everything, making him walk into the bathroom without hesitation, to find Penny in the tub crossways with the shower curtain and shower rod on top of her. Adding to that scene was that the water was still running and about to overflow the tub, so Leonard first turned it off while he kneeled down along side her to try and help. "Penny are you hurt? Did you break anything or cut yourself?"

Penny shook her head as the tears continued to come down her cheeks, "I slipped and tried to grab the curtain and everything came down, and I hit the wall then I hit my leg and I didn't know what to do and I was scared and I'm sorry and…" she was starting to cry again before she could finish. If this had happened to Penny a couple months before she would have been able to remove the curtain and rod from on top of her, but she was beyond helpless and needy now so in her mind she believed she couldn't help herself.

"You sure you're not hurt." Leonard asked in concern again.

Penny shook her head again and between sniffling replied, "I don't think so."

Leonard let out a sigh or relief then lifted the curtain and shower rod off her, the rod was just a tension rod so nothing was broken and the curtain wasn't ever ripped, so he put them to the side. "Okay, that stuff is off you, why don't we get you straight in the tub, okay." he got up on his knees, beside the tub, reaching his hands and arms down towards her, which allowed her to quickly pulled herself towards him, and with her now loosely in his arms he got her moved until she was oriented the right way in the tub.

However now that she was positioned properly in the tub, she pulled him closer to her until she could put her head on his shoulder and wrap her arms around his neck. Leonard now found himself leaning over the tub full of Penny and bubbles holding her, her still whimpering which worried him, so in almost a whisper he asked, "Are you sure you are okay?"

In Penny's mind, Leonard, her white knight and had just saved her again, it didn't matter that the whole incident was just a minor slip in the tub by her, she had felt stunned and scared till he came in to rescue her. It made her now feel helpless without him, so the thought of him leaving her alone at the moment was completely unbearable to her, "Please don't leave me." she whispered back to him.

Leonard didn't know how to answer, helping her was one thing, but staying there while she bathed was something else. She had been covered by bubbles when he came in and even now the bubbles covered her, but if he stayed he knew some of those bubbles would dissolve. Also, she would probably expose some of herself if she washed, and Leonard was now very aware she was naked under her protective layer of bubbles. "Penny are you sure you want me to stay?" he finally said to her.

"Please Leonard."

Leonard kept telling himself he was doing this for her, she was pleading with him and he promised to take care of her, but it still didn't seem right. "Okay."

It was of course awkward, but after a few minutes Leonard just accepted it and told himself his being there with her was because he was helping her, not because she was naked. So when Leonard washed her back for her and she had leaned over the side of the tub to put her head on his shoulder, so he had better access to her back, he kept repeating to himself that he was just being with her to help. However, they stayed like that for several minutes as he kept running the wash cloth over her back and she never made any movement to even hint she wanted him to stop. So it ended up that he had to consciously stop himself from continuously washing her back otherwise he felt they both may have stayed like that for much longer, but even though he stopped, she didn't take her head off his shoulder.

"Penny, I really think you need to wash the rest of you, yourself." he finally said to her after several more minutes passed by.

"Okay." she whispered her head still on his shoulder her mouth facing his neck.

Therefore it was several minutes later he sat with his back against the tub while she washed her more private areas, but after that he did help her wash her hair, happy she covered her breasts with her arm as he rinsed her hair off. Leonard also dried her back when she got out, his eyes closed the whole time until she had dried her other areas and got her robe back on. Then Leonard purposely took the hair dryer and dried her hair, he did not want her to get cold and sick again, so took special care to make sure she got dry and stayed warm. Penny just standing there quietly while he helped her with everything, staring at him by way of the mirror the whole time until he was done.

Leonard had no sooner turned the hair driver off and put it down when Penny turned to him. "Thank you, Leonard." she softly told him, now looking directly into his eyes, then she took a timid step towards him, and seeing him not back away, she put her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder.

Leonard didn't even think about it, he just put his arms around her and pulled her tight to him, holding her just seemed the right thing to do at the moment. "Are you feeling okay now." he whispered to her and got a little nod and soft 'Yes' from her.

Penny was actually tired now, the bathtub crisis and then the warm bath zapping all her strength and all she wanted was to lay with Leonard again, especially now that he was holding her, she just wanted to touch him and feel him against her. Those feelings making her snuggle herself more into his arms, her head completely on his shoulder with her lips pushed against his neck, desperately trying to keep herself from kissing him. Penny had made herself completely dependent on him now and she wanted him to take her as his, she wanted to be held and cuddle, kissed and even made love to by him, she needed the security of him claiming her.

Over the last 24 hours, it had become normal for them to just hold each other, so again they stayed in the bathroom a while, standing there in each others arms. And again, it was Leonard who had to end it, when he felt Penny was not going to move anytime soon, but now he knew to be much more careful with her so he didn't give her any indication he was trying to push her away. "Penny are you still tired, do you still want to go to bed and get some rest?"

Penny didn't want to move, but she also a little tired and did want to lay in bed with Leonard so she nodded, "Okay."

Again she had to force herself off of him, but thinking she would be laying next to him made it bearable for her. So it was only a minute later they were in Leonard's bedroom, Penny looking at the bed and then at him, "Leonard would you sleep with me?" She was so needy now that begging him came easy for her.

"Okay, but I have to go downstairs and put the clothes in the dryer first." he tried to sound casual to her, not wanting to do anything to upset her.

Penny swallowed, she didn't want him to leave, even though she had been with him almost constantly for 24 hours now, it was hard for her to even consider not being near him for a few minutes, but she had no choice. "You'll come right back?" again it wasn't just a question, she was begging him.

"I promise, I will only be gone a couple minutes, okay." he then watched as she slowly nodded her head, the expression of her face like that of a rejected puppy. It bothered Leonard to see her like that, "Penny, I'll be right back before you know it." he added while reaching over to rub both her arms over the sleeves of her robe. It seemed to help as he felt her relax a little and he had to force himself not to take her into his arms again.

Leonard's touch on Penny's arms felt so good to her that she just nodded again, and mumbled "Okay."

Leonard repeated 'Okay' then took his hands off her arms, turned and was out the door, leaving Penny just standing their alone. A just like that, a sudden feeling of anxiety seemed to take hold of her, trying to push her to follow him, but instead she just started to feel scared again and incredibly alone. So without even thinking she took off her robe and got under the covers of the bed, actually putting her knuckle in her mouth and biting it to keep herself from crying. All she wanted was Leonard, all she wanted was to be held by him, it was like she couldn't live without him anymore and with those thoughts filling her mind, it didn't even register to her that she was naked under the covers or what Leonard would think when he found her like that.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Leonard wasn't really thinking about much except getting their clothes transferred to the dryer and then getting back up to Penny, when he headed down the stairs to the laundry. He was both concerned about her but at the same time a little excited about being there for her, and then there was of course that he was falling for her which made him want to take care of her even more. Actually she had been the most important thing in his mind since he had seen her that first evening, she made him feel needed and that made him feel good, so good he was actually not thinking things through. So just like he told her, he was back only a few minutes after he left, to find her in bed, under the covers, her eyes locking on him, watching him, as he came back in the bedroom. By now Leonard knew what she wanted, she had actually told him before he left, so in his current mindset he did it without question and just got on bed with her. Then, without hesitation and because he had convinced himself he was helping her, he just faced her in the bed and took her blanket covered body in his arms.

Even after Leonard took her into his arms, Penny wanted to get closer, she needed to be his so he would take care of her and even though his arms were now around her, offering her the security she wanted, she needed more. They were face to face, Leonard holding the bundle that was Penny and her blankets close to him, when Penny brought her arms out from under the covers to wrap around Leonard's neck so she could put her head next to his. Again Leonard knew what she wanted, so he moved to get himself partially under the covers and on his back, so she could lay on him. No sooner settling himself when Penny pulled herself up on his chest, her head next to and just below his, as she nuzzled herself close to him, the desire to be closer driving her every move.

Penny had gone past the point of no return already, she had fixated in her mind that she needed to have Leonard to survive, there was no other option for her. So in another move she pulled herself till her head was next to his, the blanket now falling below her shoulders, exposing her bare back, but allowing her to put her face close to his. In her mind she was his, she loved and wanted to have this man claim her, so she now kissed his neck, then buried her face there, kissing him again as the words she was thinking escaped her mouth, "I love you Leonard."

Leonard was already stunned by the kisses, the 'I love you' almost putting him in shock, but as he looked down at her, he now saw her bare back and side of her bare breast letting him know she was naked. It was the sight of her being nude in bed with him that finally made Leonard know something was really wrong and dissolved any illusion that Leonard had that he was helping her. He now knew she needed help of a different kind than he was providing and he remembered how just a couple days before, after he took her in, she had hinted to them she would do anything to stay. It now made Leonard feel dirty, this beautiful young woman was ready to sleep with him just to have a roof over her head and food, he couldn't help feel it was because of him she had gotten this way.

However there was also something else Leonard remembered, he couldn't just reject her because if he rejected her she got very depressed, and it worried him when she got that upset, her eyes looking so hopeless that he became concerned what she would do. That made things, in that moment, much more difficult but he still knew he had to do something, the current situation couldn't go on and he blamed himself for letting even get this far. So he began to concentrate on a way to let her know she was safe and not being rejected, while letting her understand that the way she was acting now needed to stop, his thinking distraction even more making him vulnerable for what was to happen next.

Penny's mind was locked on only one thing, she desperately wanted Leonard to want her, so if she had any inhibitions before they were now gone, to her Leonard was her man and she loved him. Penny had always been a very affectionate person all her life, so now all that affectionate was directed at Leonard, a deep need forming in her to take the next step with him, for them to join and bind themselves to each other. It was that drive in Penny that made her put a few more kisses on his neck, before in one fluid motion, she lifted herself up and brought her lips to Leonard's.

It happened so fast Leonard was taken by complete surprise, one second he was trying to figure out how to reject her advances without her feeling rejected, when suddenly her face of over his and her lips on his. He seemed frozen in place with the shock, so frozen he even stopped breathing, now more confused that he had been before. However that shock quickly turned to a healthy dose of reality as Leonard felt Penny's mouth now slightly open and her tongue touch his lips, that new stimulus causing almost panic in him and his lack of breathing making him now react. With a surge of adrenaline, fueled by this unnerving situation, Leonard put his hands on Penny's shoulders and lifted her off him, to place her back on the bed, while he scooted away from her, gasping for breath.

Penny had been completely taken by surprise as she now found herself on the other side of the bed from Leonard after she had told him she loved him. Her confused brain coming to only one conclusion, Leonard didn't want her, and as that thought went through her now stunned mind it became magnified to become 'Leonard hated her'. It was too much for her to handle, as everything seemed to close in on her, she felt her life was over, there was nothing left for her and for the second time since she had been there she wanted it all to end now. There was nothing she could do, she couldn't even get herself to move, she was almost catatonic, the only thing that seemed to work on her anymore was her eyes as she stared at Leonard, the man she wanted more than anything or anyone in the world.

Leonard caught his breath after a few seconds and then stared at Penny, her wide eyes now emitting tears that dripped down her cheeks as her bottom lip trembled. This was not what he wanted, he didn't want to hurt her for any reason, so seeing her like this was almost as painful to him as it was to her. He knew he needed to fix this, he couldn't let her get as bad as she was before, he needed to reassure her immediately. So even after all that had happened, Leonard knew he had to do this, as he scooted over the distance between them and scooped Penny into his arms, it was actually simple to do since she was almost limp and offered no resistance.

Leonard also knew he needed to console her quick, so without much thought he told her how he actually felt, "Penny, I care for you a great deal and I promise to take care of you. Pleases understand that I'm here for you and will always be, I promise you have a place with me for as long as you want. Penny, I want you here, I care about you and I do not want you to leave." then to himself Leonard whispered, "the problem is I want you too much." Leonard then became quiet as he held her trembling body against his.

It was hard for Penny to maintain her extreme despair while in Leonard's arms, his warmth and the security of him holding her, warming her and making her feel better in spite of the fear she felt. It was that same comfort she felt before with him, and it made that same feeling come back to her that she would always be safe in his arms. His words also started to take away her fear, he told her he wanted her, it was what she wanted, him to want her, and although she was still scared, she trusted him. His words and being in his grasp also made her slowly relax in his arms as her body melted against his, the adrenaline in her body all used up now as a sense of being extremely tired quickly followed it. Penny's arms came up now and wrapped around Leonard's neck, her body flat against his and her head against his as it rested on his shoulder, it was exactly where she wanted to be. In Penny's mind she was his now, her stressed tired mind was completely incapable of resisting anything that could happen next, Leonard could take her now and she would not resist, in fact she would probably welcome it, because in her mind she also loved him.

However Leonard just held her, her relaxing into him encouraging him to just continue holding her to calm her down, it also gave him more time to think. He was desperate to know what to do next, he now was sure that the angel he was holding was seriously broken, broken in a way he couldn't fix and he now knew he needed help. He was thinking hard about that help when he noticed Penny's grip on him relax even more and actually felt her breathing steady out indicating she was asleep. So he gave her a couple more minutes in his arms before he ever so gently separated them and laid her in the bed, covering her, then climbing out and watching to see if she stayed asleep.

Leonard just stood there for a little while in the bedroom looking down on Penny sleeping, again amazed how angelic and peaceful she looked sleeping there, his deepest wish to just make things better for her. But the more he thought about it, it did not seem that he was doing a good job of it and instead, everything he had done so far just seemed to make everything get more out of control. He then considered everything that happened since he had taken her in and he realized that she seemed be scared half the time she was there and the other half he didn't know what she was feeling or thinking. However he did know she did not seem really happy and it made him wonder if staying there had been really mentally healthy for her. It made him again think she needed more help than he could give her and that thought made him remember something, a favor he never collected.

Leonard left the bedroom and a sleeping Penny, to go to the living room and grab his phone, then headed down the stairs to get the laundry he left there. Leaving the apartment would allow him to talk without waking Penny, so he was no sooner in the laundry room when he selected a number he hadn't used in a while from his contact list. He was extremely nervous, but he wanted to help Penny so he just waited till the other person answered 'hello' then quickly asked, "Hello Gloria, this is Leonard Hofstadter, do you have a minute to talk?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Gloria paused for a second, the strong familiarity of the voice coming back to her first before his saying his name registered in her brain. "Leonard is that really you?"

Leonard nodded but then realized she couldn't see him, "Yes it's me."

"It has been a while, at least a year since Steve and I have seen you last, how are you doing?" she asked, surprised by the call but still wondering how her and her husbands old friend was doing.

"Okay, I guess…..Well I do have a problem and I really hate to ask, but I need your help and you once said if I ever needed anything….." Leonard was a little ashamed to ask for a favor, and was about to say never mind, he was sorry for bothering her.

"Of course Leonard, how can I help." Gloria told him, she was indebted to Leonard in more ways than she could imagine, he had actually been responsible for her and her husband being together, he was a good friend even though they hadn't seen him in a while.

Leonard took in a deep breath, Dr Steiner was a clinic psychologist, professor at the University, and had several years of private practice experience, he knew if anyone could give him advice about Penny, it was her. "Well you see there is this girl…" Leonard explained for the next 20 minutes about Penny.

After listening to Leonard till he was done, and noticing his emotion, plus the sense of concern for this young woman in his voice, it made Gloria wonder if she should be completely honest with him or not. She had known Leonard for several years, she had began at Cal Tech with him at the same time, she also knew Leonard enough to know he was terribly insecure and wore his emotions on his sleeve, but he was also a good friend. So Gloria wanted to be completely honest, with him. "You care for her don't you?"

Leonard swallowed, "Yes, but I didn't do anything to her, I promise."

Gloria chuckled, "I know you didn't Leonard, you don't have to defend yourself."

Leonard sighed, "Sorry, it is just, I just feel partly to blame."

"You are a little, but it is nothing you could have done anything about. She needed help and you helped her, the only way this sounds like it could have not happened is if you left her there and it doesn't sound like that was an option, was it?" Gloria tried to comfort him, it was true what she was telling him too.

"She would have froze and maybe…" Leonard didn't want to think about it.

Gloria smiled to herself, Leonard was the kindest most gentle man she had ever know and had more empathy than ten people, it was part of the reason he could put up with that roommate of his for so long. "Leonard, it sounds like she has a dependency on you because you rescued her, which you did, and she has made herself need you." Gloria explained, "She needs professional help."

"I want to get her help, that is why I called you." Leonard responded

Now Gloria understood what Leonard wanted, "You know I can't treat her, I'm not in practice anymore, but if you want I'll talk to her and tell you how bad she is and then I can recommend some paths you can follow with her."

Gloria's words were such a relief to Leonard he wished he could hug her, "That would be so great, I really need help here." then he thought for a second, "When could we get together?" he hoped soon.

"I can come over after supper." Gloria suggested.

"Really! You can come tonight?" Leonard was totally surprised.

Gloria chuckled again, "Yeah, Steve is going to a sports bar to watch some soccer match with his guy friends, some male bonding stuff, so actually I was just planning to vegetate out and watch TV tonight, but your problem sounds much more interesting than TV, so yes tonight."

"Gloria, I don't know how I can thank you." this was much better than Leonard had imagined, he could get help for Penny tonight.

"No problem Leonard. You still live with Cooper, right?" she asked

"Yes, same place." Leonard responded.

"You know you need to let me talk to you about that some time." Gloria hinted.

It was now time for Leonard to chuckle, "Maybe sometime. What time should I expect you?"

"I'll plan on getting there about 7 PM, okay."

"Okay, and thanks again, this means a lot to me." Leonard said sincerely.

Gloria smiled, "It is really no trouble at all Leonard, I'll see you then, bye."

"Bye." Leonard then hung up. He then looked at the time, it was almost 3 PM, so he decided to go back to the bedroom, so Penny didn't wake up alone because he wanted her in a good mood when he asked her to talk to Dr Steiner.

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Leonard took a quick shower and put on some sweats, he didn't want to put on pajamas and get in bed with Penny after what happened earlier, but he still didn't want to lay with her in his jeans, like he was ready to leave her. He then went back to the bedroom carrying a set of Penny's now clean pajamas and panties with him, hoping she was still asleep, the thought of what she would feel if she woke up alone worrying him. But it seemed that she had been much more tired than he thought, because he found her gently snoring where he left her, and as he stood there watching her, he again thought of how much like an angel she looked when she innocently slept.

Leonard just stood there and watched her for a few minutes before carefully getting back on the bed and easing himself towards her, not even thinking about getting under the covers, where she was nude. He was almost against her when he stopped being so careful and for the second time that day took an armful of Penny and blankets into his arms to pull close to him. It was then Penny made a moaning sound and rotated in his arms until she had turned herself to face him her head moving towards his chest. So Leonard now laid back as she put her head on his chest and her arm around him, her eyes never opening the whole time. There was another adorable little moan from her before she stopped moving and relaxed on him, her breathing shallow and regular. Leonard then just laid there looking down at her for a few moments, bringing his hand up to gently touch her hair, he just wanted to protect her forever and knowing that was impossible a sad sigh escaped his lips. So he went back to considering his current situation, pulling the covers up over Penny's back till only her head and the part of her arm over him were visible. And once he had things situated he noticed how everything now seemed so peaceful, Penny against him making him feel relaxed himself, so relaxed he just closed his eyes and eventually let sleep take him.

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It was about 5:30 PM when Leonard woke back up, not having moved an inch from his place in the bed and immediately noticing Penny was still laying in her same place too. However, Penny's breathing and slight movement of her arm over him told Leonard she was awake, "Penny did you sleep well." The only answer he got was a slight nodding of the blonde head on his chest, which again worried him since her not talking could mean she was upset again.

"Penny can you do me a favor." Again he got the head nod.

He reached over to the night stand where he put her pajamas and panties, picked them up and brought them over until they were about a foot in front of Penny's face. "Penny would you put these on?" This time there was no nod, there was nothing at all.

Leonard brought the arm up that was behind her and ran his fingers through her hair, almost immediately he could feel her push her head against his hand, inviting him to touch her. Leonard kept running his fingers through her hair, gently grazing her ear and neck, hoping this more innocent intimate touching would satisfy her, from wanting anything more sexual, and keep her from getting upset. It must have worked, for after a few minutes, Penny took her panties and pajamas from him, slipped them under the blankets, then put them on.

Penny lifted herself up after putting her pajamas on, so Leonard took that opportunity to sit on the bed, which then seemed to make her move to a sitting position facing him too. They sat there and looked at each other for a short time, saying nothing, until Leonard decided they needed to start talking, but again he also knew he had to be careful what he said to not get her upset. Therefore Leonard decided to touch her, she seemed to respond well when he did that before, so he gave her a small smile then reached over and took her hands in his. She first seemed surprised but then her hands gripped his hands tightly after that surprise had past.

"Penny I care for you. You know that don't you?" he now said to her.

"Yes" she whispered, Leonard holding her hands was comforting to her and she didn't want it to end so she would agree with anything he said to keep in contact with him.

"Penny because I care for you, I want you to feel better. You understand that when people care for each other they want the other person to be happy." Leonard again gave her a little smile.

Penny nodded and again whispered "Yes"

"Penny it makes me unhappy to see you so sad all the time." Leonard looked directly into her eyes when he said that.

Penny suddenly became more animate and upset, "I'll be happy Leonard, I promise I'll be happy from now on." she quickly said, a very forced smile now covering her lips.

It was not what Leonard had wanted, her being more stressed trying to force herself to be happy for him. He sighed and knew he had to do the only thing that always seemed to work with her, so he pulled her hands until he pulled her next to him, again her offering no resistance, then he took her into his arms and pulled her close to him. He immediately felt her arms go around his neck as she pulled herself the rest of the way until she was tight against him. Though there was something different this time, her face was turned to his face and her lips against his neck, him feeling her give him a slight kiss as soon as their skin touched. He would have done something right then but there was only one soft kiss and she didn't do it again, instead she just held herself close to him.

Leonard held her for he figured about 10 minutes before he began to speak again. "Penny would you do me a favor? It is very important to me." He felt her head nod then a whispered 'Yes' from her. He didn't know she was just agreeing to stay close to him.

"Penny, I have a friend coming over in a couple hours and I need you to talk to her. Could you please do that for me?" Leonard then waited, but nothing happened.

Leonard again got concerned, "Penny please. She is a doctor and a good friend, please tell me you will talk to her. I promise she will not hurt you." again Penny did nothing. He had now idea what was going on in her mind, Penny wanted to say 'No' but she was afraid to say anything but 'Yes' so she just froze up and said nothing.

Leonard sighed, then brought his arm up to rub her back, feeling her relax like he expected. He needed to try something else, "Penny, tell me what you want. Tell me what you want from me, I need to know."

That feeling of Penny relaxing went suddenly away and Leonard felt her breathing increase, but still no words from her. It made Leonard feel like she was hiding from his questions, so he grabbed her sides and pushed her off of him, but not very far, they were looking directly at each now but their faces were only about a foot away. "Penny tell me what you want from me." Leonard said a little more sternly.

Leonard staring at her made Penny want to cry, his eyes so intense it almost felt like it hurt. She did not like what he was asking and did not want to answer, but the real answer was that she wanted him to want her, take care of her and be with her forever. She was still afraid of telling him 'No', afraid she would upset him and that would lead to him turning her away, so Penny just sat there staring back at him afraid to speak.

Leonard was so helplessly frustrated now, it was making his head hurt, nothing he did seemed to get through to her, she acted like she was terrified to do anything. He was even thinking his reaction to her earlier had somehow scared her even more and now making her fail to act to anything even simple. The hugs seemed to be the only thing she truly appreciated but even now he was losing the ability to get her to respond with those too. He closed his eyes, there was only one thing else he could think to do, something he knew that would probably make him hate himself afterward, but he didn't see any other choice, he had to get through to her, and it seemed to be something she wanted before.

Leonard open his eyes to look directly into hers, then took his hands off her sides and moved them to sides of her face, gently rubbing his thumbs near her scalp and ears, watching as her eyelids got heavy telling him she was relaxing. He also noted her eyes seemed to blacker while he held her and just caressed her face, he desperately tried to think of anything he could do other than what he was planning next, but to no avail, so while still holding her he brought his lips to hers and kissed her. She didn't move for a second, then suddenly her arms went around his neck and her lips crushed into his as she returned the kiss. Before Leonard could do anything else to control the situation, Penny was in his lap, her body against his, her tongue against his lips begging for entrance.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Penny had been surprised when Leonard kissed her, but she quickly recovered, even jumped at the opportunity to now kiss him back. Her mind rapidly changing it's focus to Leonard, everything before this moment now forgotten, even Leonard's previous rejection of her not even reregistering anymore. She was now totally fixated on loving Leonard, the feel of his lips touching hers and him actually kissing her, making her think her previous wish had come true, that Leonard was taking her and making her his. That was all she had wanted from the beginning and what exactly she thought was happening now, and with that thought came the joyous feeling that she was safe, he would take care of her from now on. She now felt she was his in both body and soul, because with her deep dependency she loved him beyond reason and she would let him do anything he wanted with her, she trusted him so completely.

Those feelings of belonging to him, were soon joined with the physical sensations Penny was now experiencing that were also beginning to cloud her thoughts. Penny had not been with a man for a while so now being held and kissed by a man she thought she loved was exhilarating to her. Leonard's warm body against her, his intoxicating smell, the softness of his curly hair as she now began to run her fingers through it, and his lips, his exquisite lips, were something she was suddenly very aware of and she couldn't get enough of. Penny had been always a loving person, so as she now believed she was in love, a form of natural response took over her, Leonard's kiss igniting it in her, it had been something she wanted and now she physically wanted it all.

Leonard however, was becoming overwhelmed from all that what was going on, Penny was extremely passionate and the way she was escalating this encounter with him was making him think that he opened a Pandora's box and now wasn't sure exactly how to properly close it. His mind kept repeating to him 'maintain control' as he reluctantly allowed Penny to have what she started before, his original thinking that if he just gave into her a little, she would agree to talk with Gloria in return. However there was one problem now, he cared deeply for Penny, she had entrenched herself deeply in his heart over the last few days she had been there, so her loving on him made part of him want to just love her back. So it took all of that amazing brain, he was born with, to remind him that she was sick, she was acting on a physiological dependency like Gloria had told him on the phone, it wasn't true love, she wasn't capable of true love right now.

Nevertheless to Penny it was love, deep love that allowed lovers to share each other, please each other, and not have any barriers between them. This was the way Penny had always responded to her lover, she gave herself totally to the man she loved and that man was now Leonard. He had been sitting in front of her when this all started so now she was in is lap, facing him, her legs on each side of him, as she pressed herself against him. Although he had not granted her access to his mouth and tongue, Leonard's lips were incredibly soft and kissing him was really amazing, lighting a fire in her belly that was driving her to be even more affectionate to him. There was also the physical sensations, the only thing separating Penny's body from Leonard being her soft thin pajamas, so as Penny kissed him, her body started to naturally move against his in sexual stimulation, and she started to become more excited.

Penny wasn't able to help herself, the pleasure of now sharing herself with Leonard had made her mind ignore everything bad that had happened and substituted the good feelings that were now consuming her. She just wanted to submit to those feelings that were flowing through her, because of her physical contact with Leonard, the pleasure of what was happening preferred by her subconscious over the pain and angst that had been her constant companion before. Her mind was focusing on one thing, whenever felt good was good, and touching Leonard was good, really good. So she gave in, unconsciously backing her chest very slightly away from his so now as the fabric of her pajamas dragged across Leonard's chest, in her movements, it cause the fabric to brush against her swollen hard nipples, sending even more of the desired sensual sensations through her body. It also made other parts of her body start to react as hundreds of thousands of years of instinct combined with the feeling she was now experiencing took over, her hips starting to now grind into Leonard's lap with abandonment.

Penny also started to reflexively rub herself in Leonard's lap, that resulting in her rubbing her center against him through her pajamas which pumped even new intense sensations to one of her most erogenous zones of her body. She was quickly loosing herself in her loving of Leonard and as she let more of herself go to that happy place where it was just her and Leonard, she began to press herself even harder against him. Her desires where now driving her actions and those actions were providing sensations that fueled her desires even more, she was climbing a mountain of sexual sensations and all she wanted to go was go higher.

Leonard was of course now even more overwhelmed with what was happening, if that was possible, and it took it a few minutes to finally admit to himself that Penny was basically dry humping him. So he knew he needed to stop her, but he didn't know it was already too late, as Penny suddenly stiffened, then spasmed before finally collapsing against him, her head finally resting against his, moaning sounds coming from her as her body still slightly trembled. Leonard didn't understand at first that Penny was physically and more importantly emotionally drained, the simple action of what she just went through with Leonard, had driven all thoughts of anything but him out of her mind, so when her release came she was truly the most relaxed she had been in very many weeks. Naive Leonard just did what he always did, when she seemed to need him, held her limp body against him, as she came down from her high, it taking several minutes before he finally realized how vulnerable she was probably to now at being coaxed into seeing Dr Stein.

"Penny, do you feel okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah." she answered quietly but with a satisfied tone in her voice, her still experiencing the euphoria of what happened, her mind still not clear enough to remind her of her old problems. She actually felt so content right then she turned her face to Leonard's neck and kissed it then whispering "I love you."

For Leonard, it was hard to hear her say those three words to him, because he knew that they were coming from a damaged angel who had a unhealthy dependency on him, like Gloria confirmed to him. He forced himself to understand that what just happened was a little more than an dream, she was not his girlfriend and she would be gone when she got better. But those words she said did give him an in to her mind right now so he decided to take advantage of that so he could really help her, "I love you too."

Leonard felt Penny pull herself closer to him as another kiss went to his neck, her response letting him know he had her full attention. "Penny because I love you, it makes me sad to see you sad and hurting."

Leonard now felt Penny stiffen up, the next words from her coming out in a whisper, "I'm sorry."

Leonard hugged her harder, "Penny you have nothing to be sorry about, it is not your fault, I know that and love you."

Leonard then felt her hug him tighter. "I love you." coming from her, again.

Leonard knew it was now time to ask her. "Penny so will you talk to my friend Gloria, so you will be happy again…for us?"

A couple seconds went by before Leonard felt Penny's head nod on his shoulder and then a whispered 'Yes'. Although he was happy with her response, he still kept holding her tight and after about a minute he felt the warm liquid against his skin that wet his sweatshirt. It didn't take a genius to understand they were Penny's tears and that she was crying, so he just continued to hold her as tight as he could without hurting her, hoping it would calm her to know she was cared for and that he wouldn't let anyone hurt her, ever, as long as she was with him.

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It was over an hour later Leonard and Penny were finishing up a quick dinner Leonard had prepared for them, something simple, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Leonard was concerned about her not eating much that day, holding her only reminding him how skinny she was and motivating him to get her to eat. Penny's downing of two sandwiches and a big bowl of soup, making Leonard feel better about her eating and making him feel better about her mental state since her appetite seemed to still be present. It was also another way he could help her, a way that wouldn't make him feel guilty after he did, like what happened in the bedroom.

However, Leonard now knew how mentally damaged she was, and it made her dependent actions around him become more apparent, her clinginess very evident to him now. Penny had remained close to him after he convinced her to leave the bedroom and get some dinner, she had even stayed on one of the kitchen stools the whole time he had prepared their meal. She had also started to touch him, grazing his arm with her hand or putting her hand on his when he put it on the kitchen island table top. Even now, as they sat for a few minutes after eating, she was leaning against him, her closeness and touch making Leonard feel sorry for her and the neediness she was displaying. So Leonard just put his arm around her, not surprised that she immediately put her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist as she pulled herself closer to him. He wanted to feel bad about being so intimate with her, but he knew she wanted this and he couldn't help the need to hold her either, he did care for her and doing something to comfort her made him feel good too.

Penny snuggled up to Leonard, a warmth and happiness in her now that she was under his arm, as she pressed herself close to him, again that safe feeling encompassing her. In the bedroom, a couple of hours ago, Leonard seemed to accept her offer to claim her, but there was one thing still nagging at her, all the men she had ever known would have also had sex with her. Leonard not doing that made her worrying start again and over the last hour she had rationalized there was something wrong with her, something that Leonard found off putting. That worry was eating at her and the thought that it might somehow change what she and Leonard had now was too much for her. "Leonard, I'm sorry I'm not pretty."

Leonard's eyes went wide and he turned his head to her, "Penny why would you say that?"

"My hair is short, my clothes are not sexy and I don't have any makeup. I can look prettier for you if you give me a chance." she pleaded to him in way of an explanation, she was convinced her looks were Leonard's problem with her.

Leonard had heard enough, he turned in his seat and took her head off his shoulder, putting both hands on each side of her head and holding it a few inches from his face his eyes looking directly in hers. "Penny you are beautiful, you don't need nothing to be pretty, you are already pretty."

Penny's eyes were getting wet, Leonard's words going right to her heart, but they also confused her, if her looks weren't a problem, what was? "Then why don't you like me…..physically?"

Leonard gave her a small smile, "Of course I like you, I want to help and protect you, would someone do that for someone they didn't like?"

"No." Penny whispered, but now again her question had not been answered. "Leonard then why don't you want to love me?" she finally asked in desperation.

Leonard was now at a loss for words, he was really hoping this wouldn't come up and Gloria's visit would fix things. His mind now thinking about Gloria fixing things and in that idea he found his answer to her. "Penny, I want you to talk to my friend Gloria, before we talk about that okay, but Penny there is nothing wrong with you, nothing at all, I just want you to talk to Gloria before we discuss something like that."

Penny nodded and whispered 'okay'.

Luckily knocking on the door saved Leonard from having to explain more to Penny. "I think that is Gloria now, I'm going to let her in, okay." Penny nodded and Leonard got up and went to the apartment door.

Gloria smiled when she saw Leonard, warm thoughts of their friendship coming back to her and making her happy inside. "Leonard it is so good to see you." She then took a step towards him to give him a hug.

Leonard was so relieved to see Gloria, but her motion to hug him made him worry what Penny would think, he knew she was watching him closely, from observing her before, and he didn't want to do anything to upset her. So Leonard slightly shook his head while looking Gloria in the eyes, happy to see her blink once and then stop her approach, instead holding out her hand to shake his. "Thank you for coming Gloria. Please come in."

Gloria walked in the door and immediately saw the girl Leonard told her about, the young woman's eyes locked on Leonard, those eyes full of worry and concern Seeing that only validating her original assumption that the young woman had developed a dependency on Leonard and she would need some sort of professional help if she was to get better. Gloria knew she wanted to help her friend Leonard and that tonight was important to doing that, so deciding not to waste time she walked up to the young woman and extended her hand. "Hi, I'm Gloria, Leonard's friend."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Penny stared at first at Gloria and then looked at her hand, her mind trying to deal with what was happening at that moment, while also trying to understand what it all would mean to her. The major thing that was bothering her though was that she didn't like having another woman around Leonard, especially one that was nice looking and about his age, she felt that Leonard had bonded with her, so he was hers and she was never good at sharing. This jealousy would have been bad enough in a normal mindset, but then her thoughts about her survival returned making her wonder if this other woman's presence meant that Leonard wouldn't want her anymore and would result in her out in the cold again, alone. The thought of being put outside again was scary to her, but being there alone without Leonard was something she couldn't bare, she needed him so badly, so turning quickly from Gloria to lock eyes with him. "Leonard?" she pleaded.

To Gloria, it was obvious that her presence scared the young woman, but the plea for Leonard was almost pitiful, making Gloria suddenly feel badly for the young woman. Gloria's first impression was that this young woman was really bad off and Gloria immediately thought she definitely would need professional help, a lot more help that she could give her that night. The desperate look on the young woman's face actually made Gloria want to hug her, and although she logically knew that since she had not treated people for a while she had lost some of her clinical professionalism, this woman still really got to her. Gloria turned her head to look at Leonard, she wanted to see how he was handling all that was happening, and she got another shock, Leonard's look towards the young woman was one of extreme compassion and…..maybe love. It made Gloria then quickly look back at the young woman and she now noticed a similar look, underneath all that fear on her face, and it was at that point Gloria realized on some level Leonard and this young woman had emotionally bonded.

Gloria had to force herself to mentally shake off those thoughts, she had promised Leonard she would help and she owed him to do just that, so she told herself to be professional. She knew from her discussion with Leonard that this woman had formed a dependency on him, one Gloria could actually see now, so she needed to confirm to the young woman that she was not going to damage her bond with Leonard if she was ever going to get the young woman's trust so she would talk to her. Gloria brought her hand down and stuck it in her jean's pocket along with her other hand, trying to display a casual relaxed image to the young woman. "Leonard and I have been friends for a long time. Leonard introduced me to my husband, the love of my life, and we are both friends with him."

Gloria knew she had gotten through to the young woman when her eyes turned back to Gloria and she saw those eyes now interested in what she was saying, so she continued. "So any friend of Leonard's, I would like to be also a friend to." Gloria again now took her hand out of her jean pocket and offered it to the young woman.

Penny looked at the outstretched hand a second time, the woman said she was Leonard's friend and she didn't want to make Leonard mad at her for being unfriendly to his friend, so Penny took the other woman's hand and lightly shook it. "I'm Penny."

Gloria smiled, this was a big step, so she returned the light handshake then quickly let go to not make Penny uncomfortable. "Like Leonard said, I'm Gloria. Leonard and I work at the same university, I teach and he does research. We met when we both started at Cal Tech at the same time." Gloria gave a little chuckle. "You can imagine, everything was so new, so we were both very nervous and since we were both in the same situation we became friends. That friendship has continued ever since and, like I said before, Leonard introduced me to Steve, and a year later he was one of our groomsmen at our wedding."

Penny glanced at Leonard then back at Gloria, "So you're work friends?"

Penny's simple obviously answered question was just what Gloria hoped for and she had to prevent herself from smiling, Penny had begun to talk. What Gloria did it was use a old technique to get a patient to talk, instead of talking directly about them you bring up a subject they are interested in and for Penny that was Leonard. Gloria nodded, "Yes work friends." Gloria then felt bad and turned to Leonard, "I'm sorry Leonard, we have been so busy with out lives lately, we haven't been much of friends the last year." she was sincerely sorry.

Leonard blinked, surprised that Gloria was now talking to him, he had been so concerned watching Penny that he didn't even notice Gloria turn her head to talk to him. "That's okay, you guys haven't been married two years yet, you need your time together."

Gloria did smile this time, it was hard not to love Leonard, she didn't think he had a mean bone in his body. It amazed her that after such a bad childhood he had, such a sweet man arose from those ashes of that childhood. To be honest, most children raised with no love turned out to have bad lives, a lot of times addicted to drugs or in the worst case becoming criminals and at rare times even serial killers, so for Leonard to turn out this way was truly remarkable. Gloria really believed it had to do with that incredible brain he was born with, he was the smartest genius she had ever met, that wasn't eccentric or plain crazy, like his roommate.

Gloria brought her thoughts back to the present, then let out a small sigh, "Still Leonard, you are a good friend and we are sorry we treated you like that. I promise we will be in contact more from now on."

Gloria watched as Leonard nodded shyly, before turning her attention back to Penny who seemed curious at what was happening. "He is a great guy, isn't he." she softly whispered to Penny so only she could hear.

Penny nodded, "Yes, that is why I love him." she whispered back.

Penny's remark surprised Gloria, she was happy Penny responded because it confirmed she was talking to her now, but for Penny to freely admit she loved Leonard, to basically a stranger, told Gloria that Penny was truly convinced it was true. Gloria now also saw that Penny was looking back at Leonard again, her face now changed from its previous curiosity to now one of adoration for the man she was looking at. Penny's distraction with Leonard made Gloria know she had to get her alone to talk to her, Leonard being there would not conducive for Penny talking to her about what was going on with her. What made that even more obvious is when Gloria turned her head to look at Leonard only to find his eyes locked on Penny's, Gloria knew they were somehow communicating something between them and if she was going to accomplish anything with Penny she had to separate her from him.

"Penny you know what I do, Leonard told you, right?" Gloria said to now break the trance Penny and Leonard where in.

Penny looked at her, "You are a shrink."

Gloria chuckled, "Yeah something like that."

Penny frowned, worry crossing her face, "Leonard wanted me to talk to you because…" she then stopped talking.

Gloria nodded, "Yes he wanted me to talk to you." she then leaned closer and whispered to Penny again. "I also want to talk to you about Leonard, I'm worried about him."

Penny's eyes got wide, "Leonard?" she whispered back.

Gloria nodded, "Will you talk to me about him." she whispered in response. This was another way to open her up, a girl to girl chat about a man one of them cared about deeply.

Penny sat there thinking for a second, she would do anything for Leonard and now she was worried about him, so he just looked at Gloria and nodded, "Yes" she whispered back.

Leonard watched the too woman whisper to each other, and even though he trusted Gloria explicitly he still couldn't not be curious about what they were saying to each other. He didn't even understand that Gloria had already picked up on, in the short time since she got there, that Leonard was super protective of Penny and he had real feelings for her. Leonard himself only told himself he didn't want to see Penny hurt, he was responsible for her so if she got hurt it was his fault. He had been trying so hard to suppress any stronger feelings for her, that he had no idea he had failed so badly and he too had become someone that Gloria knew she would have to treat.

"I would prefer if we talked about Leonard in another room. I hate whispering in front of him, it will make him feel bad." Gloria whispered to Penny.

Penny's eyes darted to Leonard then back to Gloria, worry now in them again. "I don't know." The thought of leaving Leonard scared her.

Gloria turned to Leonard, "Leonard could you leave us alone for a little while?"

Leonard suddenly felt awkward and like he shouldn't be there, getting nervous and looking for a way to leave. "Yeah….no problem….I can leave." he then looked for somewhere to go, first looking at the front door and then the hallway.

"We can use the bedroom." Penny blurted out. Seeing Leonard nervous like that broke her heart and in one unselfish loving moment she forced herself to overcome her own fears to help him.

Gloria looked at Penny trying to hide her surprise, for someone in her mental state what she just did was amazing, she had sacrificed for Leonard, stood up to her fears for him. It was actually astounding she would do something like that and it also meant they were even more strongly bonded than she had initially thought, which wasn't really good right now. "Okay, Leonard if you don't mind we will go to the bedroom." Gloria then immediately stood up and headed that way, gently taking Penny's shoulder to make her follow her, wanting to do it quickly before Penny got scared and changed her mind.

"Yeah, okay." Leonard managed to say before Gloria and Penny moved down the hallway to his bedroom. They were no sooner gone when Leonard felt the change, the living room seemed to gotten larger and emptier, it also became so quiet and seemed to drop ten degrees in temperature. Even though he had been alone most of his life, Leonard never felt as truly alone as at that moment and that horrible feeling seeded itself in him that everything that happened the last few days was suddenly coming to an end. That feeling was so crippling that he couldn't help himself as he put his head into his hands and just sat there, and for the first time wondered what had he done asking Gloria to come see Penny.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Leonard knew all the physics associated with time, time was something he understood very well, but it still didn't help how now it seemed to defy all his knowledge about it and move so slowly it broke every concept he knew. At least that was what his mind thought as he suffered through the excruciating awareness of time crawling slowly along while he waited for Gloria and Penny to return. Even though he knew all the old sayings, sayings about a watched pot or watching a clock, they seemed even now to be minor excuses for what he was experiencing, the almost complete stopping of time. It was so bad he felt he could feel each second as it passed, and at the same time with that, the sands of time slowly slipping away from him on how much time remained he would have with Penny.

He had sat on the couch, with his head in his hands it seemed forever, but when he looked at the clock only fifteen minutes had passed, making him only more distressed. He knew he needed to do something to get his mind off everything but the energy to move off the couch seemed lost to him and the despair he was feeling now was like a huge weight holding him down. It took everything he had to force himself up and even when he got himself standing he had no idea what to do, the apartment seeming more alien to him at that moment instead of being his home. So it was really without thinking he went to the kitchen, the only thing making him go that way was the need to move and go somewhere, instead of falling back down onto the couch and back into despair.

The kitchen actually helped, he started cleaning, cleaning everything he saw, cleaning like Sheldon would clean, anything to keep himself busy. He took all the dishes out of the dishwasher and cleaned them by hand, drying them then putting them away. He then cleaned the counters, disinfecting them like Sheldon was looking over his shoulder, making sure he got every place bacteria could hide and making sure not even a crumb was present anymore. He then checked the order and location of everything in the cabinets again making sure each item met Sheldon's diagrams for proper placement, before he emptied the refrigerator to clean it and then refill it again to Sheldon's specifications. It was only after he finished moping the floor that he stopped, suddenly realizing he had nothing more to do and then looked at the clock, two hours had passed and still they had not returned. It immediately made him feel incredibly alone again and he found himself just standing there, leaning on the mop, staring at nothing.

Fatigue soon engulfed Leonard, as he stood there, he had been stressed most of the day and working so hard in the kitchen finally used up all the strength he had left. It made him finally put the mop and bucket away and walk back to the couch to sit down, staring at the TV until his mind finally told him it was crazy to be looking at an off TV and he needed to turn it on. But even the thought of doing that seemed too much for Leonard as he just sat there his mind having trouble concentrating on anything but Penny and Gloria. So it was another ten minutes before Leonard turned the TV on, but even then he set the sound to mute, his mind barely registering the images on the screen without really paying attention to any of them as Leonard just sat there lost in his thoughts.

So it wasn't long till he slouched down in the couch against a pillow and closed his eyes, alone in his thoughts and all those thoughts about Penny. In his minds eye, he could see her looking at him, those doe eyes that pierced his heart the first night she sat in their apartment. He saw the desperation in her as she ate, she was like a scared animal, terribly hungry but ready to bolt at any thing that scared her, like Sheldon. He remembered how when she showered and put on his clean sweat suit, she looked so young and how he became concerned that she might be just a child. She seemed so innocent and he couldn't help but want to protect her, she was like an angel who fell from the sky and it was his job to make her safe. But then, no matter how hard he tried to not do it, he fell for her, he was actually ashamed every time he thought about that, she was hurting and he knew it, Gloria confirmed it, it was just the wrong thing for him to do and he knew it. But even knowing that and trying to force himself to not to get too involved with her, he knew it was going to kill him when she left, it would be like taking the sunshine away and with that last thought Leonard feel asleep on the couch.

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Gloria came down the hallway a little over three hours after she had left with Penny, she felt tired, not because she was sleepy tired by the late hour, but because she felt emotionally drained from all that had happened the last couple of hours. Gloria knew she was too personally involved in this whole situation, Leonard was too good a friend, and this girl, was way too attached to him, not in a creepy way, but in a way that was still unhealthy. Add to that, Gloria could see Leonard cared for her, it was more that his natural tendency to help people, there was something there between him and her, and after talking to Penny, Gloria couldn't be sure that under all that dependency there wasn't something really there growing between Penny and him. But that didn't really matter right now, Penny needed help and until she got that help, nothing would be right with her and nothing she did would be real, it would be just her dependency acting out.

It had taken almost an hour of talking about Leonard to get her to finally talk about herself, the first half of that time her barely answering and asking questions about him until she became fully involved and talked freely. Gloria then slipped some questions about the both of them, to start the transition from Leonard to her, eventually getting her to talk about herself, slow again at first but after about thirty minutes her talking freely again. It was then that Gloria realized how much Penny bottled up her pain and she could see how she couldn't hold it much longer, she had hit her limits and needed to let some of it out before she gave up and folded into herself. So once she started talking she told Gloria everything, it was like a dam broke and she had to let all that pain out.

Penny's story was heartbreaking and it made Gloria just want to hug her, the girl came to California to pursue a dream but instead was slowly ground down by her boyfriend and other men she met until she was thrown away to the street, broken and lost. Her boyfriend was the worst, tricking her with love, then using her for profit, making her feel like property instead of someone he cared about, destroying her innocence in a few short months. The men afterwards just treated her the way Kurt had trained her to expect, sex was just a way to make money, get food and have a roof over your head, it became something dirty, just something she had to do to live. She would have been still doing that if the world she was in didn't grow tired of her, she had become a pass around girl so as soon as she made all the rounds, nobody wanted her anymore.

Leonard literally saved her life, there was a good possibility she wouldn't have made it through that night or the next couple colder nights, but even if she did she would not have lasted much longer on the street. Leonard definitely had saved her life, but Gloria knew her soul was still lost, she had no self esteem anymore, every bit of confidence she came to California with was gone and she could barely function, it was so bad that if she kept sinking deeper she would probably not be able to even eat without someone telling her to do it, she was becoming so dependent. She needed help now, she needed to be pulled from the abyss before she got so deep she may never completely recover and Gloria knew that Leonard was going to be the key for her getting help.

Unfortunately for Leonard, Gloria knew there were only two possible solutions to the problem, one was extremely difficult, almost impossible, but did involve her staying with Leonard, the other would probably hurt him, but was the best solution for Penny. But Gloria knew Leonard would eventually go with the second choice, he would sacrifice his own feelings for her because that was the way he was and because he especially cared for her. The problem was while the second choice would help Penny, Gloria had no idea how bad it would hurt her friend and hurting her friend actually made Gloria herself hurt inside. Of course, she would be there for him, but it would still mean she would have to watch him suffer because of her, it almost made her want to forget the second choice, but she knew that would be wrong. She took an oath to help people and she knew Leonard would also want her to do the right thing, so she just steeled herself for the pain and walked from the hall to the living room and her friend.

Gloria knew he would be worried, so a small smile formed on her face when she saw him asleep, she knew rest was the best thing for people under stress, a little rest could help them see things clearer and could relieve some of their stress. So Gloria walked softly into the living room and sat in the chair next to the couch, not knowing how long Leonard had been sleeping but determined to give him another hour before she woke him. It was late but Gloria knew she couldn't leave till she talked to him and knew she wouldn't leave her friend without trying to help him, so she got out her phone to text her husband.

 **HONEY, I'M GOING TO BE HERE A COUPLE MORE HOURS. LEONARD IS REALLY IN A BAD SITUATION.**

She had told her husband where and why she went so she wasn't surprised by his response.

 **OK, HOW BAD IS IT?**

Even though he was her husband, she couldn't tell him exactly what was happening, she still was a doctor and Leonard and Penny's privacy was still something she would always respect.

 **SHE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP, MORE THAT I COULD EVER GIVE HER AND LEONARD I THINK IS GOING TO NEED SOME HELP TOO.**

It was only a second later her husband responded:

 **I UNDERSTAND, I HOPE YOU CAN HELP HIM. SEE YOU LATER. ILY.**

Gloria smiled she loved her husband and as she looked up at Leonard sleeping she knew she may never have found him without her friend.

 **ILY TOO.**

Gloria put her phone away and leaned back in the chair, she then closed her eyes and thought about what to say to her friend, how to make it less painful to him. It was amazing how thinking about him and not wanting to hurt him made her so alert and she was able to think clearly about the situation. However, her thoughts only made her feel increasingly sorry for her friend because the more she thought about it her two possible solutions leaned heavily to just one and that one was the one that would hurt Leonard most. So it was with surprise when her phone vibrated next to her to let her know the hour was up and she needed to wake up Leonard, it was then she realized the hour she let him sleep was more for her than him, she needed time with her thoughts more than she thought.

So Gloria moved to the couch next to Leonard and shook him. "Leonard….wake up."

Leonard groaned, then his eyes fluttered open to look at her, confusion first in them then realization at who he was looking at and why she was there. He immediately sat fully up and looked around searching before his eyes met Gloria's again, Gloria immediately noting a desperation in his voice, "Where's Penny?"

Gloria sighed, it was time for that truth, so she told him the words she knew would cause him pain. "Leonard we need to talk."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Leonard swallowed, he had heard the words "We need to talk" several times before in his life and those words always ended in bad news for him, mostly girls telling him they wanted to date someone else or had already began dating someone else. Either way it meant the girls were leaving him, leaving him alone again and feeling he wasn't good enough for them. But although he was worried about what Gloria wanted to tell him, he was still more concerned about Penny, she wasn't there with Gloria and that troubled him. "Gloria, where is Penny?"

"She still in the bedroom, asleep in the bed." Gloria told him.

"Really?" After all that happened, Penny just going to sleep in the bed seemed strange. "She just fell asleep?" he asked in confusion.

 ****"I gave her a sedative, she needed to rest and sleep. She was crying towards the end of our talk." she explained.

"You gave her a sedative!" Leonard blurted out in shock.

"Leonard remember I am a doctor with a MD not a PhD behind my name." Gloria scolded him very lightly.

"Yes of course, I'm sorry." Leonard responded.

Gloria smiled, then put her arm out to rub Leonard's shoulder. "That's okay. Leonard she was really stressed, talking about it just made her relive it. It happens all the time in therapy, but believe me she needed to talk about it and with all that stress of discussing what happened she needed to rest afterwards. So I gave her a weak sedative and she was so wore out, she just feel asleep pretty quickly."

Leonard nodded. Leonard trusted Gloria and knew she wouldn't do anything to hurt Penny, so if she thought Penny needed to rest, Leonard believed her. "Okay, you wanted to talk?"

Gloria closed her eyes for a second, she really didn't want to hurt Leonard, and his concern for Penny, like the concern he just demonstrated, made her know this would hurt him. So she literally had to force herself to go on, "Leonard she needs help, professional help, she has been damaged pretty bad and to be honest, if you didn't find her, I really believe she would be dead by now."

Leonard just stared at Gloria, she saw him swallow but his eyes just continued staring at her with sort of a shocked look. She knew he was thinking about what she told him and his empathy was probably in overdrive right now, wanting to protect her even more after what she told him. She also knew she would have to continue the conversation now, because his mind was probably filled with thoughts of protecting Penny. But that was the problem he couldn't protect her anymore, "Leonard, you saved her life, now you need to save her soul."

Leonard blinked, "Her soul?"

Gloria nodded, "Her soul, what we normally call her mind. Leonard she has extremely deep scars from what happened to her, scars that need to be worked out so she can live with them. She is not doing that right now."

"I'll do anything you say to help her. Tell me what to do and I will do it." Leonard told her, an anxious expression now on his face.

It was heartbreaking for Gloria to see him like this, but she had to go on and try to be professional or she would be crying for him. "Leonard she needs mental health care before she gets worse, she needs to see a therapist to work out her problems and she needs to do that soon." Gloria explained.

"Okay, I can make sure she gets care, do you recommend anyone?" Leonard quickly responded, again his desperate need to help making Gloria feel bad.

' _Okay here we go'_ Gloria thought with dread, "Yes I have a friend who owes me a favor, I think she could help her and her office would be close for Penny."

"Great" Leonard smiled. "Give me her address and phone number, I'll call her first thing tomorrow."

Gloria sighed, she knew she was going to now stab him in the heart, "Leonard her office is in Omaha." she then watched Leonard's smile leave his face and fear plus confusion replace it.

"Omaha?" Leonard asked, hoping he heard her wrong.

Gloria nodded, "Leonard she needs to go home to her parents and get help there." She saw Leonard's breathing increase, almost like he was gasping, "Leonard do you need your inhaler?" Leonard looked down at the floor and nodded, so Gloria reached over to the table where it sat and got it to hand to him.

It was a few minutes after he took two puffs from his inhaler, that he spoke again, "Why can't she get help here?"

Gloria knew he would ask that, "She needs to go someplace she feels safe."

"She is safe here." Leonard quickly responded, his voice getting more desperate.

"Well first she is afraid of Sheldon. Can you guarantee Sheldon won't do something to abuse her mentally."

"I'll talk to him." Leonard told her.

"Leonard, she is very fragile, can you protect her from Sheldon all the time and I mean all the time." Gloria pressured him.

Leonard sighed in defeat, "No." then his eyes lit up, "I'll move to my own apartment, so she won't see Sheldon."

"And you will quit working so you can be with her all the time. She is dependent on you now so you just can't leave her every day for 8 hours alone in the apartment." Gloria explained to him.

Leonard looked at her and said nothing, yielding to her logic, so she continued. "Leonard you are everything to her right now, everything, she is losing the ability to function on her own because she has you to take care of her and believe me she wants to be taken care of by you. She is so scared right now that she has no faith she can take care of herself, she has to have you almost as much as she needs air to breathe. Can you see how unhealthy that is and how hard it would be for a therapist to help her when she has you to go back to, to take care of her. She will not give you up and all she will do is get worse."

Leonard just sat there, "Isn't there anyway she could get help here?"

Gloria shook her head, "I thought at first maybe, but the more I look at it, at a clinical level, there is no way I would recommend she stay here. You are my friend and I wanted to try to find a way she could stay here and get well, but I'm sorry Leonard, the best thing for her is to go home. She has a family that sounds supportive, by what she told me, and it is a safe place for her. They can be with her all day and she would be living in a place she calls home and brings her happiness, it is the best therapy for her."

Leonard nodded, he had thought the same thing on Christmas, that she needed to go home, it was just the last couple of days with her, things had changed and with that thought he suddenly felt very pathetic. She was sick and he was stupid, he always did that, fall for a girl quickly only to have his heart broken but this time he had taken advantage of the situation. Gloria was right, she needed to go home and she probably needed to go back before Sheldon came home so she didn't get scared again when Sheldon blew up because she was still here.

Leonard looked at Gloria, "She probably needs to get home quickly. I can take care of that."

Gloria saw the extreme sadness and acceptance on his face, it was like he had been told he had a terminal illness and he had accepted there was nothing he could do. "It would be best if she went home soon. I can give you the information on the therapist and I will sent things up for you tomorrow."

Leonard nodded, "Okay." he then stood up and went to his desk to get Gloria a pad and paper. Then sat in his desk chair while Gloria filled out the information, never saying a word.

Gloria handed the pad and paper back to Leonard, then looked into his eyes. "Leonard if you need to talk, I'm always here and if you need some help with her arrangements, please call me."

"Thank you, but I think I can handle it." Leonard quietly responded.

"Okay, but the offer still stands." Gloria told him, "Also Leonard she might resist leaving, but I believe she wants to go home so badly that she won't need much pushing, so just remind her about her family and her home, Okay."

Leonard nodded, "There is one thing though, she was scared her parents will find out about her movies."

Gloria wasn't sure Penny told him about that, so she hadn't mentioned it for Penny's privacy, but now it seemed he knew about that too. "Just mention that she doesn't have to tell them, she was working as a waitress too some so she just needs to tell them that and that her boyfriend threw her out."

Leonard didn't know about the waitress part, it made him realize that Gloria had learned more about Penny in three hours than he had in days. It now made him even more sure that Gloria knew what was best for Penny than him and that he needed to follow her advice. Leonard just wanted to help Penny, he really cared for her and he just wanted her to get well, he had hoped he would see her get well and then maybe they could see what happened then, but now he knew he couldn't. So he would do what was best for Penny, she was the most important person to him now and he would see she got the help she needed.

Leonard nodded, "Okay, I'll tell her that."

"Leonard she wants to go back home, she just needs a little push away from the close safe place with you to the more safe place in Nebraska with her family. Once you push her she will go, you will see." Gloria explained.

Leonard again nodded, "Okay."

"Also, Leonard you need to keep things the same, you need to make sure she knows you are not throwing her out but sending her somewhere she will be safer. If you have trouble with that call me and I will help." Gloria watched Leonard nod, then went on. "It also means you will have to hug her still and do the same things you were doing with her, but don't escalate anything, it will make her want to stay more, okay?"

Leonard nodded again, "I promise nothing will go further than it has, as a matter of fact it won't go as far as it has, but I won't let her feel rejected."

Gloria looked at Leonard with curiosity, "How far has it gone?"

Leonard blushed, but he knew he had to tell her everything, she was only trying to help Penny. "In the bed she got in my lap and rubbed herself against me. I think she got some sexual relief because for a moment there she was different…..more normal."

Gloria now nodded, "Leonard that is what I mean about her, she wants to be taken care of by you, she wants to belong to you and she will do anything to be with you. She probably equates sex with love, a lot of people do, so she had convinced herself she loves you, so having sex with you seems like something she would want to do. It is also something that has become natural to her, so the act along with the endorphins it creates made her feel normal doing something she does have some control over."

"I'm sorry, I should have stopped her." Leonard said ashamed.

Gloria could see the pain on his face, so she reached over again and rubbed his shoulder. "Leonard don't beat yourself up over this, you took care of her the best way you could and believe me you have nothing to be ashamed of, you saved her and I don't see anything you did to take advantage of her. You're a good man Leonard who helped out another human being, but now you have just one more thing to do to get her well."

Leonard nodded, "I will do what you say. I want her to get well so I will send her home, I promise." Leonard then looked up at her, "Thank you Gloria, I don't know how to say it enough, you are a good friend."

"I am more that happy to help Leonard. You just call me if you need anything." Gloria hated that she needed to leave but she was barely holding it together, she felt like she just destroyed one of her best friends.

Leonard stood up and lead her to the door, but before he could open it Gloria took him into a hug, to an outside observer it would have been hard to determine who needed the hug more since both of them had wet eyes. Gloria however whispered to Leonard while they hugged, "Leonard, I mean it, anything you need call me."

Leonard just nodded, "Thank you."

They then slowly let go of each other and Leonard opened the door for Gloria to leave. Leonard watching Gloria go down the stairs before closing the door and going to sit on the couch in silence, he had now accepted what he had to do and so he started to make a plan. During that same time, Gloria went down to her car and started it up, but before she could put it in gear she put her forehead against her steering wheel and began to cry. It was five minutes before she could get herself together and pull her cell phone out to hit number one on her speed dial.

"Honey?" Steven answered

"Baby can you be awake when I come home, I'm leaving Leonard's now." Gloria asked.

"Of Course….how bad was it?" he asked in concern

"I need to be hugged and held tonight. I hurt him, I hurt him bad and there was nothing I could do."

"I'm sorry, I'll be here waiting for you. Drive carefully okay." again he said with concern.

"I promise I will. I love you." Gloria told him

"I love you too and I will be waiting for you."

"Bye my love." Gloria hung up. She pulled her car out of the parking lot and headed home, her only thoughts, the need to be in her husbands arms that night.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Leonard sat back on the couch, there was no way he could sleep now, his mind felt all jumbled up and he needed to think about all the information Gloria had just given him. He knew he would never be able to rest, until he settled some of the thoughts in his mind, thoughts about what he needed to do next personally and what he needed to do to accomplish Gloria's recommendations. Also, to be honest, he was saddened that Gloria told him that Penny needed to go back home immediately for help, he knew he was being selfish being upset over it, but it still pained him never the less. What's more he knew his being distressed was his own fault, it was something he always did, fall for a girl hard and then get his heart broken, but this time it was even worse because he felt that his connection with Penny was different. He believed that just being around each other made each of them happy and when they held each other it seemed to him that they never wanted to let each other go.

The way Penny acted and responded to him also made it difficult for him, she acted like she wanted him and sometimes it was hard to remind himself that she was having problems mentally and that it was very possible that the only reason she was acting like that was because of those problems. So it was during times like now, when he was alone and not around her, that he had to remind himself that her feelings for him were not real, because when with her, whenever Penny pulled herself close to him, his mind went to a happy place where he thought maybe him and Penny could be together. It was also at times like now, he realized how those thoughts sounded pathetic and what a loser he was for even thinking them, she was too good for him, and she would realize that after she got well. She just needed to get herself back together, then she could move on with her life…with someone that wasn't even similar to him, he sadly told himself.

Leonard's current train of thought was extremely depressing for him so he forced himself to get back and address the problem of getting Penny to leave and come up with a plan. Developing plans to accomplish tasks was something he did at work, to perform a test or solve a problem, so he decided to go with something he was comfortable with and mentally started to put together a plan. He knew there were several things he needed to consider in this plan, Penny's parents, getting Penny to Nebraska, convincing Penny she wanted to go to Nebraska, getting her care started, and especially not making her feel rejected. Getting Penny to Nebraska was easy, they could fly, but then he remembered she said she lost her identification, it creating another problem he would have to solve. Penny's parents were also a problem, he wanted her to talk to them, but she resisted that at Christmas, so that would have to be also solved. He did think however that maybe if he could convince her to go first, contacting her parents would just fall in place, so he planned to address the parents after she agreed to go.

However the hardest problem he thought he had was not letting her feel rejected, and yet keeping everything the same without escalation, because that also had an impact on his feelings for her too. Knowing she was leaving soon made it hard for him to not be close to her, while she was still there, but being that close was going to put him in situations with her he wasn't sure he could completely control. He failed miserably that afternoon when she started to make out with him and he didn't do a thing when he realized that she was trying to have sex with him, he just let her have her way. It made him concerned because he knew he had to keep his mind on the plan to get her home, but based on his past experiences with her, he was worried if he was strong enough to do that.

Leonard sat and went over these thoughts for the next three hours, until these thoughts became muddled from being tired, making it so he couldn't think straight anymore, his eyelids also getting very heavy. So he decided he would just lay down for a little bit to think and close his eyes for a short while to rest them, getting a little more comfortable before he began to think again. However his getting himself comfortable to think was only a big mistake and it only ended up in him lasting about 10 minutes before sleep snuck up on him and took him away that night.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was about 6 hours after Penny had taken the mild sedative from Gloria that she was disturbed in her sleep, the wind had picked up that night and it's howling against the bedroom window made a loud noise which woke her up with a start. While her mind tried to come to grips with being suddenly awake, trying to understand her current situation, the wind rattled the window again and made her jump up in bed in fear, now scared and confused. That night wasn't as cold as it had been a couple days before, but listening to the window flex with the wind, made her still feel cold and alone anyway. It was at the same time as that feeling overwhelmed her that she realized that Leonard wasn't there, which now only reinforced the feeling of being incredibly alone. The fear now took over as all her thoughts centered around her need to be with him immediately, and it drove her out of the sanctuary of the bed, towards the bedroom door, stopping only briefly when the window flexed again from another gust of wind, scaring her even more. Even though she was covered in full flannel pajamas, she couldn't help the cold shiver that passed thought her body as she remembered just a few days ago she had to sleep out there in the cold. The noise that was coming from window now making her feel like that same cold was reaching out to bring her back outside, and that again making her even more alone and scared. Her need to find Leonard only increased, so she grabbed her robe and the blanket off the bed, to try to shield her from the cold, before venturing out of the bedroom, to find the man she needed to hold her and protect her from that cold.

It was no sooner than Penny walked into the living room, that she saw him laying on the couch, it was calming to see him there, but it also made her immediately feel a need to be closer to him. So she moved towards the couch, noticing he had a couple blankets on him, his warm body and his protective arms beckoning her to get on the couch with him, to lay with him under the covers and have him hold her, in her mind it was the only place she wanted to be. But as she got closer Penny stopped and just stood there staring at him, as she now became scared that she would do something to ruin the closeness they had from before and that she would somehow make him mad. Penny now remembering how Kurt and the other men she had been with would get mad at her if she did something they didn't like, like wake them. It was that fear that won out and prevented her from climbing on the couch, it drove her to walk back a couple of steps to the chair, next to the couch, and curl up in it, putting the blanket over herself. In a roundabout way her mind reasoned it was like she had laid down next to him and as she looked at him, his presence was still comforting to her, her eyes beginning to get heavy again, then finally closing as she drifted back off to sleep.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Leonard first woke up the next morning at the time he normally woke every day for work, but since he had fell asleep so late he just started to roll over to go back to sleep. However, something felt weird, so instead of rolling over he opened his eyes to see something on the chair next to the couch, which now made him come fully awake as he reached for his glasses. It was what he saw that then made him sit up on the couch, Penny curled up in the chair next to him, softly snoring as she slept and it made him confused about why she was there. He was both puzzled and worried about the scene in front of him and definitely didn't know what was going on, but resisted waking her up as he quietly got to a sitting position on the couch, knowing he would not be able to sleep with her there. He just sat there looking at her for the first few minutes until his bladder demanded his attention and so he made his way to the bathroom while she slept. Consequently it was ten minutes later, when he returned to the living room, that he saw that her eyes were open as she still sat there curled in the chair. "Penny?" he said still in confusion, "Is something wrong?"

Penny was afraid to talk now, the fear from a few hours before that he was mad at her, coming back to her, the great idea to sleep there last night now making her feel she might have made a big mistake and rekindling the additional fear in her of being told to leave. It made her draw into herself and feel helpless again, and that made her act like a little scared girl, her softly responding to him why she did it. "I was scared."

She sounded like a five year old girl wanting to sleep with her parents and Leonard felt bad at hearing her response, speaking softly to her, like she had done to him. "You should of woke me, we could have done something, the chair is so small, wouldn't you have rather slept in the bed."

Penny nodded, "I didn't want to wake you." she responded, again quietly.

"That is okay Penny, you can wake me anything you want." Leonard could see she was still tired so he then asked. "Penny you need to sleep some more, you're still tired aren't you?"

Penny slightly nodded, then her eyes got wide as she quickly looked at the hallway to the bedrooms, before looking at him again, then blurting out. "I'm okay, I don't want to sleep anymore." The thought of being alone in the bedroom with the cold trying to get her almost unbearable.

Since Leonard was tired too, it took a second for him to put it together, how she said she slept there because she was scared. "Did something scare you last night in the bedroom?" He watched as Penny's gaze went to her hands in her lap and how she didn't say a thing. "Penny what scared you last night." Again she said nothing. "Penny please tell me."

She looked up at him, "The wind was making the windows make noise and…..and you weren't there." He could see she now was on the verge of starting to cry.

Her statement was now accompanied by tears and it only confirmed to Leonard that Gloria was right, she was very dependent on him, too dependent to be healthy. It hurt him to see her act like she was doing now and it made him want to comfort her. "Penny, do you want me to sleep with you?" _'Just Sleep'_ Leonard reminded himself.

Penny's eyes widened again as she nodded, her tears now seeming to stop. "Would you Leonard?" her voice filled with a hint desperation.

Leonard nodded, "I'm tired too, so let us get some more sleep." Leonard then offered Penny his hand, which she quickly grabbed, and turned to the bedroom, letting her use the bathroom on the way before they proceeded to his bed.

Leonard now felt if he maintained control of their actions, when he was with her, he could prevent the escalation that Gloria warned him of, so when they got to the bedroom Leonard got immediately under the covers. He watched as Penny seemed a little surprised he got in bed before her so he held up the covers and motion for her to join him. Watching her get in, a little distance from him, knowing she was going to slowing move towards him with caution like she had done before. However, Leonard wanted to control the situation, so no sooner as she laid down he leaned over and put his arm around her waist, pulling her against him so her back was against his chest as he spooned her.

Penny suddenly found herself wrapped in Leonard's arms, stunned that it happened so fast but relieved that Leonard seemed to want her and was protecting her. It took her only a few seconds to get over the initial shock of being scooped up by him and pulled close, before that feeling of security in his arms started to come back to her as he put protective cocoon of him and the covers over her. Her senses appeared to be heightened as she felt his face against her hair as he got into a comfortable position, seeming to pull her closer and more into his protective embrace. She now found she couldn't help herself from trying to wiggle even closer to him and as she settled in, a small sigh/moan came from her, as her body relaxed in his arms. Penny now felt she was being cuddled by Leonard like she was his, it was what she had hoped for and had desperately wanted, and the scared hopeless young woman that had dominated her being the last few weeks seemed to fall back in her mind as Penny now for a few moments started to actually clearly think about what was happening. The man that was holding her was nothing like any other man she had met, he had been nothing but kind to her, he had rescued her and she felt only caring for her from him. In his arms now she felt an overwhelming feeling of security and…..love, it made Penny put her arm over the one he had around her waist, laying her fingers over his as she also tilted her head down to put a kiss on his arm across her chest, then softly saying, "I love you."

Leonard had felt Penny get comfortable in his arms, her managing to get herself even closer to him and so he pulled her slightly more to him hoping he was giving her the feeling that she had a safe position to sleep. He had put one arm under her pillow coming out near her neck and draped across her chest, his hand on her hip, while the other arm encircled her waist both pulling her against him and basically trapping her there, hoping she felt secure and not uncomfortable. He was keeping to his plan to have control over their situation, however he had not been prepared for her kiss on his arm or her telling him she loved him. He now felt slightly bewildered and with Gloria's words still in his mind telling him to not give her the impression he was rejecting her, he frantically searched for a response. He then felt her hand on his hand around her waist, she had now moved her fingers between his and again she kissed his arm, her touch making his heart beat faster. What was happening was what he feared, it was getting too much for Leonard, she was so warm and soft, her hair still smelling from the green apple shampoo she used the day before, and her touching him and telling him she loved him, made him sadly think his time remaining with her now could be counted in just hours. He was now over thinking everything, thinking he would maybe never hold her again like he was doing now, so without even thinking he answered her honestly, "I love you too." Feeling ashamed as soon as the words left his lips.

Penny closed her eyes, a feeling of wellbeing now completely consuming her, for the first time in a very long time, she felt happy and a small smile formed on her lips. She felt unbelievably relaxed and content, the heat from Leonard's body radiated to her core and a feeling growing in her she would never be cold again as long as she was with Leonard. She let that content feeling take over her and with that the tiredness she had been holding off overcame her body and mind as she surrendered to the pull of sleep that slowly consumed her. It was only a few minutes later that Leonard hear her soft snores letting him know she was asleep.

Leonard was going through feelings of his own while she now slept, shame for telling her the truth that he loved her, and again extreme sadness in knowing he would soon lose her, only made worse by the unbelievable feeling of holding her in his arms. He didn't understand why is was so hard for him when he was with her, he had been hurt many times by girls before and always recovered, but no matter what he had gone through before he knew with her it would be different. Penny had touched his heart the first day he taken her in and his need to take care of her had grown over every hour she had been with him. Even now he cared about her so much he would give her up so she could be well, even though he knew he would feel lost when she left him. He would remember her and she would always be one of the happiest few days of his life, and even now just thinking about his life after she left depressed him immensely. Leonard closed his eyes, he needed to sleep, so like he sometimes did at work, he tried to clear his mind of everything, even her, and tried to concentrate on rest. It was the hardest thing for him to do but eventually he began to relax and with his mind now calmed down he soon joined Penny in sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I wish to apologize for the long time between updates but I have been vacationing and riding my motorcycle so I haven't had time to update the last couple of weeks.**

 **Chapter 27**

Penny slowly woke up, transitioning from a deep sleep to the point where, during the past several weeks, she would always wake up scared and wondering where she was, however this time she knew immediately where she was, she was against Leonard. Her body was comfortably warm, her back against Leonard's chest, his heat radiating through her, while his arms still loosely encircled her, holding her close to him and protecting her. In addition to that, there were covers over both of them, cocooning them, which all resulted in Penny feeling extremely secure, safe, comfortable and actually happy, feelings that she had not felt in a long time. This was also doing something else to Penny it was making her feel something that she didn't even realize, being with Leonard and in his arms, was making Penny feel normal. So with that feeling she began to think of the man next to her, the man who was so kind and gentle, the man who treated her like no other man she had known, all those thoughts driving her to want just to be closer to him, closer to the man she was in love with.

The need to be even closer to him made Penny realize that although Leonard's arms were comfortably around her, they were not around her too tightly, so Penny started to rotate herself slowly in his arms, moving in small increments to not wake him as she turned herself to face him. This slow moment resulted in her taking a couple of minutes to finally get herself so that she was facing him, but once there she began to lightly rub her face against his chest, a deep sigh emanating from inside her as she did it. Penny's mind was now only concerned about Leonard and her feelings for him, she was acting more like herself before her world fell apart and before her time on the street, she was acting like normal Penny, not the scared homeless person that Leonard had rescued. She felt nothing but affection for the man she now was pressed close to, she had given herself completely to him in her mind when she told him of her love for him and he had told her he loved her too, so it now gave her the feeling of them being covered in the warmth of love. Normal Penny also knew that two people truly in love gave themselves physically to each other, they belonged to each other, so she felt no guilt at all as she slowly unbuttoned Leonard's pajama top to expose his chest, then with that done, she now rubbed her cheek against his bare chest, his warmth seeming to fill her soul.

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Leonard, at first, started to slowly wake up, but the feeling of hair against his chin and neck made him awake quicker and more alert as he felt it. However before this surprise consumed him, he realized the short blonde locks belonged to Penny and he remembered he had fell asleep holding her just a little while ago. So Leonard relaxed, letting his mind catch up with the new information of the situation he was in with Penny right now, her head on his chest, her body half on him, her one arm around him and her leg across his, she was actually half on top of him. There were also both his arms around her, it was then that Leonard's eyes got wide because he now realized his arms were against the bare skin of Penny's back. It made him crane his neck so he could see her below him, the covers on her to her shoulders covering most of her back and his arms, but what he did see was the collar of her pajama top and her shoulders covered by that same top. It made him confused as he slightly moved his arms to verify he was touching bare skin, which he definitely knew by the soft warm texture his finger tips touched.

Leonard's movement had a secondary consequence, it made Penny move, as soft moan came from her as she seemed to nuzzle herself closer to him, her body slightly adjusting itself to him, as she seemed to be getting more comfortable on him while she slept. It reminded him of a cat getting more comfortable in a person's lap, her moment also resulting in her chest moving on his, the feel of her warm skin and the pressure of her breasts against him immediately being noticed by Leonard. Leonard quickly looked down again and now realized what was going on, both their pajama tops were open, allowing their bare chests to contact each other, however then Penny moved again, the same moan coming from her lips as she did it, that movement made Leonard's eyes go wider, Penny having moved her leg now so that it was over his crotch, actually rubbing against him.

It was too much for Leonard, Penny's bare chest on him and her leg on top of and pressed against his manhood, as he felt the resultant response to her start down there, even though he was trying as hard as possible to not make it happen. It only took him a moment to understand he would have a full on erection if he didn't do something and he knew it was the last thing he wanted around her based on the way she was acting and the way he felt about her. So Leonard knew he had to take action, he needed to get out of this situation as soon as possible, because just like the 'I love you', he really didn't trust his feelings around her.

Leonard gently shook Penny, "Penny wake up." he said softly to her, already feeling his resolve slipping as he touched her soft shoulder and felt her beautiful hair against his hand.

Penny however was extremely comfortable and happy. She knew exactly where she was and didn't want to leave anytime soon, her mind more than happy to stay there as long as she could. "Just a few more minutes." she mumbled.

Leonard didn't have a few more minutes, Penny again moving, making herself more comfortable on Leonard and cuddling him even more, her leg again rubbing over his crotch. That was the last straw for Leonard, now unable to control the involuntary reaction of his body to the beautiful young woman that was on top of him. "Penny please, I really need to get up and use the bathroom before I have an accident on the bed." Leonard lied as he now tried to wiggle out of her grasp.

Her man's desperate plea made Penny get up off him, her concern for him overriding her comfort and need to be close to him. "I'm sorry sweetie." she said as she now purposely got completely up from him, "There you can go to the bathroom now."

Leonard swallowed hard, Penny had gotten completely off him and was now looking at him with concern, concern that was obvious for his lie that he needed to pee. But that is not what actually had him so nervous, Penny's sitting up made it obvious that her pajama top was completely unbuttoned and her breasts were completely out, making her look incredibly innocent, sexy and vulnerable all at the same time. Leonard knew he had to get out of there fast, "Thanks" he told her as he practically jumped out of bed and hurried to the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, Leonard just stood in front of the sink, holding each side of the sink while he tried to catch his breath. He probably needed his inhaler, but he was not leaving the bathroom until he could get his body relaxed again, so he tried to control his breathing like he had been taught to do when he was young and had an breathing problem without his inhaler. It took him a few minutes but eventually he started to feel better, his breathing steadying enough to allow him to start thinking about what happened and what he was going to do next. He looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head, wishing the guy looking back at him wasn't so weak, didn't think that Penny was the most beautiful woman in the world, and wasn't so attracted to her voice, personality and mannerisms. He needed that guy in the mirror to get himself together, so he could help her, however he didn't get to think about it any more as he heard a couple soft knocks on the door.

"Sweetie are you okay." Penny had waited a long time in the bedroom before she put on her robe and went looking for Leonard. Her need to be near him, her sweetie, making her go to the bathroom to check on him.

"Yes, almost done." Leonard quickly responded as he now went to urinate and then flush the toilet before he opened to door for her, happy to see she now had a robe on.

Penny couldn't help herself, as soon as he opened the door, she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck while putting her head on his shoulder. She stood like that for couple of minutes before she felt Leonard's arms encircle her waist to hug her back, making her melt further into him. It made her wish they were back in bed where she could be laying against him again, because it felt so good to be in his arms or against him.

"Penny, would you like to get something to eat." Leonard desperately asked, just trying to get out of the hug, it feeling too good and Penny acting like she wasn't going to let him go.

"Yes." she softly responded.

Leonard almost sighed, he lifted his one hand from her waist and ran it quickly over her back while he spoke, "Why don't you get your shower, then dress and we will go out to eat, okay."

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It took a couple minutes for Leonard to convince Penny to shower alone, her flagrant hinting that she would like him to shower with her couldn't be any more obvious unless she just flat-out asked him to join her. So it was immediately after he heard the water start that he dialed Gloria's number, to ask her for advice and tell her what happened the last few hours. Needing to hurry, because he didn't know how long Penny would shower, so it took him only a couple of minutes to bring Gloria up to speed. "That's it in a nutshell, I'm really sorry about what I did, I didn't want to make things worse, I'm terrible with this, what do I do to fix things, please help me."

Gloria sighed, "Leonard you could have handled it a little better if you were trained in therapy, but actually you did fine, so don't beat yourself up, no one expects you to be perfect."

"I'm sorry, but I need your help, what should I do next?" Leonard pleaded

"Okay, you said you are taking her out to eat, so this will give you time to talk. I want to keep the conversation about her home in Nebraska and her family, make her talk about them and try to keep her home and family in her mind all night." Gloria advised.

Leonard nodded to himself, "Okay, I think I can do that." he then heard the shower stop. "She is done showering, I need to hang up."

"Okay, just remember, have her talk about family and home. You'll do fine Leonard, you can call me when you get some more time again. Just keep being nice to her and keep her talking." Gloria told Leonard.

"Okay, Bye and thanks." Leonard then quickly hung up, just before the shower door opened. Leonard quietly gasped as Penny walked out smiling at him, a slight twinkle in her eye, she was beautiful and Leonard felt his heart beating faster.

"Sweetie, the shower is all yours." Penny then bit her lip, "I could keep you company if you want."

It was obvious Penny wasn't wearing a thing under her robe, her shapely bare legs going up to the bottom of the robe where they disappeared and the robe open slightly showing off her cleavage. It was all Leonard could do to keep his mind on what he needed to do, again telling himself she was sick and only a complete asshole would take advantage of a sick girl. "Why don't you dry your hair and I'll quickly shower so we can go."

The smile diminished a little, but just a little. "Okay." Penny then went back into the bathroom to get the hair dryer, Leonard waiting outside till she came back out, terrified to go in with her and having to be so close to her.

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It was less than an hour later that Penny and Leonard were sitting in a real restaurant, not a buffet, sitting in a booth, Leonard feeling more calm as Penny sat opposite from him instead of right against him. He was thinking about what Gloria said and was trying to figure out the best time to start their conversation, when suddenly Penny blurted out, 'Oh they have steak.' Leonard now looking up at her, "You like steak?"

Penny smiled at him, her smiles seemed to melt his heart and after the last few days seeing her smile made him feel good. "I love steak." She replied.

Leonard smiled back, eating steak and potatoes would put meat on her bones, something she really needed. "Then you should get steak, the bigger the better…..and maybe a baked potato."

Penny nodded, then looked with extreme concentration back at the menu, trying to figure which steak to get, she looked so cute and adorable Leonard had to try hard not to chuckle and move over next to her to hug her. Those thoughts immediately making the smile leave his face, he needed to keep his mind on his mission not keep imagining a future with her, not being terribly pathetic like he was at that moment. It was actually a relief when the waiter came up to them that moment and asked if they were ready to order.

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Penny took a sip her Dr Pepper, then put another piece of steak in her mouth, Leonard watching her chew it carefully, never before seeing someone enjoy a steak so much as she consumed the last third of the 20 ounce sirloin special she ordered, the first third disappearing so fast Leonard was shocked. She slowed down her eating now, not because she was full, but she now seemed to be savoring each piece she was eating, like someone drinking a fine wine. Leonard thought she looked content and happy so he thought this was the perfect time to start the conversation Gloria suggested.

"Penny do you eat a lot of steak in Nebraska?" he casually asked.

Penny nodded as she chewed, then after swallowing. "We usually eat specially fed, grain fed beef, that are raised around where my home is. It is really good, better than this." She told him then quickly added, "but this is good too….I love steak."

"So you were raised on a cattle farm?" Leonard asked

"No, we grew mostly corn, but we had some cows, a few cattle, horses and goats." she responded then put another piece of steak in her mouth again seeming to savor its taste as she chewed.

"Wow, it sounds like a zoo." to Leonard that many animals in one place was a zoo for a city boy.

A smile formed on Penny's face and she quickly finished up the meat in her mouth, swallowed and took a drink of Dr Pepper, before she spoke again, "Those are just the normal animals people have on a farm. A lot of people have chickens too, but my dad hates chickens, he says they stink, so we never had any. We were probably the only farm than bought their eggs around where I lived."

Leonard nodded, "It sounds like an…..interesting place to grow up."

Penny smiled, "It was, it was like having all these pets. My dad told me I was crazy being so attached to all the animals, since I named them all and played with them, but he didn't stop me, just told me to stay away from the cattle, since they were for eating."

Leonard could picture Penny with all the animals, his mind wandering and picturing her as an enchanted wood nymph talking to the animals. He blinked a couple times to get his mind back to reality and focused on her again, "Do you miss them."

Penny's face turned more serious, "I guess…maybe a little…yeah I guess I do some." she looked down at her plate, "I guess I miss the horses most."

"Why the horses?" Leonard was now curious

"When I would get sad, I would take a horse out for a ride, usually Buttercup, she was my favorite because she was mine." She then went quiet.

"Did riding Buttercup make you feel better?" Leonard asked

Penny nodded, a small tear leaving her eye to run down her cheek. "I loved her and she was always there for me."

Leonard now felt horrible, but Gloria told him he needed to keep her talking about home, he had to encourage her to want to go home more than stay there. But making her sad, like now, wasn't only hard on her, it bothered Leonard too, so he reached over and took her hand, knowing how much she positively responded to human touch. He was rewarded when she looked up at him and gave him a look of thanks.

Penny felt better as soon as Leonard took her hand, but the subject that brought on her sadness was still there, just right now not as painful with Leonard's hand on hers. Leonard had reminded her of something she had wanted for months, to go back home, but that desire had been buried in the back of her mind the last few days with Leonard. Now it was back in the forefront of her thoughts and what distressed her was although she still wanted to go home, she also didn't want to leave Leonard. She didn't know if she could give up the comfort he gave her, like now as his hand held hers, and it upset her that just when things were seeming to get better she was now confused again and uncertain of what she wanted.

Leonard could see the pain and confusion on Penny's face, making him want to calm and comfort her before he talked to her again about what Gloria said they needed to discuss. So Leonard brought his other hand out and put it on both their hands giving them a little squeeze while giving her a small smile. "Penny, everything will be okay and I'm here for you if you need me."

Leonard's kind words were very comforting to her and his hands on hers, soothing to her, making Penny want him even more. It also made Penny realize she wanted Leonard as much as she wanted to go home and with that thought she suddenly wondered if he would go home to Nebraska with her.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

They sat at the restaurant for another 45 minutes finishing up their meal and having desert, Penny actually feeling like she had over ate by the time she was done. She was content, full and happy, Leonard's talking to her about her home, making her remember all the wonderful things about her family and the farm, while Leonard's interest made her think her plan to have him come with her was the best idea she had ever come up with, in her life. So it was a with a spring in her step that she went to Leonard's car with him, holding his hand and feeling in love with the man next to her.

However, Penny was quickly pulled out of her little dream world after they got in the car, when Leonard turned to her. "I just have to stop by my work before we go back to the apartment to pick up something, okay." Penny just nodding, the problem with her dream plan now made obvious to her, Leonard had a job.

The people Penny had been associated with, since she got to California, seemed to move from job to job, working one place for a few months then another when they either got fired or found they could make more money. They were people who could just leave whenever they wanted to, go someplace else like Nebraska since they didn't really have a career or roots to hold them. She glanced over at Leonard, she had just assumed he was in the same situation, he never talked about his work, so she now hoped he didn't have anything to keep him there, it was selfish she knew but she wanted him as much as she wanted to be home again. Therefore she told herself that maybe his job wasn't important, as she stared out the window during their trip to his work, trying to convince herself that he would gladly go away with her because his job was so boring and he loved her.

The pulling on to the Cal Tech University grounds and parking in front a large building with a sign 'Physics Department' only confused Penny more, making her wonder if his 'work' meant he was a student. Things only got worse for her when he took her hand and lead her into the building, Penny always felt she was stupid, when it came to school, and being in a huge university only made her feel like the nerdy kid in high school who had a 'kick me' sign on his back, but in Penny's mind the sign on her back said 'stupid'. So Penny walked quietly with Leonard, until he finally came to an office door, unlocked it and walked in, turning on the office light which lighted up the sigh on the door, 'Dr. Leonard L. Hofstadter, Experimental Physics'.

Penny froze in her tracks, staring at the sign, as the realization of what the sign meant started to become clear in her mind, this was actually Leonard's job, he worked there, he was incredibly smart and he was an important person. He was not the kind of person who would ever want a porn actress, he was a respectable person, one of those people, people like her only heard about and never met, people who never had anything to do with girls like her, because they were…trash. Suddenly Penny felt the walls closing in on her again, all the happiness draining from her as she kept reading 'Dr. Leonard L. Hofstadter, Experimental Physics', and just as suddenly all her dreams of Nebraska and Leonard drained away with her happiness.

"Penny is something wrong?" Leonard noticed her just staring at his door like it was the most important thing in the world. When she didn't respond, he took a step closer to her and took her arm. "Penny?"

When Penny turned to look at Leonard there was a tear on her cheek, then in a half croak, half cry she responded, "I'm sorry."

Leonard was beyond confused, how had her mood changed so suddenly didn't make sense to him. "Penny what's wrong?"

Penny looked down, "I'm sorry." she repeated.

Leonard want to scream, in less than 30 minutes she seemed to regress to where she was less than 48 hours before, and he believed it was something he did, but for the life of him he didn't know what. So he grabbed his laptop off his desk, the one he had forgot the night they found Penny, Sheldon complaining so much about having to go home for the holidays, Leonard had just wanted to get home to hide in his room. He then walked back towards the door to leave, taking the now quiet Penny's hand, her lack of resistance allowing him just lead out of his office and then back to the building door for the parking lot. His only hope that when they got back to the apartment he could get her talking again about her home.

Leonard and Penny almost got to the building front door, when a young extremely buff and handsome young man, a student, came through the other way, and upon seeing Penny, smiled at her. "Hi, have I've seen you before."

Leonard frowned, the young man acted like he didn't exist, even though he was holding Penny's hand, the man's pickup line making it obvious to Leonard that he felt he could just obtain a girl like Penny anytime he wanted. Penny suddenly stopping and looking at the young man took Leonard by surprise and for a second almost made think that maybe the young man was right, that Penny was ready to go with him. But that thought quickly passed as Penny immediately began moving again, now pulling Leonard along as she went out the door, moving quickly to Leonard's car.

Penny had felt bad in Leonard's office, a feeling that Leonard was way too good for her occupying her thoughts, so she had just followed Leonard back out, just wanting to escape the place that was destroying her thoughts of bringing Leonard to Nebraska with her. She had been just blindly following Leonard to the door, her mind trying to come to grips with the new information about Leonard, when the young man walked in, Penny immediately recognizing him and hoping that he didn't recognize her. The shame of what she use to do for a living coming back to her with new intensity as a specter of her past was now standing right in front of them. It all happened so fast and it just reinforced to Penny that a important respectable man like Leonard would never be with someone like her, so Penny just wanted to run, run away from her past.

The young man was part of her past, one of the many students she had seen while doing porn, young men and women who would come by to do a movie to get some extra cash. She had seen him in a couple movies and when Kurt started to suggest she have sex with other guys in the movies, he was one of the guys that Kurt suggested she have sex with. So Penny's concern that somehow he remembered her made Penny's embarrassment about what she had done before even worse. It was at that moment it was not only the streets she never wanted to return to anymore, but now she just wanted to get out of California and the shame it brought her.

Leonard put his hand over the hand Penny was yanking on his car's door handle with, she seemed almost crazy obsessed with getting in the car and Leonard was at a loss to know why. "Penny are you okay?" Her dragging him to the car is such haste now had Leonard's concern in high gear.

Penny's face was wet from tears when she turned to him and again her embarrassment and feeling of inadequacy around Leonard made only one response come to her mind. "I'm sorry."

Leonard now sighed, he knew discussing what was wrong in the parking lot of Cal Tech was not a good idea, so he just unlocked the door for her and let her in. The next twenty minutes being dead silent in the car as Penny never said a word and just looked out the window, while he tried to think back on what changed that changed her so much. It was with some relief when they got to the apartment, but then things got a little awkward again when they finally entered the apartment and Penny just stood in the living room, like a zombie, not moving or saying a word.

Penny standing there also allowed Leonard to get a good look at her, the lost expression in her red eyes, from crying, that almost bordered on fear. He could tell she was rapidly pulling in on herself again, going back to a place she was at almost two days ago and the thought of that happening extremely upset Leonard making him want to do anything to prevent her from closing up again. He was desperate to not lose her, he cared for her so much that the thought of doing nothing and letting her slip away was not even an option to him, he had do something, anything to help her. So without even thinking, just acting on instinct, Leonard walked up close to her, while staring into her eyes, then wrapped his arms around her while bringing his lips to hers.

It surprised Penny, but only for a second, the feeling of his arms around her and his soft warm lips against hers, immediately changing any surprise into a wanting by her, a need to have Leonard make everything better. She was engulfed in the comfort of being in his arms and just melted into him, her arms going around his neck without any thought as her fingers ran through his thick soft hair as she immediately become lost in his embrace. Penny's need to be held and kissed by him escalated with every moment, their kisses becoming more passionate by the second and Penny's mind going blank to reality, noting existing for her but Leonard. She didn't even remember how she ended up on the couch a few moments later, all she did know was kissing Leonard was the most amazing thing she had ever experienced in her life and she never wanted it to end.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Penny woke up next morning comfortably wrapped in the warm covers, but as she became more awake she realized that there was something missing, she didn't feel Leonard. Penny rolled over in bed confirming her sense that she was alone in bed, a slight abandoned feeling immediately coming over her as she reached over, to the other side of the bed, only to find it still warm. However, the still warm spot, started to calm her, making her rationalize that Leonard had just left to use the bathroom and would be back soon to be with her again, so with that thought she just laid there waiting for him to return.

Penny's wait gave her time to think and the last night was the only thing she wanted to think about, it had been incredible, she had never had experienced something like last night ever before with a man. She never imagined that making out with someone could be so intimate, as it was with Leonard, she felt feelings she never knew existed in herself last night. She timidly brought up her hand and touched her lips, being with Leonard last night had almost felt like a fantasy to Penny, she had lost all concept of anything but them last night, even thinking of it now had Penny feeling flush. So Penny closed her eyes trying to bring back some of her memories of the most amazing night of her life, as her heart beat faster, and a warm feeling filled her.

Penny had never kissed anyone for that long or that passionately, but when she was kissing Leonard she knew she never wanted it to stop, his lips were so compelling to her, she just couldn't get enough of them. Then to add to that there was also that feeling of how good it felt to be in his arms, she adored him and being in his arms felt so fantastic, it made her feel safe, happy and incredibly good inside because she felt like they were one. Her eyes shot open, remembering those feelings now made Penny desperately want to be next to Leonard, and with that she lost all patience as she got out of bed to find him. Her search quickly beginning as she left the bedroom and started to move down the hall, her bare feet making no noise as she walked towards the living room to find Leonard.

No sooner that Penny got halfway down the hall she began to hear Leonard, he was talking to someone and that triggered fear inside her, her first thoughts that the tall man, that lived with Leonard, had come back early and Leonard was talking to him. It made her freeze where she stood, a trepidation quickly beginning to overcome her as she thought about what had happened with the tall man while he was there before. She just stood there as the panic began to consume her, until somewhere in her mind she began to realize that no one was answering Leonard, she did not hear the tall man's voice. It made her stop to listen carefully for another couple minutes before that thought was confirmed in her mind, staying her fear as she moved again to peak around the corner of the hall to look in the living room.

She almost sighed out loud when she saw Leonard sitting alone in an armchair, with his back to her, a phone held to his ear and she was just about to go to him when she actually began to listen what he was saying, "I understand Gloria, getting her to go home is my highest priority."

It made Penny stop again from going fully into the living room, as she backed up into the hallway, to now try to listen to what Leonard was saying.

"I just didn't know what else to do, she looked devastated and I was afraid if I didn't do something I would lose her." Leonard then listened to the person on the other end, slowly nodding his head after a minute. " I will try that as soon as she wakes up. Believe me, after last night, I know she needs to go home and be with her family." he then listened for a short time again, "I know Gloria, there is no way she is going to stay here with me, she will go home where she belongs."

Penny closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears in, Leonard didn't want her, he wanted her to go home and he wanted her to go home without him. It made Penny just want to scream and cry, so still in her bare feet, she swiftly and quietly moved to the bedroom and crawled into bed, burying herself in the covers as her tears began to flow freely. Penny's emotions were all over the place now as she laid deep in the covers, complex emotions were confusing to her, since she had been in the street, so right now she felt pain that seemed to dominate her mind. Leonard saying she needed to go home was the source of that pain because it sounded like he wanted to get rid of her, and that hurt badly. However, she still couldn't get last night out of her mind, how he was with her, and that made her even more confused, because she still loved him.

Penny's mind was in overload, the incredible feeling of rejection, while at the same time her still feeling that she needed Leonard, wanted Leonard because she loved him. Yes, she did want to go home, leaving California was something she wanted badly especially after seeing that student who reminded her of her past, the last night. However, along with wanting to leave she still wanted Leonard to come with her, her desire to stay around him unbelievably strong in her. So Penny just curled up in a ball, tears running down her cheeks, the confusion over what she heard and her not being able to work things out for herself, making her feel hopeless again. She was so distraught that again, like the times before, she just wanted to be held and it didn't matter that her perceived confusion was being caused by Leonard, she still wanted him to hold her, his warmth and comfort the only thing she desired. So when she felt the bed move as he got back in it, she went to him, rolling over to face him while she practically crawling on him, her head on his chest while her arms wrapped around him.

Leonard had thought she was still asleep, it was 7 AM when he had sneaked out to talk to Gloria, thinking he would be gone for such a short time that she would not be awake when he came back. So he mistakenly thought Penny's reaction, on his return, was based on him not being there when she woke up and it only confirmed to him, what Gloria just reiterated to him on the phone, that she was too dependent on him. He put his arms around her and then rubbed her back to comfort her, feeling bad that he caused this but thinking she would be better in a few moments, now that he was there.

Penny's senses, again like before, narrowed down just to just Leonard, when she was in his arms, his warmth, the feel of him against her and comforting feel of his hand rubbing her back, made her relax almost immediately. When she was being held by him she had a feeling she could stay there and never leave, forsaking food and water, until she ultimately fell asleep forever. She was unaware how bad her mind was, having no idea how vulnerable she was like this, he could have done anything with her or to her and she had no ability to resist, her yielding to him was so complete when she was being held by him.

Leonard glanced at the clock, it was only now 7:30 AM, so he just turned his head to just stare forward, his mind now thinking about his conversation with Gloria as he continued to rub Penny's back while she laid on him. Gloria was not happy about what he had done last night, but grudgingly did admit it would have been worse if he lost her again, so she didn't really rebuke him over it. She did however, remind him again about Penny's unhealthy dependence on him, explaining that nights like last night just feed that dependence and if he did not keep some emotional distance from her, she would be difficult or impossible to get to go home.

However, thinking about last night was not easy for Leonard either, it started with his only concern being that she was going to slip away and he needed to get her back to reality. But it soon got away from him as their kissing became more heated and he slowly lost himself holding her in his arms, which only got worse when they ended up on the couch, their bodies pressed tight against each other and his need for her now becoming something he could not control. When they got into the bedroom, he had given up in his mind, she had been offering herself to him and he couldn't resist anymore, but then between kisses she whispered she loved him and reality set it. He loved her too much to take advantage of her, and making love to her would be using her, in her condition, so he stopped himself. But unlike him she was still in the mad state they both had been in only moments before, so Leonard did what Gloria cautioned him not to do, Leonard touched her in ways he hadn't touched her before. He tried to do it clinically and dispassionately, tried not to notice how soft she was and amazing it was to touch her, but after he felt her shudder from her release, he couldn't help the good feeling that it caused inside of him that he could give her that relief. It was with some relief himself that she relaxed so completely and he quickly helped her change into her pajamas, then spooned her, feeling her relax more and quickly fall asleep.

Leonard, when he told Gloria all this, was ashamed about what happened but he didn't hide a thing from her and was surprised when she said to move pass it. She then again stressed to Leonard why Penny had to go home, reiterating the need for her to be in a safe environment, to make her feel secure, so she could get help to address her loss of being able to take care of herself anymore. Gloria made him understand that if she didn't go, her only safe place in California would be with him and she would become even more needy, would not be able to function if he went to work, and he would have to either quit and stay with her all the time or commit her. It made Leonard realize what a hopeless situation he was really in, she couldn't be with him all the time and he could never commit her, and if she got that bad he knew he wouldn't want to leave her. Then there was Sheldon, he would never let her stay, so there was no way they could stay there. Leonard sighed then went over everything again in his mind, he knew he over thought everything but in this case he couldn't figure out anything else to do, she had to leave and he just had to figure how to make her want to go.

Leonard's head finally started to hurt, he knew it was a stress headache because he had got them before, but this one seemed worse due his not being able to really settle on any plan to get Penny to leave. He slightly turned his head to look at the clock again, stunned it was now 10 AM, not understanding how time could have gone by that fast, he had just laid there rubbing Penny's back for 2 ½ hours. The other thing that surprised him is he had know Penny had been awake the whole time, her breathing and slight movements letting him know she had never dozed off, which now concerned him about what had bothered her so much that she had just laid there awake the whole time.

"Penny are you alright" Leonard asked as he stopped rubbing her back.

Penny noticed Leonard's hand had stopped rubbing her back, not his questioning words, making her come out of the content stupor she had let herself get into, her mind almost blank except for Leonard. She wasn't even able to answer him at first, her mind was still trying to become alert again and her mouth didn't seem to be capable of uttering words at that moment. So her only response was one physical the squeezing of the object of her need and love, Leonard.

Leonard knew that one of the ways Penny expressed affection was touch, last night only verified how important it was to her to touch the people she cared about, it was one of the few things he was certain about her. So when she didn't answer, instead just squeezing him, Leonard leaned his face down and kissed her head, a moment later getting the response he wanted as she seemed to pull herself up towards him trying to get her face near his to kiss him, while maintaining her body contact with him. He made no effort to stop her as she reached him to put her lips on his, and kissed her back for a couple seconds until he thought enough time had passed that she wouldn't get upset if he broke away. Leonard then cradled her head in his arms and looked in her eyes, they were so dilated they almost looked black, but they also told him he had her full attention.

"Penny, I need to talk to you about something." Leonard then watched as confusion and concern filled those eyes.

It scared Penny and she tried looked away for a second but then a gentle movement of his arm made her look back at him, his kind eyes always drawing her to them, she knew she had to answer him, "I heard you on the phone, you want me to leave." she blurted out, scared almost immediately at what his response would be.

Penny's statement surprised him and suddenly her actions all made sense, "Penny you are not happy here, you know that."

"I don't want to leave you." Penny croaked out, it was her last feeble attempt at trying to convince Leonard to let her stay, she lacked anymore emotional energy to fight him.

Leonard nodded, "Penny, you need to be someplace safe. Home is safe."

Penny just slightly nodded, she wouldn't resist him, she loved him and would do anything he wanted, she couldn't stand up for herself if she tried.

Leonard knew he couldn't stop pushing her now that she seemed to accepting his suggestion. "Penny we need to tell your parents you are coming home very soon, okay."

Penny just nodded again, the only thing keeping her from breaking completely down was that she was still pressed tightly against Leonard, in his arms, her pain being countered by comfort of him holding her tight.

Her not saying a word was a little disconcerting to Leonard though, "Penny you understand this don't you. Please tell me you understand."

"I understand, I will be safe at home and I need to go back to Nebraska." Penny replied back to him, surrendering to the fact that was what was going to happen and she had no choice in the matter. It actually was something she had become so use to, not having a choice on what happened to her, she had lived that way for months now. She didn't even realize she was so broken that she had become helpless in taking care of herself, that she had given up long ago at fighting anything that happened to her.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

"Okay." Leonard said without conviction, her expression still bothered him.

Penny just nodded, whatever Leonard wanted she would do, she trusted him without any reservation and without any doubt what-so-ever because she knew, just knew he would not hurt her or put her out. But that was not it all, there was something else that now was influencing her actions and in the last few minutes something had changed in her. All those complex emotions, that had demanded priority in her mind, had tired to overwhelmed her, so Penny's mind had to either deal with them or go crazy. Penny's mind however chose a third option, denial, denial that Leonard would ever leave her and denial that he would let her go home without him. Penny's mind, that needed Leonard as much as the air she breathed, simplified the emotions, confusion and fear she was feeling into simple denial, Leonard would take care of her and everything will be alright.

Leonard held her and looked into her eyes, thinking about the old saying about the eyes being the gateway to the soul, because looking into Penny's eyes made that seem so true. He had watched those eyes go from confusion and fear, now to something else and if he had to make a guess he would have said they seemed to show affection. The change confused him, so again he had to ask. "Penny are you okay? You understand this is what is best for you, being home with your family will keep you safe."

Penny again nodded, but now this time quickly. "I understand, whatever you think is right, I will do it."

Leonard slowly nodded back, not completely happy with her response, but now just satisfied she agreed to go home. "Okay, why don't we get up now and eat, you have to be starved."

Penny nodded and gave him a small hint of a smile. "Okay." while in her mind she was thinking ' _whatever you want, my love_.'

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Leonard made breakfast while Penny sat at the kitchen island watching, he had gotten use to her staring at him like this so it didn't seem to bother him anymore. He just continued making their breakfasts and it wasn't any more than 15 minutes later they were both sitting at the kitchen island eating syrup covered pancakes. The meal was quiet, Leonard thinking she was thinking about their discussion before and deciding to give her time to process that she was going home. So he just opened his laptop, as he continued to eat, to search for flights to Nebraska.

A frown formed on Leonard's face after a few minutes of looking for flights, the holidays between Christmas and New Years were a big travel time for people and he now remembered how hard in was to find flights during this period. Everything seemed against him as he looked at every airline attempting to find a seat for her to go home, with no luck, it seemed that every seat on every airplane going east from California was booked through a few days after New Years. So when two seats popped up on the last airline he tried, Leonard was surprised, then as he read the flight times he understood why, the flight left a hour before New Years and flew all night, stopping in Chicago and finally getting to Nebraska at 8 AM New Years day.

Leonard stared at the reservation, then quickly confirmed first one, then after thinking for a second booked both the seats, paying for both and getting confirmation the tickets were booked. He then pulled up the E-tickets and was about to print them when his fingers stopped on the keys and Penny's words came back to him when she first got there. Leonard reread the statement in front of him, 'ID required at Check-In', and suddenly his plan seemed to fade in front of his eyes, Penny had told him she had no ID, so he knew he would never be able to get her on the plane.

Leonard looked at Penny, to find her still staring at him, it didn't surprise him but somehow right now it just annoyed him because her current situation was making it very hard for him to get her home. "Penny did you say before you have no identification?"

Penny nodded, not understanding why he was asking, but answering him without question. "It was in my coat when I was in the homeless shelter and those men….." the memory suddenly came back to her and she shivered as she began to relive that moment with those men grabbing at her.

"Penny everything is okay." he was concerned about her, seeing that she was still not over the attempted rape and had zoned out while just mentioning what happened.

Leonard touched her shoulder, then rubbed it, until he felt she started to calm and seemed to come back to him again, him trying to concentrate about her ID situation while he did it, so he wouldn't dwell on how good she felt or how much he cared about her. So after a few minutes he decided to try talking to her again, he had thought of a few questions that came to his mind those minutes he had comforted her and he figured now was a good time to ask. "Penny are you feeling better?"

Penny nodded, then whispered "Yes", as she looked at him.

"Penny, when you stayed with your boyfriend, or those other guys, did you leave anything behind, any type of thing that could be used as ID?" Penny had told him about what happened since she got to California and he was hoping that maybe during her movement from place to place she had left something behind that would help.

Penny shook her head, "I had all my ID with me…except for my passport which the people at the movie company kept."

"You had a passport?" Leonard was confused, "Did you go out of the country?"

Penny shook her head, "When Kurt introduced me to the movie people, they told me I had to have a passport to prove my age, so Kurt took me to apply for one the next day. I got in 4 weeks later and Kurt gave it to them…then I was put in the movies." she told the last part to Leonard in almost a whisper because she was ashamed.

Leonard nodded, "Then they should still have it."

Penny didn't know, so she just shrugged, "I don't know."

"Well we should go find out." Leonard suggested

Penny didn't really want to go back to the porn production company, she was ashamed she had let Kurt talk her into it in the first place. "Do we have to?" she asked Leonard

Leonard nodded, "Penny we have to try and get you ID or you can't go home."

Penny just nodded in submission, if Leonard thought they needed to go there, they needed to go in her mind, because she trusted that Leonard knew what he was doing. "Okay."

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It was two hours later that Leonard was driving to the address of the movie company Penny identified as the company who had her passport, Penny sitting quietly in the passenger seat the entire time. The had both taken showers and dressed before leaving, Leonard having to coax Penny into doing those tasks without him next to her, even then still having to sit in the bathroom while she showered before she would do it alone. Gloria was right she was getting more dependent on him each day and he could see that Gloria was not exaggerating when she said it would get worse if he let her stay.

So it was almost an hour later when Leonard parked the car in a spot in front of the movie company and walked in the front door with Penny quietly following. The reception area was not what Leonard expected, the place looking very plain except for the attractive woman, in her thirties, sitting at the desk who looked up at them when they came in. "Hello, I'm Leonard and this is Penny…..is there someone we could talk to about Penny's passport that was given to your company when she was employed here." Leonard asked politely.

Sharon looked at the short man with glasses, then at the young pretty blonde girl with him, the girl did look familiar to her. "I will get the owner." she told Leonard and then picked up her phone, "Harry can you come up front, there are a couple people here asking about passports." She then hung up and looked at Leonard, "Why don't you have a seat, someone will help you in a minute." she then pointed to the couch against the wall.

Sharon watched them sit and noticed they were both nervous, especially the girl who seemed not only nervous but also scared. Sharon also knew that if the girl had worked there, Harry probably had her passport, because Harry would only take passports as proof of age, he, like many other people producing porn movies, knew about the Traci Lords story and that her having a real passport as proof of age was the only reason several people didn't go to jail for child pornography. The court agreeing with their defense that Traci Lords deceived the porn producers, when the US Government had to admit they too had been duped by her about her age because of the passport. So Sharon doubted Harry was going to be too happy about the two sitting in front of her and their request.

Sharon was right about Harry's mood as soon as he came to the reception area. "What is this crap about passports?"

Leonard immediately stood up, "Hi, I'm Leonard and this is Penny." he pointed at Penny who was still sitting. "Penny worked here over a year ago and she said you required and took her passport as a condition of employment. Well she is going to have to travel in the next week and she needs it back, so if you could give it to her, we would appreciate it."

Harry just stared at Leonard for a moment in disbelief of his request, "Fuck you bud, no one is getting anything, so just leave."

"Sir you have no right to keep Penny's passport, it is her property." Leonard insisted.

Harry suddenly laughed then just as suddenly got serious, "Listen….Leonard, you leave right now before I make you regret you came here."

Leonard didn't back down, "You're right, there is no way I'm going to force you to give me Penny's passport, you are much bigger than me and I would guess that if I tried to muscle my way back you would easily throw me out." Leonard then watched as a small smile formed on the big mans face. "However, I will tell you exactly what I will do when I leave, I will call the nearest Homeland Security office and FBI office and tell them you have hundreds of US passports here that you have coerced off the people who work for you."

The big man's smile dropped, "Fuck you, I don't give a shit." but Harry's confidence in his position had now dropped a little.

Leonard just nodded, "You may not but Homeland Security and the FBI will give a shit, and I expect they will come to see you, along with the local police. They will probably seize those passports and then the authorities will go over every detail of your business, like they do every time they check a business out when they perceive a terrorist threat."

It was a little surprise that with the four people in the room the secretary was the one to gasp, making Harry look at her in confusion. Sharon looked back at him, they had been living together now for two years, ever since she had given birth to a child she got unexpectedly pregnant with while she worked as a porn actress. It had ruined her body for porn and after the baby was born, Harry had asked her if she needed anything, so she had been living with him since. At first she lived with him because she needed help, after all she was still pretty and still had a nice ass, and Harry was Harry, big, overweigh and below average in the looks department. However Harry grew on her, he took care of her and acted like a father to her son, so one day after over a year with him she suddenly realized she loved him, she loved Harry Jackson. The next year they got comfortable together and they had even talked of getting married, but now this situation was going to ruin it all, Harry was being stubborn and he wasn't considering all of them as he argued with this man. "Harry give him her passport". she pleaded.

"What….why….he is not going to push me around, this is my business and I will not have anyone push me around." Harry responded, obvious more than a little annoyed.

"And how are you going to take care of our son and me, when they close this place while they investigate, it could be weeks, months or years before you could open again." Sharon pleaded.

Harry just stood their staring at Sharon, her calling her son, 'our son', causing him to pause and think about what she was telling him.

Leonard caught the words between them and tried to take advantage of the sudden pause in the situation. "Look I'm not trying to cause problems. All Penny's ID was stolen and she needs that passport for her flight home. She is not going to work here ever again, she just wants to go home and that passport is the only preventing that right now."

Harry first looked at Leonard, "I need the passports to prove that they are all legally old enough to perform." he finished the sentence looking at Sharon as if he was trying to explain it to both of them.

Leonard thought fast, "Just make a copy of the main page, it has the number and all the information for the authorities to verify that it existed, I'm sure it would cover you in court if it every came to that."

"Please Harry just do what he says, it makes sense, copy it, give the passport to them and let them leave." Sharon continued to plead to him.

Harry loved her and what the man sort of said make sense, so he turned to Leonard, "I'm only doing this because she wants me to."

"I understand, and thank you, both of you." Leonard told the big man in a tone of submission.

Harry grunted then went to the copy machine and made a copy of Penny's passport, making Leonard then come to him, as a show of dominance, to get the passport from him. Leonard then gave the passport to Penny and lead her out of the building as fast as his legs would carry him, considering getting Penny's passport a huge victory and wanting to get away while he was still unharmed. Leonard didn't stop his hurried escape until he was in his car and had driven a couple blocks away before he drove into a parking lot and stopped the car. He then just sat there a few minutes to catch his breath and relax from the encounter he just had with the huge man.

Penny looked at Leonard confused, "Leonard are you okay." she asked with concern while still clutching her passport.

Leonard nodded then reached into his pocket for his inhaler, taking a large puff, then letting out a sigh, before looking back at her, "I'll be fine in a minute." he then gave her a small smile as his breathing normalized.

Penny touched his arm with her free hand, her other hand still clutching her passport, her only thoughts that Leonard was her hero. She had watched him stand up to that big man and with his beautiful brain get her passport for her. She couldn't help herself, she was crushing on him so bad right then and again she told herself that Leonard would care and protect her, so she had nothing to worry about.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Leonard drove for almost a half hour before he felt relaxed again, he didn't even notice that Penny hadn't said a word, but just had kept looking at him. However soon his mind began to bring her back to front and center in his thoughts, making him turn to her, while stopped at a traffic light, only to find her staring intently at him. "Penny are you hungry? I am. What to get something to eat?"

Penny nodded quickly, "Yes." her one word didn't let Leonard hear the adoration in her voice., the strong feelings for him from just a little while ago still strong in her mind.

Leonard nodded back, "Okay, lets find a place." he told her as he started moving again after the light turned green. They drove for a couple minutes before they found a seafood restaurant, Leonard quickly pulling in and parking, knowing he would be able to find something he could eat in a place that served fish.

So in was only a few minutes later, that Leonard and Penny where seated in a secluded corner of the restaurant, the hostess thinking they were a cute couple and putting them in a spot that was romantic. They ordered their drinks then looked at their menus for a few minutes, Leonard noticing Penny looking at him every so often then looking back a her menu. He couldn't help thinking it was like they were on a date, but unlike his other dates, Leonard felt very comfortable with Penny, even with her problems, he was really happy around her and her acting happy around him only made that feeling stronger in him.

"Thank you, Leonard." she said it so quietly Leonard almost didn't hear it, but he did and it broke him out of his thoughts to look at her again.

"For getting your passport?"

Penny nodded, "and for my clothes, feeding me and taking care of me."

Leonard actually felt embarrassed, "Really Penny you don't have to thank me, I wanted to do that stuff."

A hint of a smile formed on Penny's lips, she had been thinking about something since they got back in the car, and now at this secluded table she had built up the courage to address it with him. She wanted to give herself to him, not just give herself but also she wanted him to make love to her, because she desperately wanted to love him back. The more she looked at him, like right now, she wanted him to just take her, again her wanting him to make her his, she wanted to stay with him forever, be his forever, and it was right now she thought she could tell him that.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked surprising them both, and immediately breaking Penny from her thoughts.

Leonard ordered for himself and when he saw that Penny was looking at the menu, confusion on her face, he asked her if she would like a particular meal, which she agreed to, so he ordered for her too. It was immediately after the waitress left with their orders, that Leonard looked at Penny and told her something that had been on his mind since they got there, "Penny I really need to use the restroom, I'll only be gone for a couple minutes and I promise I will come right back."

Penny didn't want him to leave, but she believed he would come back and she knew she couldn't come with him, so she just nodded. "Okay."

Leonard gave her a small smile and a nod, then stood up to leave. "I promise, I won't be very long." He then went off to bathroom, his mind moving from thinking about Penny to the two things he wanted to do, use the restroom and call Gloria. So Leonard quickly completed his first task, then took out his phone to start the second, calling up the number of his friend and hitting 'send'.

"Hello Leonard." Leonard heard after the second ring.

"Hello Gloria." Leonard responded, then quickly added, "I don't have much time, I just got away from Penny for a moment while I'm in the bathroom." He then explained to her, as quickly as possible, the information about the plane and that he had gotten her to agree to go, so everything was moving along as planned.

"Have you told her parents?" Gloria asked after he was done explaining the current status with Penny.

"No I haven't."

"Have you talked to them at all?" Gloria now asked.

Leonard felt bad, like he had done something wrong. "No, I'm sorry, I haven't. I probably should have, I'm sorry."

"No Leonard it is actually better for what I have in mind. Can you find a way to get their number for me from Penny and let me call them and explain what is happening. I think a doctor calling them and assuring them would be better, since they don't know you, and I can pass my friend's information to them so they can send Penny to her when she gets back." Gloria explained.

Leonard sighed and pulled out his wallet, taking out the piece of paper he had wrote Penny's parents number on. He had taken it off the phone, he gave her, when she was in the bathroom and he felt bad about it because he knew it was an invasion of her privacy. "I have their number, do you have a pencil."

Gloria was a little surprised but also happy he had it. "I don't know how you got it, but good work. Yes I'm ready to copy it."

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It was only a couple minutes later that Leonard was walking back to the table after ending his call to Gloria. Now that Gloria had Penny's flight plans for going home, she was going to call her friend to arrange a couple appointments quickly after that and then call her parents to explain the situation with their daughter to them. Leonard had confirmed with Gloria that Penny's porn work would never be mentioned and Gloria told him that information was strictly between Penny and her parents if they ever found out, making Leonard feel better. However, Gloria would have to tell them about Penny's time on the streets, to make them understand how she got this way and the gravity of her current mental state, which Leonard agreed.

As Leonard approached the table he smiled at Penny, observing the worry and then relief that showed in her eyes as he sat down with her. The smile on his face was a little forced though, because something Gloria said just before she hung up was now stuck in Leonard's mind. Gloria had told him that if everything now went right Penny would be home on New Years day, then she could get the help she so badly needed, and it finally dawned on Leonard that she would be beginning her trip back home and away from him in just over 48 hours. It also made Leonard realize tomorrow, Friday would be the last full day he would be with Penny alone, just the two of them, and that thought made his heart hurt.

Leonard sat down next to Penny and stared at her for a second before he spoke, "Penny, would you like to go out tomorrow and just have fun."

Penny stared back at him, "I don't understand?"

Leonard swallowed, "I mean, why don't we just do fun things tomorrow. What kind of things are fun for you?"

"I don't know." Penny answered, unsure how to answer his question.

Leonard smiled at her, "Penny, please think, there are things you like to do that make you feel happy. Just tell me what they are, please." he said softly to her to make sure she didn't think he was mad at her.

Penny sat there a second and just looked at him, "I like the beach."

Leonard nodded, "Well it is too cold to go swimming, but tomorrow is suppose to be like today, so the temperature will be in the 50's tomorrow and we could walk along the beach. Maybe we could find a nice place to eat alone the beach after our walk too. Would that be fun?"

Penny nodded, a small hint of a smile on her lips, "I'd like that."

"Okay that is something we are definitely going to do. So let's talk a little more about what you like." Leonard and Penny talked until their meals arrived and then talked some more, their time at the restaurant flying by for both of them. Penny never got to tell Leonard how she felt and after a little while the courage she had developed dissolved as she talked to him about their plans for the next day.

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Several hours after their dinner, Leonard was crawling into his bed with Penny, they had spent a couple hours at the restaurant then went home and watched TV, while talking for a short time before Penny got tired and they went to bed. Leonard actually felt bad about Penny being tired, because he knew the cause of her fatigue was the sedative he put in her drink that night, one of the one's Gloria left for him to give her and had told him to give Penny tonight and tomorrow, during their phone call. Gloria had told Leonard that Penny would probably become more agitated as her leaving time approached and this would help her relax and sleep, also Gloria reminded Leonard that they couldn't get any closer and the sedative would help dull those thoughts in Penny's mind. The second reason was the one that drove Leonard to give the sedative to Penny, he didn't trust himself anymore, the realization of her leaving so soon bothered him too much and if she threw herself at him again, he wasn't sure what he would do.

Even now as he crawled into the bed with her, he couldn't help himself from reaching for her, and it wasn't because he knew she wanted to be held, it was more because he wanted to hold her, to feel her body against him, to feel her warmth and bathe himself in her scent. It seemed to him that they had been together for a long time, not just a week, and the thought of her leaving him was almost too much for him to bare, she had become so much a part of his life the last week. It also didn't help that as he pulled her close to him, he could feel her scooting even closer, letting him know she wanted to be there with him, it created a feeling in him that he couldn't explain, but he knew he wanted that feeling to continue so badly, and the thought that soon he would never feel it again tore at his soul.

Penny's need for Leonard had kept her awake waiting for him to join her in bed, so when he pulled her against him, she got herself as close to him as possible before she settled into his warm comforting embrace. The cocoon she found herself in was now complete, she was safe in Leonard's arms, warmed by his body and the covers over her, it was exactly were she wanted to be. She quickly became so relaxed, the sedative helping with that feeling, that her will to resist sleep quickly fell away as her eyes closed and her mind relaxed like her body, she was asleep only a moment later.

However, no matter how comforting is was to have Penny in his arms, Leonard's mind could not relax, it would not let go of the image of his life without Penny. He was being cursed again by his tendency to over think everything and as he kept thinking of how it would feel to be without the person who was in his arms now, he wondered how he would survive. Scenario after scenario went through his mind that night, until sleep snuck up behind his tired mind and finally overwhelmed it, putting him into shallow and fitful sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

The next morning Leonard and Penny both slept late, Leonard because of the late time he finally fell asleep and Penny because of the deep sleep the sedative had put her into. It was actually a blessing to Leonard, since they had most of the afternoon planned, from last night, so getting up late put some urgency for them to get up and get ready. The necessity to get going and leave also not giving time for anything awkward to start between them. So when she rolled in his arms to face him, her beautiful eyes staring at him, with a look that took his breath away, he was able to get her out of the bed with only a kiss, the excuse to hurry not seeming like he was pushing her away.

Leonard used the need to hurry to also encourage Penny to get ready without him, washing and dressing by herself as she desperately wanted to please Leonard in his hurry to have fun with her. Leonard even told her that they would eat on their way to the beach, again pushing her to hurry, not giving her time to dwell on things like the couple days before, with her neediness towards him. So it was with a satisfied grin, on Leonard's face, that they both left through the apartment door a short time after waking up, a minor victory for Leonard in avoiding her attraction to him and his own feelings towards her. However, Leonard could never be cruel to Penny, so as they started down the stairs, when she brushed her hand against his, he took it quickly in his and gave it a small squeeze, then looked at her to see a small smile form on her lips.

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They ended up eating breakfast close to the beach, at a little place not too far from the water, sitting in a booth next to a window, watching the world go by as they ate. It was quiet and intimate, plus she was with Leonard, so Penny couldn't be anything but content inside as she ate all the food on her plate, taking glances at Leonard every few minutes and getting a smile from him when he caught her looking. "Penny have you been to the beach a lot since you have been in California?" he asked her after he caught her again sneaking a glance at him.

"Not a lot…really only twice." Penny watched at him and saw a curious look in his eyes, so she decided to say more to him. "It is probably a weird way of putting it, but I've always lived in Nebraska and there is nothing like what you have here, back there. Standing out there, looking at all the water is…..is….I don't know how to put it." Penny thought for a moment, while Leonard just waited.

Penny looked back at him, "It is just so huge, but not just huge, in is unbelievable when you look at it. It goes on forever, like you are standing on the edge of the world." Penny shook her head, "I know I'm being silly."

Leonard gave her a small smile and nodded. "It is actually how people felt in the 14th century, the sea was so vast and it seemed that the beach they stood on was the edge of the world, so if a person when out on to the sea they were going into the unknown and maybe would never come back. That is what people thought when Christopher Columbus proposed his trip west."

Penny nodded, "He was a brave man."

Leonard chuckled, "Yes he was." getting a small smile from her.

"When I walk along the beach, with all that water going on forever, my problems don't seem so big anymore." Penny confessed, looking now down at her plate.

Leonard's smile vanished as his face turned serious. "Penny sometimes things get really bad and then that bad time ends and things get better again." he watched Penny's head slightly nod, but she still didn't look up at him. "Penny that is what I always told myself when things got real bad for me, when I was bullied at school, put down by my mother or even when I have failures at work. I tell myself it will get better and it does, it does get better."

Penny looked up at him now. "Like when you saved me."

Leonard swallowed, he didn't like her putting it that way, he just helped, got her off the street so she could get back to her life. "Penny, things are better now, right? And you are going back home, that is where you want to be, so you are leaving the bad times behind and now things are good, right?"

Penny stared at him and nodded. "Yes."

Leonard gave her a little smile now, "We are eating a nice breakfast, we are going to go to the beach and have a good time, I feel good. Do you feel good?"

Penny nodded with a little more enthusiasm, "Yes."

"Then things were bad once and now they are better, you feel good, and things are just getting better and better, right?" Leonard gave her a bigger smile and wiggled his eyebrows.

Penny gave him a small giggle, "Yes."

"Okay, now that we settled that and the food is all gone, let's us go to that beach." Leonard stood up from the booth and put his hand out to Penny, who grabbed it and followed him out to the car.

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Leonard was not a beach person, the fear of the sun burning his body and the waste that the water could hold, had made him avoid the beach all his life. But now as he walked along the water in his bare feet, hand-in-hand with Penny and the water gently lapping across their toes, he couldn't help the feeling of happiness that filled his soul. Part of it was that he saw the change in Penny as she walked up to the waters edge and took off her shoes, she seemed relaxed and happy at once, and it made him take his shoes off with her with no question after seeing her change.

They walked north on the beach in a quiet comfort until they reached an area with a few shops off the beach where they got a snow cone each and then started south back the way they came. They had been walking only a couple minutes when Penny abruptly stopped almost making Leonard fall down, "Leonard look!"

Leonard had been walking on the beach side of Penny so he didn't catch the sight until she pointed it out to him, two whales were jumping out in the water. "Oh My God…..wow." he said as he now stopped to stare with Penny.

The whales seemed in no hurry to go anywhere and they were not too far off shore, resulting in that they were in a excellent position to be watched. So it wasn't long before Leonard and Penny where sitting together on the sand just watching the whales play in the water, it felt like they were getting their own personal show from the magnificent creatures. They didn't even notice that as they sat together, Leonard had put his arm around her and Penny had snuggled close to him, her head on his shoulder, this position they fell into so natural to both of them they were unaware of even getting that way.

"They are so beautiful." Penny softly said, the great feelings of walking on the beach with Leonard and now being close against him, was making her own real self come forward in her mind. She was content and happy, everything was good like Leonard had said, making her feel normal and act normal.

Leonard stared out at the water watching the huge creatures play, nodding to Penny's statement, then responding, "It is amazing how such huge creatures can be so gentle around people, like divers and swimmers, they seem to just like people."

Penny nodded on his shoulder, "Horses are like that too, they are so big and powerful but they seem to like us." Penny softly said as she thought back to her time on the farm.

It was with those words Leonard knew what he wanted to do later with her. She had not told him anything last night except about the beach being fun to her, but she obviously loved horses and he knew a professor that had a couple. It was the last minute but the man was his friend, so maybe he would let them stop by for a short time so Penny could see the horses, he thought dogs and cats are used as comfort animals so why not horses. A small smile came to his face, he would call his colleague as soon as he got a few minutes away from Penny and if he was lucky maybe he would be able to surprise her with another something she liked.

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Leonard was not in luck in getting permission to go to his friends place to see the horses, his friend was not home and was actually in Los Angeles when he called. However, his friend did tell Leonard they could join them at the arena, explaining that the horses were her teenage daughters and she was an Equestrian competing in horse jumping events. Leonard readily agreed, so after leaving the beach and after dinner, they headed over to the arena, Leonard just telling Penny he had a surprise for her that he thought she would like.

Penny was confused, but felt comfortable following Leonard as she parked outside an obvious convention center/arena and walked over to a numbered gate. She was even more curious when Leonard gave his name as 'Dr. Hofstadter' there to see 'Dr. Miller" and when the gate guard then told him that he was expected and gave him directions on where to go. But since she had no idea what Leonard had planned she said nothing and just casually followed Leonard to a big door in the building, until they got close and the smell hit her making her senses and mind come suddenly sharply alert. It was the smell of livestock, but not just any livestock, Penny's years of farm life made her guess she was smelling horses and that realization made her heart beat faster.

Passing through the doorway the smell became stronger and Penny now was sure the smell was from horses, that being confirmed as she now heard sounds of the animals from a distance. They walked on for a couple more minutes, following temporary signs pointing to the stables, Penny's excitement building with every step as both the smell and sounds told her they were getting closer. So when they entered the stable area, Penny almost stopped as she gasped and took in the sight before her, stalls, horses and people tending them all around her.

Leonard heard and noticed Penny's reaction, a small smile on his lips as he realized his surprise was well received by her. However he wanted to move her along, his goal was to have her interact with his friend's animals, to allow her to touch the large animal and get some comfort from it. "Penny, I have a friend here, who has a couple horses competing, I want you to meet."

Penny looked at him wide eyed and nodded, "Okay!"

It only took them a minute to find the two stalls being used by the Millers, a temporary sign saying 'Miller' and Dr. Robert Miller standing near the stalls making them very easy to locate. The also saw a teenage girl dressed in a jumping outfit petting and talking to one of the horses, who Leonard recognized from the picture on his colleague's desk as his daughter. Leonard immediately walked up to the taller man and extended his had, which Dr Miller immediately clasped in friendship. "Bob, thanks for letting us come by."

Bob Miller smiled, he like Leonard, he was easy to work with and extremely smart, to Bob he was one of the better scientist at Cal Tech. "My pleasure Leonard." Bob then looked over at his daughter, "I know you have never met, so let me introduce to you my daughter, Susan."

The teenager, who was about an inch taller than Leonard, stepped over to shake Leonard's hand, "Nice to meet you Dr. Hofstadter."

Leonard smiled as he shook her hand, immediately noticing how polite she was, "Nice to meet you too." he then looked at Penny, "This is Penny…my friend."

Susan extended her hand, "Nice to meet you Penny, my dad told me that you have horses."

Penny blushed a little, "I have one back home on my parent's farm."

Susan smiled, she loved horses and liked people who liked horses, so with a voice that had now had little excitement in it. "Oh you just have to meet my horses, Star and Footloose." Susan then took Penny's hand and pulled to the stables.

Leonard and Bob both watched them go to the horses, both of them smiling, Bob not offended at all that his daughter grabbed Leonard's friend before she was even introduced to him. "I think my daughter has taken a liking to your friend, she always seems to immediately like people who like horses." Bob said to Leonard as he watched both young women now petting the horse his daughter was talking to before.

Leonard nodded and smiled, watching the expression on Penny's face as she touched the horse and talked to Bob's daughter, he had never seen her happier, a smile now fully on her face as she seemed to be in her element. He talked to Bob for the next couple of minutes while watching the girls as they seemed to be talking continuously to each other, something that just amazed Leonard after the last week. It was while he was watching the girls that both of then suddenly went into the stall, and although he trusted that Penny knew what she was doing around horses, he still couldn't get over his apprehension of her not being where he could see her.

Bob looked at his watch, "They must be saddling up the horse, Susan needs to be out there soon for her turn at the course."

Leonard looked at him, a sad thought that they would need to leave so soon after they arrived since Bob's daughter had to get back to her competition. "Oh, I hope we didn't make you late."

Bob smiled, "No, don't worry. You two have to come watch her jump, she is really good."

"Really." Leonard said in surprise.

"Yes. The competitor's family and crew have a special place to view while the competition is going on." Bob pulled some tags out of his pocket and handed them to Leonard. "Just put these on and you can go almost anywhere here."

Leonard looked at the nametags that listed him and Penny as part of the crew for Miller's team, then looked back up at Bob, "Thank you."

It was only a minute later that Susan and Penny lead Star out of the stable, the horse all saddled up and ready to go. Bob then joined them and gave a hand to Susan, to help her into the saddle, as Penny held the reins to keep the horse perfectly steady. Leonard watched Penny, again smiling, as he saw how happy and focused she was at helping her new friend. He also watched her expression change when Bob took the reins from her to lead his daughter to the staging area for her jumping competition to start.

However, when Bob, leading the horse, seemed to be passing Leonard he stopped, "Leonard, you and Penny just follow those signs to the viewing area and our table is number 15. I'll join you in a few minutes." he then continued on with the horse and his daughter till he was out of view.

Leonard looked at Penny, "Do you want to watch her jump."

Penny nodded quickly. "Yes, I would love to watch."

"Okay.' Leonard said with a smile, leading her along the route Bob pointed out.

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"Leonard she is so good." Penny whispered to Leonard while they sat watching Susan compete.

Leonard tried not to chuckle, because every time Susan approached a jump he could feel Penny put more pressure on his hand as she slightly squeezed it in anticipation of the jump. "Yes she is very good." he said a little louder so Bob could hear, getting an approving nod and smile from the obviously proud father.

Penny and Leonard ended up staying at the arena for over three hours, till the competition was over for the evening, watching Susan compete and helping anyway they could. Penny got to interact with both of Susan's horses during that time and spent a lot of time with Susan helping her with the horses as much as she could. It made Leonard so happy he had brought her there because she seemed so happy as she helped the teenager with everything.

"Thank you Leonard." Bob suddenly said, surprising Leonard as he watched the two young women.

Leonard blinked, "I should be saying that to you."

Bob shook his head, "No thank you. You know I lost my wife when Susan was only 6, so she doesn't get adult female companionship as much as I would like. Your friend may not be too much older, but she is an adult woman and I can see my daughter enjoys her company, so thank you."

Leonard nodded, "I guess this worked out for both of us."

Bob nodded, "You two are welcome to come by anytime you want Leonard." he said seriously

Those words suddenly brought Leonard back to reality, from the happy place he had been in all night with Penny. "I'm sorry but Penny is going home back to Nebraska tomorrow, so she will not be around after that." the words struck Leonard like a sledgehammer as the joy of the day dissolved with the truth of his and Penny's situation coming back to him.

Bob saw Leonard's mood seem to change, "Well I'm truly sorry to hear than, but that offer still stands if she ever comes back."

Leonard just nodded, "Thank you." then turned to watch Penny and Susan put the horses away for the night.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

One of the more depressing things of life is watching the sun start to brighten up your bedroom after you spent the whole night not being able to sleep. That is the way Saturday morning started for Leonard, after a night of holding Penny close, his mind unable to rest as he thought about her all night, while she slept. He was laying slightly raised up, his head and shoulders on two pillows, while Penny lay on him, her head of his chest, her arm wrapped across him, her leg over his and her body slightly on his, she was soft and warm against him, her gentle breathing rhythmic as she slept and Leonard couldn't get over that this was the last time he would lay with her like this.

Leonard wanted so badly to be selfish, but he couldn't no matter how he tried, Gloria was right she needed help and he had spent all night confirming that in his mind. He couldn't do anything to hurt her and reminding himself how she acted over the last week only made him know how desperately she needed help, help he was smart enough to know he couldn't give her. However, knowing all that didn't make it any easier on him, so he continued to lay there enjoying the feeling of her against him trying to remember every detail of her so he would remember her after she was gone.

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It was almost noon when Penny finally stirred, Leonard looking down at her as she stretched against him for a moment then snuggled herself more against him. "Penny are you awake." he softly said not wanting to really wake her if she was still asleep.

"Yes." she then rubbed her face against his chest.

"We need to get up and start preparing for our flight tonight." he softly told her.

"Are you coming to Nebraska with me?" Penny wanted to know, while terrified his answer would be no, she didn't want to go without him.

"Yes, so we have to eat, get dressed, pack, eat dinner, then go to the airport." hoping this would make her get up.

Penny didn't want to leave the bed, but knowing Leonard was going with her did motivate her to get up. "Okay."

The beginning of the afternoon started to go along satisfactorily as far as Leonard was concerned, Penny and him taking care of their morning routine before Leonard went to the kitchen and made breakfast for both of them. He was happy to see her eating all her food, but noticed she kept looking at him in a different way than he was use to from her. "Penny is their something wrong."

Penny sighed, "I don't want to call them."

"Who?"

"My parents." she confessed

Leonard now sighed, "You don't have to."

"But, they need to know we are coming."

"They already do." Leonard confessed.

"Huh?" she looked at him in confusion

"Gloria talked to them." Leonard had verified that with a couple text messages to Gloria when Penny was using the bathroom.

Penny gasped, "What did she tell them!"

Leonard could see her starting to panic and he knew why, "Nothing about your movies."

Penny seemed to relax a little, so Leonard continued, "Penny she told them you were coming home, had a bad time on the street and needed to come home."

Penny looked down at her food, avoiding Leonard's eyes. "She told them how I failed out here."

"No, she told them how you were deserted by you boyfriend and dumped on the street."

Penny just nodded, "Leonard what do I say to them?"

"Penny they love you, you tell them you worked as an waitress and your boyfriend kicked you out, then you ended up on the street the last couple of weeks. Gloria told them you lived in hell those weeks and you want to come home. If they ask you anything they will ask about you being homeless and you can just tell them the truth." Leonard explained to her.

"But….but what about what I did….the movies." she whispered on the verge of tears.

"Penny they are not going to guess that, Gloria won't tell them, I won't tell them, so the only way they will ever know is if you tell them. Therefore, it is all up to you and only you if you want them to know."

Penny nodded, "You think then they won't find out."

To Leonard her words were almost pleading for Leonard to tell her everything would be alright. "Penny not unless you tell them, otherwise they will never know." He didn't know that for sure, but she needed all the confidence he could give her.

Penny nodded, "Okay."

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They finished breakfast and Leonard talked Penny into taking her shower while he cleaned up, again keeping some distance between them. She then got dressed while he showered and after he got dressed he helped her pack, while packing a small bag for himself with a change of clothes. He noticed her stare at his small bag, especially since she now had two carry on roller bags of clothes to take with her, not even counting the warm coat she was carrying, but thankfully she didn't ask anything.

It was almost four when they had the car packed and ready to go, it was early enough for one little trip before they ate, and went to the airport, so Leonard and Penny got into the car and headed almost due west. They arrived in the beach parking lot just before the sun set, then watched the last 15 minutes of it going down before it disappeared below the horizon. Them sitting there the whole time quietly, while Leonard caught sideways glances of Penny just staring at the spectacle, wearing Sheldon's sunglasses, the whole time in awe.

No sooner that the sun disappeared, Penny tuned to him, "That was amazing, thank you."

"I just wanted you to leave seeing something good about California before the trip." Leonard answered

Penny nodded with a small smile, "Thank you, that was beautiful" It was the first time a man had taken her to see the sunset since she had come to California, and it made her happy that her first time was with Leonard, it made it even more special to her.

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They ate dinner at a restaurant near the water, seeing a couple of boat lights in the distance when looking out the window next to their table, making it seem even more intimate to the both of them. They then left for the airport, arriving at the airport at 8:30 PM, a little early because Leonard was worried that the airport would be busy during the holidays, so he wanted to get there early. Actually it did end up busy and it was almost 10 PM when they were finally past security and on their way to their gate, the plane beginning to load only 30 minutes later. The rush was a blessing for Leonard, it kept them moving and really didn't give Penny a lot of time to think about not going, her first time to really relax being when she was seated and buckled in next to him. Leonard also thanking how lucky they were that they were flying on a Boeing 777 and had two seats on the right side of the aircraft by themselves.

"How long will we be flying?" Penny asked while looking out the aircraft window.

Leonard was a little surprised by the question, "Haven't you flown from Nebraska to California before?"

Penny shook her head, "We drove out here and I haven't been home since."

"Oh." Leonard pulled out the tickets and looked at them, "I guess it is almost 4 hours to Chicago, then we change planes for another two to three hour flight to Nebraska."

Penny nodded, "Okay." she then turned to look out the window.

They didn't talk again until the aircraft had gotten to cruising altitude and the pilot turned out the seatbelt sign. Penny then turned to Leonard and laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, making Leonard look down at her, the thought of how much she looked like an angel coming immediately to his mind. "Penny would you like to lie down."

She opened her eyes, "Could I?"

Leonard smiled and nodded, standing up to get a pillow and blanket he saw in the overhead, then sitting back down, lifting up the armrest between them and placing the pillow against the outside armrest and his lap, patting it gently as an invitation for her to lie down. Penny did just that, pulling her legs up to fit on the two seats, while Leonard put the blanket over her, making sure it was tucked in around her, then watching her settle down comfortably. Seeing her like that made him smile and he gently touched the side of her face, tucking her hair around her ears before he started to gently rub her back.

"Thank you Leonard." Penny said softly

"Your welcome…..try and get some rest." he answered

Penny nodded and relaxed, her mind daydreaming a little while she started to fall asleep. She pictured how it would be to be with Leonard forever, her sleeping safely in his lap like now or in a bed, his arms around her protecting her from everything. She loved him like no other man and she wanted to be with him forever, and it was with that last thought her mind succumbed to sleep.

Leonard watched her breathing steady, knowing she was asleep, and he just watched her for the next hour, until the quiet in the dark cabin finally made his fatigue from not sleeping the night before come back to take him. He put his arm against the armrest and rested his head on his hand, all the time looking at Penny watching her sleep. He didn't even realize he fell asleep and didn't wake up again until the Stewardess shook him to tell them they had to prepare for landing.

Leonard then woke Penny and they landed shortly afterward, both Penny and Leonard splashing water on their faces in the terminal bathrooms before they got a quick bite to eat and coffee at one of the many restaurants. They were actually rushed, not having much time before they had to board their aircraft again, having to carrying their food with them to the aircraft. So it was just over an hour after they arrived that they were in their seats on another airplane, eating breakfast sandwiches and drinking coffee, waiting for the plane to take off again, to Nebraska.

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It was almost exactly 8 AM when the airplane pulled into the gate in Omaha, Nebraska, Leonard and Penny both wide awake, having sat close together the whole flight, each dozing on each others shoulders after they lifted up the armrest between them so they could sit close together. They were both a little scared so they just waited till the plane was almost empty until they pulled both of Penny's bags from the overhead and his small bag from under the seat and deplaned. The walk towards security and the main terminal was done in silence and it was just past security that Penny stopped in her tracks staring wide eyed into a group of people. "Leonard its my parents." she whispered, then she dropped her bag and ran to a older woman who did look a lot like Penny.

"MOM!" she just got out before she was engulfed in a hug from the older woman. It was then Leonard noticed an older taller man come up and hug them both.

Leonard stood there a few seconds just watching the reunion, both happy Penny was back with her family, but sad knowing she would be lost to him soon. So he slowly took a breath to calm himself, then picked up the handle of the roller bag Penny dropped and slowly walked to the three family members now in a tight embrace. He then just stood there a few feet away, not even considering doing anything to disturb them, as he barely made out Penny crying on her mothers shoulder. He didn't know how long he stood there, until the older man saw him and let go of the two women to approach him, sticking out his hand as he approached.

"You must be Leonard. Dr Steiner said you would be bringing my daughter home." the man then shook Leonard's hand.

Leonard smiled and nodded. "I'm Leonard Hofstadter."

"Leonard, I'm Wyatt and that woman holding our daughter is her mother Susan." Wyatt then got silent for a second and Leonard thought he was trying not to cry, before he spoke again. "Son, I can't thank you and Dr Steiner enough for getting our daughter back to us, you both are truly God's servants on earth, taking care of your fellow man and woman."

Leonard felt ashamed taking praise from this man, he didn't have any idea how Leonard would have not even considered bringing her home if there had been a way to help Penny in California. "The credit really goes to Dr Steiner, she knew Penny needed to come home, I'm just her escort."

Wyatt nodded, "Don't sell yourself short Son, you did good too."

Wyatt then looked back at his wife who still had Penny in her arms but was now leading her to the door and out to where their car was parked. Wyatt quickly looked back at Leonard, "Son do you need a place to stay until you go back."

Leonard shook his head, "I have a return flight in 2 hours so I will be staying here. Like I said I'm just the escort, thank you anyway."

Wyatt took the two roller bags from Leonard, "Well if you ever are back, you always have a place to stay…Again, thank you Son and please tell Dr Steiner thanks for everything she has done."

Leonard nodded, "I will Sir. Take care of her."

Wyatt nodded and gave him a small smile, then turned and walked quickly to catch up with his wife and daughter, who were already almost to the exit door. Leonard just watched them until they were out the door, glad that Penny had bought that warm coat in California after seeing the snow flakes blow in when the door opened. It was after they were out of sight, that Leonard finally realized he was totally alone again, the feeling of being completely alone with people all around him hitting him hard in the airport terminal. It was such a strong feeling he actually fled to the security line to check back in, wanting to get away and back in the airplane until his growing grief consumed him.

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It would be easy to condemn Penny for what happened when she saw her parents, her mom especially, in the airport, but because of her extreme mental condition, the gradual destruction of her self over the months and her final breakdown when she was dumped on the street, it did actually made sense what happened next. Penny's mind regressed to a point where she was a scared child and there in front of her was her mommy, the person who always took care of her when she was scared. Penny thoughts narrowed immediately to just one thing, she needed to be held by her mother and with that thought dominating all others she went to her. Being held in her mothers arms, also became the catalyst that made her even regress more, it turned her into a child now needing her mommy to take care of her and make everything alright.

So Penny didn't even register anything, except for her mother, as she was lead out of the airport and out to her parent's car. She just clung to her mommy during the whole trip home, both woman riding in the back seat of the car hugging each other like they would never let go. The excitement on seeing her home again as they exited the car only made that child like sense increase in Penny, so it was easy to for her mother to lead her to her home. Penny even might have gone to bed that night without a care in the world if her father didn't drop her suitcase, as he lifted it from the car trunk, making such a noise that both Penny and her mother turned to look at him.

Penny blinked and for a few seconds the young woman, that was the real Penny took over her mind, pushing child Penny away, as the words came almost without thought, spilling from her mouth. "Where's Leonard?"


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

"Leonard" Penny said again, while her eyes darted around, looking at her father, then at the car and finally coming to rest on her mother. She also started to tremble and her breath came heavily, Leonard was her protector, she wanted him with her and now he was not there. She turned to her mother as the realization that she had lost Leonard started to overcome her, "He left me mommy." she said just before she completely broke down, hugging her mother desperately as she now started to fall apart.

Susan held Penny, while at the same time looking at Wyatt, confusion on her face because she had no idea who this Leonard was or why her daughter now seemed to be missing him so badly. The whole time, from in the airport to on the way home, the name 'Leonard' had never come up at all. However, she remembered the telephone conversation with Dr. Steiner, the day before, the doctor telling her and her husband that Penny may act like this when she got home and her advice was that they should just calm her. The doctor had also said things would be better after they took Penny to the doctor's appointment, she made for them, and that they could also give Penny some of pills she prescribed for her to help calm her.

Wyatt took in a short breath, he had seen what happened with Penny and watched as his wife tried to calm their daughter. Since he knew who Leonard was, he just walked over to his crying daughter and put his hand gently on her back, "Slugger, he had to catch his flight back to California." Wyatt noticing as his wife's face seeming even more confused now. It was also then that he soon found out his attempt to comfort his daughter was not going to be received well.

"NO!" Penny wailed, and with that final confirmation that Leonard was truly gone, the persona of the young woman Penny actually was now being pushed back deep into her mind as scared child Penny took back over and her crying increased.

Susan knew her questions over Leonard would have to wait as she watched her daughter now breaking down, her holding her mother in a strong hug, bawling on her shoulder. She held her child for several minutes before she was able lead her out of the cold and into the house, holding her all the time, Penny barely able to function as she continued to cry. Susan then spent the next two hours on the couch rocking her child in her arms as she cried, finally able to get some water and a couple of the pills, the doctor prescribed for Penny, in her, when she became so dehydrated that the tears wouldn't come anymore.

It was only 30 minutes later, that a very tired Penny was lead to bed, Susan laying down next to her and rubbing her back till she finally fell asleep. It was all Susan could do to not start crying herself after Penny finally fell into a ragged sleep and she turned to Wyatt, who was standing in the bedroom doorway, to try and make sense of it all. "Who's Leonard?" the first question coming to mind.

"The young man who brought her said his name was Leonard." Wyatt answered.

"Is he her boyfriend or something? Why didn't he come with us?" Susan asked in sort of an accusation.

"He said he was just her escort home, nothing else." Wyatt tried explaining, like he had done something wrong.

Susan just shook her head, "God Wyatt, what has happened to her? What did those people in California do to her?"

"I don't know honey. They did say she was homeless for a couple of weeks, but what else happened, I don't know." Wyatt then walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, gently putting his hand on his wife's back and rubbing it. "But she is home now, where we can take care of her."

Susan nodded, "You're right, at least she is home." she then ran her hand gently through her daughters hair, moving it from her face, before turning back to her husband. "I'm going to sleep here tonight Honey, I'm afraid to leave her alone."

Wyatt just nodded, "I understand."

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Leonard's return flight had left three hours after he had dropped Penny off to her parents and like the whole time he had waited at the gate, he was now just sitting in the aircraft seat, staring ahead, staring at nothing. The sense of loss he felt, ever since he left Penny, was overwhelming, the incredible loneliness tearing at his very soul and the thought that he would never see Penny again made him want to scream. It was really getting too much for him, so he got up from his seat and headed to the nearest bathroom, closing the door just before his tears fell. He had never felt this bad in his whole life, it was like someone had taken a part of him, ripped it from him, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Spasms racked his body and he silently looked at himself in the mirror, the only words coming from his mouth the whole time being, "I miss you so much."

Leonard didn't even know how long he was in the bathroom, trying to get control of his emotions, but the knocks on the door finally made him come back to the world he right now hated. "Sir are you alright?" being asked following the last series of knocks.

"Yes" he croaked out, then swallowing and responding, "I'll be out in a minute."

It was actually more like five minutes later when he finally opened the door, having washed his face first, trying to look normal again. However his red eyes gave him away, as the stewardess just looked at him, not knowing what exactly to say. "Sir….do you need anything?" she finally said to him.

In Leonard's mind the answer to her question was obvious 'Penny', but that was also impossible, so he just sighed, "No….thank you." Leonard then just slowly returned to his seat, sitting again and just looking out the window, not knowing what to do with himself or even knowing where he went from there, now that she was gone.

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Several hours later, Leonard was back in Los Angeles airport sitting outside the gate that Sheldon was suppose to arrive at in a few minutes. Since he had arrived back to the airport and had no checked luggage, he just walked from his gate to the gate Sheldon was scheduled to arrive at, again sitting quietly, like before, just staring ahead the whole time waiting for his roommate. So he didn't even notice when the plane arrived or see the passengers emptying out from the parked aircraft into the waiting area and terminal.

"Leonard are you asleep?"

Leonard blinked, the voice so familiar, and looked up to see Sheldon standing over him. "No."

"Well then you should be standing and accompanying me to baggage claim." With that remark, Sheldon subsequently turned on his heals and moved towards the said mention baggage area.

Leonard slowly stood up, watching as Sheldon moved away, just assuming he would follow, as said to himself softly, "And good to see you too, Leonard", before he started to follow his self centered roommate.

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The drive from the airport back to the apartment wasn't much better for Leonard, Sheldon bringing up the person, Leonard was still horribly upset about losing just a few hours ago. "Leonard, is that homeless person gone?"

"You mean Penny." Leonard said back, annoyed at Sheldon's not caring attitude.

"Yes, of course I mean her, who else would I mean. Did you boot her out like I told you?" Sheldon responded

Leonard would never understand why he decided to lie as he did, maybe it was because he was in pain and wanted to make someone else suffer or maybe it was that he was not thinking clearly, since he left Nebraska, so Sheldon's uncaring attitude just made him mad. But whatever it was he just responded with a lie, laced with sarcasm. "No Sheldon, she is moved in and I gave her your room."

"WHAT!" Sheldon turned to Leonard wide eyed, his face twitching.

They had just come to a stop light before they got on the freeway ramp, so Leonard just looked at the man-child sitting next to him with an impassive expression on his face as Sheldon started to respond hysterically. "That is totally unacceptable…..Leonard how could you do that…..My room!… not my room!….that is my sanctuary.…Oh My God she had probably touched my stuff with those germy hands of her's." then very loudly, "I want her out of my room and our apartment right now!"

Leonard turned to look forward again and as the light turned green he just accelerated onto the freeway on ramp, not really caring what Sheldon had to say. As a matter-of-fact he just felt like stopping the car and slapping the 'shit' out of Sheldon, his particular brand of indignation, over what a normal person would have understood, really just making him angrier with his roommate. Just thinking about Sheldon and his attitude made Leonard realize that he had enough of the man and even with all the problems him and Penny had the last week, it was still one of the best weeks of his life, much better than any week living with Sheldon all those past years.

"Leonard are you listening to me!" Sheldon now shouted his voice very shrill.

Leonard just stared ahead, "No".

"NO? Have you been drinking….you need to listen…..If you have been drinking why are you driving me…that woman has changed you, you now drink and drive." Sheldon rambled on like a lunatic.

Leonard now was sorry he even thought to lie to him, "Sheldon she is gone and she didn't go into your room."

"Then why did you say she did….are you lying to me….and why are you driving and drinking…you need to stop the car right now."

You weren't suppose to stop on the freeway unless an emergency, but Leonard pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. He then checked his mirror before exiting the car, walking around to the back to sit on the trunk, even there still hearing Sheldon who was in the car. Also, as luck would have it, just two minutes later, a police car pull to the road side right behind him.

"Sir do you have a problem?" The officer said while approaching him

Leonard sighed, of course this would happen to him today. "No, I just had to stop, the guy in the car was driving me crazy."

"You are not allowed to stop on the freeway unless it is an emergency." the officer stated the law to him.

Leonard just nodded. "I need to see your license and registration." the officer responded.

Leonard got out his license and provided it to the officer. "The registration is in the glove box of the car."

The officer looked at the license then at Leonard, thinking something was still weird about all this. "Sir stay here." he then walked up to the passenger side of the car and tapped at the window, while taking glances at the back of the car where Leonard still sat.

Sheldon rolled down the window, "Thank goodness you are here, Leonard has been acting weird ever since we left the airport." then as an afterthought, "I think he has been drinking."

The officer's eyes shot to Leonard, he had seen people drunk that acted perfectly normal before and that would explain the some weirdness he felt about all that was happening. "Are you his friend?"

"Not right now, he is on my enemy list right now. He has been acting strange since he picked that girl up off the street." Sheldon responded.

Picked a girl off the street and drunk, things were getting weirder by the minute and the officer knew this needed investigating. "Sir, I need you both to come back to the station. I'm going to put your friend in my car, so I need you to follow me."

"Follow you? I can't drive."

"Great. Then I need you to ride in my car too." the officer told Sheldon

"But I have to go home." Sheldon insisted.

"Sir I need to you come to the station." the officer told him

"I don't want to get into your germ infested car, I want to go home." Sheldon responded like a spoiled child.

It was only 10 minutes later, Sheldon and Leonard sat in the back of the police car, both handcuffed. "This is all your fault." Sheldon accused Leonard.

"Yeah you are probably right." Leonard sadly responded, while looking out the window.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Leonard and Sheldon were put into separate rooms and questioned by first the officers and then the detectives, Sheldon's rants about Leonard and a homeless girl, along with Leonard's quiet depressed state, had the police not willing to let them go without further information. The officers and detectives were all mostly convinced that something bad had happened involving one or both of them and the girl Sheldon kept complaining about. They questioned Leonard for hours, hoping to wear him down enough to get him to admit what he had done, most of them sure he was the one who was guilty. At the same time they also questioned Sheldon, in another room, each officer talking to Sheldon for about a half hour before leaving the room frustrated and ready to kill the tall lanky man after that short time.

Consequently it was about fours hours after their arrival that Sheldon was put in a cell, not one police officer wanting to talk to him anymore since now everyone of them was convinced he had no further useful information. Plus in addition, they were all sick of talking to the man because he just seemed to be repeating himself in his complaints about Hofstadter, the homeless girl and not being allowed to go home. However, Leonard wasn't so lucky, the police kept at him, keeping him tired and in the interrogation room for over 18 hours while they bombarded him with question after question, trying to make him slip up and reveal the crime they were sure he committed.

Their only problem was that Leonard really didn't care what they were doing to him, he was still suffering over the loss of Penny from his life, so the all night torture, the police detectives were forcing on him, seemed like nothing over the real pain of what he perceived he lost. His consciousness was full of thoughts of if he did the right thing, should he have let her stay in California and helped her or was Gloria right he had to let her go, each scenario continuously being rerun through his mind, driving him to distraction, so the interrogation he was being put through was hardly even noticed by him. Consequently the simple one or two word answers he gave the police, to every question made to him that night, was more frustrating and tiring for the detectives than Leonard, the man they were trying to break.

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Subsequently it was early that Monday morning, at Cal Tech, when Dr. Henderson entered the Physics department looking for Dr. Hofstadter, so he could discuss his daughter, one of Leonard's students, and her need of a recommendation for graduate school. Dr. Henderson was on Cal Tech's legal staff, but he also did teach one short course in legal ethics every year as a senior level elective for the university. He had talked to Dr. Hofstadter a couple times before about his daughter while she went from one school year to the next, so now as she entered her last semester before graduation, he hoped Leonard could give her some help to get into the graduate school of her desire. So when Dr Henderson found Dr Hofstadter's office empty that morning, he made his way to the department offices to see if they had Leonard's schedule or if they even could make an appointment for him.

Joan, the department office manager, had worked at Cal Tech for over 15 years, so she had gotten to know most of the regular people that worked at the university, Dr Henderson being one of those people she knew, especially since he had been in the physics department a few times before. "Dr Henderson did you get a call too." she asked him as he came up to her desk.

"Umm…what call are you referencing?" Henderson asked, caught off guard by the question.

Joan knew better than to discuss something that her boss was now working so she quickly pressed the intercom button and spoke. "Dr Gablehauser, Dr Henderson from legal is here." she then smiled at Henderson, "He'll be out in a minute I expect."

It was actually only 15 seconds later that Gablehauser came out the door and greeted Dr Henderson, Gablehauser have a relieved expression on his face as he felt the lawyers could now take over this situation and relieve him of the burden of figuring what to do next. "Dr Henderson, please come into my office so we can discuss this in private."

Henderson just nodded, "Of course." not having an idea what was happening but following Gablehauser into his office hopefully to find out what it was all about.

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The third shift detective, that had been interrogating Leonard all night, was extremely tired and therefore well beyond his breaking point with the short man with glasses. Hofstadter's demeanor and quietness was getting on his nerves and after receiving him from the swing shift detective, who told him he knew Leonard had done something wrong, he was determined to break the man before he was relieved from his shift. "Listen Hofstadter, after we find out what you did, the DA is going to crucify you when we tell him how you didn't cooperate. So this is your last chance before we throw the book at you and lock you up for the rest of your life!" detective Richard Whitmore practically spit at him.

Leonard just looked up at him and shook his head slowly. "I didn't do anything." his only answer

Whitmore was so frustrated he was ready to hit Leonard, the guy was small and weak and Whitmore was way too stressed out, his tired mind thinking that if he slapped Leonard around a little and found out what he did, nobody would be so concerned that he roughed him up, especially if he left no marks. It wasn't that Whitmore was that cruel, he just wasn't thinking clearly due to fatigue, so it was a good thing he didn't get a chance to see if he would really do something, because the door opened at just that moment and a uniformed officer walked in. "Detective, the suspect's lawyer, with the Lieutenant, are here and they demand to see you now."

"What the fuck." Whitmore got up and headed out to the office area like a bull charging a matador, his fatigue and frustration driving him the whole way.

However, Whitmore was no sooner in the office area when common sense took over and the anger he felt was put in check as soon as he saw the Lieutenant of Detectives standing near a well dressed bearded man, talking to him. Whitmore now walked cautiously to the two men, stopping for a second while the two men finished their conversation and looked then at him, the Lieutenant now addressing him. "Dick, Dr. Henderson is from Cal Tech, he is the university's council and we were told to help him by the District Attorney (DA) personally." his look at Whitmore told the detective this was real serious. "Dr. Henderson would like to know if Hofstadter and Cooper are charged with anything?"

Whitmore stood there without an answer for several seconds, finally saying, "They were brought in when they illegally stopped on the freeway and were acting very suspicious like they were hiding something."

"You were suspicious of them doing what, may I ask?" Dr Henderson now asked.

Henderson's smug sounding question only pissed Whitmore off but as he looked at his lieutenant and saw him nod, it left no doubt to Whitmore that he had to answer this lawyer honestly. "We believe they did something and they are hiding it, something that might involve a young homeless girl."

"So you have a victim?" Henderson asked now curious.

Whitmore looked at his Lieutenant again a second before answering, "Well not exactly."

The Lieutenant now spoke, "What evidence do you have?"

Whitmore stared at his Lieutenant, a little surprised that he was not helping him deal with the lawyer, "Well the tall guy, Cooper, said they picked up a homeless girl and she was the reason Hofstadter was acting weird. He said she was trouble from the very beginning and he told Hofstadter to get rid of her."

"Can I speak with Dr Hofstadter as his lawyer?" Henderson directed his question to the Lieutenant, making Whitmore angry inside on how the man seemed to brush him aside to go directly to his boss.

"Yes of course." the Lieutenant responded, making Whitmore bite his tongue as he watched the lawyer go into the interrogation room.

The lawyer had no sooner closed the door behind him when Whitmore turned to his boss, "What the hell Lieutenant, what's going on here."

Surprisingly the Lieutenant's face turned sympathetic, "The DA called down to the chief personally and told him if we do not have specific charges on these two men we are to release them, immediately."

"What?" Whitmore was shocked, usually the DA's office worked with them, not against them.

The Lieutenant shrugged, "The DA also said we are to treat this lawyer with respect, so I think the DA is a pretty close friend. Any way we were told to either charge them or let them go, there is no in between concerning those two, DA's orders."

It was only 15 minutes later that Henderson came back out handing a piece of paper purposely to the Lieutenant. "Dr Hofstadter and Dr Cooper took in a homeless adult girl in, before Christmas, and Dr Hofstadter took her back to her family in Nebraska yesterday. Her name, Nebraska address and phone, the flight number and the Doctor from Cal Tech who was treating her are all on that slip for you to check." Henderson nodded to the paper in the Lieutenant's hand. "My client has been kept awake all night, so unless you have a something to charge him with, I request he be released."

The Lieutenant looked at Whitmore, "Was he questioned all night?" Whitmore just nodded, "Are you ready to charge him?" Whitmore reluctantly shook his head, "Then release them immediately."

"But…" Whitmore started before the Lieutenant cut him off, "I want them out now Whitmore, unless you have changed your mind and are ready to charge them this second." the man said in frustration to Whitmore.

Whitmore could do nothing but visibly sigh, "No I'm not, but it doesn't mean I won't later." directing the last part of the sentence to Henderson.

"We will cancel that parking on the freeway ticket too, however he will still have to pay to get his car out of impound." the Lieutenant told Henderson who only nodded.

It was only ten minutes later Whitmore watched Hofstadter and Cooper leave the police station, his only consolidation was that he was sure he would have Hofstadter again in his interrogation room, after he found out what crime the man had perpetrated. However, Whitmore would have been angry to learn how delusional that thought was because he had no idea that actually he would never see Leonard Hofstadter again in his life.

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The whole time back to the apartment Sheldon never stopped complaining, everything directed to Leonard and how it was all his fault that Dr Sheldon Cooper had to stay the night in a police station. So it was a relief for both Hofstadter and Henderson when they stopped in front of 2311 North Los Robles Avenue, Pasadena and Cooper got out, only for the car, with the both of them, to immediately drive off. Henderson taking Leonard to the impound lot to get his car, leaving Sheldon to stand on the curb in front of the apartment building with no one to complain to. A stunned Sheldon just stood there watching the car drive away for a whole minute before he realized he was alone and vulnerable, on the mean streets of Pasadena, so he quickly forgot about their rude behavior and turned to rush into the apartment building.

"How do you stand him?" Henderson asked Leonard in a now quiet car.

Leonard just shrugged, it was a question many people had asked him before so he gave his usual response, "He is broken and he needs me, plus I'm a little broke too I guess." Henderson looked at Leonard, the tone of his voice was so sad that he decided to not mention Sheldon anymore and they ended up driving in quiet all the way to the police impound lot.

Leonard was very tired, after finally getting his car back, so since Cal Tech was closer than his apartment and Sheldon wouldn't be there, he went to Cal Tech. He spent a hour discussing what had happened with Dr Gablehauser, Dr Henderson confirming that Leonard had done nothing wrong except look suspicious to the officer that brought him in, so the matter was quickly put aside with Dr Gablehauser making Leonard promise to advise him if anything changed. Leonard then spent the another 30 minutes talking with Henderson about his daughter, before thanking him for his help and seeing him out of his office. It was lunch by then, but Leonard's mind was more on sleep and there was a couch in his office, so after unplugging his desk phone, plus muting his cell, Leonard fell asleep on that couch. He still couldn't get Penny out of his mind, but after being kept awake and interrogated all night, needed sleep still came quickly.

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Penny woke up at daylight the next morning, at first disoriented until she realized she was in her own room and her mother was laying next to her. It made her at first feel relief, but then, just as quickly, she wondered where Leonard was and then what happened before she went to sleep came back to her. Penny started to move, which immediately woke up her mother, who had been sleeping lightly all night, worry for her youngest daughter not allowing anything approaching deep sleep for her. Penny however wanted Leonard and she slowly started to become upset all over again, as she remembered how it felt to awake with him next to her, him holding her, those memories making the tears of the day before start anew again.

"Baby girl what's wrong?" Susan asked as she rocked her crying daughter. Penny's mother barely making out one word or specifically one name between her sobs 'Leonard'.

Wyatt showed up at the bedroom door only a moment later, him hearing his child crying easily in the dead silence of the house and he knew just what to do when his wife motioned with her eyes as she looked at him while holding her distraught daughter. So it only took him a couple of moments to dissolve the pills in the glass of water before he handed it to his wife who only a couple of moments later had Penny drinking the water to help calm her down. They were doing just what Dr Steiner told them to do, but even though they were told what to possibly expect, it was still unnerving to the parents to see someone you love so bad off and upset.

The rest of that Monday ended up being a day of high stress for both Penny and her family, Penny going from periods of crying, to periods where she was almost catatonic, and finally there were the sleeping periods. Her parents tried to do everything they could do, whether it was getting her to eat something or just trying to comfort her, the only times they could actually talk between themselves was when Penny was sleeping and even then Susan wouldn't leave her side, her worry was so great for her daughter. The only thing that helped Penny's parents make it through that day was the knowledge that their daughter had a therapist appointment that Tuesday, Dr Steiner providing all the information and time to them so they could take Penny in as soon as possible.

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Leonard went back to his apartment that evening, after taking several cat naps during the day and getting a little work done in his office during the shorter periods he was awake. The walk of the three flights of stairs was especially tiring for him that evening, partly because he was still tired from the last two days and partly because he would have to confront Sheldon as soon as he entered the apartment door. So it was with a great deal of trepidation that Leonard put his key into the apartment front door that night and walked into the situation he had been trying to avoid all day.

"Leonard where were you all day? I called you several times but they went to your voice mail. Why didn't you answer your phone or reply to your voice mail? You know…" Sheldon assaulted him as soon as he walked in the door, no hello or inquiry on his well being even offered.

Leonard was tired and actually fed up with Sheldon, "Sheldon, will you shut the fuck up for once!"

"I see no reason for my needing to be quiet and your tone will be noted in the next roommate evaluation." Sheldon fired back.

"Fine. Then I am giving you verbal notice tonight that I'm moving out in 30 days and I will follow up with an email tomorrow." Leonard just stared at Sheldon, the tall man's mouth working like a fish gasping for air but with no words coming out. "Oh, and concerning the roommate agreement, I hereby consider it null and void." Leonard then starting walking back to his room.

Sheldon hurried after him, "You can't do that and why would you want to move out."

Leonard turned quickly around almost making Sheldon bump into him, "Because you won't leave me alone and I can't even have someone over without your fucking permission. Now stop following me and if you bother me the rest of the night, I swear I will hit you." Leonard then turned and went into his room, slamming the door so hard a picture fell off the wall.

Sheldon thought of knocking on the door, but then reconsidered how serious Leonard looked when he said he would hit him. So he just picked up the picture and hung it back on the wall before going back to the living room to watch the show Leonard interrupted him from watching. He was no sooner sitting down when he convinced himself that Leonard was just having a fit because of all that happened last 24 hours and because of that girl, so as soon as a few days passed he told himself that Leonard would come to his senses and things would return back to normal. After all what other purpose did Leonard have than to serve him, his career is physics was a waste of time, so being around him was the most important thing Leonard could ever hope to accomplish in his sad pitiful life.

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Tuesday morning Penny was gently woken up by her mother from her drug enhanced sleep, "Honey you need to get up now, your doctor's appointment is today and you need to get ready so we are not late." Susan said softly to her.

Penny didn't want to see a doctor, didn't want to leave the house or her room, and really she didn't even want to leave the bed ever again. Her senses were still slightly dulled by the sedatives she had taken, she was still in a state of depression from all that had happened to her, and the only thing she wanted was to be held by Leonard so she could cry on him. It was that still present dependency and need to be held by Leonard that finally made the tears come as she turned to her mother and buried her head into her mother's chest for the second morning in a row.

It was all Susan could do to not cry herself as she stroked her daughter's hair while she cried. "Baby we're here for you Sweetie, you're safe and we'll take care of you." she whispered to Penny, all the time looking at Wyatt in the bedroom doorway, the worried and concerned expression on his face matching her own.

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Sheldon, was Sheldon, so all morning he tried to talk to Leonard only to be ignored or given grunts by his roommate, which was frustrating to the tall man because, in his mind, when he had something to say, people needed to listen. So as his frustration turned into a whinny rant, all he focused on was Leonard ignoring him and not how fast Leonard got ready, until suddenly Leonard was through the front door and down the stairs to the car, leaving a bewildered Sheldon to quickly grab his bag and lock the apartment door before running down the stairs to chase after his ride.

So it was just a half hour later that Leonard sat at his desk at Cal Tech, staring blankly at his computer, he hadn't even turned on yet, his mind feeling numb and alone in the world. The mental state he was in, prevented him from hearing the soft knocks or even noticing Gloria standing in the doorway of his office until she opened her mouth, "Leonard."

Leonard looked up and finally saw his friend, but his mind could only acknowledge she was there, there was no joy at seeing anyone from him right now, of course unless it had been Penny. So "Hi." was all he was barely able to get out.

Gloria didn't need to ask how he was, his face was like reading a clinical report, her friend wore his emotions on his sleeve, so she could tell exactly how he was feeling by just looking at him, so "Leonard, it will get easier as time goes on." was all she said.

Leonard was smart and he knew she was right, but it still did nothing for the sense of loss he felt now, a feeling that a part of him was gone and he would never get it back. It didn't take a genius to understand that he had fell in love with Penny it that short time, he had felt closer to her than any other human being in his life, and that losing her made him want to die. Yes he knew it would get easier, but the problem was it hurt so bad right now he didn't know if he could make it long enough for it to pass. It was that feeling that made him look at his friend, and as a tear fell down his cheek he croaked out, "It hurts so bad."

Gloria swallowed, she had a feeling he fell in love with the homeless girl, but she had no idea how deeply it had gone. She quickly closed the door behind her as she walked to her friend, taking Leonard into her arms as he returned the hug and began to gently cry on her shoulder. Gloria loved the man in her arms, not in the same way she loved her husband or Leonard loved the homeless girl, but she did love him, he was like family to her, therefore, she knew she would do everything in her abilities to help him. So Gloria let Leonard vent the raw emotion that was bottled up inside him and when he began to calm down she whispered to him, "Leonard talk to me."

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Penny's parents brought her to the office of Dr. Caroline Miller, Gloria's friend, checking in with the receptionist before sitting down with their daughter to wait. Penny didn't want to be there, but she was still in a mental condition where she was unable to put up much resistance to anyone, especially her parents, who would not submit to her refusal to be there. So she just surrendered herself to her situation and sat there quietly, her only thoughts being she wished she was still in her room, in her bed, so she could just pull her sheets over her head and hide from the world.

This was the scene that greeted Carol when she came out to meet the patient she promised her friend she would take care of, two worried parents and a young woman who looked on the verge of a break down. Gloria had told her the girl was extremely damaged and by just looking at her she could tell that this young woman was having problems by the expression on her face. So Carol walked up to the three people and smiled at the young woman and her desperate parents, "Hello, I'm Doctor Caroline Miller, but everyone calls me Carol." she then extended her hand to the parents.

Susan took Carol's hand and shook it. "Doctor Steiner said to come see you about our daughter, Penny. She said you would know what to do to help her." Susan asked more than stated.

Carol nodded, "Yes, Gloria talked to me and I will try to help."

Carol then spoke to Penny, who she had been watching the whole time while she talked to her mother. "Penny, would you like to come into my office and talk." She then watched as Penny then gave her mother a scared look.

Susan gently took her daughter's arm and gave in an affectionate squeeze, "Sweetie, could you talk to Carol for me?" she said in a pleading voice.

Penny looked at her mother then Carol, she didn't want to talk to the stranger, but her mother's request was something she couldn't deny, so she nodded then looked at Carol, "Okay."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Gloria remained in Leonard's office for about an hour, talking some with him, but mostly comforting him, she didn't want to push him so she just let him say what he had to say and just acted as a friend. She now knew she had not judged Leonard's feelings to be as intense as they were now turning out to be, they had been much more. She had known he had feelings for Penny, by the way he had been acting with her, but now she could definitely tell he had fallen in love with the young woman. This would make it much harder for him to heal, love was like that, people didn't get over the loss of the object of their love quickly and without a great deal of pain.

It left Gloria torn inside, she wanted so badly to help Leonard feel better but on the other hand she knew that Penny's feelings about him were greatly influenced by the mental breakdown she was having. So she asked herself what good would it due to encourage hope in Leonard, that he would see Penny again, only to have the young woman reject him when she got better. Some one in love would be devastated by the rejection of the person they loved, and with this whole situation that outcome seemed to be the only logical conclusion, to all that had happened, to Gloria. So she decided, she would make Leonard understand that he had saved her and then convince him that if he truly loved her, he had to let her go, it would be hard to encourage him to follow her plan, but she felt it was the best solution for him and that is all she wanted, the best for Leonard.

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Carol was becoming frustrated, and as a therapist she knew that letting frustration control your actions was just lazy excuse to not go on, so she mentally the ignored the last 20 minutes of getting no where with Penny and concentrated on what she had to do next. Penny had barely talked to her and when she did, she only provide one word answers, Carol needed a trigger to open her up and from the notes Gloria had sent to her, that one trigger seemed to be someone named 'Leonard'. So with a new plan in her head Carol jumped right into to a change in their conversation, one that she hoped would finally break the walls set up by her patient.

"Are you missing Leonard, Penny?" Carol asked in a soft soothing voice.

The reaction was almost immediate, the once previous sad lethargic woman suddenly locked her attention on Carol, eyes wide and breathing coming in short gasps. "Have you seen Leonard?" Penny pleaded in desperation.

Even a trained experienced therapist, like Carol, was shocked how much of impact that a person's name could have on a patient. It made her want to lie to the young woman, tell her she knew him and had talked to him, just to keep her in the state she was currently, alert and hanging on every word, but that was unethical and Carol was good at her job so she would never lie to a patient to make it easier on herself. "No Penny, I haven't seen Leonard."

Carol then watched as Penny started to fold back into herself, it made her again want to scream in frustration, so the next thing she did was partly her submitting to that frustration, even though she hated to admit that she did. There was something else mentioned in Gloria's notes to her, something she would have never thought to address to Penny in this way, except she was getting no where with the young woman and she needed something to get through to her. So, with that promise still in Carol's mind, the one she made to her friend Gloria to help this young woman, she did something she even had some reservations about in her own mind.

"You love Leonard, don't you Penny?" Carol then watched her patient, with some trepidation, to see if she had done the right thing.

Again Penny eyes shot to Carol, only this time those eyes quickly became wet and tears ran down her cheeks as she weakly nodded to her, her only words a soft "Yes".

Carol was not an emotional person with her patients, she felt that when you, in any form, became emotionally involved you lost your objectivity as a therapist and losing that meant you were not really helping them at all. So Carol just waited quietly for Penny to get through this moment of emotion, waiting for when she was able to concentrate enough to hear what Carol had to say. There was no lack of empathy on Carol's part or actions, she truly wanted to help Penny, so she just waited for her, Carol needed to get through to her, to help her and this was the best way she knew to get through to this young woman.

The moment Penny seemed to calm, she began, "Penny you know Leonard must really love you too." Carol then waited for Penny to concentrate on her again.

Penny's eyes locked on Carol, the words about Leonard loving her immediately making her become more alert. "Did he tell you?"

Again Carol had to force herself not to take the easy way out and lie, "No Penny, I can just see how much he loves you by his actions."

Penny immediately became confused, "I don't understand."

Carol smiled, a sympathetic smile, one she hoped would calm her patient, "Penny, he must love you a lot to make all this effort to get you well."

Penny thought about her words, they seemed to make sense but there was still something else that bothered her more, "But he left me!"

Penny's outburst now made Carol understand the source of some of her current depression, she was feeling abandoned and after being put to the street being abandon by Leonard had to hurt even more. So since Leonard was the most important person on her mind she needed to remove that feeling from her mind, and she knew how to do that, put the blame on the doctors, her and Gloria, well mostly Gloria since she still had to treat Penny.

"Penny, Leonard didn't leave you, he was doing what he was told to do to help you."

Penny looked at Carol in surprise, "Who told him to leave me?"

Carol took in a breath thinking 'here we go', "Gloria, the doctor you talked to, told him to send you home."

"I hate her." Penny responded with venom, actually surprising Carol with all the raw emotion that came out of her, it was actually a good thing Carol thought.

"Penny, she only want's to help you and I agree with her." Carol now added, hoping Penny didn't turn her off now.

"Why?…Why did you make Leonard leave me?" Penny now pleaded with Carol, obviously looking for an answer to why the most important person to her was taken away.

Carol was in a little spot now, she had to explain to Penny why they separated her from Leonard and she had to do it in a way that the hate she just expressed for Gloria wasn't transferred to her. The raw emotional outburst seemed to Carol to be just the way to do that, just tell her the truth and let her feelings come out. "Penny, you need help, you can't take care of yourself anymore, Gloria can see that, I can see that and after we explained it to him, Leonard could see it. You were too dependent on him, and if you stayed with him you would never get better and Leonard cares for you so much that he will do anything to see you get better. So he brought you home so you could get help and that is why you are here with me now, without Leonard."

Penny wanted to scream, they had taken Leonard away from her, she just wanted Leonard back, so she just wanted to wail till the walls came down, wail until they brought Leonard back to her. "I WANT LEONARD BACK!" she screamed.

The raw emotion was what Carol wanted, but she had to make sure it didn't get completely out of control and it seemed to her now that the best way to get Penny's attention and calm her was 'Leonard'. "Penny, Leonard left you here so you could get well, he sincerely wants you to get better, so I need to ask you, if you love him as much as you say, are you going to dismiss his wanting to help you, reject his feelings about you and just want him back so you can watch him suffer knowing you are not well and there is nothing he can do?"

Carol's words had their affect on Penny, as tears started down her cheeks again, the thought of hurting Leonard verses her missing him was tearing her up inside. "No." she whispered back, after a few moments, to Carol's question.

Carol now knew it was time to sink the hook into Penny, give her a reason to come to therapy and to get better, so in a voice just a little louder than Penny's whisper she responded back. "Penny, I know you don't want to be here. I know you want to just be with Leonard and leave the world behind. But the truth is you are not the person you were before and I think you know that, Leonard knows that. Leonard, me and Gloria all want you to be well and back to that person you were before, so the question is, will you try to get better, like Leonard wants?"

Penny stared at Carol, her emotions all over the place, the words she told her running around in Penny's head and the meaning of them both upsetting her and making her, at the same time, want to please Leonard. "Leonard wants me here."

Carol could tell that Penny was making a statement instead asking a question and she thought she had now gotten through to her so she could get help, but then quickly everything changed. "You're lying to me." Penny suddenly blurted out the accusation, "Leonard would never leave me, you are lying to me."

Carol was stunned and it took a second to think about what to do, but she was very quick minded and she had patients accuse her of lying before. So Carol got up from her seat and went to the door, opening it and looking at the couch for Penny's parents. "Susan could you please come here."

Susan looked surprised first at Carol and then at her husband, but she did as told and followed Carol into the room, Carol closing the door behind her, leaving a confused Wyatt just to stare. Carol then brought Penny's mother into the room, where a now wide eyed Penny sat, and noticing she had Penny's full attention turned to her mother, "Susan, Penny thinks I'm lying to her. She wants to know if it is true that she was sent home to get help and get well, and if Leonard was responsible for sending her home because he wanted her to be in a safe location so she could get help from me." Carol gave Susan a quick glance directly in her eyes to let her know how important her next words would be.

Susan looked at her daughter, who was staring at her now, remembering the words Dr. Gallo told her about her daughter and thinking back to the last few days. "Honey, Leonard did bring you here because he wanted you to get help and Dr. Gallo wanted you to get help too. They said that home was the best place for you, because it was safe, and Carol, your doctor, would be able to help you and make you better."

Penny looked like she was going to cry, first looking at Carol, then her mother again, before looking down at her hands and whispering, "I'm sorry."

Carol turned to Susan as soon as Penny looked down and away, giving an assuring nod and quick smile that she did well before saying, "Penny I'm going to ask your mother to go back outside, is that okay?"

Penny nodded and, "yes" came out in another whisper.

Carol just nodded to Susan then who turned and went back out, softly closing the door behind her. It had all happened so fast that Susan just stood there a minute looking at Wyatt, noticing the concern on his face but she couldn't move, she needed the time to set straight in her mind just want happened. So when she finally did come over, to sit by her husband, she only had one answer when he asked what just went on, "I don't know."

Carol sat down across from Penny again, waiting in silence before Penny finally lifted her head to look at her again, "Penny I need to ask you again, are you willing to get help like Leonard wants."

Penny just stared at her for a moment, her resistance fading, but this time because Leonard wanted her to get well. Her now knowing it was the truth because she trusted her mother wouldn't lie to her about something so important to her. "Yes."

It was then Carol's watch softly vibrated, not enough for anyone to see but just enough for her to feel. The vibration meant she had only five minutes till the session was over and it was discrete enough to make sure her patients didn't know she was timing their session. Carol wished they had more time, she wished they had gotten further, but the session had made some progress so it wasn't a failure and Carol accepted that.

"Penny would you like to stop for now." Carol asked, knowing that Penny would probably jump at the chance to get out of her office.

Penny nodded, "Yes."

"Penny I would like to see you again Friday." Carol then watched as Penny's eyes and expression told her that she didn't want to come back.

However Penny made no response so Carol spoke again, "Penny you know I'm just here to help you. You also know Leonard wants you to get help." Carol was beginning to really dislike having to continuously use 'Leonard' to encourage Penny to agree to her statements but she really didn't have a choice at this point.

Penny nodded, but again didn't say a thing, her resistance so evident to Carol, but Carol was not going to let her win, she need help. "Penny please think, you are safe at home, surrounded by people who love you, brought here by someone who cares about you. The worse is over Penny, you will not be put out on the street again and no one will hurt you here, you are really safe."

Penny nodded, her mind trying hard to analysis the doctors words, the word 'Safe' going through her mind over and over. Home was safe to her, her room was safe and her parents did love her, she knew that, but Leonard was also safe and California, Penny's mind now locked on California and the pain it caused her, California was not safe. She did want to be home, and she did want her room and her parents, she just wanted Leonard too. It was then Penny came up with a thought, if she tried and got well, maybe Leonard would come back to her, maybe Leonard would come to Nebraska to live with her. It was that thought that made Penny finally respond back to the doctor, "Okay, Friday."

It was just a few minutes later that Carol watched Penny and her parents leave her office, she couldn't help thinking about Penny's case and how different it was compared to her current cases. Carol's patients were mostly people who had money, many of them coming to see her, when their only real problem was that they thought they needed a therapist to get through the days of their lives. She spent a lot of time trying to convince such people that they could function on their own, it was sometimes frustrating, trying to convince people that the only therapy they needed was to get off therapy.

However this young woman was different, she had a real problem that would require Carol to really work to help, it would take the real skill, she obtained over the years, and it would be a challenge, Carol could never resist a challenge. Carol had agreed to accept Penny's parent's insurance and waive their deductible, for her friend Gloria, but now that she knew more of Penny's case, she honestly thought she would have taken it for free. She had to give the young woman back the confidence she lost so she could function again in the world and convince her to break her dependency on a man named 'Leonard'. It made Carol suddenly wish she could have met this 'Leonard', to know what he had done to affect Penny so much, in such a short time.

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Gloria stopped by Leonard's office again, a short time after lunch, only to find, like she suspected, that Leonard had not left his office since she had seen him earlier that day. She had even found out that his friend, Howard had stopped by for him, so he could join his friends for lunch, but he had put him off never the less. However Gloria was not so easy to get rid of, at first having trouble getting him to leave his office but finally using their friendship as leverage to get him to go to the cafeteria with her. She was proud that she got him out to the cafeteria, but she still had a lot to do because now he was just sitting across from her picking at his food.

"Leonard what are you feeling?" Gloria softly asked.

Leonard looked up at her, his eyes so sad it tugged at Gloria's heart, but he said nothing, just shaking his head slowly before turning his face back down to the food he was picking on. Leonard really didn't want to talk about anything, he wasn't even sure he could explain to anyone how he felt because he really had never felt like this before. But he did respond to her, "Gloria, I really don't want to talk."

Gloria sighed, "Leonard, just a couple of hours ago you were an upset mess, there is no way you are better now." she told him, her voice soft and caring.

Leonard took a breath then slowly let it out, "That was a mistake."

"No Leonard, that was not mistake, what you did was let some your emotion out to your friend, that is something mentally healthy people do, they don't bottle up their feelings. So please don't start doing that now." Gloria pleaded.

Leonard looked up at her, even he could see her face was full of concern, it actually made him feel guilty because she had always been a good friend, "Gloria, I don't know what to say or even how to feel. I just feel empty, I've been feeling empty all day."

Leonard then continued to talk to Gloria for the next hour while they sat there and slowly ate, Gloria just sitting there listening to everything he said. She only responded when he truly needed a response or when she just wanted to keep him talking, her needing him to talk so she could help him in the future and her knowing he needed to keep talking to get better.

 **A/N: I'm not a psychologist or have any psychology training, so please understand that I'm using literary license for all these therapist sessions and the characters reactions.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

 **A/N: I stated from the beginning that I don't feel comfortable writing about psychological matters, because I lack any formal education on the subject. I have already been called out on errors, therefore, for the rest of the story I will move ahead much more quickly and only glance over Penny and Leonard's mental problems. Also up to this point the story has only covered less than two weeks, from now on it will begin to accelerate in respect to time and what is happening to Penny and Leonard.**

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Dr. Caroline Miller felt that she had lived this day before, when it came around time for Penny to have her second session of therapy, on that Friday. She was greeted by the same scene before her, of concerned parents, that had the same depressed daughter, who's expression showed that she obviously didn't want to be there, while she sat on her couch that day. The only difference today was that Carol was not going to sit and let next twenty minutes pass with Penny not participating, like what happened in their first meeting, today she was going to make Penny talk to her from the start of their session.

"Penny, what have you been doing the last couple of days?" Carol began.

"Nothing." Penny again falling into responding with one word answers, like the first time they met.

"Nothing? You don't eat, wash yourself or do anything for yourself? That is not good maybe we should institutionalize you to make sure you get taken care of properly." Carol shot back, almost confrontational, she wanted to shock Penny into talking, shake her out of her disinterested mind set she had put herself in, because that was getting them nowhere.

Penny looked directly at Carol, her eyes full of surprise and fear. "NO."

"No, what?" Carol pushed.

"I eat, wash and get dressed by myself. My mom makes food. I don't need to go anywhere, I want to stay at home." Penny now explained, with a desperate determination in her voice.

Carol looked at her, "Hmm, I don't know."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Penny now responded almost in tears.

Now, in a very soft voice, Carol responded, "Penny I'm not doing anything to you, everything that happens to you now is because of your own actions. If you keep acting like you can't care for yourself, people are going to take care of you, for your own good, whether you like it or not."

Penny nervously looked at her doctor, the thought of being taken from her home, terrified her. "I don't want to leave home." she pleaded.

Carol nodded, she didn't really like scaring the young woman, but she needed for her to respond, however now she though enough was an enough, so Carol started to reassure her patient. "Penny, I know you don't want to leave home, and your parents and I don't want to see you leave home unless you want to. We just want to protect you from other people who don't know you like we do, who may think you need to be taken care of, understand."

Penny was still upset but nodded, "Yes."

Carol smiled at her, then reached over and picked up a pad she had previously positioned near her chair, it was now time to spring her plan. "Penny, you need to write down every day what you do, so those other people can see that you are taking care of yourself. Writing down what you do each day creates a record that you are taking care of yourself and prevents the other people from lying that you are not."

Penny nodded and took the pad, staring at it for a couple moments before looking back at Carol with confusion in her eyes. Carol had expected that and so she got up and went to her door to invite Susan in again so she explain to both of them what she wanted Penny to do with the pad. Carol knew it was just human nature to review what one wrote down one day and then compare it to the next days information, so she told Penny she didn't have to turn in anything for two weeks. This would give Penny time to review what she did each day, in her own mind, and let her decide if it was enough or she needed to do better. People tend to be a harder judge of themselves, so it would be better if Penny pushed herself instead of Carol doing the pushing and Carol figured she had a 50/50 chance with Penny using the pad to record her progress.

When Penny and her parents left that day, Carol was pleased with herself, she had Penny doing something for herself now and she didn't have to mention 'Leonard' at all during the session. The pad, if it worked with Penny, would also allow Carol, in the future, to show Penny how dependent she had become and in turn would let her understand that her dependency on 'Leonard' was not love but actually her inability to help herself and needing him to do things for her. This would help her become normal again, to learn to not depend so desperately on people like she was now, it would give her back her confidence and that would put her on the path to recovery.

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The rest of the week Gloria came by Leonard's office every day, usually around lunch or slightly after, she would then make Leonard have lunch with her, getting him to talk some during their meal. In between those times, she had also talked to Howard and Raj, Leonard's friends, and told them she would like it if they gave her more time with Leonard alone, and it was then she had learned that Leonard seemed to be avoiding all his friends. So it didn't take her long to learn that Leonard had been working long hours every day at Cal Tech, his roommate's complaints about how Leonard had been neglecting his duties to him, by not bringing him home anymore after work, very evident when she talked to him, making it all very clear to her that something was very wrong.

Therefore by Friday, it wasn't hard for Gloria to piece together what she thought may be going on with Leonard and that made her even more saddened at about what was happening to her friend. Gloria had read many of Dr. Beverly Hofstadter's books and had seen some of her taped lectures, they had made her curious about the woman and how relevant her theories really were. However talking to Leonard over the years about his mother, made Gloria really understand Beverly Hofstadter and she was now convinced the woman had no idea or any business treating humans, to the point that her even interacting with other people made Gloria feel was nothing but actually poisonous.

Beverly's interactions with Leonard had been especially bad, not only encouraging him and then forcing him to work hard as a child, but brainwashing him to think that achievement was all that mattered in his life. She had basically conditioned Leonard, like an animal, to believe that when anything went bad in his life, he had to work harder to correct it. Of course the work she conditioned him to pursue was academic work instead of working directly on the problem that was hurting him, so now as a result, a very hurt Leonard was doing what years of conditioning had imprinted on his brain. Leonard was withdrawing into his work, trying hard to be better that before, not addressing the problem he was having but instead actually pursuing a distraction from it, solving nothing.

Gloria realized that if she wanted to help her friend, she would have to de-condition him, or at least turn his need to work, not on academics but towards solving the problem that had him upset in the first place. She had never had to do that with a person before, and it scared her that if she failed she may loose her friend, so she spent that weekend on her computer, researching all the papers on similar patients and studying the symptoms to make sure she was right. Gloria was so determined to help Leonard, that she even emailed fellow professors at other universities, telling them about her patient 'X' and asking them about their experience on any other similar cases, hoping something would help.

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As each succeeding day passed, to her parents, Penny seemed to get a little better, there was no more outbursts of uncontrolled crying, however they still did catch her a couple times with tears running on her cheeks. What they didn't see were that most of the nights she would cover herself with her bed covers and silently cry in loneliness, loneliness for Leonard. She missed being held by him, the way he made her feel safe was desperately still desired by her, her still feeling that besides her family he was the only one who really cared for her. She remembered thinking, when with him, how Leonard's hugs were like her mothers, but now, being at home without him, she could tell the difference, Leonard's hugs were better and being separated from his arms was upsetting to her. So like the nights before, she cried herself to sleep the only thing her wanting was just to be held, as she slept, by Leonard.

However, there were also other changes that were going on in Penny's mind, during these days that passed, because the environment she now lived in was a safe one, the one she knew from since she was a child. It was an environment where she was surrounded by her family, wanted and loved, and this alone was starting to help her mind get to a better place, like Gloria had predicted. Carol was also having success with her, slowly bringing her out, helped by the fact that she began to interact with her family more and more each day as she settled into her old life and home. Penny, of course, would have been moving ahead to recovery at full speed if it wasn't for one thing that was dragging her down, Leonard, the thoughts of him wouldn't leave and her wanting him always stayed with her. Even though she didn't openly cry anymore over Leonard, the ache in her heart still remained, and yearn to be held and be with him still never left her. If Gloria had been able to spend more time with Penny and Leonard or Carol would have know more of Penny before she began treating her, they may have noticed a spark had formed between the two strangers, a spark that neither of them had ever had for anyone else.

However that never happened, so about two weeks after Penny was given the list on her daily activities to fill out, Carol and Penny met for another session. Carol had been getting more out of Penny with each session, so seeing the second week of the list, it was almost impossible for Carol not to smile. "I see you have been helping with the chores around the farm, this last week."

Penny nodded, she still wasn't even close to her bubbly self before California had happened to her, but now at least she talked to Gloria, "I feed the animals."

Again Carol tried not to smile, Penny now answered with explanations to her questions, not one word answers, she was getting better, though still had a long way to go. "That is good Penny, you know that don't you?"

Penny shrugged, "I just like feeding them."

Carol could see Penny devaluating herself again, it was one of many things they would have to work on, "Is there a particular animal you like?"

Penny looked at Carol, she had never considered one animal over the others, but now that Carol asked, only one animal jumped to her mind. "Buttercup."

Carol was surprised how strong Penny's response was, like there was no question in her mind, it was a good sign. "What kind of animal is 'Buttercup'?"

"A horse."

Again Penny answered without hesitation, which surprised Carol, she had been use to Penny hesitating in all her responses so this change was refreshing. "You like horses."

Penny just nodded, then looked down at her hands.

Carol knew Penny was thinking, and then it dawned on her, when she had asked Penny which was her favorite animal, she didn't give her an animal type but an animal by name, that meant the animal was special. "Does your farm have a lot of horses?"

Penny nodded, "There are eight horses. My mother gives lessons during the warmer months on them."

Carol now thought she knew something, so she asked her next question, "Why is 'Buttercup' your favorite, don't you like the other horses."

Penny nodded, "I like the horses, it is just….." during the hesitation Penny took a breath, before responding softly, "it is just 'Buttercup' is my horse."

Carol could tell Penny was on the verge of tears, it was actually good, this meant that Penny was expanding the world she had imprisoned herself in, it was more evidence she was getting better, however Carol did not want to make her cry now, so it was time to change the subject. "This is really good Penny, you are helping around the farm, taking care of yourself and helping others, that shows you are trying."

Penny looked at Carol, "So people will not take me away to take care of me." she asked in desperation.

Carol suddenly reconsidered how she proposed the whole list idea to Penny, the young woman was really bothered about the idea of being taken away and Carol now knew that it had been a bad idea to put the list to her that way, she didn't need to stress this young woman any more than necessary. "No Penny, this list says you can take care of yourself, with a list like this they won't take you to take care of you."

Penny nodded, feeling much more relaxed suddenly, so much so a small sigh left her lips.

Carol could see her patient visibly relax, it made her feel mad at herself that she stressed her in that way, it was obvious Penny was more upset about the idea than Carol thought she would have been, it had been a mistake Carol had made. But Penny being so upset did give Carol an idea to help her patient move outside her world even more. "Penny this list and bigger lists in the future, will make everyone know you are getting well and can take care of yourself. They will protect you from people saying you can't take care of yourself and will give you your life back. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Penny again nodded, "I will need to keep a list for a while, won't I."

It was more of a statement than a question, which was good, so Carol just nodded, "I can't make you do something you don't want to do, but I think you are beginning to understand what is good for you, aren't you?"

Penny nodded, she knew she would be making a list for a while, it was a way to keep control of her life and she didn't want that control to be taken away. She didn't have any idea that her wanting to control that aspect of her life was a huge improvement in her mental condition, she was ever so slowly moving away from dependency and back to self control. She also didn't know that this was making her think about other things beside obsessing about Leonard, she didn't realize that the more she would think about her life and began to live it again, Leonard would be pushed further and further back in her mind.

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While Carol was having success with Penny, Gloria was losing with Leonard, her friend was too good at compartmentalizing his emotions and responses that Gloria found she was not getting through to him. Beverly's years of conditioning was just too much for Gloria to crack through to help Leonard, she just didn't have enough time before he fully enclosed himself into a world of work and even more work, like he had been trained to do. In a span of a short two weeks, Leonard had fell into a routine that Gloria could not change, he worked all day, Gloria finding herself having trouble just trying to make sure he ate much less trying to help him psychologically. She got so desperate she even went to his boss, trying to convince the man that Leonard was being driven by despair, and not ambition, only to be politely listened to, then dismissed.

Therefore, Gloria did the best she could, she couldn't force him to take treatment, no one would support her if she tried, because Leonard to the world looked more like a workaholic than a emotional basket case, thanks to Beverly. So she resigned herself to make sure he ate and slept, and mentally didn't go off the deep end, straining her own life a little with the time she spent on that task, but also making her relationship with her husband stronger too, because he knew Leonard and cared about his well being too, their friends grief bringing them both closer together in wanting to help. There was also something else happening with Gloria dealing with Leonard, Gloria was gaining more insight into the human mind, because she had to get herself into her friend's mind if she was to help him. The only problem was that she was dealing with a mind that was convinced that only working harder would make things right, it was a condition she had never experienced before, but she was determined to help without a second thought because this was her friend Leonard and she would do anything to support him.

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 **A/N: I also want to add, I will be using a lot of the events in the show, especially for Leonard's life, but they will be compressed, meaning an event that happened in season 6 could happen now three years earlier, so don't be surprised. This story is already so OOC for Penny, a few event accelerations shouldn't be too ruining to the story being told.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

A month had passed quickly and as Gloria sat at her desk, thinking about her friend, she was beginning to believe she had lost him, Beverly's conditioning now having completely taken over his mind and actions. Leonard had totally isolated himself from his friends, plus since he had no real family, his family already having been isolated from him long ago, it seemed that now his only purpose in life anymore was work. What was even worse, that after a couple of years of her telling him to move out of that apartment and away from his inconsiderate and nasty roommate, he actually picked the last month to move, just absolutely the wrong time to do it, since it was at this time when he needed friends more than ever, even ones like Sheldon. His moving a block away from his former roommate just isolated him even further from people who could have helped him and would have helped Gloria to try and break through the conditioning Beverly created around him.

Then, if that wasn't bad enough, there were also the other problems Gloria was having in trying to help Leonard, people around Leonard, especially his supervisors, were more than pleased with this new work ethic Leonard had adopted. His long hours had allowed his research to move quickly and his dedication to his work, shunning all outside interests, had resulted in a very impressive paper on improving laser intensity in water. This exceptional work by him had resulted in Gloria almost being physically thrown out of his department head's office, just the next day, when she suggested that he needed to be forcibly made to rest, that he was just using work as a substitute for his pain. His supervisor even suggesting maybe that she was the one that had a problem and needed to be forcibly made to take some time off to rest. Her department head repeating the same words, after being called by the Physics Department head, telling Gloria that if she kept creating problems for Dr. Hofstadter, who seemed to heading to important discoveries for the university, she would have to be disciplined.

So it was the next morning as Steven came out of their bedroom, dressed for work, that he saw his wife, still in her pajamas, sitting on the couch, staring at a turned off TV with a tub of ice cream on her lap for breakfast. He put his brief case down and sat next to her, actually surprised that she didn't turn to look at him or acknowledge his presence. "Honey, what is wrong?"

Gloria blinked, coming out of her train of thought to look a her husband. "Nothing and everything." her only response.

Steven actually expected her to respond that way, but he knew she would talk to him, she always did. "You're not going to work this morning?"

Gloria sighed, "I have the day off."

"Oh." then Steven noticed that the way she said 'she had the day off' was strange. "You took the day off? You should have told me I would have taken the day off too."

Gloria looked directly at her husband, "I was told to take the day off, my department head told me to not come in today and to think about what she told me."

"Oh." Steven was stunned. "Can I ask why."

Gloria couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes, she wasn't going to cry, but she couldn't help the sadness that engulfed her. "They told me not to bother Leonard anymore."

"What?" Steven was now even more surprised, couldn't everyone see his wife was Leonard's friend and would never do anything to hurt him. "Why?"

Gloria suddenly needed to be held, so she put her ice cream down on the coffee table and cuddled up to her husband, his arms automatically going around her and pulling her close, like she desired. It was in his warm secure embrace that Gloria spoke again, "The kind, empathetic, happy nice guy, and our true friend, we knew as 'Leonard' is barely there anymore, Steven. The person who has replaced him is a person pursuing some fleeing ghost in his work, hoping if he catches it all his problems will be solved."

"So he has gotten worse." Steven stated, it was not a question.

Gloria nodded, cuddling herself closer to her husband, this is why doctors were not suppose to treat people they knew personally, when things went wrong it hurt them as much as it hurt the family. Leonard really didn't have a family to watch over him, so Gloria knew she trying to be his family and now she was feeling that pain of having a loved one you could not help. "I don't know what to do." she sadly confessed while securely in her husband's arms.

"Yes you do." he softly answered her, he knew she was just hurting right now for their friend, but she was very smart and she would figure out what to do.

Gloria looked up at her husband, he gave her a small smile, a head tilt and a little shrug, it was his way of letting her know he had confidence in her and he knew she would do the right thing. It built her confidence and infuriated her a little too because he knew her way too well, sometimes better than she knew herself and she was suppose to be the shrink. It was also then Gloria knew she was not giving up on Leonard, she would still do as much as she could to help him, screw the department heads.

"I guess I could still help, but I would have to do in on, you know the 'down low'." she told him, getting a nod and another small smile.

"You just have to be discreet." he reminded her.

Gloria nodded, "I will."

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During that same month Carol was happy to see Penny's list as it became more and more full of things she was doing each day, so that by the end of the month it became apparent that Penny was slightly improving and actually doing chores around the farm. However something else was standing out from Penny's lists, all her chores involved the animals on the farm, they included feeding them, cleaning out their stalls, and even putting them out in the morning or in for the night. All this information making Carol think, she had never really used it before to treat a patient but Penny seemed to be an ideal case for Animal-Assisted Therapy (AAT), her gravitating to being with the animals on the farm seemed to indicate she was comforted by them.

So it was with thoughts of using AAT with Penny that Carol made a house call to Penny's parents farm the next Saturday morning. It was something new for Carol to do this and she found she was excited about trying something new, plus she really thought it might have a very real chance to be the way to heal Penny's mind. There was also another benefit for Carol to visit Penny's home, it gave her valuable information on Penny's living environment, which could be invaluable if the AAT didn't work.

"Welcome Dr. Miller." Susan greeted Carol at the front porch.

"Carol please." Carol responded, then quieter, "How's Penny."

Susan's smile fell, "She is nervous, this whole coming to the farm makes her think that she is not doing something right."

Carol shook her head, the last thing she wanted to do was make Penny worse. "You know its not, I'm just trying some new things are her."

Susan nodded, "I trust you and Penny will too after a while, I just know it."

Carol smiled, "Thanks."

It was only fifteen minutes later Carol and Penny walked into the barn after Carol convinced everyone that is where she wanted to talk to Penny that morning. However, after Carol got into the barn, instead of talking she just went to the horses to look at them, confusing Penny as she watched, still nervous about her doctor even wanting to be at her home. That nervousness made Penny say the first words since they walked in, "Did you want to check up on what I was doing?" she asked, still concerned that Dr. Miller being there was not for her good.

Carol whipped around, "No Penny, I'm not here to check up on you. You see after all you have told me about the animals and the farm during your visits, I just wanted to see this place for myself." she explained.

"Oh." Penny was now really confused, wondering if she should relax or be more on guard.

Carol looked back at the horses, "I haven't been around a horse since I was a teenager and then it was just for a ride. It is sort of exciting being around so many of them." she looked back at Penny and smiled.

Penny just nodded, so Carol continued, "I really like them, they are big and sort of magnificent. Do they all have names?" she prodded.

"Yes. The one you are in front of is Trigger." Penny advised her.

"Like the Lone Ranger's horse." Carol responded.

Penny nodded again, "Yes, my dad use watch the Lone Ranger on TV when he was a kid, so he named this horse after the Lone Ranger's horse."

Carol nodded, "What are the rest of their names?"

Penny stepped closer to Carol and started to name them all, leaving 'Buttercup' till the end. "So this one is your favorite." Carol stated.

"Yes…..no I really like them all….," then after a small sigh, "I guess she is." Penny finally confessed looking down at her shoes in embarrassment.

"She is a beautiful horse." Carol said to break the awkwardness.

Penny looked up, "You think so….I thought I was the only one that thought that."

"No, I mean it." Carol said with a smile, surprised to get a hint of a smile from Penny, when she complemented her horse. Carol then watched as Penny walked towards the horse and started to rub it's nose, the horse seeming to welcome Penny's touch, pushing it's head closer to her. It was like Buttercup was almost begging to be touched by her, even closing it's eyes in contentment as Penny rubbed around them and it's ears. There was also a hint of contentment on Penny's face as she interacted with the horse, and Carol was sure she now saw a way to help Penny get better.

Time that day seemed to fly by, without her watch to keep time for her, Carol ended up staying in the barn with Penny for over two hours, never realizing how long they were there till Susan stepped in to tell them lunch was ready. Carol of course was invited and she had a pleasant lunch with Penny and her family, the discussion of horses seeming to dominate their lunch conversation and even Penny getting into the conversation every so often. So when Carol left that afternoon, she felt good about the whole morning, Penny seemed to freely talk more in an environment she felt safe in and Carol actually enjoyed the morning working with her in such a relaxed environment. It was during that drive home that Carol decided that she would not treat Penny in her office anymore, she would treat her at the farm and Carol actually looked forward to it after she made that decision.

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Gloria spent the next few weeks trying to spend as much time as she dared with Leonard at work, on the 'down low', and on the weekends as much time as she could without being too obvious to his and her supervisors at work. It was difficult, but she thought she was pulling it off pretty well, however the time it took from her life was considerable and it became obvious to her that she needed to spend a couple days alone with her husband to unwind. So it was with this in mind that Gloria hunted down Howard Wolowitz on that Wednesday, a couple of days before her and Steven planned to spend a three day weekend at a bed-and-breakfast near the beach.

Howard was in his lab working on a moveable turntable for NASA, to go on a future space mission, when he heard the knock at his door and then looking up saw Dr. Steiner. "Hi, what brings you to my personal part of hell?"

Gloria frowned, "Howard, you are going to have to let me talk to you about your issues some time in the future."

Howard sighed, "I'm just having a bad day, don't mind me."

"Girls again?" Gloria figured with Howard she had a good chance that was his problem because he obsessed about them.

"Yeah…." Howard admitted, "I haven't gotten any in a month or two how."

Based on how Howard liked to brag about his sexual prowess, Gloria thought he probably hadn't 'gotten any' for a couple of years, not months. "I really need to talk to you about your issues." she responded back to him.

Howard looked at her, slightly offended, but when he saw how serious she was he decided to change the subject, "Anyway what can I do for you?"

Gloria noticed Howard's change of subject and just let it go, "I'm going away for the weekend, leaving Friday evening and returning Monday evening, so I won't be back around here till Tuesday morning. I was therefore wondering if I could trust you and Raj to watch over Leonard this weekend?"

"Yeah, I guess, but you know he doesn't want to do anything with us anymore, he is always working." Howard told her.

"I know, that is why I keep track of him, he works all the time, so I need you to make sure he eats and sleeps, while I'm gone." She told him. "You will need to physically check on him during the weekend, to make sure he eats, even take him out to eat if necessary and then make sure he actually sleeps some."

"I don't know, that seems like a lot of work for someone who doesn't want to be with us." Howard started to make excuses.

"Howard, how about this, if you do this for Leonard, we can have a little talk in the future and I can give you some pointers on how to successfully talk with woman." Gloria now told him, hating that she had to bribe Leonard's so called friend to help him, but she really didn't have any other choice.

"Really!" Howard responded with way to much enthusiasm, then with a softer tone, "Okay I guess I could help my friend Leonard. But I have to let you know Raj and I have a paintball game Saturday morning, so I won't be able to see Leonard till that afternoon." Howard explained.

Gloria didn't seem any harm in that, Leonard should be fine being alone Saturday morning. "Okay, Howard, then we have a deal."

"Deal." Howard held out his right hand to shake.

Gloria looked at his hand, suddenly wondering what he did with it and cringing inside at the thoughts that went through her mind, but right now she didn't want to cause a problem so she shook it, "Deal" Gloria then turned to leave thinking to herself about where the closest restroom was so she could wash her hands.

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The past few weeks of Carol's Saturday morning trips to Penny's parents farm had been working out very well in Penny's treatment, the AAT actually being the key Carol needed to get Penny to open up. So today was especially nice for Carol, she was progressing nicely with Penny and it was actually a nice day in Nebraska, the weather going through a relatively warm period where the temperatures stayed above freezing most of the day. This resulted in the sun being out and melting most of the snow, making the roads pleasantly dry as she drove to the farm, the warmth of the sun against Carol's face making her feel especially good during this break in the Nebraska weather.

Therefore, is was with a happy relaxed feeling that Carol pulled into the driveway of the farm, ready to spend another session with Penny and the animals. Consequently as she pulled close to the house, in her content and tranquil mind, she also expected to be greeted by Susan, like she had been every week since she had started to come out there. However that is where everything changed, yes Susan was there to greet her, but as Carol stopped her car and put it in park, she stared out the windshield in shock at the scene in front of her. Susan was outside as always but she was sitting on a horse and she was not alone, next to her on Buttercup was Penny, holding the reins to a third horse, saddled and ready to ride.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Carol took a deep breath before stepping out of the car, to the scene in front of her, realizing she had no one to blame but herself, she was the one who had told Penny, at each session in the barn, that she really liked horses and riding them. Now she was faced with a real dilemma, Penny on a horse was big step to her getting well, she was doing something she liked which meant she was actually beginning on a path to enjoy her life again. She still had a long way to go in her healing, but this was definitely her going on a path in the right direction. However, if Carol didn't join her now, Penny could very well take Carol's words, from her previous sessions, as lies to just get her to do what she was doing now and that could set her back from any progress she had made to date. Carol realized she had absolutely no choice, because no matter how it played out in her mind, to help Penny, she had to get on that horse and the thought of that really scared her because the last time she was on a horse she was a teenager, the animal was no bigger that a big pony and someone had lead her around on it.

"It is so nice we thought we would take a little ride around today." Susan said in greeting.

Carol nodded, "Yes it is nice." she didn't know what else to say as she just stared at the huge horse waiting for her, thinking how much bigger it looked out of the barn and in the open with a saddle on it.

"Penny said you told her you hadn't ridden for a while so we saddled up 'Molly' for you. She is a little overweight and lazy, so you would have to really push her hard to make her run. Riding her will most likely be very dull, she will probably just walk behind the other horses." Susan explained.

Carol looked as Susan, the woman was very smart, Carol was learning, and if Penny wasn't there she would have thanked her. "Yeah, I'm probably very rusty, so Molly sounds just like my speed." Carol then purposely walked up to the horse, trying to overcome her fear of the huge animal being out of her stall and so close to her.

"Here let me give you a hand." Carol heard as she quickly turned to see Susan's husband standing behind her.

"Okay." Again not knowing what else to say.

Wyatt just smiled warmly, his wife told him in private that Penny's therapist hadn't really ridden and would need help, so he was there to do just that. "Just put your left leg in the stirrup and I will help you up."

Carol nodded, not knowing what else to do, so just doing what Wyatt told her and putting her left leg up in the stirrup. She then quickly felt the man's hands go to her hips, just below her waist, and in one quick move he had her in the saddle. Carol's mind was now torn between panic, that she was on a horse, and excitement that she was actually sitting on a horse, luckily as the seconds ticked by the excitement overcame the panic. The longer she sat there the less scared she got and what also helped make her comfortable was that she was properly dressed for horse back riding, since she started wearing jeans, boots, a sweatshirt and a practical coat since her third visit to the farm for Penny's sessions, using Penny and her mother's apparel choices as a model for what she was wearing now.

"Ready to go." Susan asked Carol, to which Carol just nodded.

"Sweetie why don't you lead the way." Penny nodded to her mother then turned her horse towards a path leading back into the field behind the barn.

Carol was surprised that her horse, on its own, started to follow Penny, on her horse, but also that the slow walk of her horse made the shock of its sudden movement in following not too scary at all and with Susan immediately guiding her horse to a position alongside Carol she found herself also some what at ease. This movement of the horses continued for several minutes until Penny had moved ahead of Carol and Susan about 20 yards, then Susan leaned over to Carol. "Carol, you need to take the reins in your hands."

Carol had been holding on to the saddle horn the whole time since she got on the horse, just letting the horse take her where it wanted to go. So after Susan's directions she slowly took her one hand off the horn and took the reins with it, then looked at Susan. "Okay?"

Susan smiled, the doctor seemed both scared and confused being on a horse, it was unusual to see her that way since she always seemed confident and in control every time Susan had seen her before. "Better, but you really need to take the reins in both hands."

The thought of taking her other hand off the saddle horn scared Carol, because she felt that if she let go then anything the horse did would throw her off. But Susan's smile followed by a little nod of encouragement, made Carol know that the woman would never do anything to hurt her, and just like she told her patients, trust was very important in life. So she nodded back, whispering to herself "Okay here it goes." then in a moment of bravery moved her other hand to the reins.

Carol was a little surprised that something didn't suddenly happen to make her fall off the horse, scolding herself for again thinking that the woman riding next to her would let anything happen. So after the initial awkwardness passed she looked at Susan and smiled, immediately getting a smile back from her. Consequently for the next hour they slowly moved along following Penny while Susan instructed Carol how to control her horse, Carol taking special note how to stop the animal if it decided to run, something Susan said was highly unlikely with that animal, but still Carol's greatest fear as they rode on. 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

While Penny, Susan and Carol where traveling down a tractor road on the farm, Howard, Raj and Sheldon were finally starting their Sunday early morning paintball game. This Sunday's match pitted the Physics department against the Geology department and Sheldon especially was impatient to get some revenge on the 'dirt people' for securing additional grant money he had wanted for some projects of his own. Therefore Sheldon's attempts to dictate how they should proceed that morning were not being taken too well by the other members of the Physics department team who all thought he was taking the game much too seriously.

"Dr. Cooper, no one is getting court-martialed if they don't follow your advice." Dr. Lemming stated after listening to the tall pale skinny man for ten minutes now.

"How else can I make you people understand." Sheldon directly said to Lemming, "I'm the only one experienced enough and intelligent enough to lead our team." he thus informed them all.

"Dr. Cooper, we need to get out there now or we will forfeit the match." Lemming then reminded him.

"Dumb-ass." Dr. Leslie Winkle added, while she shook her head.

Leslie's 'dumb-ass' seemed to reflect the mood of everyone else, because they all then followed Dr's. Lemming and Winkle out to the open meeting area to greet their opponents and start the game. Raj being the last to leave, "You coming Sheldon?"

"With those mutinous idiots, never." Sheldon said in a huff.

Raj shrugged, "Okay, but you know we will surely lose without your guidance."

Sheldon let out another huff, "You're right of course, let's go." Sheldon then proceeded to follow Raj to join the game.

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The ride continued on for its second hour, and Carol was starting to understand from Susan that they were now on the final leg of their ride heading back to the barn. Actually Carol was enjoying herself, the horse just walked along at a steady pace and she was now use the sway in their moment and did not feel like she would fall off anymore. Susan's direction the first hour had eased her mind too that if something happened she had at least an idea what to do instead of just hanging on for dear life scared out of her mind. So Carol was thinking to herself she could get to like horseback riding and was starting to remember how much fun it was to do as a kid.

However the best part of the ride right now, was that Carol felt comfortable enough to start paying attention to Penny, the actual reason she was there. Penny had been quiet most of the ride, only responding when talked to, but Carol wasn't concerned at all about that, because the look on Penny's face, as they rode, expressed pure contentment. Carol had never seen Penny in such a relaxed condition since she started treating her, her body moving in perfect synchronization with the horse, her hands lightly on the reins but in complete control and her posture more like she was sitting in a soft plush reclining chair, her appearance being totally peaceful as she rode effortlessly on her horse Buttercup. It was so obvious, even a first year psychology student could see it, Penny was fully in her safe place, a place where she felt the most comfortable, in control and especially, a place she felt happy. No matter what happened before, right now Penny could care less, she was content and happy, and that is all that mattered to her at that moment.

Penny having a place to be happy, would make Carol's job a lot easier, because no matter what Penny had experienced before she still had her family, the farm and Buttercup to make her feel better. They all gave her a place to go to be safe and put all the bad that had happened behind, Gloria's recommendation to send her home had been exactly right and that man, Leonard, had be helpful in letting her go. So for the rest of the ride Carol split her mind, part of it on the horse and the ride, and part of it observing her patient.

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One hour on the paintball field, running and hiding, was a huge exertion for the sedimentary nerds and scientists, so when the game began to extend to two hours, everyone one was exhausted. Sheldon shooting Bert from the geology department while the big man was on one knee trying to catch his breath. So with his recent 'kill' driving him on, Raj, Howard and Sheldon, gathered in one of the playing field bunkers, while Sheldon gave orders on what they were to do next.

"Come on Sheldon, we're all too tired to do that." Howard whined after hearing the details of Sheldon's plan to mount an assault.

"You need to listen to me, being tired plays right into my plan, those rock farmers will crumble, like the dirt in their sifters, when we surprise them and attack." Sheldon explained

"What if they just stay behind cover and shoot us while we are running across the open field in our attack?" Raj asked.

"Because they won't, didn't you listen, our surprise attack will send them fleeing." Sheldon responded.

"Yeah, what makes you so sure?" Howard now asked.

"I told you before. Why don't you people ever listen. I'm the most experienced and intelligent person on this battlefield." Sheldon stated like that should answer any other questions.

Raj just shook his head, "What the hell, we just can't just stay here all day and I'm getting hungry." he said mostly to Howard.

"Yeah me too, I'm tired and hungry." Howard responded.

"Good then it is settled, Raj and I will burst out of this enclosure and since you are the slowest, you will hang back a little to provide cover fire, before following up on the attack." Sheldon instructed them with confidence.

"Fine." Howard answered, actually a little relieved that he wasn't expected to run with Sheldon.

During the next minute the three of them assembled at the door way and then on Sheldon's command, Sheldon and Raj ran out screaming and shooting from the hip, while Howard shot around them at possible locations where Geology department warriors could be hidden. Howard was then about to follow them when he caught movement in his peripheral vision which made him turn his head slightly to see a player running towards him and the doorway, the player covered in paintball armor carrying his or her weapon in firing position. Howard panicked, backing immediately back into the bunker, and even though he knew a person was coming in, their sudden bursting into the bunker scared him. "Don't shoot I surrender." Howard cried out.

"Relax Howard, I'm on your team." Leslie said while lifting up her face mask.

"Leslie?" Howard now looked at her confused, "Where is the rest of your group?"

"Dead, all of them. Killed by the splat of a paintball with their name on it, each and every one of them." Leslie responded, a look of reverence on her face.

Howard nodded, "War is hell." then he sat down on the bench in the bunker.

"Agreed, one moment your seeking out the enemy and then next it is over for you, a bright red splat on your chess plate or helmet." Leslie said while she sat next to Howard.

"The fear of sudden death is always your companion." Howard added philosophically.

"It makes you feel so alive, not knowing when the end with come." Leslie added. Then she turned and brought her lips to Howard's.

Howard never had a woman just kiss him out of the blue, it was both shocking and exciting, and he wasn't really sure what to do next, however Leslie did and as her tongue sought access to Howard's mouth, he gladly let her have her way with him. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush they were both experiencing or maybe because they were about to do it in a public place with the chance of being caught, but whatever it was Leslie and Howard were now way too turned on to quit. Their kissing deepened, and their hands started to rove over each others bodies, touching very little of each other actually since each was covered in paintball body armor, made to prevent the paintballs from hurting when they were hit. But that didn't deter them as they both finally found each others belts and pants zippers, yanking them open and down until they were both naked from the waist down.

There was nothing loving about what happened next, they were both too turned on and only were thinking of sexual relief, so Howard quickly found where to go and found Leslie was more than ready. It didn't even last long, them both grunting like rutting animals as they proceeded with their union hard and fast, until only a couple minutes later it was over. However both of them had been so excited that it only took short amount of time for both of them to get off and as they laid together, still with their pants down, Leslie was the first to speak. "That was satisfying."

Howard smiled, "Maybe for you, for me it was awesome."

Leslie chuckled, "Okay it was a little awesome."

"Really!" Howard then got smug, "Another happy customer."

Leslie chuckled again, "Don't get too cocky, I was already primed and ready to go, all you needed to do was pull the trigger."

Howard's smugness disappeared with Leslie's remarks. "Yeah, I understand."

Leslie now smiled, saying semi seductively to him, "You could always give it another shot, now that I'm not so primed."

"NOW!" Howard responded in surprise, not really believing he could perform right now, even if Katee Sackhoff was stripping off her flight suit in front of him at that very moment.

Leslie chuckled again, "How about we get something to eat first at Denny's, shower, then work on it."

"What about everyone else?" Howard lamely asked.

"They're probably all dead or captured already. Do you want to be with them or spend the rest of the day with me?" Leslie put to him.

"You…I want to be with you." Howard quickly said.

"Then lets get out of here before they find we're missing and come looking for us." Leslie then sat up, and pulled her pants back up, Howard doing the same right after her. They then checked the vision slits around the bunker to make sure everything was clear before they snuck out, made their way across the playing area to Leslie's car and drove off, Howard happy he rode with Raj that morning and had not taken his scooter.

It was about at this same time Leonard woke up from sleeping on the couch in his office, after falling asleep from exhaustion in the early morning while working on a water created laser refraction problem he was trying to solve. He had no idea what time he fell asleep because he had not laid down to sleep, he just figured he had probably sat down some time in the early morning and just fell asleep. But now he was awake, so he thought if he could just get some coffee in him he would be able to continue his work, work that kept his mind busy and allowed him not to think about the one person he couldn't seem to get out of his mind when he wasn't working, Penny.

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Carol watched Susan and Penny as they unsaddled their horses then rubbed them down after the ride, doing exactly what they did, her horse just standing there not moving seeming to enjoy the attention. The horse then obediently followed Carol as she let it into the stall, again following the actions of Susan and Penny, the horse seeming to enjoy being in its home as it drank some water then began to chow down on the oats Carol gave it, again because Susan and Penny had done the same thing. It was only a moment later, after the horses were settled, that Susan spoke, "Lunch will be ready in about 30 minutes, nothing fancy just soup and sandwiches, but I hope you will join us Carol."

Carol smiled and nodded, "I'd love to." then she watched Susan depart the barn, obviously to give Carol and Penny some alone time.

But is surprised Carol, that as soon as Susan left, Penny spoke. "You haven't ridden a horse in a while."

"That obvious huh." Carol answered honestly.

Penny just turned and looked at her, nodding.

"I haven't ridden since I was a teenager and even then someone lead the horse around. This was so much different…..better…..and I really enjoyed myself." Carol again told her honestly.

Penny nodded again, "I love riding."

Carol was hoping she would say more, but nothing else came out, Penny just seemed to be doing a couple things to re-arrange the saddles, reins and blankets, like she was keeping herself busy. "Is this the first day you have ridden since you came back?"

Penny nodded, "Yes."

"Can I ask, why today?" Carol then noticed Penny sigh

"It was so nice today so we let the horses out in the corral and my mom just asked if I wanted to ride because she did. I guess I just wanted to ride with her." Penny explained

'That was very good' Carol thought, "Why did you take me?"

Penny shrugged, "Mom said you might enjoy going, so we waited for you."

"Well thank you and your mother, because I really enjoyed it." Carol watched Penny nod after her response.

Carol and Penny talked a few more minutes, mostly about how you take care of horses after a ride, before they were called up to lunch by Susan. The lunch was very pleasant, Wyatt asking them about their ride and Susan, with some input from Penny, telling him about how it was and what they saw along the way. It was actually a very normal family lunch with her as guest and Carol was pleased how Penny was participating in the discussions. That afternoon Carol drove home pleased about the whole day, Penny actually riding a horse, showed she was starting to take time to do things she enjoyed, a very good sign for her moving to getting better. Carol couldn't also get over the good feeling inside her after her first horse ride as an adult, she had fun and helped her patient at the same time, it was rare for her to have a win-win like that in her profession, so she decided to enjoy it as she drove home, turning on her radio to sing along with the songs that came on.

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Howard and Leslie went back to her apartment after brunch at Denny's, showered, then hopped into her bed without putting their clothes back on. Fortunately for Howard, Leslie was still not over her sexual excitation from earlier that morning, so though taking a little longer, it wasn't too much longer that they were both laying on their backs basking in afterglow of post intercourse. Leslie saying the first words, after sufficient time had passed to relax them both, "Howard you surprise me."

Howard's face turned serious, "Surprised you good or surprised you bad?"

Leslie chuckled, "Don't worry Howard, you did good…both times."

Howard smiled, "Well, It is hard to disappoint a beautiful woman."

"Howard are you trying to flatter me, because if you are it is working." Leslie told him after turning to him smiling.

Howard smiled back, "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Well then, why don't we work up another sweat, so we can shower together later." Leslie suggested

"Your wish is my command." Howard then moved close enough to her to kiss her again while his hand easily found her bare breast.

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Carol returned to work that Tuesday morning, her mind solely on Leonard, since her and Steven had gotten home very late the night before and she had not seen him in over three days. She now was just placing her belongings in her office before she was going to go to Leonard's office, so she could have morning coffee with him and talk to him. However the phone started to ring on her desk, making Gloria concerned that since she had been gone for three days it might be something important and if it wasn't she was sure she could brush the caller off in just a few seconds. She wasn't expecting the call, that Tuesday morning, to be from President Seibert and she wasn't expecting him to ask her to come see him.

"Dr. Steiner." was the greeting Gloria got but she recognized the voice immediately.

"President Siebert." she responded.

"Yes, Could you come immediately to Dr. Hofstadter's office, we need you here pretty quick." Siebert voice full of urgency.

Gloria's heart sank, "Is something wrong with Leonard?"

"It would be easier if you just came here than me trying to explain." Siebert answered.

"I'm on my way." Gloria quickly hung up and raced out of her office towards the Science building and her friends office.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

No sooner that Gloria reached the hall where Leonard's office was located, she saw the crowd, making her heart beat faster, because they reminded her of the kind of crowd that gathers to see an accident…..or death. So when she got to the edge of the crowd she was in no mood to be prevented from getting through to Leonard's office, "MOVE, MAKE A PATH, NOW!"

The people in the crowd, almost all students, were shocked by Gloria yelling at them, however they did listen and made a path for her to pass. It allowed Gloria to quickly enter Leonard's office, however once there she stopped dead in her tracks, her mind screaming at her that her worst fears had been realized when she saw the scene before her. There was blood on the floor and the side of Leonard's desk, Leonard was on an emergency gurney, one used by ambulances, with two medics working on him and standing near them was President Siebert, a very concerned expression on his face.

Gloria's shock lasted for a couple seconds before she forced herself to recover and walk over to the gurney holding her friend and the people treating him, "I'm a medical doctor, what is his condition." Gloria was a Psychiatrist, a medical doctor who practices psychiatry, so she was a real medical doctor and licensed in California.

The two paramedics looked at each other then at Gloria, "He is stable, the bleeding has stopped, but we are not sure if he has a concussion. He appears to suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and possibly hasn't eaten for a few days, which probably made him faint, causing him to fall and hit his head on the desk. We are going to transport him to Huntington Memorial Hospital to get him checked out."

"Is he lucid?" Gloria asked.

"Yes." a soft voice responded, making Gloria and the two medics look down at Leonard. He hadn't moved and his eyes were closed, but it was definitely him that spoke.

Gloria immediately bent down toward him bringing her face close to his so she could speak softly to him. "Leonard how are you feeling."

"My head hurts." he softly responded back.

"Okay." Gloria wanted him checked out immediately, so she looked at the two medics, "Why don't you get him going as long as he is stable. I will meet up with you all at the hospital." she then turned back to Leonard, "Leonard I'll see you in a few minutes after you get to the hospital."

Leonard still didn't move or open his eyes, but responded back softly, "Okay."

The medics were in the mindset as Gloria, their patient was stable so they rolled Leonard out of his office, through the small crowd and out to the ambulance, Gloria noticed before, parked outside. They quickly secured Leonard in the ambulance, under Gloria's watchful eye, and then headed away toward the hospital, Gloria watching them for a few seconds before turning and almost bumping into President Siebert who had followed them out, watching the whole time. "Excuse me President Siebert, but I need to go to the hospital." she quickly said while trying to walk around him.

"Dr. Steiner, one minute please, before you go." he asked.

Gloria was in a hurry, but she could give him one minute, but only one. "Yes." she quickly responded.

"Dr. Gablehauser told me you had concerns about Dr. Hofstadter and although I support Dr. Gablehauser's decision, now I think maybe your concerns had more validity then they were given." he began.

Gloria wanted to scream at him, not really him but Gablehauser, or both of them, she was so mad and frustrated that Leonard was hurt. "Leonard is going through a lot of stress, he needed some help." she told him, just like she had told Gablehauser before.

Siebert nodded, "I trust your judgment Dr. Steiner, Leonard is making great strides in the use of lasers in water, it is very important, so if he needs help to overcome his stress, we need to help him. But we also need to keep this confidential, his work could suffer publicly if it was well know he was under mental health care." Siebert saw Dr. Steiner was going to protest, so he just held up his hand to quiet her, "I know what you are going to say, but there are still very important people out there that see people that undergo therapy as crazy and will not take all the work he has done seriously because of it. So I'm asking if you could treat him confidentially."

Gloria thought about it for almost a whole second, it was what she wanted to do in the first place. "I will on one condition, I want complete support in treating Dr. Hofstadter by the university, what I say goes, period."

Siebert nodded, "You will have final say, I promise."

Gloria nodded, "I need to go to the hospital."

Siebert gave her a small smile. "I understand. Tell Dr. Hofstadter we all wish him well, the whole university wishes him well."

"Okay." Gloria then turned and walked quickly to her building and office, she needed to get her purse and keys and then tell the department office manager where she was going. She didn't think anyone would say a thing about her leaving, but if they did she would tell them to discuss it with President Siebert.

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It was only a couple miles to the hospital from Cal Tech, so it only took Gloria less than ten minutes to get there, finding a parking spot taking almost as long, her hurrying to the emergency room as soon as she got her car parked. Gloria had been to this particular hospital before so she headed immediately to the emergency room check in desk to find out Leonard's status. "Have you checked in Leonard Hofstadter?"

"Can I ask who you are and what relation you are to him?" the young woman asked.

"I'm Dr. Gloria Steiner and I am his doctor." Gloria quickly answered.

Gloria's distressed look and her obvious worry made the receptionist concerned. "Do you have any ID."

"Yes." Gloria was a licensed doctor so had a state ID, quickly getting it out of her purse and handing it to the young woman.

The receptionist studied it for a couple seconds then handed it back, "Thank you doctor". She then looked at a younger woman standing behind the desk. "Bev can you take Dr. Steiner to the nurses station."

"Sure." the young woman said, leading Gloria through the double doors into the emergency room treatment area, not stopping until she was in front of what was obviously the nurses station, "here you go." she said with a smile then left.

The older nurse looked at Gloria, "Can I help you?"

"Yes." Gloria handed the woman her ID, "I'm Leonard Hofstadter's doctor."

The nurse looked at the ID, then at Gloria before handing it back. "Mr. Hofstadter is in exam room 6, he just had a head x-ray and is back in the exam room. The treating doctor will be there in a couple minutes after they check the x-ray and can update you to his condition."

"Thank you." Gloria told the nurse before she quickly went down hallway to room 6.

Entering exam room 6, Gloria found Leonard laying on a hospital bed, not moving with his eyes closed, a nurse taking his vitals. The nurse a little surprised when Gloria entered the room. "Are you Mr. Hofstadter's wife?" she asked in confusion.

Gloria shook her head, "I'm Dr. Steiner, Dr. Hofstadter's doctor."

Gloria using doctor so many times in a sentence confused the nurse, "You're a doctor and he's a doctor." she asked in confusion.

"Gloria don't confuse her, she is really nice." Leonard said softly, again never opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Hofstadter is a Doctor of Physics and I am a medical doctor." Gloria then extended her hand to shake the nurses, "Dr. Gloria Steiner, but Leonard's friends can call me Gloria."

The nurse shook Gloria's hand and smiled. "My name in Linda." She then looked at her patient for a second before looking back at Gloria, "Well Leonard has been the perfect patient, I wish everyone was like him."

"I'm just being nice because Linda promised me drugs, as soon as they looked at my x-ray, and my head is throbbing." Leonard said softly, again never moving or opening his eyes.

The nurse chuckled, "Well I'll leave you alone, I got what I need and the doctor should be here in a minute, but I suspect Leonard is good hands already." the nurse then gave Gloria a wink before walking out.

Gloria stood there a second, just watching the nurse leave, the nurse obviously hinting she thought that her and Leonard had something romantic going on between them. Gloria did love Leonard, but like a brother, it wasn't the same kind of love she felt about her husband, but it was love never-the-less. She took a couple steps towards the bed then laid her hand of Leonard's, "Leonard how are you feeling? Are you eyes bothering you? Do you have any trouble moving?"

Leonard opened his eyes slightly, squinting at Gloria, "I have a bad headache, and the bright light along with being without my glasses makes me want to keep my eyes closed to make my headache not so severe." Leonard then turned his hand under Gloria's and took hers to give it a squeeze, which answered Gloria's movement question.

"Will you let me look at your eyes." Gloria asked.

"Okay." Leonard agreed and then opened them when Gloria leaned over.

Leonard's eyes were dilated from them being closed, so when he fully opened them, she saw both of them respond to the bright light, which is exactly what they were supposed to do, a good sign about his condition. "Thanks Leonard, you can close them now." she told him quickly.

Leonard closed his eyes, "Did I pass." he knew what she was doing.

"Yes, they responded perfectly." her hand was still holding his so she gave it a little squeeze of encouragement. "Are you feeling tired, dizzy or fatigued."

Leonard sighed, "Tired and fatigued, plus because I don't have my glasses also dizzy when I look around without them. But I also felt tired and fatigued before I hit my head."

Gloria just looked down on him for a second, "Leonard what happened?"

"I was working and I guess I forgot to eat, drink…..and I guess sleep too." he confessed in an apologetic tone to her knowing it was going to upset her.

"Didn't Howard take you to eat?"

"I haven't seen Howard in a week." Leonard answered

Gloria would have straggled Howard right there if she saw him, "Howard didn't stop by to see you this weekend."

"Why would he stop by?" Leonard asked confused

Gloria wanted to scream then kill Howard, all her anger about what happened to Leonard now directed to the short skinny man, but she decided Leonard didn't need any more stress today, "Nothing, I just thought he would."

Leonard was about to ask why again, but just then the doctor came into the exam room. "Oh…Hi, are you Mrs. Hofstadter?"

Gloria frowned, although she would be proud to be Leonard's wife, if they were romantically involved, she was getting a little tired of everyone thinking she could only be his wife. "No, I am his doctor."

Leonard chuckled softly, he knew Gloria very well and could tell she was a little aggravated at the stereotype everyone was laying on her, she being a woman so she must be his wife, and not being acknowledged for who she actually was, a doctor. Leonard fully supported her concerning her feelings about being recognized for who she was, he felt she was an extraordinary human being and he was proud to have her as his friend, but the poor emergency doctor really didn't do anything so wrong, except make a snap assumption because he was surprised when he walked in, so Leonard decided he would help him and let him off easy. "Dr. Steiner is my doctor, I'm not married, besides she's way too hot for someone like me."

Gloria turned to look at him, her heart wanting her to just go and hug him, she hated when he put himself down, any girl would be lucky to have him. But her hugging him would look strange right now, so she just turned back to the other doctor, "At least his sense of humor was not damaged."

The emergency doctor now smiled, "That is probably because he doesn't have a concussion." he replied with a little nod, but then he got serious, "However, since he lives alone, I would still like him to stay over night for observation just to be sure."

Gloria nodded, "I agree."

"Doctors, you're all the same." Leonard said softly, making both doctors look at him and smirk, then at each other, giving each other small knowing nods.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Leonard woke up late in the afternoon, at first disoriented when he found himself in unfamiliar surroundings, but quickly remembering that he was admitted to the hospital that morning. He turned his head around to look at the room he was in, finally turning to the couch and chairs in his room to find a set of blue eyes locked on his. "How long did I sleep?"

"Six hours." Gloria responded. "How are you feeling?"

Leonard took a deep breath, "My head feels a little weird where they stitched me up and I guess I'm still a little tired, but I don't feel like I want to sleep right now." he then looked directly at her eyes again, "Gloria, you don't need to stay here with me, I'm okay. It is probably close to dinner now, you need to be with Steven."

"No Leonard." Gloria shook her head then responded to him in a way to let him know she was serious, "The last couple of months we have done things your way, now we are doing things my way."

Leonard was confused at the way she just worded her response and what 'her way' meant, "I don't understand?"

Gloria, now looked at him with compassion, the serious look of moment ago now gone, "Leonard, I talked to President Siebert while you were asleep and I talked to the doctor here." Gloria took a breath, she didn't know how Leonard was going to handle the next part, "Honey, we all think you need help."

Leonard said nothing and just stared at her, finally turning his head to stare at the ceiling, Gloria's telling him he needed help still going through his mind. He didn't like knowing that everyone thought he needed help, it made him feel even weaker and more unimportant, than he normally felt, it also made him feel that he was someone that was just a burden to everyone else. Hell didn't even Sheldon always tell him his only use in life was to make his own life (Sheldon's) easier, otherwise what else was he there for? Leonard couldn't help think he didn't understand what he was doing anymore, the time since Penny left his life, a blur of numbers and equations that really meant nothing to him, their solutions were just solutions and he felt nothing, no joy or accomplishment as he just went from one to the next. He remembered how alive he felt when Penny had been around, so it was only after she left that he now realized how dead he really had been before.

"Leonard please talk to me." Gloria pleaded, his silence tugging at her soul.

Leonard had no answers anymore, he had worked his ass off for weeks thinking it would help and all it did was put him in this place, feeling actually worse than before. "What do you want me to do?" he finally answered in defeat.

Gloria could hear the sadness and defeat in his response, making her feel even worse for her friend. "Leonard, we all just want to help you, you're not sick, you are just a little lost right now and you just need people to help you get back on track again."

Leonard just nodded, "Okay."

Gloria took his acceptance as a good sign. "Leonard, Siebert said I could help you unofficially, no one would ever know, but to do that I will need your cooperation and that is where Siebert told me to do what I thought would help you."

Leonard turned his head to look at her, "What does that mean?"

' _This was it'_ Gloria thought, "Leonard, you are going to move in with me and Steven for a little while."

Leonard just stared at her, trying to process her words, he actually felt them hard to believe. "Why?" was the only thing that came from him mouth.

"Leonard we have been friends for a long time and I love you to death, but right now I'd don't trust you to do what is right for yourself." She told him, then just watched.

Again Leonard turned his head to look at the ceiling, the only thought going through his mind being _'Have I really gotten that bad?'_

The resulting silence, along with Leonard's staring at nothing, made Gloria again feel horrible at what she was doing to him, the person inside her that was his friend dying a little, while the doctor in her knowing that she had to do this to help him. The doctor in her now took control and talked to him, "Leonard, you will be going with me to work and coming home with me at the end of the day. You will sleep and eat normally and you will not stress yourself out like before." that doctor told him, but then the friend took over. "Leonard let us work this out together, just give me a chance to help you." she pleaded.

Leonard turned his head to look at her, a tear falling down his cheek, as he nodded, "Okay."

Gloria used every trick she had learned over the years to keep from breaking down a sobbing as she looked at him.

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Penny snuggled closer to him, everything about him making her want to be closer and closer to him, the warmth he radiated, the feel of his skin, the way he held her, the manly smell of him, and the soothing words he said to her, where all things she couldn't resist. She wanted so badly to physically bond with him, be a part of him, so she would never lose him, so he would always be hers and she would never have to go through life again without him. So she tried to cuddle closer to him, squeezing her body against him while her arm reached up to run her fingers through his thick and incredibly soft hair, her only wish for the moment to never end. But her hand never found that hair and it made her panic, suddenly the thought that this man wasn't Leonard terrifying her and making her push away, her eyes quickly opening.

It was dark and it only took a second for her to realize that she was in her room, in her home in Nebraska, alone. In that second she also realized that she had just woken up from a dream, a dream she had many times before about Leonard. A month ago, waking up like that would result in her crying herself to sleep as soon as she realized she was alone and would remain that way, however now she didn't cry anymore, because Carol had taught her it was only a dream. So now whenever she woke up from a dream about him or a nightmare about being alone in the cold, she just accepted that they were only dreams and that they had no bearing on her life now.

So Penny just tried to get comfortable again, hugging the extra pillow on her bed, the one she had squeezed so hard in her dream, closing her eyes to try and resume her sleep. Her determination not to cry anymore, because of those dreams, not completely successful as her damp eyes closed tight causing a single tear to slowly travel down her face. That single tear only reminding her how much he missed sleeping with him next to her, holding her and making her feel important to him while she was protected by him.

But thirty minutes soon passed and she couldn't find sleep, her mind kept awake thinking about him, until in a sudden epiphany she remembered her phone, the one he gave her. So with the little bit of confidence Carol had given her back she got up and rummaged through the mess on her dresser top and found it, only to find it was out of power. It almost broke her right there and if it had happened a month earlier she would probably be curled up right now balling her eyes out, but she was a little stronger now so she stood there and overcame the extreme sadness that tried to over come her and began to think. It only took her a few seconds to find the solution as she moved to turn on the bedroom light to start looking for the phone charger.

Penny didn't want to wait for the phone to charge enough to call, all she needed was to see the saved phone book the phone held, to find his number.

So she quietly made her way to the living room and plugged her phone in, using the number in the phone book to dial Leonard's phone with her parents house phone. It was almost too much for her to stand as she listened to each ring, thinking about him answering and how so badly she wanted to hear his voice again. But after each ring came another, until finally his voice did speak telling her he was unavailable and to leave a voice mail, something that left her empty inside, because she had no idea what to say. So she just hung up, again feeling the urge to just curl up and cry, only the strength she had gained from her therapy with Carol keeping her mind from going to that dark place again. Her continued ability to put her despair aside allowing her mind to work again as she quickly grabbed her phone and found the second number for him, the apartment phone number, and she dialed it, waiting with anticipation, her plan now successful as someone did answer.

"Who is this calling at this hour." the obviously aggravated voice answered on the other end.

Penny recognized that voice immediately, it was that horrible tall mean man who Leonard protected her from and the past fear of him almost took hold of her again as the thought of quickly hanging up to save herself from him immediately crossed her mind. But again, she was stronger now and she realized he couldn't hurt her in Nebraska, so she suppressed her emotions and asked him the question whose answer was so important to her that it could even surpass her fear of him. "Is Leonard there?"

"No, Leonard is not here! He moved out almost a month ago. Are you some kind of telephone salesperson? Do you have any idea what time it is? You have upset my REM sleep. I want your supervisor's number immediately. I'm going to register a strong complaint….." Sheldon kept rambling on.

Penny only heard 'No, Leonard is not here! He moved out almost a month ago.' before she tuned Sheldon out, then after a second or two finally told him 'Thank You.' before hanging up on his nonsensical ranting. Her mind beginning to process what just happened, the feeling that she had just lost Leonard forever filling her heart and breaking it in one quick moment. Even all the work Carol had done with her could not prevent the wave of emotion that engulfed her now, the loss of Leonard being too great for her to stand as she fell on the couch and curled up in a ball and cried.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

Susan and Wyatt woke up at the same time that morning, like they did every morning, the work on the farm beginning before daylight every day, whether it was Wednesday or Sunday. Susan throwing on her robe, as soon as she got up, and then going right to the kitchen, first turning on the coffee pot then making something for her husband to eat, while he got dressed for the day. So it was less than 20 minutes later she gave her husband a kiss, Wyatt then walking out the door and out to the barn, allowing Susan to now get ready for the day.

It was only by chance that Susan looked down the hallway to see a soft glow coming from the living room, before going to her bedroom to change, but that was enough for her to investigate where the light was coming from in the early morning. So she was completely surprised to see, in a room barely illuminated by a dimming flashlight, her youngest daughter curled up in a ball, asleep on the couch. Ever since Penny had been home she had not done anything like Susan was now seeing, and it told her something was wrong. However she also knew not to disturb her daughter's current restful sleep, so she just quietly walked over and put the thin quilt, from the back of the couch, over her daughter. Susan then, after making sure everything was now alright in the room and with her daughter, quietly started to walk out of the room only stopping for a moment to look back, quietly whispering, "Sleep well Sweetie, we'll talk when you are ready."

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In his hospital bed, in Huntington Memorial Hospital, Leonard woke up with a start, his now wide open eyes looking around the dark hospital room trying to understand where he was and why. But it took him only a few seconds to remember what happened to him and where he was, and only a few more seconds to realize he had must have woken from a dream, only he couldn't remember dreaming. It was with that thought that Leonard started to wonder that maybe he woke up because he was alone, he had been so busy the weeks before that he never really thought about it, but now that he was rested it weighed heavily on him, especially because Gloria had been around all day, the day before.

Leonard now couldn't help but think back to yesterday, Gloria had stayed with him while he was treated and then the whole day in the room, and he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that Gloria's presence wasn't a comfort. Steven even showed up later that evening with takeout food for himself, Gloria and him, it was actually nice just eating and talking, it had been so long since he had done it. The more he thought of it, he hated to admit that maybe Gloria was right, maybe it would be good for him to be around some people for a while, it wouldn't hurt to give it a try, he thought, and as he accepted that he drifted back to sleep.

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Susan worked around the house that morning, being as quiet as she could be, but at about 10:30 AM she went to check on her daughter only to find her still laying where she had found her this morning however this time with her eyes open, just staring. Susan walked over to the couch and sat down and began to rub her youngest daughter's back, she didn't say a thing while doing it, just continued to gently rubbed her back. Susan knew Penny would talk to her when she was ready so she just waited, for her daughter she could wait forever.

It was about ten minutes later that Penny scooted over and put her head in her mother's lap, her mother now rubbing the back of her head like she did when she was a girl. It was comforting, but Penny knew she wasn't a little girl anymore, "Mom, Leonard has left me too."

"Why do you say that baby?" Susan needed more information if she was going to help.

"I tried calling him last night, he doesn't answer his phone. I also tried his apartment and his roommate says he doesn't live there anymore." Penny explained sadly.

Susan couldn't help but feel bad for her daughter because it did sound like someone who was trying to avoid her, but she wasn't going to tell her daughter that. "Honey if you called him late he may not have answered his phone…..Maybe you should try now, he would be awake now, wouldn't he?"

Penny looked up at her mother and thought about the days she stayed with Leonard, "Yes, I think so."

Susan smiled, "So call him." she then reached over for their house phone, put it on the coffee table, and hit the speakerphone switch because she wanted to listen in to their conversation.

Penny got up and started to punch in his number, that she still remembered from the night before, into the phone and then waited. The phone rang again for a while before finally going to voice mail again, Penny finally looking at her mother with a defeated look, Susan feeling incredibly sorry for her but she still thought the situation was not final. "Penny it might still be too early or he may be busy, why don't you try a couple more times more today, at least before you make any assumptions."

Penny's expression seemed to drop the defeated look as she nodded back to her mother, "Okay."

While back in Pasadena, Leonard's phone, on the desk in his office, went silent again from its ringing. Unfortunately the call would be registered as an unknown caller since Penny's brother, years before, had their home phone number set so it didn't show up on caller ID, when he was dealing drugs. It allowed him to call people for drug transactions while preventing those same people from not knowing who called them and from where. However it now also was showing Penny's calls as an unknown caller, and this would prevent Leonard from knowing she called, when he got his phone back.

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Leonard arrived at Gloria's Wednesday late afternoon, going right to the room they had set up for him, to lie down, being outside and in the sun giving him a small headache on the way there. So while he slept Steven went to his apartment to get some clothes he needed, his toiletries and some personal items with the key Leonard gave him. Gloria putting some dinner together while she quietly checked on Leonard each hour, surprised that he slept for four hours straight, not joining them again until after both Gloria and Steven finished their dinner.

"Did you sleep well." Gloria asked cautiously when Leonard finally came out of his bedroom.

He gave her a small nod, "Yeah, a lot better than in the hospital." he then sat down on the chair next to the couch Steven and Gloria where sitting on, next to each other.

"You hungry." Steven asked.

"I guess a little, but I can get myself something." he said while starting to get back up.

"NO!" both of them said while leaping up towards him, making Leonard sit back down in surprise.

It was then Gloria who spoke, "For the next couple of days you just rest, doctor's orders."

"Yeah, let us do things for a couple of days until your head feels better." Steven added.

Leonard looked at both of his friends and the serious expressions on their faces knowing he was outnumbered, "Okay."

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That evening Susan sat at the kitchen table with her daughter, each of them with a cup of tea in front of them, Penny staring at hers thinking about the last call she had made that night to Leonard's phone. She couldn't help the feeling that he was now gone, just like every one she had known in California, he had let her go too, the thought that he maybe had never really wanted her crossing her mind, just like all those other guys there who just used her. The thing was though, as Penny thought more about it she knew Leonard never used her, he just helped her and protected her, so she just couldn't understand why he didn't want her anymore.

"Sweetie, are you okay." Susan asked.

Penny looked up at her mother, "Why doesn't he want me anymore?"

Susan was taken back in the passion of her question, and wondered how that man made such an impression on her daughter, but she quickly recovered and just tried to comfort her. "Honey you don't know if he doesn't want you anymore, you just know you can't contact him. Think about it Sweetie, he must have cared for you, he made sure you got home and got taken care of, so whatever he is doing now, just know he cared enough about you to make sure you were safe again."

Penny nodded, looking down at her cup, thinking about what her mother said, before she looked up at her again, "He saved me."

Again Penny's simple statement surprised Susan and made her desperately want to know more, this was the first time Penny had even hinted about what had happened to her. She only knew a little about what happened to her daughter from the doctor back in California, Dr. Miller not telling her anything due to doctor/patient confidentiality. So she just asked, "How did he save you honey?"

"They tried to rape me, those men, so I ran and ran and ran." Penny stopped and swallowed giving herself a second to keep from crying. Susan just stared at her daughter in horror, not saying a thing. Penny then went on, "It was so cold, and I lost my coat to those men and I was so cold." the thought of the cold again making her shiver slightly and almost cry again, but she again suppressed the tears, "I couldn't go on mom, I didn't know what to do and I thought I was dying." the tears now dripped down her cheeks.

"Oh Honey." Susan couldn't take it any longer, she got up and went to her daughter, bending down to hug her. "It is all right Baby, I won't let anything hurt you again."

Penny nodded into her mother's hug, "Leonard said the same thing." she whispered.

Susan was on the verge of tears herself, "Baby, whatever is happening with him now, just remember he cared for you and he kept his promise he returned you to us, just remember the good things he did, just be happy you knew him and he was so good."

Penny nodded, "I'll always love him mom."

Susan wasn't sure how to take her response, she hoped it meant she would remember him with love all her life, it had to mean that Susan thought because the other option meant Penny was in love with him, which wasn't good. She didn't really know what to say to her daughter after that remark, so she just continued to hug her and rub her back. "Everything will get better Honey, I promise, you have lots of people that love you."

Penny nodded again, "I know…..I love you mom."

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Gloria kissed her husband goodbye on Friday morning, she had told both him and Leonard that she had some work to do at Cal Tech that day that she couldn't get out of, which was true. What she didn't tell them was that the work that had to be done concerned appointments she had set up for that day with six scholarship students who were required to work 20 hours a week at the university to get their stipend each month. She also didn't tell Leonard that she planned to pick two of those students to be Leonard's assistants covering the whole 40-hour workday he was currently restricted to and that she had President Siebert's complete approval on her plan to do that.

Gloria was actually hoping she would be done with her interviews before lunch, because she had specifically set up most of the male student's interviews before lunch and she really wanted males assisting Leonard. There was a very good reason for this, the two young women in the interview group were just a little older in age than Penny, and Gloria saw a real possibility that they could bring bad memories back to him. So it was with this thought of picking two of the males before lunch that day, Gloria went into her office and prepared for the interviews, thinking the biggest problem she would have that day would be telling Leonard later about this new assistants.

However at lunch, as Gloria slowly picked at her grilled chicken topped salad, she knew she had more problems than she ever imagined that morning. She had scheduled three interviews that morning, for one hour each, but none of them lasted that long since none of the interviewees had been even close to acceptable. She still cringed at the three of them, each one worse than the first, and the thought that she had only one more male to interview before her only option was the two young woman worried Gloria even more.

Gloria slowly put a piece of the chicken and salad in her mouth, going over again in her mind each morning interview, trying to find something that would change her mind about the young men she had interviewed. The first young man she realized would not work after the first 5 minutes with him, he was so shy and introverted that Gloria actually began to believe he was scared of her. Putting him with Leonard would make Leonard spend most of his time with the him trying to help him, knowing Leonard, and that is not what Gloria wanted, she wanted someone to be of some help to Leonard. It took only a half hour for Gloria to reject him and even now she couldn't find a reason to change her mind, as a matter of fact she had given the young man her card and told him to stop by later and talk to her, thinking maybe she could help him a little with his social problems.

Even though the first young man was not acceptable, the second one was worse, he was the complete opposite of the first one and at first Gloria thought she had her first assistant for Leonard. However as the interview progressed, Gloria got a better feeling for this young man and what she saw made her realize he would never do. The young man was self centered, egotistical, and complete pompous ass, in Gloria's opinion, it would have been like assigning Leonard's old roommate, Dr. Cooper, as his assistant. Gloria could never do that to Leonard and the thought of the young man even talking to Leonard made her cringe, so she easily rejected him before the interview was over.

You would think after two such bad candidates, the third would have been better, but Gloria had no such luck, as the third was, in a way, worse then the first two. He didn't have to say a thing to tell Gloria he was a jock, a student on a sports scholarship, his huge size and the jersey he wore, were like a billboard that he was a football player. He was the perfect example of the kind of guy who bullied Leonard his whole school life and Gloria was never going to subject Leonard to that ever again. Nevertheless she did give him chance, to see if he had a personality that would work with Leonard, but during the interview, when he asked her about working for some 'Nerd' professor, Gloria knew she was not letting him anywhere around Leonard.

She sighed, there was not redeeming thing about the three this morning and nothing that would make her change her mind, so now there were only three left and only one of them was a male. She was in a situation now that the best she was going to be able to do was one male and one female if she was going to get assistants that could cover Leonard during the 40 hour work week. This was not what she wanted, and she began to wonder if having the assistants was really worth the chance that one of them being a young woman would remind Leonard of Penny and make him regress. Still it only took Gloria a second to make that decision, the memory of the blood in Leonard's office and him going to hospital was all she needed to make her decision, so she finished her lunch and went back to her office, she still had three more interviews to do before the day was over.

She was only in her office for a short time before Gloria again couldn't believe that things could get worse, but again the day didn't disappoint, the fourth young man being already 30 minutes late for his appointment with her. She supposed she shouldn't have been surprised, because while she had waited she read his file, finding out he wasn't doing good in school and he had already one complaint from showing up drunk in class. Gloria now doubted he would have been any more acceptable than the other young men this morning, but she was not ready to give up yet. So she got up from her desk to check with the office manager again, to see if there had been any word from him, not that she expected much at this point but more since she was tired of sitting alone in her office.

Gloria opened her door and went to the main reception area, "Mary, did my 1 O'clock show up?"

Mary shook her head, "No….but your 2 O'clock is early." she replied while pointing to they young woman sitting on the couch.

Gloria nodded and then looked at the young woman, "Well if you don't mind, I'd like to start your interview early." happy to see the young woman nod, get up from her seat and follow Gloria back to her office.

Consequently it was close to 4 PM when Gloria finally drove out of the Cal Tech parking lot, still trying to get over what happened that day, nothing going at all like she planned. All four young men had been completely unacceptable, while the two young women had surprised her, they were smart, had very pleasant personalities and were just serious enough to meet Gloria's approval. They were actually almost perfect and completely acceptable, except for their obvious fault, they were young women. Gloria was still concerned that the two young women around Leonard might bring back bad memories even though she knew that having them assist him would be better than having him be alone. Therefore she decided she would still have them be his assistants and carefully watch the situation closely with Leonard to make sure it didn't cause problems with him. Gloria sighed, she really hoped this worked, she hoped these young women, Alex Jensen and Stephanie Barnett would be the assistants she needed and Leonard wouldn't be upset with them around, because right now she couldn't think of anything else to do.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

Carol knew something wasn't exactly right when Susan met her that morning alone, as she got out of her car at Susan and Wyatt's farm, because Penny was usually always with her mother when Carol got there on Saturday. The serious look on Susan's face was the second clue, but what confirmed everything was the words Susan said after she greeted Carol. "Good morning Carol. Penny is already in the barn, she has been pretty quiet all this week and I think she has been this way because she had a bad dream."

Susan's report on her daughter, immediately put Carol into doctor mode, "Good morning Susan, did she tell you about it?"

Susan shook her head, "She really didn't say much about the dream, but it was obvious it was about the guy in California, Leonard."

That name, Leonard, bothered Carol more than she thought, she had hoped Penny had gotten over her dependency on him, but obviously that was not the case. Carol was a little angry with herself, that she had missed that Penny was concealing her feelings about him, it was either that or Penny was very good about hiding her feelings, much better then Carol imagined. She had hoped that as Penny got better Leonard would disappear, as her confidence came back, but now she knew she would have to address it head on with her. However, she was going to have to wait a few minutes to see Penny because right now Susan seemed a little upset too.

"Penny told me she was almost raped by some men, and she had to run out into the cold to save herself." Susan blurted out at Carol, then in an almost accusing tone. "Carol how bad was she hurt?"

Carol swallowed, Susan was finding out some of the bad stuff Penny had told her during their sessions, but Susan still didn't know most of it, the porn movies, the being passed around by men when Kurt dumped her, the details about being thrown out on the street and how she lost hope. Susan didn't even know how close Penny came to dying in California, another 'Jane Doe' to be buried in a common county grave. Carol had no idea if Penny would ever tell her mother everything or if Penny would even understand herself how she had given up, but it was not Carol's job to tell Susan, she actually couldn't because she was Penny's doctor.

"Susan you know I can't say anything about what Penny and I have discussed, even if it is good, because of Doctor/Patient confidentiality." She explained

"But they tried to rape my baby, they need to be punished. She also told me Leonard saved her from dying, is that true?" Susan was almost in tears.

Carol really wanted to tell her something, but couldn't, "I'm sorry Susan, I can't tell you anything Penny has told me….and Susan please don't push her to tell you, you could make her pull into herself, to a place where I couldn't even get to her."

Susan nodded, a couple tears falling down her cheeks. "She is in the barn." was all she said before turning and going back into the house, leaving Carol alone.

Carol stood there a moment feeling very bad, she was getting too invested in this family, but she still told herself she could handle it because it was helping Penny. So she walked to the barn and walked right in, stopping just inside the door to see Penny just brushing Buttercup, slowly and with a great deal of care. "I see you got here early today." Carol greeted her.

Penny turned slowly and looked at her, "I guess I just wanted to start early."

Carol took a step towards her, "Penny…."

But before Carol said another word, Penny spoke, "You talked to my mom."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement, so Carol knew she couldn't even try to deny it. "Yes, she told me you had a bad dream."

Penny sighed, "It wasn't a bad dream actually."

"I don't understand." Carol was a little confused.

Penny shrugged, then turned back to brush Buttercup, "It was about Leonard."

A not bad dream about Leonard, Carol mulled over Penny's words, before she thought she understood. "You had a romantic dream about Leonard?"

Penny just nodded and didn't say a word.

Carol walked over to one of the benches in the barn and sat down, they really needed to talk this through. "Penny your mom said you have been quiet all week, is it because of that dream."

Penny just kept brushing Buttercup, "Maybe."

Carol didn't like these nods and one word answers, she and Penny had moved on from them weeks ago. "Penny please, will you talk to me and not just give me these one word responses, we have been working this out for weeks now and this just makes all our work for nothing."

Penny knew she was right and nodded, but then she stopped brushing her horse, knowing she should say more, however she still didn't look back at Carol as she spoke. "I had a dream about Leonard, he was holding me and it felt so good, but then I woke up and missed him so bad, I couldn't sleep anymore. So then…then I tried to call him, but he wasn't there."

"What do you mean he wasn't there?" Carol needed more detail.

"He didn't answer the phone and his roommate said he left the apartment." she responded again still facing the horse.

"He was out?" These bits of information were not giving her enough to work with and were getting a little confusing to Carol.

Penny shook her head then turned to Carol, a couple tears on her cheeks. "He doesn't want me, he moved out, so I can't find him, and he doesn't answer his phone anymore when I call."

"Oh, are you sure Penny?" Carol was really just buying time as she quickly thought Penny's words over, her last statement now actually giving Carol an idea what was wrong.

Penny slowly nodded, "His roommate said he moved out weeks ago and my mom and I tried calling him for two days, he never answered."

Carol again just responded in a general way while she thought the situation through, "Penny you can't be sure that is the reason you can't contact him. Really unless he specifically tells you that, it could be almost anything that is preventing you from contacting him."

"You really think so?" quickly answered now fully looking at Carol

Carol saw a faint look of hope on Penny's face and it was then Carol knew where she wanted to direct this conversation between them. "Penny, can I ask you something?" Penny nodded, "What would you have said to him if he had answered."

Penny stared straight ahead for a couple seconds, "I don't know."

"Would you have said you love him?" Carol continued

Penny again stared a few seconds more, "Maybe."

"Then what Penny." Carol pushed.

"I don't know."

"Lets say he told you he loved you too, would you have gone back to California to be with him?" Carol asked then watched her patient.

Penny looked around the barn quickly, the thought of leaving home wasn't something she wanted to do, she felt safe there, and if Leonard wanted her to come to California she didn't know if she could do it. "I don't know."

"So would you want him to come here? Leave everything he has worked for his whole life to come here, to make you happy?" Carol now quickly asked.

Penny didn't want to make Leonard unhappy, she wanted to make him happy, she loved him. "I don't know."

"Penny what are you expecting to happen if you two talked?" Carol asked softly

Penny now walked over and sat on the bench with Carol, she suddenly felt spent. "I don't know."

Carol gave her a knowing nod, again talking in a soft reassuring manner. "Penny, do you think you maybe should think this through, really hard, before you try to talk to Leonard?"

"Maybe." Penny softly said almost in a whisper.

"Penny can I ask you something else?" Carol asked, again softly

Penny nodded, "Okay."

"You told me you had loved Kurt and there were other guys you loved before him. How did you know you loved them?"

"I don't know." that seemed to be Penny's go to answer, when she needed to think.

"Did you know you loved them the first time you saw them?"

Penny shook her head, "No."

"Then after the first date or your first kiss?"

Penny shook her head again, "No."

"So it took a little while?"

Penny nodded, "Yes, after we were together a while."

"A day, a week, a month or a year?"

Penny thought for a second, "a few months, maybe longer."

Carol wasn't proud she was going to ambush Penny with the next question, but Penny really needed to think about it, "Penny, you knew Leonard for a week and you never went out on a date, how can you be sure you love him. Are you maybe substituting love for gratitude, gratitude for what he did for you, because he saved you?"

Penny sat quiet for a few seconds, trying to think of an answer for Carol, but not able to think of anything to defend how she felt about Leonard, "I don't know."

Carol just nodded her head, she was not going to push Penny anymore, she just wanted to give her something to think about and she felt she accomplished that. Her job was not to upset her patient but to help them get better, by guiding them so they could work their problems out, by making them think about things for themselves which was good, but pushing and making them upset was not good. Therefore Carol just sat quietly for a few minutes, letting Penny get control of her feelings and calm herself before they went on. She didn't plan on discussing Leonard again that day, but just talk about less important things with Penny, she just wanted Penny to think about what was said today for a few weeks and figure out for herself, about how her loving Leonard didn't make sense.

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Leonard just stared at Gloria while he processed the information she had surprised him with about starting back to work. He had never been restricted like this since he had been an undergraduate at college and it did make him want to resist her 'plan' as much as possible. But right now he didn't know what exactly to say so he just asked a lame question in response to her information, "President Siebert agreed to all this?"

Gloria nodded, "Leonard, he thinks you are brilliant and he wants to see you get better, so he asked me to help you."

Leonard slowly shook his head, "So the president of the university I work at thinks I'm crazy….that is so great for my career."

"Leonard it is not that way." Gloria started to explain.

"What way is it Gloria!" Leonard almost shouted, making Gloria clamp her mouth shut.

Leonard stared at her for a couple of minutes, his anger quickly dissipating with every second he looked at her, as his mind kept telling him she was his friend and had never done anything to hurt him. He finally took in a deep breath and then let out a sigh, "I'm sorry Gloria." he then put his head in his hands and just sat there.

"Leonard, I'm your friend, I wouldn't hurt you." Gloria quietly said to him.

Leonard nodded, but didn't remove his head from his hands, "I know Gloria, I know."

"Leonard, please just try and do this." Gloria pleaded.

Leonard audibly sighed again, then brought his head up to look at her. "Why do I have to have two grad students? Gloria it feels like you want babysitters around me, like you don't trust me to take care of myself."

Gloria just stared at him, desperately trying to find something reassuring and positive to tell him, but thinking even if she did, she would be only lying to him. It ended up that she said nothing and just looked back at him, a helpless expression on her face.

After several awkward seconds, Leonard gave a small mirthless chuckle, "So not only am I crazy, I have to be watched now."

"No Leonard, it is not that way." Gloria repeated again.

Leonard stood up, "Maybe it is." he said quietly in defeat. "I'm really tired now Gloria, I want to lie down."

"Leonard?" she blurted out, she was on the verge of tears, the doctor in her fully suppressed by her friendship with him.

Leonard slowly shook his head, "I promise I won't hurt myself Gloria, I just want to lie down and think." he then turned and started to walk towards his bedroom.

"Leonard, I didn't mean." but before she could finish he held up his hand in a little wave letting her know he was done talking.

Gloria held her grief inside up till she heard his bedroom door close, the tears falling immediately before the sound dissipated. She had expected it to be difficult when she told him, but this had been worse than she had imagined. It even made her lose confidence in what she was doing, the only thing keeping her from dropping her plan all together right then and there was that she had no idea what to do if she did.

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Monday morning found Leonard in Gloria's office, sitting at the small four seat table, she had there, next to her, staring at the two grad students staring back at him from across the table. He didn't even know what to say to them, he didn't really want assistants, but these two were being forced on him and there was nothing he could do. He couldn't even be mad at them, because it wasn't really their fault and all his anger at Gloria for doing this to him had seemed to dissipate from him that weekend. So he just sat there letting Gloria do all the talking, because after all it was all her idea and he felt because of that she should be the one doing this awkward part.

"Alex Jensen, Stephanie Barnett, this is Dr Leonard Hofstadter." Gloria introduced them.

Leonard nodded, then felt bad about giving them the cold shoulder, again reminding himself it wasn't their fault. So he stood up and leaned down to shake their hands, "Stephanie…Alex. Just call me Leonard."

Gloria suppressed a smile, thinking about the last couple days, at first Leonard hadn't talked to her after she told him about the graduate students. However, Sunday he didn't seem so mad anymore, he just seemed to have an aggravated acceptance of what was going to happen today, and now today, he was just being his nice polite self. Gloria was for the first time since Saturday thinking that this might work.

"Ladies, I need to you both to try and arrange your schedules so that you only help Dr. Hofstadter, one at a time, avoiding overlap as much as you can. Since you are both graduate students, neither Leonard or I are going to micromanage your schedules, so you need to work that out for yourselves….Okay."

Both Alex and Stephanie nodded their understanding.

"Good, as long as you both get your 20 hours in a week we should be fine. Do you have any questions you would like to ask?" Gloria was feeling much better about this with every minute that passed.

Stephanie spoke first, "I was wondering what we would be doing. I'm a second year medical student and don't have much of a Physics background."

Leonard smugly looked at Gloria, not opening his mouth, he was leaving this question all to her, she had planned this and had picked these two, so he felt it was her responsibility to answer the medical grad student. Also, he had no idea what they would do, he had always worked alone, so having an assistant was going to be…weird, yeah that is how it felt, weird, he thought.

"Well.." Gloria looked at Leonard and immediately knew he would be no help answering Stephanie's question, it was like he was punishing her for doing this to him and she couldn't blame him. "I would expect mostly clerical help." That was all Gloria could think of, she wasn't a Physicist either and wasn't sure what Leonard would use the assistants for either.

"Would we be helping on experiments?" Alex now asked, she knew of Dr. Hofstadter and really wanted to participate in some of his work, she actually saw this as an opportunity.

Leonard looked at her, "What is your major?"

"Astrophysics, I'm in my first year of the Masters program." Alex replied quickly.

Leonard nodded, "I don't know, we'll have to see." he didn't know what else to say, as again he wondered what he would do with them and if there was actually something they could help him with.

"When will we start?" Stephanie now asked.

"Tomorrow." Gloria said in a way to make it evident there was no discussion on the matter, especially for Leonard.

The meeting when on for another hour, Alex and Stephanie having a few more questions and them deciding a schedule for the first day. So when Alex and Stephanie both left Dr. Steiner's office they were both deep in thought, each with their own perspective of their new job. Again Stephanie was the first to speak, "All in all this doesn't seem too bad."

Alex looked at her, "It will be great to work for him, he is working on some very important projects."

Stephanie nodded, "Yeah and it doesn't hurt that he is cute either." as smile spreading across her face.

Alex looked at her and didn't say a thing, but inside her own mind she had to agree.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

Gloria went to lunch with Leonard after the interview, her noticing while they ate that he purposely did not mentioning the interview during the whole time they ate. She at first wondered if he was mad again, but after a few minutes she could tell he was just quiet because he was thinking. She almost said 'a penny for your thoughts' but caught herself when she realized using the word 'penny' might not be a good idea. "Leonard is anything wrong?"

"Yeah it is." he quickly responded almost like he was waiting for her to ask. "Gloria, what am I going to do with them?"

That question was one Gloria really didn't have an answer for, because just like in the interview, she didn't know enough about what Leonard did to understand how an assistant could help him. After all her original plan was just to keep someone around him, she didn't think far enough ahead to realize they would actually have to assist him. There was though one thing from the interview she did remember, "Can't that Grad student, Alex, help you with experiments, she is taking a lot of physics isn't she, because she is an Astrophysicist?"

Leonard was a little taken back with Gloria's response, first because she remembered that and secondly because just like in the interview, he wasn't sure. "I don't know."

"Leonard, she seems to want to help you, surely there is something she can help you with." she pressed.

"Maybe." He didn't understand why, but the thought of Alex helping him, didn't feel right, he couldn't explain why and every time he thought about it, it didn't make sense, but just same it still didn't feel right.

"Leonard, please give them a chance. I'll be honest, I don't know how Stephanie will help, but there has to be some clerical stuff you can give her. But like I said, Alex is into physics like you, let her work with you, it will allow you concentrate on the important stuff while she does the easy stuff." Gloria tried to reason with him.

Leonard had to smile, he had always thought Gloria was much smarter than him, but hearing her say 'important and easy stuff' made him realize she really didn't know what he did, and it made a chuckle escape him, lightening his mood. "Important and easy stuff" he said to her with a smile.

"Shut up." Gloria said playfully, "You want me to ask you about all the different types of Neurosis?"

"No." he quickly responded while holding up his hands. His mind was already confused he didn't need her to confuse it more.

"Good, so finish up your food, so we can clean up your office." She watched him nod and take a bite of his lunch, it made her happy that at least the discussion ended without another fight between them.

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Gloria and Leonard went to clean up his office as soon as they were done with lunch, which just as it seemed was extremely unusual for two of the Cal Tech faulty to being doing at the university. The only reason they were doing it was that it would take the university between two to three weeks to get it cleaned up, because they would have to hire a special bio-hazard cleaning service to deal with the blood. No matter how safe Leonard's blood could be proven to be, there was no other choice and there would be that delay unless Leonard wanted to do it himself, so Gloria and Leonard where doing just that.

However, cleaning up Leonard's office bothered Gloria more than she thought, cleaning up the dried blood was actually hard on her, even though dealing with blood never bothered her in medical school or during her residency. Nevertheless it bothered her now and she knew why, the blood was her friend's and that made it difficult for her to clean it up and dispose of, even though she knew his body was already replacing the blood he lost. It reminded her again why it was not recommended a doctor treat someone close to them, everything became so personal, like her thoughts right now about her friends blood.

Leonard was also have a little trouble cleaning up the blood, however not for the usual reasons, blood did normally bother him but it being his own seemed to not create the nauseous feeling, he usually got around it. What did bother him though was that as he cleaned the blood up he became angry with himself that he had let himself get so bad, that he hurt himself like this, it just seemed to justify all of Gloria's new rules for him. It bothered him so much that he worked a little harder and faster to get rid of all the evidence of his condition because as much as he hated to admit it if felt like the blood was laughing at him, laughing like the kids did in high school when he was bullied and couldn't take care of himself.

Gloria's own distraction made her notice that Leonard was cleaning the same spot even after all the visible blood was gone. "Leonard it is clean." she said to try and get him to stop.

Leonard did stop and just sat there, on the floor, looking at her for a few seconds, before looking back down on the floor and letting out a sigh. "I'll take care of myself from now on, I promise."

Gloria wasn't sure what to say, she didn't know why he just said that, all she knew was something was bothering him, "Leonard, talk to me, tell me what is on your mind."

Leonard looked up at her, "I will take care of myself, I'll find something for those Grad students to do and I will not act like I did before." he said with a little determination.

Gloria wasn't sure what brought this all on, but it seemed like a positive turn, "I know you will Leonard, there is nothing wrong with you that a little help won't solve, everybody knows that."

Leonard looked at her for a few more seconds then nodded, telling himself that he would get over this, he just had to keep telling himself that Penny was in Nebraska, she wasn't around anymore, and face this disappointment like he had gotten over other things before. However at least this time there was someone who cared, he had Gloria to help. "Thanks for helping me."

Gloria smiled, "You would do the same thing for me."

Leonard nodded, "Lets just hope I never get the chance."

Gloria nodded, "Agreed"

They then both went back to work cleaning up the office, both feeling a little better, finally getting done about the time it was to go home. That night Leonard being a little more talkative at Dinner, something even Steven noticed. It had actually turned out to be a good day and as long as the two Grad students worked out, Gloria thought that Leonard was on a path to full recovery.

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Penny laid in her bed that Monday night, still thinking about what Carol said to her that Saturday, like she had been doing for the last 36 hours. She had been going over in her mind her feelings for Leonard and was trying to justify the love she felt for him, at least make some logical sense of it so she could defend it to Carol the next time she saw her. Her problem was that she couldn't compare it to any of her previous loves, they all took time to happen and Carol was right she only knew Leonard for a week. So like she said everything that happened with other guys never happened with Leonard, they never dated or did any of that stuff, he just took care of her and she loved him for doing that. This made the more she thought about it, the more it scared her, what if Carol was right, what if she was feeling gratitude and not love, that thought bothering her the most because she so wanted it to be love. Her feelings for Leonard felt so much like love to her but she couldn't escape Carol's words and they just kept confusing her and with that confusion came doubts.

There was other problem she had to deal with too, that also being linked to Carol and the words she said Saturday, she didn't know what to say to Leonard if they talked, telling him she loved him now didn't seem right because of her confusion and doubts. There was also the second part of the question Carol asked that she still couldn't answer, what did she want Leonard to do, she knew she didn't want to leave Nebraska but she also didn't want Leonard to give up his life in California. Penny was now slowly accepting that she couldn't call him until she had that answer to that question and several others, which only made her more confused and her just wonder what to do next. She knew she needed to figure this all out, but then she had no idea how long that would take and the thought of waiting to talk to Leonard until she had this all straight in her own mind only made her sad. In addition, there was also a small part of her that wondered if she would ever figure it all out and even if she eventually did would it take so long that Leonard would forget about her. Penny's self esteem was still very damaged so it was easy for her to accept that any man, including Leonard, could easily forget about her and move on, so those thoughts even made her sadder. It all resulted in Penny having a very restless night, tossing and turning for hours before finally falling into a dreamless sleep from pure exhaustion, her mind refusing to let go of the thought that she may never see Leonard again.

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The rest of that week for Leonard and his assistants was nothing but awkward, him still not sure what to have them do, even though he was trying like he promised Gloria. The first couple days were especially bad, him just telling them they could just do their school work at the desk in the corner of his lab, as he basically ignored them. This being unnoticed by him until Thursday when he went to say something to Stephanie, his first graduate assistant that day, only to find that Alex had replaced her already and he never had noticed. What made thing worse was that Alex's eyes were so full of hope when he noticed her, he could actually tell she was expecting him to give her something to do, and he found that it bothered him even more when he saw the light go out of them when he told her to just keep doing what she was doing.

So Friday morning he spent his first hour time alone, figuring out something for his Grad students to do, trying hard to have something waiting for Stephanie as soon as she arrived at 9 AM that morning. He was actually proud of himself when he found just the project that would keep them busy and actually help him, printouts of data that needed to be annotated at different value points before being put into the computer for analysis. It was busy work for him, but it still had to be done, so them actually doing it would be a great help to him and he was again a little disappointed with himself that he didn't see this work before. Therefore, Stephanie's arrival that morning, though a little late, still was a exciting moment for Leonard as he walked up to her, just as she put her books on the desk in his lab, a large satisfied smile on his face.

"Good morning Stephanie." Leonard said with enthusiasm.

Stephanie knew she was late, but she really thought he wouldn't notice, after all he didn't seem to notice anything about her an Alex since they started this job with him earlier in the week. All her enthusiasm about working around him had pretty much seeped out of her, the only thing now good about this job was that it allowed her to do her homework in his lab and therefore gave her more time to party in the evening. It was like last night when spent the night at a local bar, with several of the people from her classes, to almost midnight and it was because of that she had hoped she would be able to catch a hour of sleep there now, without him noticing.

"Good morning, Dr…..Leonard." she replied not sure if she was going to get lectured about being late. She had a little headache from last night and didn't really want to be lectured, her class from 8-8:50 AM had been bad enough for her this morning.

Even Leonard could tell that she didn't seem too enthusiastic that morning, "Is everything alright?"

His now seeming concern for her surprised Stephanie and actually put her enough off to answer him honestly without thinking. "I have a headache and am tired this morning."

It was then that Leonard wrongly jumped to a conclusion, upon hearing her condition, that it was her time of the month, so he based his next remarks on that assumption without actually bringing it up with her. "I have some aspirin and there is a couch in my office where you could get a couple hour nap if you would like."

Stephanie blinked her eyes a few times trying to really believe what he just said, running over the words in her head trying to make sure she heard them right. However even after doing that she still couldn't believe he had said that and decided to ask a question to verify she had heard him right. "I could really use some aspirin if you have any."

Leonard nodded, "Follow me."

Stephanie picked up her books and just followed Leonard to his office, walking right in before wondering if he meant anything more about them there than she had understood. She did think he was cute and sleeping with him was not out of the question, but she didn't feel good right now and she didn't like being forced to sleep with someone. But that was not what it seemed to be about as he went to a small refrigeration, in his office, and grabbed a bottle of water, then grabbed a bottle from one of his cabinets.

Leonard checked the date on the bottle making sure the aspirins hadn't expired, he tended to buy the big generic brands to keep in his office and sometimes they expired before he used them up. "Well these are still good." he then handed the bottle of aspirin to her while still holding the water.

Stephanie took the bottle and took two aspirins out. She had taken her last aspirin this morning when she got up three hours ago and only taking one hadn't really helped as much as she had hoped. "Thanks" she said while handling the now slightly lighter bottle back to him while he exchanged it with the water he had for her.

The cold water actually felt good down her throat and she drank the whole bottle down without a bit of trouble, a small smile coming to her face without her even thinking about it. "Thanks again, Leonard." She said while she looked at him, her mind again registering how adorably cute he looked, with his slight concern for her on his face.

Leonard nodded, satisfied he did something to help, he then looked at his couch, "Stephanie you can rest here for your shift. I know you have a class at 1 PM so you could try to feel better before you have to leave."

Stephanie was starting to think fondly of him all over again, like the first day she met him, his real concern for her well being really going to her heart. "If you don't mind, I would really appreciate that."

"No problem", then as to validate the whole offer, Leonard made his way to the door, stopping only to look back and tell her, "The door locks, so you can just lock it for privacy."

Stephanie smiled at him, crushing hard on him right then, "Thank you, Leonard." she said as sweetly as she could, watching him nod and disappear through the door, closing it behind him. She walked up to that same door, then after waiting a second, opened it up to peek out and see him walking away, already half way down the corridor. 'God he had a cute ass' she thought before closing and locking the door again, then leaning with her back against it for a moment. Thoughts about hooking up with him were now entering her brain again, but as she looked around his office the couch seemed to stand out in her mind, she was still tired and needed rest, so she just sighed and went to lie down, the comfort of its soft leather almost immediately making her fall asleep.

It was a little after 12:30 PM when Stephanie returned to Leonard's lab, feeling a whole lot better, her headache now gone and her feeling awake and alert now. "Thanks again Leonard." she said with a smile as soon as she saw him when she walked into the lab.

Alex who had gotten there at noon, was eating her lunch, something Leonard had let the girls do at work, so she just watched as Stephanie talked to Leonard.

Leonard smiled back at Stephanie, "Glad to see you feeling better." a satisfied feeling coming over him that since she was feeling better, he did the right thing by letting her rest.

"Well I better get going to class, thanks so much again…..Bye." Stephanie said enthusiastically as she started to leave, giving him a little wave as she walked out the lab door.

"No problem, have a good weekend Stephanie." he said then turned back to his work.

Alex just sat there motionless, her sandwich half eaten in her mouth and her hand tightly grasping her diet soda can, a feeling of being invisible going through her mind. She couldn't get over the obvious flirting Stephanie just displayed toward Dr. Hofstadter because she did without even noticing she, Alex, was there. It wasn't the first time she had felt invisible, but it still did hurt and it took her a few minutes to think about continuing eating again, as the room seemed to get quiet again after Stephanie left. She watched for a moment as Leonard just went back to his work, everything again feeling like it was back to the way it was, so it was then, just like before that Alex began to eat again.

Alex slowly ate while she looked at her physics book, going over the sections and rereading the parts of the book that were associated with her lab class today, to compose in her mind what she would put into the report she had to submit the next week. So when she finished her last drink of soda, from the can, she gathered up her trash and put it into her empty lunch bag and walked over to the garbage can in the lab, so it surprised her when Leonard called her name no sooner than her bag hit the bottom of the garbage can. "Alex can you come here a moment."

She turned quickly to see him looking at her, actually surprised he noticed her. "Yes Dr. Hofstadter." she answered then quickly made her way to him.

"Alex, I need you to go through these print outs for me and annotate them based on the instructions on this sheet. I know it is tedious but we need to do this so that it will be easier and quicker to put the data into the computer program for the final analysis." he explained to her.

Alex just nodded while looking through the sheet that listed the different criteria for each section he wanted her to annotate and also listed the markings that he wanted to be placed to identify the section beginnings and endings for each. It was obvious he wanted to mark the printout so specific sections identified by specific criteria could be quickly identified in the printout for computer input. It wasn't really hard to understand what he wanted and Alex thought she knew enough to get started. "Okay, I can do this Dr. Hofstadter."

Leonard liked her confidence, "Leonard remember."

Alex looked at him, "I'm sorry Dr. Hofstadter…..I mean Leonard."

Leonard smiled at her, "You don't have to be sorry Alex, we're just a team here so everybody is equal when we are working."

Alex couldn't believe he was calling her part of his team, just nodding to him, "I'll do this right away…..Leonard." she then took the printouts to the desk and started to go through them using a blue marking pen to annotate each section like it was described on his sheet of instructions, being as careful and diligent as possible like her life depended upon it.

The next couple hours were very quiet in the lab, the only sounds being either Alex flipping a computer printout sheet or Leonard typing on his computer keys. It was actually a comfortable silence, Alex was feeling good and useful doing some real work for Leonard and Leonard didn't feel guilty because he now had one of his assistants actually helping him. So it was almost 4 PM when Leonard finally stretched and looked over at Alex writing another annotation of the computer print out, her deep concentration making him smile.

However now Leonard was thirsty, they had one more hour before he needed to go home and he just didn't want to spend that hour with a dry throat, especially since he had cold bottles of water in his fridge. So getting up from his seat he walked up to Alex. "Alex, I'm going to get a bottle of water, do you want one?"

Alex looked up at him in surprise, she had been looking at some data very closely and hadn't even noticed him come up. She nodded, "Umm….." finally finding the word in her suddenly confused mind, "Yes Please."

Leonard gave her a small smile, now realizing her surprised her. "Okay, I'll be right back." he then turned to leave.

"Dr. Hofstadter?" she suddenly now said, her mind finally catching up from him surprising her.

Leonard stopped and turned, "Yes."

Alex swallowed, she was scared, but after looking and annotating the data for over two hours she wanted to ask him about a recurring data point she was seeing. "I was just wondering." she now was really nervous with him looking so intently at her, and for a couple seconds there she really thought she would tell him it was nothing just to keep from making a fool of herself.

Leonard actually saw her nervousness, so he forced himself to smile warmly at her. "Its okay Alex, just tell me what you want to say."

Alex swallowed again, then began, "I was just wondering if you wanted me to annotate these recurring readings that have wavelengths and frequencies outside the ones listed on your sheet."

Leonard's face scrunched up with concern, "What wavelengths and frequencies?" he then moved up behind her to see what she was talking about.

Leonard moving right behind her almost made Alex shutter because of his proximity, but she knew he wanted to see what he was telling her so she continued, "There are recurring returns with wavelengths between 30-1000 µm which puts them in the frequency range of 0.3-10 Thz." she then pointed the sections out to him trying hard not to be distracted by him being so close to her.

"That's Infrared?" Leonard said more to himself. Then he looked at her, "That's INFRARED!"

Alex didn't know what to say, Leonard was looking down at her with almost a wild look in his eyes and him being so close was making her feel flushed. So she just nodded to him, then told him, "It happens at recurring points all through the data."

Leonard stepped back and just made a short walk around the lab, repeating the word 'Infrared' several times, before rushing back to her desk, very excited. "Alex, I have been looking in the visible light spectrum for results to prove my theory and previous work, but I might be wrong." he slowly began to calm. "What made you look in the Infrared spectrum?"

Alex shrugged, "I was just looking a the numbers and it just kept standing out, so I decided to mark it."

Leonard looked at the printout again, then flipped a couple pages, she had annotated each section where data was in the Infrared. "Yes you did." he said with a huge smile. "You definitely did."

Leonard stood there for a second or two then looked at her seriously. "How many occurrences have you annotated?"

Alex thought for a second, "Maybe close to a hundred."

Leonard nodded, "That is a small sample but it could give us an idea if we are on the right tract, and if it is the right track we may be ready for a prototype in a month."

Alex just sat there in awe as she watched him thing things through. The thought that he was so excited right now because of something she had done warmed her heart and made her feel so good. She could already tell he was so much different that any man she had ever met before, he was nice, considerate, so pleasant to be around and so cute. She really hadn't been with may guys before, her being a skinny nerdy smart girl in high school, not even getting any body shape till her second year in college, so she had not been popular with guys until then. However the guys she met after she filled out some seemed to only want to sleep with her then move along, sex not even being anything she thought was fun till one guy seemed to care a little about her and made sure she enjoyed it too. But none of them where like Leonard, not even remotely like Leonard, and as she sat there and watched him she just thought he was amazing.

"Alex, you did really good here and I would like to enter this data into the computer so I can do a preliminary run and see if the data is in the ballpark of what I've been looking for. Can you help?" he said while looking at her.

She had been looking up at him, but her mind somewhere else, so she just nodded quickly to him after being surprised at him talking to her, again.

"Okay. Lets get to the computers." he said with enthusiasm then turned and went to one of the terminals, Alex just getting up to follow him.

It was only ten minutes later that Alex was having one of the biggest conflicts of her life, trying to listen to Leonard's instructions while he leaned over her back showing her on the computer screen what he wanted her to do. His face was alongside hers and it was so close that Alex swore she could feel the heat off of it, it was either that or the heat she was feeling was from her own body because he was so close to hers, leaning forward to reach the computer keys. Alex kept biting the inside of her lip so she could at least try to concentrate on his words, this was so important to him that she promised herself she would do nothing to screw it up for him. So it was with both relief and disappointment, disappointment that he hadn't touched her, when Leonard stood back up from her and the computer.

"I think you have it now." he then took the printout and separated the annotated parts into two piles. "I will input this part and you input this part." he then handed her half of the printout. "Once you populate your data table, I will combine it with mine and we will do a run….Okay."

Alex nodded, "Okay."

They then both sat down to work Alex not being able to help herself from taking a quick glance at him after each data listing she entered. She was really feeling happy as she typed away because he was finally paying attention to her, and he had told her she did good, so even though she was too scared to flirt with him like Stephanie did, Leonard was still noticing her and was happy with her.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

They had been working for twenty minutes, twenty minutes where the only sounds were the tapping of keys on the computer and the flipping of data sheets on the printouts each had. The were so engrossed in their work that neither of them noticed the visitor standing in the doorway of the lab, especially not noticing that the visitor was Gloria. Gloria watching them working for several moments, slightly amazement that Leonard and his assistant were both typing away on their computer terminals both equally engrossed in what they were doing. It actually made Gloria smile, Leonard had said he would make an effort to use the assistants and now looking at the scene before her made her feel he was keeping true to that promise.

"Knock, Knock" Gloria said loudly smiling the whole time.

Leonard and Alex looked up at her in surprise, Leonard being the only one to say something, "Gloria what are you doing here."

Gloria mocked being offended, "Well it is nice to see you too."

Leonard shook his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I was just wonder what do we owe the honor of your visit."

"Better, but too cheesy." she responded with a smile.

"Please Gloria." Leonard whined, the pained look on his face and his response almost making Alex giggle.

"Leonard do you know what time it is, it is time to go home now." Gloria finally stopped teasing him and just told him.

"It is?" Leonard looked at the clock and his shoulders seemed to slump.

"Yeah, so are you ready, because I want to get home and see my husband and start enjoying my weekend." Gloria had really wanted to go home all afternoon that day.

Leonard looked at his computer and the printout next to it, then looked at Alex, who just looked back confused, and then finally looked at Gloria. "Gloria I need to stay a little longer, we need to get this data in the computer, that Alex found, and do a simulation run."

"Alex found?" Gloria looked at the Grad student who now seemed to be blushing in embarrassment.

"Yes." Leonard said, making Gloria look back at him. "You were right the Grad students are a big help, Alex is brilliant and she found something in the data that I completely missed because I have been doing this for too long without help."

Gloria knew he was saying, in his own way, that she had been right about him needing help and that made it all the more difficult to ask him to leave. "How much longer are you going to be?" she asked, again after his telling her that she was right, willing to give him some latitude.

"I don't know." he looked down at the pile of printouts in front of him, "I'm half way done, so another half hour for that, then a half hour to sent up the program and give it another half hour to run and display results." he sighed, "Maybe 2 to 3 hours."

Gloria immediately formed a pained expression on her face, she didn't want to wait 2 to 3 hours here with him, no matter how good a friend he was, she had a hard day and just wanted to lay on her couch, in her sweats, while Steven rubbed her back. "Leonard." she now whined, "Can't you finish this Monday." Him waiting to complete his work, so she could go home, seemed very reasonable to her right now, after all he was her friend too, therefore wasn't he suppose to care about her too. She had not been feeling that great all day, her lower back hurt and she threw up that morning, so right now she just wanted to be cuddled by her husband….at home.

Alex had been half listening to the conversation, her mind more centered around Leonard than anything else going on at that moment. Him saying she was 'brilliant' was still ringing in her ears, and she was so crushing on him right now she would have done anything, anything he would have asked of her. In her mind he was the most amazing man in the world and with that the most desirable too, and her desire for him at that moment was way off the charts. So when it finally sunk in that Dr. Steiner wanted to leave and she was Leonard's ride home, she spoke without any thought to what she was saying. "I can take Dr. Hofstadter home. I have a car."

Gloria and Leonard looked at her, but it was Leonard who spoke first, his enthusiasm for what they were working on far out weighing his logically thinking out the matter. "See Gloria, I have a ride, so you don't have to wait."

Gloria just stared at him, she wanted to tell him no, but she did want to go home, her husband and the thought of just staying at home that evening with him dominating her mind right now in a huge way. It was then a wave of fatigue seemed to make her decision for her, "Okay, but so help me Leonard if you are not out in three hours, I will send Steven after you and you know he will do exactly what I tell him to."

"Deal." Leonard quickly said before she changed her mind.

Gloria only nodded, "Good-night Alex." then turned and quickly left.

Leonard smiled and turned to Alex, "Thanks."

Alex caught herself from saying, 'anything for you', and just nodded instead.

Just like Leonard said it took about a half hour to input the rest of the data, but it only took about 20 minutes to combine the two separate data tables, Alex and him created, putting them into the analysis program and starting it to run. The whole time he was working on it, Alex had sat next to him watching while he worked on the computer, so close that their shoulders actually touched several times while she sat there, the feeling of electricity passing through her body each time it happened. She actually almost sighed in disappointment when he finished and hit run, then leaned back in his seat, away from her, his hands now behind his head as he leaned back, the most adorable smile on his face.

"Well now we just wait till the computer gets done. This program will iterate the results with previous data until in narrows it down to an answer within the tolerance I set." he told her while looking at the screen.

"How long do you think it will take?" she asked, she just loved talking to him, and the more she did it the more comfortable she felt around him.

"Well if it was all the data, we would just leave for the night and come back tomorrow. But since we have a limited data set and I set the tolerance boundaries at a less restrictive level, since we are just looking for an indication we are on the right path, I think just over 30 minutes should be enough to get something." he explained.

Alex nodded, not knowing what else to ask. So she was surprised when he spoke almost immediately after her nod. "Want to get that water I promised you before we got involved in this? By the way, I'm sorry I sort of trapped you in all this."

Alex shook her head, "No, I really think this is exciting, I want to be here."

Leonard smiled at her, "Why don't we get that water."

The next half hour was heaven for Alex, they walked to Leonard's office then sat there drinking their water while he asked her about her academic background and experience. The way he asked her, both showing interest and with absolutely no judgment, made her feel more comfortable with him, letting her even tell him a little about her life and her family while they talked.

"Your father actually works for SETI?" Leonard asked

Alex nodded, wondering if he approved or not, people seemed to have extreme views either way on that, "Yes."

Leonard chuckled, "He should meet Dr. Cooper, he would then know aliens exist and they live among us."

"I don't understand." Alex looked at him confused. She had heard of Dr. Cooper and had heard he was unusual but she had never met him before.

Leonard smiled at her, "Believe me before you leave Cal Tech you will." They were both silent for a minute or two, a comfortable silence, before Leonard spoke again, "Well it has been just over a half hour, should we see what we got?"

Alex nodded, and they both got up and headed back to the lab, walking next to each other while Leonard explained how the results would be presented when the program was done running. So it turned out to be exciting when they returned to the terminal to find the program was finished and on the screen was a blinking box, labeled 'show results'. Again they sat so close Alex thought she could feel the heat off of him as he viewed data graph after data graph in quick succession, too fast for her to follow but obviously he knew exactly what he was seeing from it being his project. The good part about it was since she couldn't follow him she took more side glances at him and she noticed his smile kept be getting bigger and bigger.

"Holy crap, this data is all falling in place." he suddenly said, surprising Alex and making her turn her head to look at him.

"This is freaking amazing." he then said after viewing a couple more graphs, then he stopped and stared for a moment, his eyes not moving obvious to even her he was deeply in thought.

Alex was about to ask him about what he had seen, after he sat there a whole minute in thought, but then he turned quickly to look at her, blurting out as soon as he looked at her, "Alex you are a genius."

She was stunned and could only look at him with wide eyes, but then it got even better. Leonard now brought his hands up and grasped both of her shoulders giving her a little shake, again saying. "Alex, you are a genius." his smile huge and his words showing how extremely happy he was.

Alex could barely breathe, her heart pounding so hard that she was sure it would explode while every nerve ending in her body wanted her attention, especially the ones connected to her shoulders where his hands now rested. He had just now declared her a 'genius' and when you combined that with telling Dr. Steiner she was 'brilliant', Alex was on cloud nine, feeling so good that she couldn't remember when she had ever felt this way before. There was something else though that was driving her thoughts that very moment, it was the man looking and her, she adored him, he was like the most perfect man she had ever seen and again she knew she would do anything for him, anything at all.

Leonard let go of Alex and turned back to the computer screen his moment of pure excitement now starting to wane as the initial shock dissipated. He looked at that screen a few more seconds before again turning to Alex, and in a calmer voice said, "You saved me months of work, you know. It would have taken me a long time to find this, if ever, because I was so focused in the visible light spectrum."

Alex was still on a little emotional high from what happened a few moments ago and her mind wasn't exactly able to give respond in a thoughtful professional manner at the moment so she just lamely responded, "I'm just happy to help."

"Help." Leonard chuckled, "Alex, you just pushed the project ahead by months, you did more than help."

Alex didn't really know what to say, "Thank You."

Leonard smiled, "No, Thank You." Leonard's face then turned serious, "Alex your help made me realize something, having someone to help me is maybe a much better idea that I originally thought." In Leonard's mind admitting that fact to Alex was like he was practicing his confession to Gloria and he promised to himself that he would tell that to Gloria when he got to talk to her again this weekend.

Alex just stared at him, again finding it hard to believe what he was saying, she had never been complemented so much in her life, and they weren't meaningless complements, they were complements from someone she respected, that made her proud of herself. Her parents always told her in high school that she was so smart that when she got older the world would be hers, if she could just wait a little, now she had the most amazing man she ever met telling her how smart and important she was, like they had told her. She had no idea it was going to get even better, as she just nodded to his words to her, afraid that if she spoke it would ruin everything.

"Alex what you did today made you more of just a help, you made yourself a part of this project. I really see a need for your fresh look at this project as we proceed on, you may not make any more jumps in the project like today, but I can only see a positive outcome with your participation." he explained

Alex could only nod, her listening intently to every word he said.

"I don't know if you know that much about the rules considering your Master's Thesis, but there is a couple options to submitting your own thesis to your review board." Leonard now started to explain.

Alex didn't know that, and she was tingling inside wondering what he was about to tell her, so she just nodded again for him to go on.

"One of those options is to be part of another scientists project, especially if it is a big project, the board actually likes it if it is a big project, you then do a report on the project and what your significant part is in it. The board then quiz's you on that project to verify your knowledge and how much work your really did." he then added, "They actually would let me be there with you, at the thesis review board, to verify your answers because they want to make sure your work is equitable to the work you would have done if you did your own thesis."

Alex eyes went wide as she understood what he was saying, he was actually offering her the opportunity to work on his project with him, it was a dream come true for her. Not only that, she wouldn't have to go through finding something to do for a thesis, everything would be already set up, she could just work on his project and do her best to help him complete it. There was actually nothing for her to decide, "Yes." she blurted out.

Leonard looked at her confused, "Yes?" he asked.

Alex blinked a couple of times, her thinking now she must have misunderstood him. "I'm sorry, I think I heard you wrong." she apologized.

Leonard looked at her a second then understood what happened, a small smile forming on his face, him now understanding that she was nervous. "Maybe not. I was asking if you would like to work on my newly formed team that is working on our project."

Alex's eyes went wide again and again she blurted out, "Yes."

Leonard chuckled, "Okay next week we'll tell your advisor and get things straightened out. Welcome to our new team." Leonard then put his hand out to shake hers.

Alex shook it enthusiastically, trying hard not to fixate on how warm and soft his hand was. Their hand shake being much too short for her liking but that tempered by the knowledge she was now going to see a lot more of him from now on.

As soon as the handshake was over, Leonard looked around the lab, "Well we better close up and get home, we really don't want to be late and have Steven come by. He really does exactly what Gloria tells him to do, he is completely in her control…..in a good way." Leonard told Alex in a conspiratorial tone, a smile on his face.

It was like they had just become friends Alex thought, and she giggled at Leonard's little joke, nodding in agreement. They spent the next 10 minutes saving all the data then shutting everything down in the lab before locking it for the weekend. It was five minutes more picking up Leonard's stuff from the his office and then locking it up too, before they were in Alex's car ready to go.

"Nice car." Leonard remarked after getting in.

Alex blushed, "My mom told my dad that she wanted me to have a new car before I went to California so she wouldn't worry, plus it gets really good gas mileage and it is easy to park because it is small."

"Smart woman, your mother, now I know where your brains came from." Leonard teased her, like he did to all his friends.

"My mother is a science teacher and she has a Masters, too." she told him, her parents were both very intelligent people and they loved each other very much and loved her just as much. She really dreamed of a family like she grew up in, except maybe with a couple more kids since she was an only child and always wanted a sister.

Leonard nodded, "that explains a lot." Alex looked at him confused, not knowing exactly what he meant, which he noticed, "I mean, two intelligent parents having an intelligent offspring…I mean daughter…..meaning you." he said apologetically.

Alex just nodded and smiled, a thought in her mind refusing to leave it, that if by some chance they got together, their babies would be 'Smart and Beautiful'. It was just lucky her mother insisted her car have an installed GPS, that she could enter Leonard's address, because him being so close to her, and being so nice to her, was making her have short daydreams about him all the way to his home. So it was with great disappointment that they got to his address so soon and it was with great concealed sadness she watched him exit her car.

"Thanks for the ride, Alex, and I'll see you Monday." he told her as he left, then stopped before fully getting out of the car to look at her seriously. "Alex you were a huge help today, thank you."

Alex just looked at him wide eyed, nodding and barely squeaking out, "Thank You."

"No I mean it. I look forward to working with you." Leonard then left the car closing the door and giving her a little wave as he walked up the walkway to the apartment building.

Leonard felt good, he said those last words to Alex because he wanted to built her confidence, they were also true because he could already tell she was quite smart and he knew she would continue to be a big help in the project, just like she was today. It was just that she seemed so nervous and she had looked at him today so many times with 'Doe' eyes that he got the feeling she was also very shy, which was a bad trait to have if a scientist was to be a success in this world. He needed her to question things and not be afraid to speak her mind if she was to be fully utilized in the project, so he decided he would continue to boost her confidence at every chance he had, after all he had lived with Sheldon for years so even if he over did it with her she could never be that bad, he chuckled to himself.

Leonard though was a little taken back though as he walked into Gloria's apartment, after unlocking the door, the lights were down low enough that he had to stop to allow his eyes to adjust. It took only a few seconds but it allowed him to see Steven looking at him with his finger against his lips letting him know to be quiet and after another few seconds, of his eyes adjusting to the low light, he could see why. Steven was sitting on one side of the couch with a pillow on his lap, while stretched across the couch, her head on that pillow, was Gloria covered in a blanket and asleep. The room was dim and very quiet, the only noise being the TV on low, which Steven seemed to be watching while his wife slept on him.

Leonard just nodded to Steven, locking the door behind him, then motioned to Steven that he was going to his room, getting an acknowledgement from him before he left. Leonard was still on a little bit of a high from that day, so he was a little bit disappointed that he couldn't tell Gloria and Steven what happened with his project, but then when he thought about it he was also happy for them that they were enjoying some quality husband and wife time together, He had always felt as a bit of a third wheel since he had moved in with them, so he felt them having some time alone was really good for their current situation. Therefore he just laid on his bed and turned on the TV, the sound on low, and just like his earlier work today, luck was still going his way when he found a channel that was running a Star Trek marathon that Friday night. So Leonard just settled in for the night and watched the TV, his mind split on the TV show and the project the whole rest of the night as he laid there happily on cloud nine.

Alex was also on her own cloud nine the whole trip back to her apartment, lucky again she had her GPS to tell her how to drive home, because her ability to do more than just drive the car at that moment was seriously lacking. She couldn't get over what a day she just had, it was so amazing that she was having trouble believing it hadn't been all a dream, because after she dropped Leonard off it was hard for her to confirm it had been real. His words of praise were still running through her head, as she drove, he said she had been 'brilliant' and a 'genius', so again her parents encouragement about being smart and that it would lead to a future where everything would be great for her came to her mind. Consequently for the umpteenth time that day Alex thought about how amazing Leonard was, her mind so fixed on him that she didn't see the minivan run the stop sign, in the intersection she just entered, never noticing anything until it hit her, then everything went black.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Penny was still thinking back to her session with Carol, the day before, as she drove with her sister to the local Wal-Mart. Her mother had talked her into going with Lindsey, since she hadn't really been with Lindsey since she got home, Lindsey living in the next county with her husband and son. Her mother pushing the two sisters together by telling them they never saw each other anymore and if they didn't see each other more they would regret it as they got older. So Penny went with Lindsey to the store more for her mother than for sisterly love and rode quietly in the car just thinking about everything Carol and her talked about the day before.

Penny actually left mad after their session Saturday, not mad at Carol but mad at Kurt, it wasn't just mad though, she intensely hated him now. She had expected to discuss Leonard again Saturday, but unknown to her Carol still wanted her to think more about him and so she directed to session to talking about Kurt and boy did they talk. Once she started talking about her time with Kurt, she couldn't stop, and Carol pointing out a few things to her, made her really understand how she had been used, treated like an object and basically pimped out by him. It was Carol that made her realize how many times he told her that 'if she loved him she would this' and now she fully realized that love only when one way with him. There was also something else she realized, Kurt was making money off her like a real pimp, him always dealing with the money she made and telling her how much she made. Carol showing her the average salaries of Porn actress, shocking her because of her always believing they didn't make that much for what they did. There were the other things he did too that she ignored about him when she was with him, but now talking about it made it all clear to her, times she was now sure he cheated on her and times when he tried to pimp her out to other guys. She was so pissed at him right now, that if he was there, at that moment, she was sure she would hurt him, she had no idea that Carol making her discover Kurt's true personality, and bringing out her anger was building her confidence again.

"How you feeling Sis." Lindsey suddenly broke the silence between them since they left home.

"Okay I guess." Penny lamely answered.

"Yeah, right. I know you better than that." Lindsey told her, then continued, "Mom told me some stuff and told me not to say anything, but some of it was pretty evil crap."

Penny looked at her sister, "What did she tell you?"

"That some guys tried to rape you…..Is that true?" Lindsey said in a softer voice.

Penny took in a breath, then nodded.

Lindsey looked at her, "We should get some bats and go back there to make sure they never want a girl again." she told Penny with venom in her voice.

Penny looked at her, it brought back old memories of her and Lindsey, ready to take on anyone who tried to screw over either of them. She was two years younger than Lindsey and she remembered when she started High School no one messed with her because they all knew she was Lindsey's younger sister. She loved Lindsey to death and suddenly felt very close to her again. "I don't think I could recognize them again if we went looking for them." she sadly told her sister.

"Bastards" Lindsey spitted out.

Penny looked at Lindsey again, her anger about what happened to her was actually comforting and suddenly she wanted to talk more with the one person she told all her secrets to when she was younger. "Not as big of bastards as Kurt was."

"What did that asshole do?" Lindsey got fired up again.

Penny spent the next few minutes going over the significant points of what Carol and her talked about, the day before, her sister now being the first person in her family she told about the porn movies. Lindsey just listened quietly to Penny, shocked about the porn movie confession and hating Kurt more with each sentence that came out of Penny's mouth about him. So after Penny finished telling her sister, Lindsey just shook her head, "That fucking bastard."

Penny just nodded, "Yeah."

"Does mom know… forget that, of course she doesn't." Lindsey asked then she looked at Penny. "Penny, I won't say a thing, I promise and you know I keep my promises about important stuff."

Penny didn't know why she told her sister everything about the day before, maybe it was because she was her sister and her confidant back when they were younger, she didn't know. But her sister had always kept her important secrets and she kept hers, so Lindsey telling her she wouldn't tell anyone was comforting to Penny. "Thanks Lin, I always could count on you."

"Sis, I will always have your back."

It was just about then that they parked the car in the parking lot of the store, no sooner than Lindsey shutting it off that they both looked at each other, no words passing between them. It was also when both of them began to tear up, quickly grabbing each other in a tight hug and gently crying on each other shoulders. Lindsey promising herself she would protect her little sister more from now on and Penny so happy she had her big sister back.

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Leonard's weekend was one of the happiest he had for a long while and he just enjoyed it the best he could, sleeping late from watching SCI-FI TV late into the night, the next day even going for a walk just to enjoy the day. He also did a little work on his computer to set up a schedule of what he was going to do, as soon as he went back to work on Monday, having work for Alex and Stephanie planned out for them too. The only thing dampening the weekend being Gloria who seemed to have an upset stomach off and on that weekend and just wanted to lay around both days because of it, making both Steven and him concerned.

Gloria ended up feeling a little better on Monday, so Leonard got ready to ride with her that morning to work, just waiting in the car while Gloria talked to Steven before she left. Steven's concern about his wife still very present that morning. "Honey are you sure you feel alright, you threw up a few times this weekend and you hardly ate anything either."

"I'm fine, it was probably just some stomach bug or I got a mild case of food poisoning from the slop they serve at the cafeteria. I'll be fine." Gloria purposely not telling him she threw up a little this morning, because she didn't want to worry him. She told herself she would think about seeing a doctor if her stomach problems didn't go away in a couple days.

"Okay, but if you feel sick, you come home, promise me." Steven pleaded.

"I will darling." She was going to kiss him but stopped. "I better not kiss you in case I have something."

Steven took a step towards her and took her into his arms hugging her and giving her a kiss to the side of her head, which she returned. "I mean in Honey, come home if you feel sick and call me right away."

It felt so good to be held by him, Gloria almost told him she threw up that morning so he would demand she stay home, while he stayed with her, and cuddled her all day, like he had done all weekend. But she actually did feel a little better so she told herself she needed to go to work, and she needed to take Leonard, "I will honey." she then reluctantly let go of her husband and gave him a smile, "See you tonight."

Steven nodded, still with concern on his face, "Remember if you feel sick, come home."

"I promise" Gloria told him with a smile, then she turned to go to the car where Leonard waited, waving to husband before she got in.

"Are you feeling okay." Leonard asked, as soon as Gloria opened the driver's door.

Gloria looked at him, "Not you too. Steven has to be concerned, he is my husband, so he is stuck with me." she gave a little chuckle at her own joke, then got a little serious, "but come on Leonard give me a break."

"Hey since you are taking care of me, I get to be concerned about you too, fair is fair." Leonard argued back

"Fine, I'll tell you what I told Steven, I feel better today." Just then Gloria felt a little green, "Shit", she then opened the car door and threw up outside the car. It wasn't a moment later Steven was at her car, "Gloria you are not going to work like this." Steven told her.

"He is right Gloria, you need to stay home." Leonard said supporting Steven.

Gloria sighed, she didn't feel like going to work now anyway. "Okay, okay, I'm staying home." she surrendered to the two men in her life right now. "Are you going to be alright Leonard?"

"Gloria I'll take care of myself today and you take care of yourself." he told her then "I'll be fine I promise, I have plenty to do today with my project."

"Okay." Gloria then let herself be taken back into her apartment by her husband, actually looking forward to putting her pajamas on again and laying against him all day.

However Leonard's day didn't turn on like he hoped, because that Monday Alex was suppose to work from 8-10 AM in the morning and then 2-5 PM in the afternoon, while Stephanie worked 10 AM to 2 PM, and the problem was Alex hadn't showed up. Alex seemed like someone you could really trust so Leonard figured she had a good reason to not be there, but he was still disappointed never the less, because he had work for her to do. He did though start to get concerned when Stephanie showed up at 10 AM and he still hadn't heard or seen anything about Alex.

"Stephanie, have you seen Alex this morning?"

"I don't really see her during the day, we take classes in different buildings so I only see her when I come here to the Physics building." She explained to him, "Why is something wrong."

"I don't know." Leonard stood there for a minute then went to his computer looking in the file where he had both Stephanie and Alex's class schedules and the work schedule they provided him. He then took a stack of printouts and the instruction sheet and gave them to Stephanie, "Stephanie could you look over his instruction sheet and these printouts and then ask me any questions you have when I come back."

"Sure Leonard." she then watched him quickly walk out before she looked at what he gave her, with disappointment that he wanted her to work now instead of letting her do what she wanted like the week before.

Leonard arrived outside the classroom Alex was suppose to be in that morning and looked in the window, his face in the window, making the course professor immediately stop his lecture and head over to the door. "Dr. Hofstadter, is there something I can do for you?"

"I really sorry to bother you and interrupt your class, but can you tell me if you have seen a Grad student named Alex Jensen today?" Leonard apologetically asked.

Since it was a graduate class, with only 20 students and the semester was over half over, Dr. Eiger knew all his students, especially one that was doing well like Ms Jensen. "No I haven't seen her today, is something wrong?"

Leonard just shook his head, "I don't know. She was suppose to be working for me this morning and it is actually strange she isn't here because she was helping me with something important and she seemed excited about it."

"Wait a second." Eiger then looked at his class, "Has anyone seen Ms Jensen today?"

The students looked around then at each other before they all shook their heads to Dr Eiger's question. It was then one of the female students spoke, "Alex usually meets me and my friend for coffee in the cafeteria on Monday at 7:00 in the morning, she wasn't here today."

Eiger looked at Leonard, "Sorry, I guess we can't help."

Leonard nodded, "Thanks anyway." he then turned and started to walk away.

"Dr. Hofstadter." Dr Eiger quickly called back to him, making Leonard stop and turn to him, "I anything has happened to her, please let me know." Eiger said with a little concern. Leonard nodded back to him with equal concern.

Leonard then went to the Physics department office, directly up to the office manager, Marge. "Marge have you heard anything from a student named Alex Jensen."

"I haven't, but Dr. Gablehauser was looking for her file earlier this morning." she told him.

Leonard now thought he may be able to get some information on Alex, "Is Gablehauser busy, can I see him?"

Marge shrugged, "I don't think so, let me check." she then picked up the phone. "Sir Dr. Hofstadter would like to see you…..I think about a student, Alex Jensen…..No sir he didn't say exactly why….okay, I'll send him in." she then looked at Leonard, "He says to come right in.

"Thanks Marge", Leonard then went directly to Gablehauser's office, Gablehauser motioning him to sit down as he was looking through a personal folder Leonard could see had Alex's name on it.

It was driving Leonard nuts waiting, with a sickening feeling in his stomach that something was wrong, which only seemed to be confirmed when Eric spoke, "Did you hear about Ms Jensen?"

"No, she hasn't been in school this morning and I was concerned." Leonard told him.

Gablehauser looked at him for a moment, Alex was working for Leonard, so his concern seemed justified, "She was in an auto accident on Friday and she is in the hospital." he told Leonard.

"What?" Leonard said in surprised shock, "Is she okay?" Leonard desperately asked

"I don't know her exact condition, but as I understand she is not in a life threatening condition now." Eric then shrugged, "That's all I know, her parents called this morning to inform us and ask about the school insurance Alex has, because the hospital needs to know.

The mention of the accident happening on Friday made Leonard think about her dropping him off that night and how she used her GPS because she really didn't know the area. He was already blaming himself for her being in an accident. "Do you know what hospital she is in?"

"I'm not sure if I am allowed to tell you, but I think you know the place." Gablehauser hinted him.

Leonard got the hint, it was the same hospital he was in over a week ago, so he just nodded to Eric and got up to leave his office, heading straight to his lab and Stephanie, arriving only a couple minutes later, "Stephanie, I need to go somewhere, so you are done for the day, see you tomorrow." he then moved around the lab quickly, tuning everything off, while herding Stephanie out of the room before he locked it.

Stephanie then watched as Leonard quickly departed, still not understanding what just happened, but slowly becoming happy that she didn't have to work on those data printouts he gave her earlier.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Leonard arrived at the hospital only fifteen minutes later, taking another ten minutes to find a parking spot, feeling both responsible for Alex getting hurt and mad because it was taking so long to get there. He did feel a little relief to find out she was in a regular room though, and he quickly went to her floor and the room that the receptionist informed him she was in. However he was surprised when he arrived and found an older man and woman already there and it took him a few seconds to realize who they were.

"Can we help you?" the man asked.

Leonard quickly looked at the bed, Alex was in it and her face had little cuts and bruises on it. In addition to that it was not hard to notice that her leg was suspended and had a rod through it, it just made Leonard feel even more responsible for her. So he just looked at the people he now figured where her parents. "Alex is my assistant." he told them, then he blurted out, "She drove me to my home Friday evening." The need to confess to someone that he was the one that caused all this to Alex tearing at his soul.

Her parents just looked at him for a few seconds, then the man spoke again, his voice taking on a slight accusatory tone, "Did you know she got in an accident Friday?"

Leonard shook his head, "I just found out and came right over."

"Leonard" a weak voice was then heard by all of them.

Leonard's head shot around, "Alex", him seeing her eyes half open made him quickly go to her side, his intense sense of empathy to people now already in overdrive. He didn't even have a second thought when he saw her right hand lift up off the bed, him taking it in his and just then noticing that her left arm was in a cast like her left leg.

"Alex, I'm so sorry." he told her softly as he lowered his face to her.

Alex tried hard to give him a smile, she was really happy he was there, his presence was a real comfort, even more than her parents, because his presence meant he cared about her. "Thank you for coming." she said softly.

Leonard felt horrible, Alex looked so weak, small and fragile in the hospital bed, it just tore at his heart, the feeling of guilt getting stronger in him with each second he was there. He gently gave her hand a squeeze, "Is there anything, anything at all I can do for you, Alex?"

"Can you just stay a little while and visit?" she asked.

Leonard nodded, "I'll stay as long as you want."

Alex's mother and father had been watching the whole exchange between her daughter and this young man, so after Leonard told her he would stay as long as she wanted, they just looked at each other. There was another thing, they had seen the young man take their daughters hand and it was obvious that her daughter was returning his holding of her hand. Her father leaned down to whisper to his wife, "Am I missing something?"

His wife just shook her head. "I don't really know."

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Carol or Gloria could have explained it, it was the reason they both thought Penny needed to go home, it was not only the place she felt safe but is was also the place she had complete control in her life, a place she had felt confident in and a place where she knew how to deal with the people around her. However Penny didn't know all this, all she knew was that she felt better and was enjoying herself more, her sister being around making more of her old life, before California, come back to her, that life where her sister and her were much closer to each other. Lindsey taking a week to visit and be with her sister, seeming to fill a void in Penny that she didn't even realize was there.

"So she married Donny, I'm not really sure Donny wanted to marry her, but after it got out she was pregnant he didn't have much choice." Lindsey told Penny while they drove into town to get some supplies for their father at the feed store, Lindsey driving Wyatt's pickup.

"Donny, really!" Penny responded in surprise, "But she thought he was such a Neanderthal in High School."

"Yeah, but you know, booze and bad choices, in this town, are a perfect formula for making a baby." Lindsey said in a way emphasizing the irony in it all, since that was the formula for her being pregnant and then married too.

Penny didn't say a thing only looked at her sister, feeling bad for her, "Lin, it wasn't the same, you guys were together when that happened." her trying hard to make her sister feel better.

Lindsey smiled at her, "Sis don't worry about it, I'm just saying it happens here." she then turned serious, "But to make it clear, I don't want it to happen to you, learn from other people's mistakes, okay."

Penny nodded, then it suddenly hit her like a load of bricks, Leonard coming to her mind and how she would give herself to him in a heartbeat. She couldn't even think of anyone else but him still, he was just so perfect to her and sense of loneliness filled her that she had been previously able ignore the last few days since Lindsey was there. It ended up making Penny stare out the window a few minutes in quiet.

The prolonged quiet made Lindsey look at her sister for a few moments, splitting her concentration between the road and her for a few minutes as she tried to determine the sudden change in her demeanor. "Sis what is wrong." she finally asked when it got too awkward for her.

Penny turned to her sister, at first thinking of just saying 'nothing', but then remembering this was Lin the person she always told her boy troubles to and the one person she could trust to do that with. "I miss Leonard."

Penny had mentioned Leonard to Lindsey before but did not tell her anything about what he meant to her. "Was he your boyfriend in California?" she asked softly, so far what Penny told her made Lindsey believe that all the guys in California were asses.

That question made Penny think and when she thought about it the answer was so obvious that it depressed her, "No."

Lindsey had heard Penny say 'No' like that before when she was talking about guys, it was usually followed by her crying. So Lindsey tried to avoid that by getting her to talk more, "Why don't you tell me about him Sis."

Penny looked at her with wet eyes, she had obviously been ready to cry, but instead she nodded, "He is wonderful, Lin, and I love him." the emotion that was going to make her cry now directed towards her sister as she opened her heart to her and let her in.

"You love him?" Lindsey said in surprise, her mind trying to grasp her sisters words.

Penny just nodded, looking at her sister with pleading eyes, hoping she wasn't going to be like Dr. Miller and tell her how much illogical her love for Leonard was.

Lindsey saw her sister's look so decided she needed to tread carefully in this conversation with her, "You never said much about him, so who is he Penny?"

"He saved me when he took me in and then he took care of me…and held me." Penny told Lindsey, staring off again as she finished.

Lindsey took a glance at her and saw that far off stare again, knowing Penny was thinking about something. She hated that they were driving and she couldn't give her full attention to Penny, but she didn't want to kill them either. "Penny was he one of those guys….you know you worked with?"

Penny's head shot around to look at Lindsey, "NO, Leonard could never be one of those guys, Leonard would never do that stuff to me…..Leonard would always protect me."

Lindsey nodded, making a note to herself not to say anything bad about Leonard until she knew more, her sister right now seemed to be strongly defending this man. "Who is he then?"

Penny sighed, "He is an university doctor in science."

Lindsey thought that over a second, "So he is a PhD at an university?"

Penny nodded, "In physics I think."

Lindsey was now confused, "How did you meet someone like that?"

The way Lindsey asked that question made Penny even realize that her chances of meeting someone like Leonard were almost impossible, but knowing that also made Penny think it made it even more amazing. "I was cold, tired, hungry, thirsty and had no place to go, then Leonard came to me and saved me."

Lindsey was so happy to reach the feed store then, pulling into the parking lot, in a spot not too close to the building, then shutting down the truck, so she could finally turn to her sister and talk. "He just showed up out of the clear blue?"

Penny shook her head, "No, at first he just walked by the bench I was on, but he returned and asked if I need help." A small smile forming on her face as she remembered him talking to her and taking her to his apartment, the hopeless state she was in not even being remembered.

"What happened then." Lindsey's curiosity, something her and Penny shared with her mom, needed to know.

Penny ended up telling Lindsey about the first two days, then the week with Leonard, her talking for almost a half hour before she was through. It felt good to her to tell her sister about Leonard, to brag about him like he was hers already, even though there was still that pain of hurt that he wasn't really hers. So after she finished about him getting her home she just sat staring at her sister, actually looking for her approval, not the doubts Dr. Miller had put in her head.

Lindsey didn't know what to think, Penny made Leonard seem like a saint, but even she could tell, about half way through her story, that Penny was exaggerating parts of her version of what happened, if not all of it. Lindsey could tell though that Penny was really hung up on Leonard, she hadn't seen her in such a way about a guy since the first guy she fell in love with, when she was a teenager. It made her wonder if Penny was so bad off mentally that she was regressing to her teenage years, or her feelings about Leonard were caused by what happened to her in California. Either way she didn't know and she didn't want to cause Penny any problems, she was enjoying reconnecting with her and her mom told her she was getting much better, so Lindsey was determined to do nothing to jeopardize that. There was another thing, Penny's part of her story about Leonard getting her home had to be mostly true because she was here now safe and sound, so if anything there was definitely something verified as good that Leonard did. So Lindsey just smiled at her sister, "Leonard really sounds like a good guy."

Penny nodded, happy with her sister's response, "He is the best Lin, absolutely the best."


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: For some reason Chapter 45 didn't post right, and Fanfiction didn't send a notice when it was posted, so if you haven't read it yet you should read it before Chapter 46.**

 **Chapter 46**

Gloria was sitting in the hospital cafeteria drinking a fruit drink with her husband, she really wanted coffee but after seeing her doctor, who happened to also be a friend, she was stuck with fruit drink until her blood work came back from the lab. She had know her doctor since she came to California, them both being medical doctors, just in different fields, lead to them becoming friends, so as soon as Dr. Horner found out Gloria was sick all weekend she told her to meet her at the hospital in the morning before she did her rounds, Tuesday morning being Horner's day for visiting her patients in the hospital. However what Kathy Horner said to Gloria after her exam shocked Gloria to her core and Gloria couldn't get the anxiety out of her mind as she waited with her husband for maybe the most important information in their lives as she thought back to just over two hours ago.

 _Dr Kathy Horner: Gloria everything seems good, but I have to ask you since you have not said anything about it to me. Have you and Steven been trying to have kids?_

 _Gloria: What! No that can't be, we are careful. That is impossible._

 _Kathy: Well Gloria nothing seems really wrong with you, so I would like to do a pregnancy test on you, just in case, before we look deeper and subject you to more invasive tests…. if that is okay._

 _Gloria: Okay, I guess._

So now Gloria and Steven where just waiting, they were actually lucky, Kathy was her friend and asked for the test to be rushed and the lab, that was doing the test evaluation, was located in the hospital. That meant a test that normally took 2-3 days to get the result would be available to her in mere hours, it was nice to have connections sometimes especially since Gloria knew she would not sleep until she knew the results. She was a mess already, the only thing calming her being Steven's finger gently rubbing the top of her hand while he held it, the warmth and his touch making her know she was not alone and everything that happened now he would be there to help her. However there was also some guilt Gloria had, she was suppose to be helping Leonard, so finding out last night that the Grad student, that drove him home that Friday, was in accident that same night and it was making him feel guilty, was bothering her a lot.

So she didn't even see Kathy walk up behind her, a big smile on her face and giving Steven a nod, which made his eyes go wide, which was something Gloria did notice, "What is wrong Honey?"

Steven just pointed to Kathy, and Gloria turned to see her friend, her big smile telling Gloria all she needed to know, "Oh my God!"

Kathy giggled, "Congratulations Mommy and Daddy."

Gloria turned and just stared at her husband as he stared back, several seconds passing before their blank expressions started to turn to small smiles. "We're going to be parents." Gloria stated the obvious.

"I know, are you okay with that." Steven asked his wife.

Gloria thought about it, then nodded, "I guess I never planned on it happening now, but yes I'm happy."

Steven got up and went to his wife taking her up into her arms as they both hugged each other tightly. Kathy smiled, as a medical doctor she loved this part of her job, telling people happy news, especially people like her friends in front of her. But she needed to get back to work, so she needed to interrupt them, "Guys, I need to go, but I will tell my office manager to schedule an appointment for you next week. I know that you know what to do till I see you then, so happy pregnancy." she told them with a big smile.

"Thank you Kathy." they both said together, giving her a little wave as she left before they again hugged each other some more, little kisses now being passed between them.

"Why don't we get something to eat and then I'll take you home to rest." Steven told his wife.

Gloria knew that Steven was already getting protective of her, by the tone of his suggestion, she guessed she always knew he would, and she loved him for it. "I'd like that." she responded while smiling at him.

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Leonard ended up spending most of his waking week in the hospital, working some each morning, part time at Cal Tech, but then spending the rest of the day with Alex. Alex was part of the blame, Leonard's presence meaning so much to her that she couldn't refrain from asking him to visit her. His own guilt being the other part, Gloria's pregnancy news that week allowing him to do almost anything he wanted that week, while Steven kept Gloria busy pampering her. Steven however only able to keep her home till Wednesday, her finally insisting to him that she was just pregnant and could easily work when Thursday morning came around.

Even Alex's parents did nothing to stop Leonard from visiting, mainly because their daughter seemed to light up whenever he was around, but also because they liked Leonard, his personality making him pleasant to be around. So when he showed up Friday after lunch to her room, carrying a backpack with books he ended up endearing Alex and her parents even more to their hearts. Everyone happily greeting him like he was already part of the family, something Alex couldn't help but daydream about when he wasn't around.

Something else happened that Friday morning, after some x-rays the doctors felt Alex's leg was stable enough to remove the rod and there was no further need to suspend her leg anymore. Her one week stay in the hospital for mostly verification she had no serious internal injuries, other then bruising, to let her leg heal a little and to make sure she had no hidden head injuries. The week also allowed the pain of the broken bones to dissipate so now she was in a condition where she just had to wait for everything to heal and her doctor already told her and her parents she could go home this weekend if she wanted. It was because of all that, that Leonard walked in to find Alex sitting up in bed with her leg resting on the bed when he saw her. "Your leg…..you look so much better."

Alex blushed, she did that every time Leonard complimented her. "They said it is better now, but that I would need to be in a wheel chair for a month, they don't want me on crutches for a while until it heals more." she explained.

Leonard nodded and smiled. "That is still very good news."

"They also said I could go home maybe tomorrow. My mom is going to stay with me for a month to help me." Alex further explained, her mother nodding about the staying for a month part.

"That is even better news and…maybe works well with what I have brought with me." Leonard teased.

Alex's smile got larger, her feelings for Leonard had grown the whole week, and him being like he was now with her only made her heart long more for him. He was such a good person, kind and gentle, incredibly cute and just the man she always wanted, so now him helping her parents take care of her was stealing her heart. The last few days had also made her feel a lot more comfortable around him so she didn't feel scared to talk to him anymore about anything. "What did you bring me?" she asked, because every time he had brought something before it was always for her.

"Well I went to your professors and got the next couple weeks of studies and work. I then made arrangements with them so I could tutor you so you can keep up with your school work." he explained.

"You did! Thank you Leonard, that means a lot to me." Alex said while smiling at him, reaching out her arms to him because she knew he would come to her to hug her. Alex loved his hugs, especially because he wouldn't let her go until she let him go.

Leonard happily hugged Alex, it made him feel good to see her happy, his guilt for her being so hurt making him need to help her get well again. He would do anything to help her, that is why he had arranged to help her keep up with her studies, his guilt again driving his actions. He was also glad she was going home tomorrow, he felt sorry for her parents too, again his guilt making him feel responsible for them having to be at the hospital to take care of their broken daughter. Leonard had already decided he was going to make good his responsibility in all this, so he would stay near Alex till she was well enough to be like she was before the accident, he promised himself he would take care of her until then.

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The weekend was hard for Penny, her sister was going to leave on Sunday and she already missed her, they had talked so much and it made Penny feel more like she was really home again. So it was with that feeling that Penny walked to the barn that Saturday morning, to tend the horses and talk some more. Penny not really realizing that Carol and Lindsey had talked the night before by phone so Carol had an idea what was on Penny's mind that morning.

"So Penny how was the week being around your sister?" Carol started the conversation.

After all the weeks together Penny didn't even try to brush off Carol's questions anymore and just told her exactly what was on her mind. "I'm going to miss her when she leaves."

Carol nodded, "Look Penny, I don't really want to come between family members, but Lindsey said the same thing about you."

Penny turned quickly to look at Carol, "She did!"

Carol nodded, "Now don't tell I told you." even though Carol expected Penny to tell her sister everything and had even asked Lindsey if she could tell Penny that she would miss her. "But, she asked me if it would be alright if you could come home with her for a few days."

"Really, she wants to take me with her?" Penny was obviously excited, "Can I go, I will be good, please can I go."

Carol smiled, "Penny, I'm your therapist, not your jailer, you are an adult so if you want to go it is up to you." This was another opportunity for Carol to boost Penny's confidence.

"I can?" Penny asked in surprise

Carol nodded, "Penny the only thing keeping you on the farm is yourself. As I understand you left several times this week with your sister, did you ask anyone to go?"

Penny shook her head, "No." as she realized she hadn't even thought about leaving because she was with Lindsey and they always did things together.

"So you don't have to start now then do you." Carol told her.

"No." Penny said softly

"Penny I'm not here to tell you what to do, I'm here to guide you so you can decide what you want to do. Your life is yours, only yours. In California people like Kurt tried to control you, but you did escape them, it was hard but you are home again and you are ready to start taking over your own life again. I can see you doing that more and more every time I see you." Carol then gave her a little smile of encouragement.

"You really think I'm getting better?" Penny seriously asked

Carol smiled, "Penny when we first met you wouldn't even talk to me, now look at us, we are talking all the time. And this week your mom told me she hardly saw anything of you and Lindsey except at meals because you both were running around or just hanging out alone together. She said you two were acting like you were when you were kids again."

"I am getting better." it was a statement not a question, Penny then looked at Carol, "I do feel better."

"See, you can tell that for yourself, that is only more proof you are getting better." Carol again smiled at her.

Penny nodded and walked over to the stable area to start working, stopping after she got there to look at Carol, who was following her, "So I'm going to go with my sister tomorrow to visit." she stated.

Carol nodded, "Could I just ask you come back by next Saturday for our session. I really think these are good for you and I don't want you to miss any of them right now."

Penny nodded, "I will be back for my next session, I promise." Penny actually felt in control at that moment.

"Great." Carol then moved to help Penny with the horses. This week had been a very good week for Penny, her sister's presence had been a huge help to her and some more days of that interaction could only help more Carol thought. Penny didn't need to know that although it was Lindsey's idea for Penny to visit her home, that Carol, Susan and Lindsey had planned out everything of the visit and set up a plan if anything went wrong. They were controlling her some, but as long as Penny was feeling more in control, Carol thought it was doing more good than harm.

Carol and Penny did what they had been doing every Saturday they started having sessions in the barn, they took care of the horses and talked. Carol kept the rest of the conversation pretty light, they had already made some very good progress that week with Lindsey being there and Penny enjoying having her sister around so much that she wanted to visit her. Carol decided she was going to delay talking about Leonard some more, to give Penny more time with her sister, because she felt having someone around she did love would maybe make her think more about what her real feelings were about someone she only thought she loved.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Saturday night Penny found it a little hard to sleep again, however the reason she was having trouble sleeping, for the first time since she returned home, was that she was excited. The whole discussion with Carol that morning had gone much better than Penny had ever expected, she had expected to have to beg Carol to let her go to Lindsey's, after she found out Lindsey wanted her to come visit. However, to find out that she was free to do what she wanted and no one was controlling her had ended up making her feel good inside. It made her start to think about other things she wanted to do and it made her begin to think again about things outside the farm. It ended up keeping her awake for a couple hours that Saturday night but when she did finally did settle down she fell into a deep restful sleep.

This night was also the first time Penny didn't let the thought of sleeping in Leonard's arms preoccupy her mind, since she left him, the pure excitement of going with Lindsey the next day overriding all other thoughts for her at that moment. Penny didn't know it but this was the beginning of something Carol had been striving for, getting Penny back into her life, making sure she stopped revolving her life around the thought of one person and as a result making her mentally well again. Carol knew from treating many people through her life, that time healed all wounds, and that giving Penny time, with a little guidance, to regain her self, would eventually heal her. It would also allow Penny to put California behind her, and Carol thought, would allow her to see her love for Leonard was only a dependency on the first man that treated her well since she got there.

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Gloria felt like she was on a roller coaster, on one hand the baby now had her and Steven feeling ecstatic, Steven pampering her, treating her like the most precious object in the world and constantly calling her amazing was making this whole pregnancy thing very thrilling to her. But all that joy about having a baby was being tempered with her worry about Leonard, and what was now going on with him. Her inability to interact with him very much that week, because of all that had happened to her, had made it so she had not been able to keep very good track on Leonard, seeing him only when he left in the morning then returned that same night. The only thing it allowed her to really be sure of was that Leonard was getting sufficient enough sleep each night in a bed. That was the reason Gloria was sitting on the couch that Saturday evening, by herself so she could talk with Leonard, Steven reluctantly going to bed to wait for her, she needed to find out what was going on with Leonard.

So Leonard was a little surprised to see Gloria alone on the couch when he entered the apartment a little before 11 PM that Saturday evening. "Hi…..Gloria,….I didn't expect to see you up now. Where's Steven."

"Keeping my side of the bed warm. Leonard sit with me a minute and talk before I go to bed, okay." Gloria responded back

Leonard wasn't really sure what was going on, " ." he then walked over to the couch and sat on the other side away from Gloria. "What do you want to talk about?"

"First can you tell me what you have been doing all week?" she asked

Leonard at first felt that it was none of her business, but then he reminded himself she was suppose to be treating and helping him, and although he wasn't too happy about what that entailed, he promised her he would accept her help. So for the next ten minutes Leonard went over his week with her, explaining how he was working in the morning at the university and then spending the rest of the day with Alex. He also then explained that he had just spent the whole Saturday with Alex and her family at Alex's apartment as they got her settled in with her returning home.

Gloria had listened carefully, then looked at him for a couple moments after he stopped talking, before speaking again to him, "You know you are doing it again."

"What?" Leonard immediately responded defensively, "I'm doing what again?"

"You're playing the 'White Knight' again, trying to rescue the damsel in distress." Gloria told him.

"Whaaat." was all Leonard could say, her response having caught him off guard.

"Leonard you are letting your empathy control your life again. You are not responsible for that girl getting hurt, so you do not have to take care of her." Gloria then sat there, watching Leonard just stare at her and not saying a word, she was hoping he was realizing what she told him was true. She felt so sorry for him, he had been so abused as an adolescent by his mother, abused in a way that was even worse than parents who physically abused their children, because his mind and his soul had been subjected to constant attack by Beverly while he grew up. Gloria truly believed it was his brilliant mind that actually saved him, made him understand his mother was wrong and made him want to be better, but he still couldn't escape some of the damage. Instead of letting that abuse turn him into a bitter woman hating psychopath, Leonard went the alternate way and became extreme nice, actually too caring an individual, his being Dr. Cooper's roommate a perfect example of the extreme empathy he had for his fellow human beings. It was that empathy that now ruled his life, it made it impossible for him to ignore a homeless person on a cold night, save a young woman from her obvious death spiral and now Gloria thought, take care of a young woman who he felt he hurt.

"Gloria she needs me." he said softly back to his friend.

Gloria felt like emotion crap, it was so apparent to her at that moment why friends should not treat friends because it was hurting her just as much as him to tell him the truth. She wanted so badly to just lie to him, tell him everything was going to be alright, but she knew she would be hurting him more if she did that because she would be letting him down as his doctor. So she responded softly and sympathetically, but honestly, "Leonard, be honest with me, does Penny fit in here in some way. Are you substituting this girl for Penny?"

Leonard just stared at her not knowing what to say, his jaw locked tight and his lips stuck together like his mouth would never work again. Just hearing someone say Penny's name out loud, after it only being heard in his own mind for weeks, raised such emotions in him it made him wonder if he even had the strength to be able to control them. His memories of her being in his arms, her touch, her smell and beautiful voice, made wave after wave of yearning for her come back along with acute sadness of the loss at her not being there with him anymore.

Gloria watched him as seconds turned into minutes and he did not respond, his distance stare worrying her that she may have lost him. If just mentioning 'Penny' to him could do this, she actually wondered if the last few weeks had done anything for him but distract him. The thought that maybe she had misjudged his short relationship with Penny now crossed her mind, but only for a moment, she had bigger problems now, how to bring Leonard back from wherever he had just gone in his mind. So Gloria reached over and grasped his arm as she gave it a little shake, "Leonard?"

Leonard was immediately pulled from his thoughts and he turned his head quickly to look at Gloria, his friend, the emotion he was trying to control how winning its battle to come out. He stared at her with eyes that were gradually becoming unfocused due to tears filling them and treating to spill out, so with a small voice, almost a whisper he uttered one word, really a name, "Gloria."

Gloria immediately cursed that she was pregnant and hormonal, because instead of being able to help him clinically, all her heart did was feel sorry for him and want to hug him, as tears now filled her eyes too. She was not going to be able to control what was now happening to her either, so she just gave up, "Leonard." was all she said before she scooted over and took him into her arms. They both then began so silently sob, Leonard for a woman he had fell in love with and was sure he never see again, and Gloria for a friend who was in so much pain.

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Steven was wide awake when Gloria came into the bedroom, laying in bed just watching as she took off her robe in silence than got under the covers to pull herself close to him. She was no sooner against him, her head on his shoulder, when the crying started, soft sobs that seemed to rack her whole body as she trembled against him. It actually scared him, his protectiveness of his wife in high gear ever since he found out she was carrying their child. "Honey what's wrong?"

"Hold me, just hold me." Gloria only able to get out between her sobs.

So Steven held her tight, he held her while she cried and then held her till she finally relaxed and fell asleep. He then held her for the next hour as he tried to figure out what just happened and to get over his own worry about his wife, before fatigue finally made him fall asleep. But even asleep he held her, his unconscious mind not willing to stop protecting the most important people in his life, his family now in his arms.

However in the second bedroom of the apartment, Leonard tossed and turned, thoughts of Penny now foremost in his mind like they had been immediately after she left. He desperately wanted her there in his arms so he could know she was actually alright and he selfishly wanted her with him so he could be near her again and even hear her say she loved him too. His mind was his own worse enemy right now, letting his memory play over and over that week with her, each recollection by him making him fall even more in love with her. It all kept him imprisoned in the his bed that night as he tossed and turned thinking about her and wishing there was something he could do to make things better. So it was only a couple of hours before daylight when fatigue finally won out, making him fall asleep, in a restless troubled sleep.

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Penny was practically hopping in her sister's passenger seat as they drove to her sister's home in the next county. The trip was almost a two hour drive since her parents home was on the west side of their county, while Lindsey's home was on the east side of her county, and her county was in adjacent Iowa, the counties being very large in the mid-west farm lands. But the length of the trip didn't dampen either of the sisters' moods as they talked the whole way, no even noticing the time before they pulled up to Lindsey's home.

"I like your place." Penny gushed, she was in such a good mood, Lindsey could have showed her an outhouse and she would have said the same thing.

Lindsey shrugged, "Not as big as Mom and Dad's, but at least it has three bedrooms and there is a bed in the third room for you."

"Great." Penny said with real enthusiasm, it felt really good to be visiting someplace and it made her realize how much of the world she had been missing while staying at the farm since she got back.

"Come on, I'll show you where to put your stuff." Lindsey then lead her sister into the house.

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Gloria just sat at the kitchen table, sipping a decaf hot tea while thinking and being quiet all morning, her husband just letting her be since she got up. Steven was really a great husband, he was handsome and funny, had a cute ass and was really good in bed, plus ever since they started to get serious while dating, he had listened to her and had really gotten to know her. She was really lucky to find him, after hearing other married woman bitch about their husbands and boyfriends, Gloria knew she had found a good man that really loved her, well with Leonard's help of course since he introduced them. But even now she knew she was being too secretive with him and needed to tell him what was going on in her mind, she owed that to him.

"I'm not sure if I'm do the right thing with Leonard." Gloria said while looking at her husband.

"What do you mean?" Steven quickly responded, happy that his wife was talking to him now.

"That's the problem, Honey. I'm a doctor and it is not morally or legally ethical to tell you about my treatment of Leonard, even though you are my husband. It makes it hard that the one person I trust most is the one I can't talk to." she explained

Steven smiled, "I understand. But there has to be someone else to talk to, who do shrinks talk to when they have problems." he knew the answer but he wanted to put it out for her.

Gloria nodded, "Other doctors, smart ass." she smiled and took his hand to give it an affectionate squeeze, before turning serious again. "But you know Honey, I've been trying to keep this whole thing between President Seibert, Leonard and me, so bringing in someone else is really a big step."

Steven just smiled a little wicked grin, "Come on Honey, you can be as secretive and sneaking as the best of them, just don't give any hint you are talking about Leonard or even anyone at the university."

Gloria gave her husband a fake glare, "I don't know if I should be angry at you for calling me sneaky or hug you for helping me with this."

"Hugs are always the best, because if you make a mistake you don't have to say your are sorry. Sex works the same way, by the way." he told her as seriously as he could, though he did smile at the end.

Gloria giggled as she stood up from the table, her husband's hand still in hers, "Then sex it is." she then gently pulled him along to their bedroom.

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I was about noon time when Leonard finally came out of his room, him giving off an impression of being still worn out and tired as he walked into the living room. Gloria was resting almost on Steven, both on the couch, the TV on but neither of them actually watching it, them both still in the afterglow of sex, each still giving each little kisses and squeezes as they reclined there against each other. So when Leonard came in and plopped down in a chair the whole mood changed in the room, making Gloria sit up and look over to him.

"Leonard you don't look like you slept well." Gloria didn't want to waste time on small talk when there were bigger issues now.

Leonard looked at her, then sighed, speaking is a low voice, "After last night, did you really think I was going to sleep well? Gloria it seems like you are trying to control my life, and then questioning me about Alex and…" Leonard just turned his head and looked straight ahead, he really didn't want to argue with her, she was his friend and she was pregnant.

"Leonard that was not what last night was about." she told him in a calm reassuring voice, then looked at her husband who just nodded and left to go to their bedroom, so her and Leonard could have some privacy.

As soon as Steven shut the bedroom door behind him, Leonard spoke, "What does it mean then?"

Gloria now remembered something Leonard had told her before, small wars where fought using small high explosive bombs while big wars were fought with nuclear weapons. Talking about Alex last night now seemed like she was dropping those small high explosive bombs on Leonard, but bringing up Penny was like she dropped a full power nuclear weapon on him. That was not what she wanted to do, but his reaction did sort of confirm to her that he was not the same way invested in Alex as he was in Penny, so it made the probability that he was going to fall in love with Alex less likely too. So thoughts of his overflowing empathy came back to her mind, and maybe that she shouldn't try to discourage him helping Alex, if it got his mind off of Penny.

"Leonard, I was not trying to attack you last night, my questions, especially concerning Penny, where not an attempt to 'Nuke' you." she started to explain.

Leonard stared at her confused for a moment, before he understood and then couldn't help but give a small sad chuckle to her. "That is sort how it felt like."

"I know that now and it was never what I intended. I just didn't know what was going on and I asked the questions the wrong way." Gloria told him in an apologetic way.

Leonard nodded, talking with her did make him feel a little better. "So you don't think I'm crazy if I help Alex?"

"I've never thought you were crazy. About Alex, we'll just have to see, if you really think she needs help then she probably does."

Leonard slowly nodded again, "Okay, then I'm going to get ready and go over there."

"See you later." Gloria said as cheery as she could, even though she still had some reservations about this whole Alex thing with him. She was pretty sure he wasn't falling in love with Alex, but honestly she wasn't too confident because she was seeing everything through his eyes. She really needed to talk to one of her colleagues at Cal Tech, after last night she wasn't as confident in her judgment with him as she was before.

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Penny's day with her sister was almost perfect, they talked a lot and she got to play with her nephew some, making it a really a good day. The only thing that was awkward was when Penny first saw Lindsey's husband again, even though she had know him before and was at their wedding, before she left to California, she couldn't shake how when she first saw him again he reminded her of Kurt. He was tall like Kurt and muscular as Kurt and it was no surprise that Lindsey married him because they always seemed to like the same kind of guys. But at that moment of seeing him she felt both fear and rage, making her take a step back when he came to hug her.

Penny told her sister what had happened before she went to sleep, Lindsey reassuring her that her brute of a husband didn't even notice and she completely understood why it happened. It was a relief to Penny that Lindsey didn't seem to be bothered by it and it allowed Penny to relax so she could sleep that Sunday night. Her and Lindsey had plans for the week, before she left and Friday, so she actually wanted to sleep well because she had so much to do with her sister and had only 5 more days to do it.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

Gloria sat at her desk that Monday afternoon with mixed emotions, the consultation with her colleague about her "Mystery" patient, not really going like she had hoped. On one hand, her colleague told her she was treating her patient in a way she would consider an acceptable method for treatment, making sure he didn't harm himself physically by neglect and helping him deal with his lost love. However, what bothered Gloria is that her colleague then told her that the new woman now in is life was a good thing, a sort of way of moving along for him, and then she recommended to Gloria that she should encourage his contact with her. Gloria had tried to explain that it wasn't a romantic relationship, but then her colleague asked her does that really matter and Gloria had spent the last couple of hours trying to answer that question in her own mind.

This past weekend had left doubts in Gloria's mind about how Leonard felt about Penny, his extreme reaction to her being brought up made Gloria seriously wonder if it was even reasonable to expect him to get over her in the near future. It was very hard, if not impossible, to judge how deeply in love someone was with another person, but Gloria was now believing that Leonard really did fall in love with Penny during their time together and that was the big problem. Gloria truly believed that Penny was too far gone to express love in a normal manner when she with Leonard, her need to grasp at any stable anchor in her world, just to survive, and Leonard being the perfect person for her at that time, made him her only chance. That kind of situation could easily be rationalized by her as love for Leonard and it would be a one in a million chance that love could be real instead of what it normally would be in that situation, her dependency on him.

Gloria looked at her clock, it was almost time for her to go home, and her spending so much time thinking about the situation with Leonard also made her wonder if she was over thinking this all way too much. She wondered if Leonard was not her friend would she be obsessing over his treatment so much, or would she just be as clinical as her colleague and treat him like she told Gloria she should. There was the other thing too, if Gloria was to reject the current path Leonard was following, what new path would she put him on, it was her original idea for the assistants and now that he was spending more time with them was that actually harmful to him? Gloria didn't have an answer to that in her mind, so she just packed up her belongings to go home, if she was going sit and think more about this she knew she would prefer to be snuggled against her husband than sitting around at Cal Tech obsessing like she now was.

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The week passed quickly, mostly because Penny and her sister spent it almost exclusively together, expect at night when Lindsey slept with her husband. Every morning Penny was excited to get up and every night she slept well being tired from all the activity, her and her sister shared together, that day. It was not that Leonard was forgotten, Penny actually thinking how perfect it would be if Leonard was there with her one evening as she watched her sister and husband leave to go to bed, it was that her sister kept her so occupied that she had little time to think of anything else and she was happy. Lindsey and Penny had been very close until after Lindsey graduated from high school and changed, devoting her life to boys, and by example encouraging her little sister to do the same thing in high school. But now since Lindsey was married and Penny currently didn't want to have anything to do with boys, except Leonard, they could resume that close relationship they had lost so many years before.

The change in Penny was so obvious to Dr. Miller, Penny's bright smile when she greeted her and whole demeanor at the start of her session, that Saturday, strongly supported the feeling that Penny was now happy about something in her life. "So Penny did you have a good week."

Penny's smile got wider, a sure sign to Carol that her week held mostly good memories for the young woman. "I spend the whole week with Lin, we had so much fun, she caught me up on so much…." Penny then spent the next hour just telling Carol about her week and the good times her and her sister had.

Carol barely got a word in the whole hour Penny talked, it warmed her heart to see her patient actually excited about something outside the farm and self imposed prison she had put herself in. Another thing Carol noticed, and it seemed to confirm Carol's previous thoughts, was that in the whole hour Penny never once mentioned that man in California, Leonard. It only confirmed in Carol's mind that Leonard was a dependency and not an actual love, and that Penny now discovering her life again would soon make Leonard a thing of the past, a good dream in the middle of all the bad dreams that were California to her.

The session went very well that day and Carol even got to ride horses with Penny for an hour before she finally had to go. But before she left she did manage a few moments with Susan to discuss Penny with her. "Susan, can you get Lindsey to spend more time with her sister? Penny has made significant progress just being with her, the last two weeks, and I think Lindsey is another key to getting her back to herself again."

Susan nodded, "That shouldn't be a problem, I've talked to Lindsey, a couple times, since she has been spending time with Penny, and she loves having her sister back. Years ago they were each others best friends and I think that friendship has been found again between my girls." Susan getting a little emotional during her last statement, having to wipe a tear from her eye.

Carol smiled and nodded, it was obvious that Susan loved her daughters deeply, "Well that friendship is doing wonders for Penny, so just keep encouraging it every chance you can."

"I will doctor." Susan quickly answered.

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Leonard had quickly gotten into a routine that first week, maybe all of Sheldon's training had not been as horrible as he thought, because he quickly set up a schedule to both help him and Alex's mother take care of Alex, while still moving on with his work, which Alex had given him a huge leap forward in. Leonard now spent 4-6 hours each day at Cal Tech working on his project, Stephanie doing some of his more mundane work for him, then spending the rest of the day with Alex and her mother, eating dinner there and afterwards tutoring Alex in her school work she was missing, finally discussing his experiment with her for a few minutes each day because of her interest in being involved. It was actually Alex's interest in his project that made him draw her more and more into it, and with that the beginnings of a real friendship started to form between them.

Alex's mother however, could see how happy her daughter was, her anticipation each day while just waiting for Leonard to come by, then her content happy disposition the whole time he was with her. Her daughter had gone through a lot with the accident and as her mother she only wanted happiness for her daughter, so she not only embraced her daughter's needs to have Leonard around, she encouraged his visits. This included her encouragement for him to have dinner with them every night and then to socialize when him and her daughter when they had stopped going over her studies or working on their joint project, another thing her daughter seemed to be excited about. But for Alex's mother there was another thing, Leonard seemed to be a very nice man, incredibly smart and well educated, a leader in the scientific community and the sparkle in her daughter's eyes, he was the perfect son-in-law any parent could want for their daughter.

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Gloria did basically nothing about Leonard the next few weeks, she just took her colleague's advice, mostly because she didn't know what else to do about Leonard. She did try to talk to him as much as she could, eating lunch with him as many times a week she could but even then he was showing progress in that he started to eat lunch some with his friends again, especially Howard, which she had settled in a temporary truce with, her agreeing not to kill him and him agreeing never to help her with Leonard again. However Leonard actually needed Howard now, his project ready for the development of a prototype and the engineer being the perfect person to build it, making both Leonard and Howard get close again because of them both now working on Leonard's project.

Alex on the other hand, still bothered Gloria, her talks with Leonard seemed to indicate he wasn't in love with her, but did respect her and considered her a friend, which seemed good on the outside. However, Gloria wasn't sure what was going on in the inside, discussing feelings of love were something that Leonard still bottled up inside himself, and Gloria knew by just hinting of the word love would bring out memories of Penny to Leonard causing him great pain. So Gloria took the coward's way out, she tried to help him with everything except love, hoping when he was in a better state she could bring it up with him again, she didn't like going that way, but knowing Leonard she thought it was better than addressing a subject she knew would just make him shut down.

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It was just over two weeks after Alex came home that she returned to the Cal Tech campus, in a wheelchair, her hip injury preventing her from using crutches for the another month, even the wheelchair being a little uncomfortable for her hip. But her desire to get back to her studies and work with Leonard motivating more that any discomfort her hip gave her now. She was actually ahead in her classes when she returned, Leonard's personal tutoring, adjusting his teaching to her learning abilities, had left her a week or two ahead in her classes, so that made it easier for her to adjust to her new situation with only the need to review what Leonard taught her the first whole week. It was actually much easier for her to get around than she thought, Leonard and her mother getting her in Leonard's car in the morning and then him driving her and helping into her chair after she arrived, the rest of the day, friends from school making sure she got easily to each of her classes and then Leonard's lab each day before Leonard took her home again. The rest of the day involving dinner with her mother and Leonard then several hours divided between school work, project work and socializing that made each day the happiest Alex could remember since she had gotten to Cal Tech.

So it was on the second week of this new routine, when Alex and her wheelchair were dropped off by one of her friends at Leonard's lab, Alex was first called out about this little happy fantasy she was now living. "Where's Leonard?" Alex asked as she rolled herself now into the center of the lab.

"He is having a meeting with Gablehauser." Stephanie answered, just finishing up the data entries Leonard left her with. Actually working with him wasn't too bad, he usually only left her with enough work to occupy half her time, so she could use the rest to do her school work and studying, which because it was her final semester and it was coming to an end, was very important to her.

"Oh." Alex said with a little bit of obvious disappointment.

Stephanie stopped her work and looked at Alex, "You do'in him? No scratch that, you couldn't possibly be do'in him in your condition, but something is going on." she pried.

A flash of anger crossed Alex's face then it left while still leaving her cheeks red from embarrassment. "There is nothing going on." She lied, she actually thought Leonard was getting closer to her in a romantic way and that only her injuries where preventing him from making their relationship more physical.

"Bullshit." Stephanie blurted out, then got a small smile on her face, "Well if there is nothing going on, I've been wanting to jump his bones ever since we started here, so I think I'll make my move."

"NO!" Alex almost shouted while turning her wheelchair towards Stephanie while looking at her wide eyed.

Stephanie chuckled, "I thought so, so spill, or I'm going to go and wait in his office naked so he has no doubts about what I want."

Again the anger flashed across Alex's face only this time it didn't disappear as fast, "He won't do nothing, he likes me." obvious jealousy in her reply. Stephanie was a very pretty girl, though Alex thought the way she snacked she would probably be a little pudgy by the time she completed her residency.

Stephanie smiled, "So you hooked the doctor…nice." then she got more serious, "I want details."

"I didn't hook him, it is just that we are close now, you know real close." Alex responded shyly.

"Well I don't expect you guys have done it yet, not with those casts, but have you made out yet?" Stephanie said while staring at Alex, extremely interested in her work mates conquest of their cute boss.

"No, no make outs, but we have kissed." Alex now was not being very truthful, but in her mind she was rationalizing her relationship with Leonard was more than it really was. The kissing she was referring to being a couple of thank you kisses on Leonard's cheek from her and his couple of kisses only to her forehead as encouragement.

"Cool, you go for it, and I promise to stay away from him, you know non-bitch girl code or something like that." Stephanie told Alex smiling.

Alex sighed in relief, "Thanks Stephanie."

Just then Leonard walked in the lab, looking up from a few papers in his hands to see Alex turned to face Stephanie and Stephanie turned to looking directly at Alex. "Is something going on?" he asked innocently

"No Nothing." both young women said at the same time.

Leonard just stared for a second at both of them before responding. "OOkaay."

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Carol was really happy how Penny progressed the next several weeks, she was obviously much stronger that she seemed when Carol had first met her many weeks before. The 'barn therapy' they began with got Penny talking and started her recovery, but now her bond with her sister had opened the world back up for Penny. She was working around the farm, hanging around with her sister as much as she could and even started to drive into town by herself again, running errands for her mother and father. Susan even mentioning that Penny was beginning to be a big help around the farm, allowing Wyatt to now do things he had been putting off for years because of his workload.

Carol now believed that Penny only needed to time to heal, her continuous progress was extremely good and Carol's weekly talks with her were moving her right along. Also, Carol was admitting to herself that her weekly Saturday sessions at Penny's parents farm were very therapeutic for her too, she had fell in love with the horses and since it warmed up, Saturdays now involved a hour or two ride which Carol found extremely relaxing to her. So Carol didn't even bill Penny's father's insurance anymore for their sessions, taking the horse riding as barter for her work with Penny and feeling she was getting the better end of the deal.

Penny could even feel herself that she was getting stronger and confident more and more each day, her trips into town resulting in her meeting old girlfriends and talking to them, making it more know around town that she was back home again. Of course Penny still avoided talking to anyone about California and would excuse herself whenever anyone would try to press her for information, even walking away from old high school friend when she asked Penny what happened to Kurt. Though talking about Kurt didn't turn out to be her only problem with guys when she came home, because after several weeks of meeting old friends and talking to them, some of the guys she went to school with, and dated, now knew Penny was back, was single and there was no Kurt anymore, which to them meant she was available. They were all big and buff, handsome young men who were still young enough to not develop beer guts and to their disappointment completely uninteresting to Penny. Each one who flirted with her reminded her of Kurt and she found herself missing being held in Leonard's arms after each encounter with any of them.

Actually there was only one young man that Penny had anything to do with during this time, a young slender geeky 18 year old, named Johnny, that worked at the feed store she visited at least once every week. He was graduating from high school that year and he was extremely shy, but he had black rimmed glasses like Leonard and a heart of gold Penny soon recognized. It made Penny talk to him for 10-20 minutes every time she visited, becoming his friend and confident as he eventually told her about girls he was interested in back at his school. It was another happy moment for her when she talked him into asking one of the girls to the Prom and she was as happy as him when he told her the girl had accepted. It was her interaction with Johnny that started to make her understand her feelings about Leonard and as she thought about them, she actually began to write them down in her diary, the diary she had started when Carol first asked her to write down everything she did each day, many weeks ago. Penny now knew, as she wrote her thoughts down about Leonard, she would be able to call him in the future and then really explain her feelings to him.

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There were changes in Leonard's life too as the weeks passed, the biggest being with Alex, she had now become an important asset to their little team, consisting of Leonard, Howard and her. When Howard now needed a question answered on the prototype development, he now had a good chance of getting his answer from Alex, if Leonard wasn't around. Alex was also healing, after a month in a wheelchair and some physical therapy, she progressed to crutches and now only had a slight limp as she moved around Leonard's lab helping him in his project. So it was the week before the semester finals, that her and Stephanie sat at desks in the lab studying for their finals, Leonard insisting their finals were more important than work, that Leonard came in with Howard in tow.

Leonard had a big smile on his face that matched the smile Howard had on his as he looked at the two women who were now intently staring at them. "Stephanie, you are going to start your internship right after graduation, right?"

Stephanie nodded, "I start in 4 weeks."

Leonard nodded, "I want to thank you for all you have done and I wrote you a recommendation for you." Leonard handed Stephanie an envelope.

Stephanie's eyes went wide, "Thank you so much, this means a lot…..thank you."

"You have done a good job, even though we forced you to work at physics when your interest is medicine, you did really help and saved me a lot of work, which allowed me to concentrate on other things." he told her.

Stephanie blushed at the complement. "I glad I helped and you were a great professor to work for."

"If you want you can take off now, this is your last day and I will make sure you get full credit for the day." he smiled, "Also, if you can, I'd like to take you both to dinner this weekend as a little party for all the work you did."

Stephanie smiled, "I'd like that, just let me know when and where."

"I will." Leonard responded, then watched as Stephanie hugged Alex then left the lab giving a little flirty wave to Leonard and Howard as she departed.

Leonard then turned to Alex, "You can take the rest of the day off too, but before you do, I was wondering what your plans for the summer where."

Alex felt her heart rate increase in her chest, "I was going to try to pick up some research or project credits for my masters this summer so I can graduate next May."

Leonard smiled, it was just what he wanted to hear, "Well Howard and I have been invited by Dr Hawking to test the prototype in the North Sea and there is a slot for a technical assistant or 'Grad Student'. It would get you all the research or project credit you could get this summer in classes and it will only take just over two months."

"Really!" Alex said in disbelief.

Leonard nodded while smiling. "That is if you want to go with Howard and me."

"Want to go? Yes of course I want to go." Alex almost jumped from her seat in excitement.

Leonard chuckled, "Okay I may have made this too exciting then it really is, we will go to Cambridge in two weeks, get the prototype together and installed in the ship the next month, then spend a month at sea."

Alex just nodded, still extremely excited.

"So like I said we will be leaving in two weeks and will spend that time packing up the equipment, so no real time off after finals, I'm afraid." Leonard hoped that didn't turn her off on the idea.

Alex just stared at him, "Okay." finally coming out of her mouth.

Leonard nodded "Okay." then turned to Howard, who nodded and said 'Okay' too. "Well I'll tell you more after finals, I don't want to distract you any more until they are over, I just needed to know if you were going so travel can make plans. You have a passport don't you."

Alex nodded, almost too excited to speak, she was going to spend the summer with Leonard working on his project, she couldn't be more happy at that moment, "I have one."

"Okay, then I will see you at dinner this weekend?" he asked.

"Yes of course." there was no way she was missing dinner with Leonard, especially if Stephanie was there, she still didn't trust her completely.

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It was just over three weeks later when Penny determined she knew what to say to Leonard, after spending the last three days rereading her diary and trying to build the courage to call him. She felt it was all straight in her mind finally and she now knew she could explain it to him and even Carol. She had a large list, a list that had gotten bigger and bigger over time and contained some things that she realized no other boy had ever shown her or made her feel. It was like Johnny in the feed store, she could tell Leonard had a good soul, she knew he was honest and genuine, nothing like the men in her life before. He was also gentle, caring and Penny felt that he cared for her as much as she cared for him, he was the kind of guy who would do everything he could to make sure he didn't hurt her, her short time with him demonstrating that time and again. Plus she was attracted to him, he was cute, she loved listening to him and when he held her she felt like she never felt before, with any other man. These items alone made her feel that he was a man she could spend her life with and never regret it, she had never forgotten him and now hoped they could be together again.

She was extremely nervous but also confident she could explain herself to him, so in the sanctuary of her bedroom with her fully charged cell phone, he gave her months ago, she punched his contact and waited as the phone rang. It only rang twice before a recording responded. "We're sorry, the number you have called is not in service anymore."


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

Leonard lay in his room unable to sleep, even though he was so tired he could barely think straight. He hadn't slept at all on the plane and looking back it made him actually feel ashamed, even pathetic, because he knew exactly why, he still couldn't get over he would never see her again. Gloria, his work and now time had all worked to deaden the pain, but none of them could heal the hole in his soul that was created when he had to let her go. They had all helped him move on, like so many other times before, even though this time it was much worse, but unlike those times before that left scars, this time he felt like he had an open wound, one he did not think would ever heal and he would just have to live with the rest of his life.

He was just trying to settle his mind, make it relax by thinking what lead up to where he was now, hoping it would let him finally find sleep and when he began to think back it really seemed that the last three weeks had gone by in a blur. They were now a team, Howard, Alex and him, so he was really happy when Howard and Alex where approved to accompany him to England for the field test of their prototype. For this trip, Alex and him were being funded through the university, under a Government grant from the Navy, the Navy more than happy to fund any program dealing with underwater sensor technology. Howard, who worked for NASA, was being also funded through the Navy after they requested NASA to use him and then provided his funding for the whole trip with the agreement he would write a report on the whole project after it was over.

This had made everything better for Leonard, the three of them working together, had both made this effort easier on him, both physically and mentally he admitted to himself, having friends as invested in the work as himself turned out to be very comforting. He also found out he had really needed their help, especially the last two weeks since Alex finished finals, the three of them working 10-12 hour days getting everything ready and shipped for their testing while finishing up their test plan and calculations so that they could start their work immediately after reaching Cambridge. It also made Leonard smile, how much they had all gotten closer in those two weeks, they would be with each other from the beginning of their day till they all went home that night. Except for sleeping, the three of them practically living together, each day working and eating their meals together until they went to bed each night, tired but happy at what they accomplished that day.

Consequently, the day they left on the airplane actually felt like a day of relaxation for the three of them, going to the airport and just riding on the plane, where they could just sit and talk together. The whole flight from Los Angeles Airport to Atlanta being exactly like that, Howard, Alex and him sitting together, in seats three abreast, and just talking about everything and anything during the trip. Alex now knowing and feeling comfortable enough around Howard to accept his strange wit, like Leonard did, when dealing with Howard as a friend. Still, if that had been the total extent of the events of the trip Leonard would not be laying awake now, but deep into blissful sleep.

However, when they got to Atlanta, and transferred to the wide-bodied airliner to take them to England, things started to change just a few hours into the flight. Since the flight was set up to travel through the night, it was just over an hour after they began when the lights were turned off in the cabin so people could sleep. They had carefully planned their trip and were also lucky, they had made their reservations to assure their flight wasn't during a peak travel time, hoping that it would result in the plane not being full, and were in luck that the plane was only 80 percent full on their trip overseas. That luck carried over to their seating, they were in the middle row of 4 seats, occupying three of those seats, but there was no one assigned to the fourth seat in their row, allowing Alex to curl up in the two middle seats and with a steward supplied blanket and pillow, so she could fall asleep, while Leonard and Howard sat on either side of her, instinctively to protect her. It was only thirty minutes after Alex fell asleep that Leonard stretched and unconsciously looked down at her, Alex's head positioned towards his seat, an endearing innocent expression on her face, it made a feeling overcome him so strongly that he shuttered.

He stared at Alex while she lay there asleep, she was about Penny's age, and her face, also like Penny, looked angelic while she slept, making the memories of Penny coming rushing back to Leonard so strongly it was almost like seeing her there sleeping right next to him. This sudden rush of feelings where almost too much for him as he unconsciously began to reach down and touch Alex, only to stop himself as his mind logically shouted at him it couldn't be her. Leonard now suffered through something like an emotional withdrawal, the adrenaline of just moments ago now dissipating and a new form of extreme emptiness replacing it, the loneliness accompanying it making his eyes wet and his breathing labored. He knew he was going to cry, so he got up from his seat to find the nearest bathroom, again lucky that because most people were asleep, the closest one was empty allowing him to quickly enter and lock himself in. He had only to look at himself, the lonely image of a man who wanted a woman he would never see again, and that image broke the emotional dam that held back the tears as Leonard now silently wept for what his life could have been.

He had ended up spending almost two hours in that bathroom, the inactivity on the plane allowing him not to be bothered the whole time. It gave him the time that allowed him to put himself together, at least as other people saw him, and return to his seat, however even then he just stared at nothing the rest of the flight while others slept, thinking about her continuously until the light started to pour through the aircraft windows and the plane came back to life. The next few hours, with breakfast, preparing for landing and everything else, not allowing him to concentrate too much on what happened that night, they completed the remaining portion of their trip, to arrive at Heathrow Airport, Leonard never having to let on how badly he felt.

It actually got busier for them after their arrival, going through visitor screening, getting their bags and then through customs inspection, before they were finally met by their ride to Cambridge. Even then, during the trip to Cambridge, their host kept their minds busy, spending the time telling them about their accommodations, who their contacts were and where they would work, his talking and them looking around at the sights, through the van windows, keeping their minds busy on their remaining leg of their trip. However, arrival didn't slow things down a bit, they were given a quick tour and maps of Cambridge, centering on where they would work and the office they would work under, then it was off to their living quarters, Leonard and Howard given a two bedroom visiting professors quarters, while Alex being put up in another room, with another woman who would be working on the project too. But even then there was no rest as the three of them were then whisked off to dinner with some of the staff they would be working with, that ending up with a little socializing afterwards, and finally later the three of them taken back to their rooms to sleep.

It was then, back in the room, that Leonard was left alone again with his thoughts for the first time since he left the airplane and like back then he didn't know how to handle the sense of loss that stayed inside him since he had to let her go. It had been several months now and he still felt the pain, though Gloria had been right in that the pain had dulled over time, except for that piece of him that still felt loss to him, the piece she took with her, the piece he had gladly given to her. He told himself he had no other choice he would have to move on but to go back to that place he was at before her, the place where he knew he would never have someone like her and he would have to settle for a life that his true satisfaction would be in the work he did and nothing else. It was a mindset he had lived in all his life, ever since his mother impressed on him he wasn't anything special and subjected him to the notion that working on his career was what he should devote his life to, to make up for his mediocrity. He didn't know what else to do, so he ended up thinking about that for the next hour until his mind, from his lack of sleep, got too tired to think letting him mercifully fall asleep.

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Susan knew something was immediately wrong when Penny skipped breakfast the next morning and went straight out to the barn to take care of the horses. She barely said more than a few words to her mother, just enough to let her know she wasn't hungry and was going to the barn. Susan wasn't sure what had changed so quickly in her daughter, but she wasn't going to let it continue, so as soon as she fed Wyatt, and he went out to work, she called her oldest daughter and asked her to come over.

Lindsey and Penny were extremely close again, so her mother's explanation of how Penny was acting was all the encouragement she needed to let her husband she would be visiting her parents for a day or two and putting things together for her and her son's trip there. So it was just about lunch time when Lindsey drove up, gave Susan her grandson and then headed over to the barn to visit with her sister. It not taking long for her to know something was really wrong when she walked into the barn and saw Penny mindlessly brushing Buttercup, her thoughts so far away she didn't even hear Lindsey walk in.

"Penny are you okay?" Lindsey asked both quietly and cautiously, not wanting to startle her sister.

Penny blinked a couple of times then turned her head to look at Lindsey, a look that combined, confusion, sorrow and loss all combined into one. "Lindsey?" being all that came out of her mouth.

"Yeah Sweetie." Lindsey gave her sister a sad smile, "Penny are you okay?" she then repeated.

Penny looked down and slowly shook her head, "No."

"Sweetie, you want to talk about it?" Lindsey asked hoping her sister would talk.

Penny looked up at her sister, she did want to talk, she had learned that talking had helped from Dr. Miller, and talking to Lindsey did make her feel better, so she nodded. "Yes."

Lindsey and Penny both walked to the bench and sat down Penny leaning against her sister and both of them leaning their heads toward each other, like they did when they were kids and talked. It was a comfortable feeling for both of them, and it immediately brought back memories of simpler times for them both too, when they were each other's best friend and they would take care of each other. Penny felt comfortable now and began to talk, Lindsey quietly listening and only talking when it was necessary.

It was about a hour after Lindsey left for the barn, while Wyatt and Susan were picking at their lunch and feeding their grandchild, that Lindsey and Penny returned to the house. Penny didn't say a word, but Lindsey seemed to have control of the situation, "Penny you go upstairs and get the laptop powered on and I'll be up in a minute." Penny just nodded, looked at her parents a second then when upstairs to her room, leaving her parents now looking at Lindsey.

"It is that guy again." Lindsey blurted out as soon as she heard Penny's bedroom door close.

"You mean the one from California, Leonard?" Susan asked.

Lindsey nodded, "She tried calling him last night but his phone number is out of service."

"She tried to call him?" Susan said with surprise.

Lindsey nodded again. "It seems Dr. Miller told her she shouldn't call him until she could tell him her feelings towards him and where she wanted the both of them to go, so she has been making a list and rehearsing her conversation with him since Dr. Miller told her that."

"I had no idea." Susan stated and Wyatt nodded in agreement.

"Me neither, it was so important to her that she kept it a secret and now when she tried to call…Leonard is not there." Lindsey said with sadness.

"Oh my poor baby." Susan blurted out, herself now on the verge of crying. Susan then looked back up to Lindsey, "But what is going on now with the computer?"

Lindsey sighed, "We know some stuff about him so I told her I would try and help her call him at work." Lindsey sighed again. "But mom, it could be he is not interested in her, she was pretty bad off when she got home, he could have just been a nice guy helping to get her home because he didn't want to see her maybe die in the cold. There may be nothing more than that between them, even though Penny….she said she loves him."

"I don't want to see her hurt anymore." Susan responded. "Maybe we should call Carol?"

"Give me some time with her, maybe things will work out alright, but if they don't we can call the doctor, okay?" Lindsey offered.

Susan just nodded, then looked at the table. "Could you try and get her to eat something, she didn't have breakfast."

"Okay." Lindsey then grabbed a plate and put a couple sandwiches and chips on it, before grabbing a couple cans of diet Dr. Pepper, her and Penny's favorite. She then gave her parents a sad smile before she went up the stairs, with the food, to be with Penny.

Wyatt rubbed Susan's back, "Lindsey and Penny are close again, if anyone can help her it will be Lin."

Susan gave her husband a sad smile as she put her hand over his, "I hope so Honey, I hope so."

It turned out to be several hours later, towards the end of dinner time, before Susan and Wyatt saw either of their daughters again, again it being Lindsey coming into the kitchen with a sad worn expression on her face. She stopped before saying anything and just slowly shook her head at her parents before sitting in a chair at the table. "Penny is not doing to good."

"What is happening, honey?" Susan was so in the dark about what was going on with Penny she craved any information.

"We found out where Leonard works, actually it was easy to find out that about him, there is quite a lot of information on him on the internet." Lindsey started to explain.

"Why is that?" Wyatt asked in confusion

"He is actually Doctor Leonard Hofstadter, a scientist who works at California Institute of Technology. It seems he does research there and the stuff we read was about some things I didn't even understand that he was working on." she further explained.

"Are you sure?" Wyatt asked

Lindsey nodded, "His picture was on the internet too and Penny said that was him." Lindsey then sighed, "Anyway, we called the office there that he is suppose to work from, but all they would tell us is that he will be gone for the summer and they can't tell us where." Wyatt and Susan could both hear the frustration in Lindsey's words.

"How did Penny take it." Wyatt now asked

Lindsey shook her head, "She believes she loves him…I really mean she believes it…..so you can imagine, she is heartbroken."

"Oh my poor baby." Susan blurted out, Wyatt taking her into his arms knowing she was about to cry.

"Is there something else you can do to contact him?" Wyatt now asked.

Lindsey sighed again, "I don't know if that is a good idea."

"Why Honey?" Susan now asked.

"Mom, what kind of guys did Penny go out with before she left?" Lindsey asked her mother back.

Susan understood her daughter right away, "Not someone like Leonard…..Dr Hofstadter."

Lindsey nodded, "I was thinking mom, what if its not about Penny having trouble contacting him, what if its about that he doesn't want to be contacted?"

"You really think it is that?" Susan asked in surprise

Lindsey shrugged, "Penny and I dated the same kind of guys, I can't imagine what I would say to a scientist and what he would think of a farm girl with only a high school education." she now looked seriously at her parents, "What if he found her, felt sorry for her, helped her and sent her home, that's it, he did something for another person out of kindness."

Susan thought for a minute, "But all those other men used her, why would he be different? Why would he just help her without anything in return?"

Lindsey tried to explain her thoughts, ever since she read about Dr. Hofstadter on the internet she had been a little in awe of him. "I was thinking about that too. Penny told me about some of those guys and they just seemed like California versions of the guys she dated here. Leonard was not anything like those guys, he is smarter and accomplished, maybe that success and the maturity that came with it extended to how he treated her."

"So you think he just helped her and after he sent her home he was done with her." Susan stated, thinking that was Lindsey was saying.

Lindsey shrugged, "It would explain why his phone number changed and why she can't get in touch with a guy who is easy to find on the internet."

"If that is what is happening, Penny is going to be more heartbroken." Wyatt now stated.

Lindsey sighed again, "I helped her get over guys before, maybe I can help her get over him too."

"Honey could you?" Susan pleaded.

Lindsey nodded, "I think so." She then stood up and with the help of her mother collected some food up to go back upstairs, planning the whole time how she would make her sister forget the scientist back in California.

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They became the three musketeers, at least that was what some of the people, on Hawking's team, called the three Americans who seemed to be always together. It was actually easy to understand, Leonard and Alex where friends already and so where Leonard and Howard, so Alex and Howard being friends was unavoidable, after Alex got use to Howard's personality and Leonard calmed him down some. Their work schedule also supported their closeness, days of 10-12 hours not uncommon for them, meals eaten by them together, and even when they did socialize, Leonard and even Howard kept Alex close to them, acting like brotherly figures, watching over the young Grad Student.

Alex overall enjoyed the situation, even though she would have preferred a passionate love affair with Leonard while they were in a beautiful foreign country, all the time she spent with Leonard was precious to her and she savored every minute. She even enjoyed both Leonard and Howard around her all the time, even once accidentally overhearing two of the local Grad Students complaining how she was selfishly keeping the two cute American men for herself the whole time she was there. No, Alex didn't really have many complaints at all about her situation and if she was honest with herself she was having the most exciting time of her life, being in the constant presence of both a brilliant scientist and the man she had a crush on, plus being involved in ground breaking scientific work, Alex was happy, really happy.

Howard was actually enjoying himself a lot too, the engineering work Leonard had him doing was challenging and Howard loved a challenge, it was what got him into engineering in the first place, the need to make things that worked. Howard was also happy that Alex was a girl and a pretty one, who seemed to equally friendly to both him and Leonard, to Howard she was the eye candy that made his day brighter. He was also sure he could hook up with Alex if they had some alone time, but then they never were alone due to their work and he had to admit to himself they all were good friends, so he just behaved himself, like Leonard instructed him while he waited for his chance with her.

Consequently the first month in England went pretty quickly, the first few weeks setting up all their equipment in the lab then checking its function before they installed it on the boat, the last weeks before their North Sea trip. Howard took care of all the boat integration, power, electronic communication and the hardware to both mount the equipment and keep it safe during its time at sea. The three of them worked hard, but they finished with two days to spare before their boat sailed, with them aboard to do their experiment, so the next day, with them suddenly finding themselves not burdened with work, they all decided to take a little holiday.

They were use to getting up early, so with instructions from one of the other Hawking team members, they left before dawn the next morning for London, all of them excited to just let a little steam off from the past grueling weeks of work. None of them had ever really seen London so it was both a new and awe inspiring visit, seeing sights they had only read about, Big Ben, Parliament, Buckingham Palace and other tourist sights throughout the city. They even went to Piccadilly Circus, where Alex begged the guys to let her shop for an hour, finding herself some 'London Clothes' that she wore for the rest of the day of their little trip. They ate diner there at a place near the Thames and it was almost midnight before they returned to Cambridge, still experiencing a high from their day being tourists in one of the most historical and exciting cities in England and Europe.

So no sooner than Leonard shut down the car, actually relaxing a little because of the stress of driving a car on the other side of the road that went against years of ingrained memory, Howard spoke, "Hey, I'm still wide awake, you guys want to catch a pint at that pub down the street, I think they are still open for an hour."

Alex had a wonderful time, she got to spend the whole day with Leonard and even Howard's presence hadn't dampened the experience at all. She even had to admit she enjoyed the looks of other women when she was shopping with both men being attentive to her, her almost able to mind read their disapproval of her having two men while many of them had none. For someone who had always been shy and the skinny nerd in high school, Alex was now feeling like a real woman, so the thoughts of continuing the evening, with Leonard, sounded just perfect to her. "I'd like that."

Leonard was wide awake, the constant talking they all did the whole way back from London plus the concentration he had to hold while driving on the other side of the road, made the sound of just sitting and having a beer to relax like a very good idea, "Sounds good, I'm in."

The pub was actually opened for another two hours and as the three of them

got into a comfortable conversation sipping on their drinks, Howard decided this was his chance with Alex. He felt Leonard was the third wheel preventing him and Alex to get together, so with his knowledge of how Leonard was a light drinker, Howard thought getting Leonard drunk would be a good way to remove him from the picture and finally get some of the alone time with Alex he wanted. So after only a few minutes after their first drinks Howard smiled at them all, "So ready for the second round?" almost snickering in glee when Leonard quickly finished off his beer to not look like he was falling behind before smiling a Howard and nodding.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

Leonard, as soon as he woke up, knew he was extremely hung over because all he wanted to do was die, his head hurt so much that he knew if he made any sudden movements he would get sick all over himself. Of course not moving was only delaying his need to go to the bathroom and throw up, however he also believed it was also keeping his head from exploding so he continued to lay in bed trying to figure out which was worse, while praying that before he was forced to make that decision death would come quickly and painlessly. Even with all this sensory overload, in the back of Leonard's mind a little voice was trying to get through all the pain and sickness, screaming at him something was wrong however that little voice seemed unwilling to tell him what was wrong so Leonard just let it be drown out by the sickening pain he was now experiencing.

Leonard's slight relief by staying motionless in bed though didn't last long, his now very awake stomach deciding his priorities for him a couple of moments later. So with a new sense of urgency he opened his eyes and verified he was in his own bedroom and quickly planned both the route and timing to the bathroom before moving his pain racked brain and body from the bed for its trip to the bathroom. It was then that he barely felt the arm come off him as he got up, making him turn to look where that arm originated from, and seeing the source of that arm made massive amounts of adrenaline pump through his body as he looked in shock at the person that armed was attached too.

Leonard was suddenly momentarily completely sober, his body running on pure adrenaline, suppressing his pain long enough to allow his brain to function on what was happening. "Alex" softly coming from his mouth as his brain now put a name to the source of that arm, then, to himself, "What have I done." as the whole scene unfolded to his mind, a sudden sickness forming in the pit of his stomach now making his sickness from the hangover become his highest priority again. Leonard was now going to throw up and nothing was going to stop that so he turned and dashed to the bathroom, just lifting the toilet lid in time, the whole while not only thinking how sick he was but also questioning what had happened the night before.

Leonard sat on the cold bathroom floor for almost a half hour, his stomach now empty and only the thought of Alex in his bed keeping him still there in misery. He was almost falling asleep where he sat, until he felt a blanket cover his shoulders and felt the closeness of arms wrapping around him, small slender arms that he knew belonged to Alex. If he had been less sick he would have pulled away, but he was so sleepy, still in so much pain that he didn't have the strength to resist as she hugged him tightly.

"How bad are you feeling Leonard?" Alex asked, in a voice that dripped with concern and compassion.

"I feel like hell." Leonard responded, while trying to purposely ignore how good it felt for someone to be so close holding him when he felt so bad.

"Why don't you lie back down, you need more sleep to feel better and I'll get you some aspirin and water to make you feel better." Alex now whispered to him, her face close to his.

It was so hard for Leonard at that moment, all he wanted was what she was offering to him, aspirin for his headache, water for his dry throat, and merciful sleep, he wanted them all and wanted them bad. He wanted them so bad that he began to rationalize his situation, if he just took aspirin and water from her and went to bed to sleep what would be so wrong with that. He needed sleep his mind kept telling him and after he had sleep he would be able to make sense of this all, it was obvious he could do nothing now, so Leonard surrendered to his own logic, and just nodded, "Okay."

So it was very long before Leonard got his aspirin and water down then started to lay back down, the need to just put his aching head on the pillow and close his eyes becaming his greatest concern. He now just wanted to sleep his pain and this whole situation he was in away, so he got semi comfortable, slowly starting to drift away, when he barely noticed the body coming close to his and the arm going around him to hold him. However he was way too tired to resist and believing nothing could happen in his current state was the last thought that allowed him to drift off to sleep.

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Penny got up at dawn that Saturday to do her chores, it was days like this that made her confused how she was suppose to feel. It had been a couple weeks now since she had unsuccessfully tried to contact Leonard and even the additional times she tried during the following weeks turned unsuccessful for her. But even with her sister helping her, she still found it hard to accept that Leonard was gone, she still wanted him and couldn't even think of another man except him. It was because of these feelings she was glad she had chores to do that morning, work to keep her busy at, letting her mind rest, because she knew from her therapy that obsessing over anything or anybody was bad for her and she honestly never wanted to be that that bad again. She did feel stronger than before, however Leonard was never about being weak, at least to her, it was about someone she felt safe with when she was weak, someone who by just holding her made everything better.

She didn't cry anymore, she had also become more in control of her emotions and was able to harden herself some against the world now, she was able to put up walls again against the pain. However, she still couldn't think of the future because all her future dreams she had included Leonard, until a few weeks ago, so now dealing with the future without him was beyond her ability to cope with. She hadn't even realized she had stopped getting ready and sat back down on her bed half dressed her thinking about Leonard occupying all her thoughts, so will new strength she had gained with Carol's and her sister's help she forced herself to finish dressing and heading out to do something other that miss Leonard.

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It was almost 3 PM when Leonard woke up again, this time more alert and not as sick as before, at least he didn't want to die at that moment. With his mind being relatively better than before, he was also more cognizant of his position now and that position was in bed with a warm body behind his and an arm draped over him holding him against that warm body. He had only to look down at that arm to know it was a woman's and to also know that woman was Alex. So now the pain of the hangover that morning was being replaced by the pain of the thought that he may have had sex with Alex the night before, that thought making him mumble 'Crap'.

"Are you feeling better, Leonard?" Alex said while now moving to sit up so she could be up above him to see him.

Leonard turned his head slightly to look up at her, not actually sure what to say but responding lamely, "Yeah a little."

"You don't feel like throwing up again do you? Would you like some more water and aspirin?" she quickly now asked him.

"Aspirin and water would be good." he again lamely answered.

"Okay." Alex responded, a large smile on her face. Then she bounded out of the bed to the bathroom. 

Leonard watched her then go from the bathroom to the kitchenette they had in the apartment, moving his head around making the need of more aspirin and water more prominent on his mind as his head felt worse from the movement. However watching her also made him more concerned about the night before as he noticed she was wearing his T-shirt from the day before and it went down low enough that he couldn't tell if she was wearing anything else. Leonard had no idea what to do now, so he just laid his head back down and closed his eyes, not moving until he felt the bed move as someone got back in with him, firmly believing it was Alex.

"Leonard I have some water and aspirin for you." she whispered to him, her mouth so close he could feel her breath on his cheek.

He sighed internally, "Thank you Alex." Then he opened his eyes to see her looking down at him with innocent doe eyes that seemed to be full of hope and compassion. There was nothing he could do, he would never make a woman leave who slept with him, especially a woman who didn't seem to want to go, until she wanted to leave. So Leonard just lifted himself up slowly and carefully to take the aspirin and drink the water, immediately noticing the small smile on Alex's face and giving her a small smile back and a nod of appreciation.

"Why don't you rest a while longer and let the aspirin start to work, Leonard." Alex whispered to him while putting her hand on his shoulder.

Leonard being unsure what to do, just nodding and laying back down, again thinking more sleep couldn't hurt at this point either. "Thanks Alex." The last sense he felt before he fell asleep again being Alex's arm going around him again as she pulled her body against his back.

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They had been awake now for over an hour, so after convincing Alex about having some residual pain from his hangover situation, Leonard managed to convince Alex to take her shower first. It was therefore no sooner than she went into the bathroom and turned the water on in the shower, Leonard turned on Howard. "What the hell happened last night, Howard?"

Howard snickered, "I don't know, why don't you tell me." he then smiled a very creepy smile, "And don't leave out any of the details."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Leonard said with desperation in his voice.

"Well I offered to let her sleep with me, when it was obvious she wanted to stay, but she was all 'Leonard needs me' and when I then offered that we could all sleep together, she declined." Howard told him.

"Howard you're a pig." Leonard then walked over and sat on the couch putting his head in his hands. "Why did you let her stay in the bedroom with me?"

"Hey, like I said, I offered her my bed, but she wanted to be with you. She just insisted on helping you into you bedroom, then closed and locked the door." Howard shrugged. "I asked her if she need help, but she just answered 'NO' through the door."

Leonard sighed, "You don't know if we…..you know…had sex." the last two words almost a whisper.

"I sure hope so." Howard said with a huge smile.

"Howard I'm serious." Leonard lashed out at him.

"So am I." Howard responded with a chuckle, but then when Leonard gave him a glare, "I don't know, but there was a lot of noise coming out of your bedroom for a half hour, bed springs making noise like it was all happening on the bed, plus a lot of it you moaning."

"Oh Crap." Leonard again put his head in his hands, it seemed like that bad headache from that morning was trying to come back.

"I don't know what you are so upset about, Alex is hot and over 21, I bang her in a second." Howard seriously told him.

Leonard just shook his head, immediately regretting it as it just made his head feel worse.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Penny had been more quiet this Saturday and Carol just waited till they were on the horses halfway along the trail they took many Saturdays since Carol now rode each weekend at Penny's parents farm. Carol had long ago discovered that the horses calmed Penny and relaxed her to a point she would answer questions when she became quiet like today. "So Penny how was your week."

In Penny's mind the word 'Crap' immediately came up, but to Carol she just shrugged, "Same as always."

Carol knew something was wrong now, Penny had been all excited when her sister came back into her life but now last week and this week she hadn't mentioned her sister hardly at all. "Penny please tell me what is wrong….maybe I can help."

Penny was more desperate than she even understood, so Carol offering to help suddenly sparked a little hope within her, after all Carol had helped her over the months before and Penny could trust her. "I've tried to get in touch with Leonard, but I haven't had any luck. Do you know how to contact him?" She blurted out immediately, hint of desperation in her request.

Carol and her horse stopped in their tracks, Carol now good enough in controlling the animal that she unconsciously stopped the horse like it was a part of her. "How have you tried to contact Leonard?"

Penny turned her horse to face her doctor, then told her everything her and Lindsey did the last few weeks. "I don't know what else to do. Can you help?"

Carol could see the hope in Penny's eyes, this whole thing with Leonard surprised her, she actually thought Penny was getting over Leonard but now she saw how wrong she was. There was one thing she couldn't do to her however, she couldn't directly lie to Penny, so Carol quickly composed herself and replied. "Penny, do you really want to talk to him, it has been months since you left California, over half a year, don't you want to just leave that place behind? You're happy here now aren't you?"

Penny nodded, she was happy being home, but she still wanted to talk to Leonard. "Carol you said that I shouldn't talk to Leonard till I knew what to say, I know what to say now."

Carol sighed, she was actually trapped, she told Penny those words and now she had to deliver or she would lose her trust, maybe forever. "I don't know how to contact him directly but, I know his friend Gloria, she might know where he is or how to contact him."

Penny couldn't help the smile that started on her face, because after weeks of failure she now had a chance to talk to Leonard. "Will you contact her and see if she can contact him?"

Carol reluctantly nodded, "I can't promise she will know, but I will call her."

Penny's smile got wider, "Thank you, thank you so much." 

Carol just nodded, she didn't really like this at all and she wasn't sure it was the best thing for Penny.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

It was the next Friday that found Penny sitting in Dr. Miller's office again, the last time she had been there being months ago, not since the time Carol had started to come to the farm every Saturday morning. Penny just sat there in anticipation as Carol dialed Dr. Steiner's office at Cal Tech, the expectations she had all week for this day now just a few moments away. Carol had already talked to Gloria, earlier in the week, to set up this telephone conversation so both doctors were a little concerned about how this talk with Penny would turn out. Carol being the most concerned because Penny was her patient and based on what Gloria told her earlier in the week she was not sure how Penny would respond when she found out that Leonard had left the country. She was glad Penny's mother and sister came with her and were in the waiting room, because if this went bad she would need all the help with Penny she could get.

Carol made the phone connection with Gloria and then punched the speakerphone button so Penny could now be included in their conversation. "Gloria I put you on speakerphone, are you still there?"

"Yes Carol, I hear you fine." came the response to Carol and Penny.

"Good, Okay, Penny is sitting here with me Gloria, so can you give her an update and information on Leonard." Carol began.

"Hi Penny." Carol began

"Hi" Penny lamely responded, more concerned about Leonard than having meaningless chit-chat.

"Well let me assure you first that Leonard is not avoiding you, Penny." Gloria started.

Those first words were a relief to Penny and made some of the immediate tension leave her body, but still she wanted to know if he wasn't avoiding her why couldn't she contact him. "Why did he move and change his phone number then?" she blurted out.

Gloria sighed to herself, Penny's question seemed filled with desperation which Carol warned her about after she found out about Penny trying to contact Leonard. "Penny he moved out of his apartment because he finally grew tired of his roommate and the way he acted." she then paused to see if Penny would respond.

Penny remembered Leonard's roommate and just thinking of him made her shiver inside, so him moving out did make sense to her, but she still had more questions. "Is that why he changed his phone number too, because of his roommate?"

This was it, the part Carol and Gloria worried about, how Penny would take Leonard moving out of the country. "No Penny, he canceled his phone because he had to get an international phone. You see Leonard is in England now."

"What" Penny said in almost a whisper, not knowing how to process what Gloria just said, her mind not wanting to believe what she just heard.

"Penny, Leonard is a scientist and he has been working for a long time on an important project that he is now finally able to test. His project is starting to get a lot of attention so one of the greatest scientific minds in our generation, Dr. Steven Hawking, invited Leonard to England to join his team and test his project in the North Sea. This was an opportunity Leonard couldn't ignore so he jumped on the chance to do this and left a few weeks ago. So now he is currently on a ship in the North Sea with a group of other scientists testing his project." Gloria explained.

Penny sat there stunned, she didn't even know where the North Sea was and barely knew England was on an island, her hating now that she use to blow off the classes that taught her that stuff in high school. For a farm girl from Nebraska, England was a far away place that was exotic, not someplace people went to casually, except maybe for an important scientist like Leonard. That made Penny's mind now go into over thinking mode, she had been so concerned getting her reasons straight about her feelings for Leonard and worried about him not wanting her or maybe being with someone else, that she had ignored what he did for a living. Leonard was a Doctor in Physics, she had seen that on his office door, and he worked at a big university, she knew because she went there with him, she already knew he was incredibly smart and based on what she had been just told, very important, so important that big scientists in the world wanted him to work with them.

This train of thought made Penny now go back to what her sister and mother, and even Dr. Miller had asked her, when she first got back to Nebraska, how did she end up being with some one like Leonard. At the time she really didn't think too much about it, probably because she wanted him so bad, but now thinking about it she knew why they all asked. Girls like her never got with guys like him, he was so intelligent, successful, sweet and nice, he was the complete opposite of the guys Penny had always ended up with. This also worked both ways, guys like him didn't go with stupid farm girls, girls who didn't know where the North Sea was and couldn't even take care of themselves in California.

Penny had gotten a lot better those months since New Years to where she was now, the doctors had been correct her being in a safe place like her home had made it possible to become herself again. Of course now that she was better and more like her past self, her olds ways had come back too as she again began to build emotional walls around herself, those walls now coming up to protect her from the pain she knew was coming. Penny's mind was now way over thinking this situation, and the more she thought about it the more she told herself that she was not going to be with Leonard.

It was that epiphany that finally made Penny's hopes crash down in front of her, Leonard was so much better than her, why would someone like him have anything to do with a stupid girl like herself, especially a girl who had been a porn actress. In those few moments she convinced herself that she was not good enough for Leonard and with those thoughts Penny told herself that she shouldn't try to contact him to bother him again and that she needed to let him go. The needy hurt girl in her, that was begging her to continue and try to talk to him, was being silenced by the young woman that had risen from the ashes of that shattered young girl, and that woman was telling herself strongly that she needed to grow up and move on. She would have probably just sat there and continued these thoughts if Gloria and Carol didn't bring her out of her contemplations.

"Penny?", then again, "Penny." Gloria asked from the other side of the phone, while Carol joined her, "Penny?", Carol then gently touching Penny's shoulder.

With Carol's touch Penny quickly focused her eyes on Carol, "I'm Sorry."

"Penny, do you want me to send Leonard a message?" Gloria now asked.

It only took Penny a second to decide. "No." she said quietly

Penny's response surprised Carol, for her to suddenly back away from something she was actively seeking was strange. "Are you sure Penny." she asked.

Penny nodded, the softly pleaded to Gloria, "Could you also not tell Leonard about this call."

Gloria, was at a huge disadvantage not being there with Penny, but she knew she had to obey Carol's patient's wishes, so she just tried to confirm her last statement, "Are you sure you don't want me to tell Leonard you want to talk to him?"

"Yes." Penny said then nodded to Carol.

Carol tried not sigh, she did not like how Penny was acting, but she had to obey her patients request, "Gloria, Penny really wants this so could not tell Leonard about today." Carol watching Penny again just nod as she told Gloria those words.

"Okay, I won't tell Leonard anything." was all Gloria could say.

"I have to go." Penny then got up and walked to the door, it happened so fast that Carol was left speechless and couldn't react until the door closed behind Penny's fleeing form.

"Gloria, please hold on." Carol then got up and as quickly as she could went through to her door to the waiting room, surprised to see Susan and Lindsey just standing in her waiting room and looking at the exit door to Carol's offices.

Susan finally looked to Carol. "What happened….Penny just passed us on the way out, telling us she just wanted to go home." The shock and concern covering Penny's mother face the whole time she spoke.

Carol wasn't sure what to do, but she did know that Penny shouldn't be left alone, "Stay with her, she needs to be not left alone for a while. Also, call me if things get worse with her, anytime day or night."

Susan seemed to change in a second, worry now turned to determination as she went into mother mode to protect her baby. She reached down and grabbed her handbag, "Come on Lindsey, we need to get your sister." and with that, Susan gave Carol and quick look and nod before the two women disappeared from Carol's office too.

Carol did visible sigh when she sat back down in her office, "Gloria, are you still there?"

"Yes Carol." was all Gloria said.

"Penny just ran from the office." The emotion of the last couple minutes was draining from Carol making her feel very physically tired now.

"Carol you don't think she will hurt herself do you?" deep concern in Gloria's question.

"I don't think so, her mother and sister went after her and will watch her. They have been a big help in Penny's treatment and I trust them to contact me if Penny does something even more unusual." Carol told Gloria, trying to act like a doctor instead of the friend she had become to Penny's whole family.

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Susan and Lindsey found Penny waiting by the car, the expression on her face one Susan had seen before when Penny didn't want to talk to anyone about anything. So Susan just opened the doors, Penny immediately getting in the back to be alone, while Lindsey got in the passenger seat and looked at her mother, Susan shaking her head slightly to let her older daughter not to say a thing. So in complete silence, Susan started the car and began to drive back to the farm, Penny in the back just staring blankly out the window, her mind not able to think about anything but Leonard and how she would never see him again.

Penny lost all sense of time and where she was, her senses basically shut down while her mind relived the horrible feeling when she let Leonard go just a short time earlier. However, even it that state she did notice that her mother pulled off the road and turned into a parking lot too soon to be anywhere near home. It even surprised her more when he mother seemly parked and turned of the car, opening the door and stepping outside in one fluid motion only turning back for a second to talk to both her girls, "Well I don't know about you two but I need ice cream on a day like this." Before letting her girls answer Susan then closed the door and headed to the front door of the Dairy Queen.

Lindsey was a little surprised at what her mother did, but as she thought about it for a second it became apparent to her that her mothers actions might be a very good idea. When they were teenagers, their mother would always take them for ice cream when things got too tough for them, when a boy broke their heart or any other disaster or drama that came their way. Just sitting there eating ice cream with their mother was comforting and it gave them all time to talk out each of their problems, her mother letting them talk when they were ready, never pressuring them, the relaxed atmosphere of just eating ice cream making them feel comfortable to discuss what their problems were.

"Ice cream does sound good." Lindsey opened her door and immediately followed the path her mother took.

When Lindsey entered the store, she immediately saw the worried look on her mother's face as she looked out the window at the car, it was easy to understand what she was worried about, and Lindsey gave her a sympathetic smile as she approached, no surprised at her mother's first words. "Does she look like she is coming too?"

Lindsey didn't know, she only took a glance at Penny before she left and with that glance she only saw sadness and confusion. "I don't know Mom."

They both just stood there for a few minutes, not really knowing what else to do, until Susan couldn't take it anymore. "I'll just get her favorite and we'll go back, I don't want to leave her alone." Susan then turning to put an order it.

"Hold it Mom." Lindsey watched as the back door opened and Penny stepped out, at first just looking around, like she didn't really know what to do, but then just walking to the door.

A small sad smile formed on Susan's face, "Honey, grab a table, for us and I'll get everyone's favorites." Susan then ordering each of their favorites, the flavors they all got every time they had done this before.

Penny walked in the Dairy Queen, looking around and seeing her mother at the counter before seeing Lindsey at a table waving her over. She really didn't know what she was doing, this all in a way seemed strange but so familiar to her too and she didn't know if she wanted to stay or just run back to the solitude of the car. It was the familiar part that finally made Penny walk to the table and sit with her sister, she now remembered being like this before, especially when her mother joined them a couple of moments later putting her favorite ice cream in front of her.

They all just ate quietly for a few minutes, the silence welcomed by Penny as she ate her ice cream, a sort of calm coming over her as she continued to eat. It wasn't that the pain hurt any less, it was more of a feeling she was not alone, her sister and mother just quietly eating with her made her know they were there for her. So it was close to her last scoop from the bottom of her cup that Penny finally broke the silence at the table, "Thanks mom."

Susan just gave her a small smile, "Anytime, Honey."

The girls finished their ice cream and then got back in the car, again there wasn't much talking, however some of the original tension was gone.

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The move to the ship and the first week at sea had been a huge relief to Leonard, because there was almost no privacy on the ship due to all the people and crew that were aboard. This resulted in the women and men being berthed in separate rooms, 4 to a room, each containing 2 sets of bunk beds each with limited storage space. This meant each sleeping room was very crowded and because of having four people, guests were almost impossible to have, all this making Leonard more comfortable about being on the ship with Alex. However, there was also a bad side to the limited space on the ship, it also meant that Leonard couldn't really get away from her either, Alex now having become very comfortable around him ever since the night he had gotten so drunk, staying almost continuously around him after that night and now while on the ship.

Consequently Leonard now saw Alex almost continuously every waking moment, much of the time just the two of them working together. Howard had been no help in this situation, often leaving them alone as he slipped away as much as possible to flirt with a little blonde Microbiology major who was there assisting in experiments with one of her professors, a guy named Glenn who reminded Howard of a professional basketball player, because he was so tall. The situation would have driven Leonard crazy except for one thing, Alex was such a nice person and extremely smart, she also didn't push herself on him, she just stayed around him and helped him the best way she could.

Leonard actually knew part of the problem he was having with Alex was his own making, he still wasn't over Penny, he still thought of her and he wasn't ready to move on yet. It actually made him feel bad, because if Alex really did like him, it was sad she didn't know she was competing for his heart with a young woman that didn't even exist in his life anymore. So to avoid thoughts about Penny and Alex Leonard concentrated more on his work, which was probably the best in the long run, he told himself, he needed to get as much data he could with this opportunity so he only needed to be concerned about work.

As a result, that was the routine Leonard settled into, working as hard as he could on his project, Alex being around him every minute, while trying to get as much work as possible from Howard when he wasn't flirting with that young graduate student, named Bernadette. This plan actually started to work out for Leonard, his devotion allowed him to start taking data that much earlier and process it faster which again helped him narrow down the frequencies that were most promising for detection, he was actually making great progress. So after only a couple weeks into the trip, he was actually even feeling a little good about everything, partly because the seasick pills had worked from the beginning so with his stomach not betraying him, partly because the crowding made it so Alex was not able to intimate with him and mostly because he making some serious progress on his project, Alex and even Howard being a great help in that regard.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

Carol showed up at the farm on that Saturday, as usual, not expecting to actually do any therapy work with Penny that day, but to observe her and how she was reacting from the day before. The long talk with Penny's mother the day before, after she brought her daughter home, convinced Carol to take Susan's advice and just let Penny have a week to herself. Susan had been so far a big help with Penny's treatments so Carol accepted Susan's judgment now that Penny was handling the situation like she did with other men who broke her heart. So Carol letting her deal with that pain by herself, which Susan said had always been Penny's way of dealing with it, did seem to have some merit and explain the way Penny was acting now.

However, Carol was a little concerned when Susan brought her into the kitchen, as soon as she arrived, to have some coffee and talk. "Has something happened with Penny?"

"She got up early this morning to complete her chores, then went out on Buttercup for a ride." Susan stated and then noticing Carol's concerned looked added, "Lindsey went riding with her so she wasn't alone."

Carol was still a little worried about Penny being alone, even after all Susan told her about it being Penny's way with dealing with things. "How long have they been gone?"

"A little over an hour…." Susan then was distracted by seeing a horse and rider approaching the barn, "but I think they are back now." she told Carol, while standing up and heading towards the back door.

However, Susan had been only partly right when her and Carol walked up to the lone rider at the barn, Susan asking the question that was in both her and Carol's mind as soon as they saw Lindsey. "Where is your sister, Lindsey?"

Lindsey sighed, "We were riding quietly along till she got to that flat area on the west side of the property, then she just took off on Buttercup."

Susan nodded in understanding, which only confused Carol more, "Didn't you follow her?" she asked Penny's sister.

However it was Susan that answered, "She would never catch Penny on Buttercup. Buttercup is a Quarter Horse and a darn fast one with stamina, more than I've ever seen in that breed before. Penny and Buttercup both love to run, they would have left Lindsey way behind on the mare she is on."

"Yeah." Lindsey now added, "Penny picked out Buttercup when she was just 11 years old and Buttercup was a month old foal. Dad bought the horse right then and there, even if it was almost another year later before he took her home as a yearling, Penny wanted that horse so bad. For the next year her and that horse were always together, Buttercup was more like a pet dog than a horse, she would follow Penny everywhere and if Mom would have let her Penny would have had Buttercup sleeping in her room like a dog." 

Susan looked at Carol and just sadly nodded, "It was the time before boys came into her life, she was still innocent and loved that horse with all her being."

Lindsey went on. "She sure did, she liked that horse better than me back then. Anyway, after Buttercup grew to be over 2 years old, Penny started to ride her, that horse had already bonded to her so all Penny had to do was put a saddle on it and climb on. They road everywhere together and soon they began to train for the junior rodeo."

Susan again nodded, "Penny and Buttercup seemed to be like one when they went to compete and they both did very well in the rodeo, for almost two years, they both might have even moved up into the professional rodeo circuit…."

"If it wasn't for boys." Lindsey added.

"If it wasn't for boys and her sister." Susan added.

Lindsey looked down and softly responded, "Okay."

"Penny started to get involved with boys during her second year at rodeo, she was 14 and a half, then after that it became less rodeo and more boys. By the time she was 15-16, rodeo was over, boys and cheerleading were her life and Buttercup was now her riding horse, they were still close but it wasn't the same as before, she treated the horse as a horse and not a pet." Susan then sighed as she remembered those times when Penny went from being her child to a young woman.

Carol knew that horses where an important part of Penny's life but she never realized the special connection she had with that one horse. "So Buttercup is Penny's rodeo horse?"

Susan nodded, "Buttercup was her rodeo horse, her friend and probably the only living thing she lets into her life when she is like the way she is now." Susan then looked directly at Carol, "Thank you."

Carol was confused by her words and her stare, "I don't understand."

"The way Penny is acting now, is exactly the way she use to act before she left for California, this has always been her way of dealing with things, going off alone on Buttercup, being quiet, responding to our ice cream therapy and just figuring out her problems alone, is the way my daughter was before. Her actions are so familiar to me, she is not like that girl that came home at New Years anymore, she is Penny again, and because of that I know exactly where she is."

"The west side hill." Lindsey stated.

Susan nodded, "The west side hill." she then looked at a confused Carol, "We should saddle up and join her, by the time we get there she should be ready to leave." And with that, Susan and Carol saddled up horses, then with Lindsey, started to slowly ride west.

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Leonard had been a little worried about Howard's seeing the cute blonde grad student since he didn't know her relationship with Glenn, the huge professor she came on the ship with, a man who could easily crush Howard with only one of his hands. So it was natural for him to become very concerned when he saw Alex and Howard sitting with Bernadette in the ships mess room, Bernadette sitting very close to Howard, her hand on his arm. However, that concern quickly went away when he saw Glenn on the other side of the mess room chatting up the very pretty and flirty Australian PhD from another experiment team, not seeming the least bit concerned that Howard and Bernadette where sitting together. So with Alex waving him over, as soon as she saw him, being noticed by everyone eating breakfast that morning in the room, he walked over and sat down, in the spot Alex had for him, a steaming coffee sitting there for him with a toasted bagel. Alex knowing he always had some bread product each morning to assist his seasick pills keeping his stomach settled each day, which made him feel guilty again. It reminded him again how very sweet she really was and how she was trying to take care of him, however it also only made him feel worse to know she cared about him while he could still not get over the feelings he still had for Penny.

Leonard really wondered if he would ever be able to move on, Alex was a wonderful person, and he knew if he had never met Penny he would be already trying to be in a relationship with Alex. But that was his problem, he had met Penny, had been intimate with her, it made him have feelings for her that he never had for any human being before, or since. There was something about Penny, some bond that he felt for her in the short time he knew her, that he couldn't seem to put out of his mind, even now after their time together became more distant and it got harder and harder to remember it entirely with each passing day. It was only his work that had been helping to keep him moving along each day and now he knew he would someday be able to return to his unimpressive life, but he also knew that he would always remember his time with Penny. He couldn't help but feel that those few days, they were together, had given him a glimpse of what his life could have been with someone who was specially for him and he thought maybe that he too was specially for her.

"Leonard?" Howard's voice finally broke through Leonard's thoughts.

"Yeah." he replied with confusion, not having an idea what had been discussed before Howard spoke his name.

"I thought we lost you there buddy, you seemed lost in thought." Howard uneasily joked.

"Sorry, I was going over the last data we got in yesterday in my head." Leonard deliberately lied. However that lie seemed to placate everyone at the table.

"Well, I'd like to introduce you to Bernadette. Bernadette this is Leonard, my friend I told you about." Howard said proudly.

Bernadette offered her hand, "Howard has told me so much about you and Alex. Have you both worked for Howard very long?"

Leonard looked at Alex, who gave him a look that told him she didn't have any idea what was going on, before turning back to Bernadette, "We like to think we are a team and everybody works together."

"Oh of course, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend." Bernadette sincerely apologized, while Leonard gave Howard a quick glare.

Howard seemed to wither under Leonard's glare, "Umm….Leonard's right we are all a team so who works for who really doesn't matter."

Alex just smiled, what was happening was actually funny and she had to try hard not to laugh. A silence seem to set in for a couple seconds so Alex decided to maybe try and diffuse the awkwardness a little, which was unusual for a shy girl like her, being around Leonard had made her much more sure of herself she realized. "Bernadette what is your specialty?"

Bernadette was relieved for the question, she could see a little tension between Howard and Leonard and she didn't know why or what to do about it. "I'm a microbiologist graduate student."

"Really, I'm a physics grad student." Alex blurted out.

Bernadette smiled, their common position creating an immediate link between them. "I'm working on my thesis, "Micro-organisms and how they thrive in cold ocean currents", Glenn, I mean Dr. Rogers, is my advisor and he arranged, though his contacts at Cambridge, that I could actually do some real sampling and testing out here in the North Sea. It will really help with my thesis, having actual experimental data to support my findings."

Alex smiled and nodded, "Dr. Hofstadter has made me one of his team for his project, it will allow me to do my thesis on my contribution to the project and the work I did personality on it."

Bernadette gave Howard a little look, and Howard looked back with an expression like he just been caught in a lie, which made Bernadette smile. "I almost went into Physics, it had really been a toss up, I've been interested in Microbiology and Physics my whole life."

"Really, well you are welcome to come and see what we are doing anytime you want." Leonard offered politely.

"I've been meaning to bring her by for a while now, but things have kept us busy." Howard then sweetly smiled at Bernadette, his innuendo obvious in the way he was acting.

Bernadette, however, was not very happy that Howard was so obviously hinting about their love making, which she considered very private, so she turned to Leonard and put on her sweetest smile. "I'd love that Leonard, Physics is such a passion for me, so seeing your experiment would be a real thrill." her voice flowing like honey by the time she finished the sentence.

Leonard already had too much on his mind, with Penny and Alex, to even notice that Bernadette had just flirted with him. "Okay, any time you can spare some time we will be happy to show you around."

Bernadette smiled even wider, "Thank You Leonard." she said while putting her hand on the table and patting his.

Howard, who knew much better than Leonard in registering when a girl was flirting with him, frowned. "Okay, I'm done eating, are you finished Bernadette."

Bernadette just smiled at him, "I think for now, see you later Leonard." then as in like a afterthought she looked and nodded to Alex, "Alex." before she stood up and left with Howard.

Leonard just politely smiled, "Good-day, see you both later." then went back to eating his bagel.

Alex just sat there staring at the very pretty and chesty blonde leaving the room, a immediate thought crossing her mind that maybe after her and Howard got back on deck a wave would sweep Bernadette right off the ship. She did not like how the woman had acted with Leonard just before she left and she knew she was not going to let that big breasted slut be alone with Leonard. After all if she was with Howard, she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of Leonard, she knew she couldn't if she was given the opportunity on this sardine can of a ship. It was with that thought Alex began to daydream, thinking how exciting it would be if Leonard took her into one of the bed rooms, when no one was there, then tore off all her clothes and made love to her right there, it made a smile form on her face.

"Well ready to go to work?" Leonard asked, which broke Alex from her thoughts.

"Umm…Yeah…I mean yes." she stammered

"You okay." he asked with confusion

Alex quickly and vigorously nodded, "I'm fine."

"Okkaaay." he just said before getting up to deposit his empty cup and plate in the dirty dishes and head out.

Alex just followed him, a small smile still on her lips and a warm feeling in her belly from her daydream about them. She was now very determined to keep the big breasted blonde away from Leonard, the blonde had Howard, Leonard was hers. She also remembered how the blonde flirted with Leonard before she left and it made Alex think that maybe she needed to flirt more with him to keep him from having interest with the blonde. So while following Leonard the short route to there work area, Alex undid the top two buttons of her flannel shirt, she didn't have as much cleavage as the blond but what she did have she decided it was time to flaunt.

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It was almost a week before Penny left the farm again, and even then it was Lindsey's begging that she needed help to pick up things at the feed store that finally got her moving. Even then is was an unusually quiet ride for the two sisters, especially since only a just little over a week ago, before her phone call with Gloria, that the both of them would talk like mad every time they were together. So while they picked up everything on their father's list not much was said between them even as they headed to the checkout register to pay and leave.

"Hi Penny, Lindsey, I haven't seen you two for a couple weeks." Johnny greeted them, his friendly personality and pure honest niceness something Penny was drawn to the first time she met him, Johnny still reminding her of Leonard every time they talked.

"Hi." Penny answered, her sister repeating the phrase to him after her.

Penny saying just 'Hi' and nothing else seemed unusual to Johnny because they would usually immediately ask each other about what was going on in their lives when they saw each other. Every time before, Penny would always be interested in how he was doing with his girlfriend, the one she had instrumental in coaching him to obtain. Consequently Johnny was a little at a loss on what to say, but then he remembered she had told him once that if he is having trouble with a conversation just talk about something that is going on locally that they both could discuss. "Did you hear the Rodeo is coming into the county next month."

Lindsey looked at Penny and decided to use Johnny's subject to tease Penny and maybe get her to talk more. "Penny use to compete in Rodeo when she was younger…She was pretty good too."

"Really!" Johnny responded in surprise, "You were in the Rodeo."

Penny looked at Lindsey then Johnny, "It was Junior Rodeo, not the kind that is coming next month."

"Yeah but they had junior events when the big Rodeo came to town and Penny won quite a few of them." Lindsey added.

"Wow, you must be pretty good Penny." Johnny beamed at his friend.

Penny slightly sighed, "That was a long time ago."

"Yeah and she was younger, she probably is too old for the Rodeo now." Lindsey teased her sister.

"What do you mean too old?" Penny now said, taking the bait Lindsey put out there.

Lindsey tried not to smile, "Well you were a teen then, in much better shape, you probably forgot how to do anything now, it has been sooo long."

"It was only a few years ago and anything I have forgotten Buttercup probably remembers." Penny said with a little edge in her voice signaling that she was a little mad.

"Well like you said, that was a long time ago." Lindsey threw her own words back at her making Penny stop to think. "I think we need to check out now." she then said to Johnny, purposely ignoring now the whole conversation about the Rodeo.

Johnny just nodded, then checked them out, "Well you both take care." he told them as they left.

Lindsey now smiled, "Oh we will, see you later Johnny…..and thanks."

"Thank you Johnny." Penny responding her mind still locked on her sister's words from a couple moments ago.

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It was a hour and a half later, since they left the feed store, that Lindsey walked in the back door of the kitchen to get a drink. The whole drive home, and after getting to the farm and unloading the truck, Penny had been quiet, but this was a different quiet, Lindsey could tell she had been a little pissed at her and was thinking the whole time. So Lindsey just left her as Penny walked over to the barn, letting her be alone with her thoughts, while Lindsey checked in with her mother.

"Where is Penny." her mother tried to casually ask, unable to keep a little bit of concern out of her voice.

"She went in the barn, I think to be with the horses." Lindsey responded without concern.

Susan walked over to the window then stopped a confused expression on her face. "What is she doing?"

Lindsey walked over to where her mother stood, looking out the window to see what her mother was referring to about her sister. What she saw was Penny on Buttercup, riding briskly back and forth in the large corral to the side of the barn, making quick turns with the quarter horse both left and right. Lindsey then turned and grabbed the binoculars, they always kept in the kitchen to look down at the fields for wildlife, then took a closer look at the corral with her sister riding her horse hard in it. "It looks like she has set up barrels and is riding Buttercup around them."

"Let me see those." Susan said before snatching the binoculars from Lindsey. "You're right…..why would she be doing that….she hasn't done something like that since she rode in Junior Rodeo."

Lindsey just smiled, "No she hasn't, has she."


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

It had been 10 days since that morning in the ship's mess with Howard, Bernadette and Alex, and it was now the day when their work was over, the only thing left for them being to secure all their equipment because in two more days time they would be back in port in England, their scientific voyage over. The whole trip had been a huge success for Leonard, even though he had not had a chance to break down and analyze the raw data yet, he could still tell just by the raw data that it confirmed the ability of his new detection equipment. He was therefore sort of on an emotional high and he felt like wanted to brag to everyone, who was contacting him now about his project, that it was a big success, except the dedicated responsible scientist in him would never let him do that, he would instead take his raw data back and process it, catalog his results and finally present it all in a paper with concrete data to back up his results. That is what every responsible scientist did, not brag about things before their final data processing was done and their result published, and Leonard if anything was a dedicated scientist, so that is how Leonard planned to handle his work just like the professional he was.

That said, it didn't prevent Leonard from smiling like a Cheshire Cat as he worked to disassemble and secure the most delicate pieces of his equipment. Alex and Howard were helping him, both also with smiles on their faces too because being close to the experiment they also knew it had been a success. Only Leonard's discussion with them the night before, explaining the ethics of claiming to have discovered something new in the scientific community and the need to have the proof to back it up, making them also keep quiet about the success of the project. There was also something else that motivated them, the excitement of the secret they now all shared, knowing they were the only three people that knew about their discovery, that knowledge too making them want to keep the secret to themselves for a little longer. Alex and Howard knew when Leonard said "team" he meant it and that when Leonard's report/paper came out they would be part of it, listed as the team that made the discovery, because that was just the way Leonard was.

"Leonard, I'm going down on the deck and make sure they box up the towed antenna array without banging it up too much." Howard stated as he headed to the door.

Leonard nodded, "Take good care of it, we may need it again later." Howard nodded and gave him a thumbs up before he went through the door.

Leonard then handed Alex a Pelican Case with a very delicate piece of equipment, "Alex can you take this to special padded storage box we made up and give it a good bed to lay in."

Alex nodded and smiled, "I'll make it nice and cozy for its trip home." she then too left the confines of their control room, the one they had used during the whole experiment.

Leonard now looked back into the room, after watching Howard and Alex depart, a sigh coming from him as he looked at a room he had spent over a month in while on the ship, it now over two thirds disassembled and looking more and more like just an empty room. "Already missing it?" The question coming out of nowhere immediately shocking Leonard out of his melancholy, making him turn quickly to see a smiling Bernadette behind him.

Another sigh came from him, then a smile formed on his lips, "Yeah I guess I'm going to miss it a little."

Bernadette's smile got bigger, "I guess I would hate to leave it all too if I had a big scientific success too."

Leonard's smile immediately turned to a frown, "How much did Howard tell you?"

Bernadette's smile never faltered, "Enough to make me know that you all are going home with a broomstick on the periscope."

Leonard was immediately confused, "Broomstick on the periscope?"

Bernadette giggled, "My dad is a WWII history buff, it means a clean sweep, a very successful mission."

That little information actually made Leonard relax, "Bernadette please promise not tell anyone until we publish."

Bernadette smiled even harder, a little giggle coming from her as she drew her hand across her mouth and told Leonard, "My lips are sealed."

Leonard was now smiling again, he knew her now well enough that he trusted and believed her. "Thanks."

Bernadette's smile now diminished a little, "Leonard I really came up here to apologize for how Howard acted last week."

Leonard's mind now quickly recalled the week before, when Bernadette came by to see their experiment, and was extremely interested, even excited, to learn what they were doing. She reminded him of a science groupie, it something like that actually existed, however the questions she asked were very intelligent and Leonard was immediately impressed by her mind. "Really it is no big deal, I've know Howard for years so believe me I was not upset in the least."

"But he did everything he could to get between us and make light of some of the stuff you were doing." Bernadette pressed.

Leonard liked Bernadette and he though she was just perfect for Howard, because even now he could see the change in Howard ever since she came into his life, he was less creepy and seemed almost normal. So he said the next thing to her because he wanted her to know why Howard acted the way he did, "Bernadette, Howard acted like that because he really likes you and he was afraid he was going to lose you."

Bernadette stared at him for several seconds, "Really…I guess I know that but he was really scared he lose me?"

Leonard nodded, "He has never met someone like you before, beautiful and smart who likes him for who he is, he doesn't know exactly what to do and he doesn't want to lose you."

Bernadette got a far off look for a couple seconds before she looked back at Leonard, "Please don't tell him I said this, but I like him a lot too. He is smart and cute and not like any other guy I've met before. He is also innocent in a way." Bernadette giggled a little at the last part as she said that.

"Okay but promise me you won't tell him I told you how much he likes you, otherwise I'm in for a lecture on how being a "Wing Man" works." Leonard responded to her back.

Bernadette smiled and nodded, then put out her hand to shake, "Deal."

Leonard smiled back and shook her hand, "Deal."

Bernadette then shrugged, "I guess Howard really didn't act any worse than your girlfriend did last week either."

Leonard stiffened, "What do you mean?" was the only thing that came from Leonard's mouth, he was so stunned by Bernadette's remark.

"Come on, you tell me you couldn't tell how Alex was keeping tabs on us and was making sure we weren't left alone together." Bernadette then formed a little evil smile on her lips, "It is sort of flattering to be though of as the other woman by the girlfriend." a small giggle coming from her as she said it.

"Alex is not my girlfriend." The force he said it even surprised Leonard himself.

Bernadette stopped smiling and just blinked in response to his words, immediately realizing she hit some kind of nerve. They stood there looking at each other for several seconds before Bernadette broke the silence, "I'm sorry Leonard, it is just the way she looks at you and the way she acted….."

Leonard felt like he had been caught in some kind of vast deception and it suddenly made him feel tired and remorseful. "I know…I know."

Bernadette looked at him quizzical, "You know she likes you, don't you? She likes you a lot."

Leonard hung his head and nodded, "Yeah, I guess I know."

"Do you like her the same way?" Bernadette asked, not being able to help herself from getting into the middle of Leonard's personal life, he looked so lost right now she felt sorry for him.

"I can't." his only response back to her.

"What does that mean? Is there someone else?" Bernadette was confused by his 'I can't' remark.

Leonard just nodded then repeated, "I can't. be her boyfriend."

"Do you have a girlfriend back home…..or a wife?" Bernadette now asked with a little steel in her voice, she didn't like cheaters.

Leonard shook his head, "No girlfriend and no wife."

Bernadette now softened, he wasn't a cheater, but something definitely happened and she could see he was still in pain over it. "It was a girl though?"

Leonard nodded, "She is gone now."

Now Bernadette sort of understood, he was in love and he lost that love, he had not recovered yet from the other woman. "I'm sorry Leonard, but sometime you are going to have to move on, you know that, don't you."

Leonard nodded, "I know, but I'm not ready yet."

Bernadette nodded, "I guess I understand, but Leonard you are going have to tell Alex. I've seen how she looks at you, she wants to be with you so the longer you wait the more it is going to hurt her."

Leonard just nodded.

"Tell her what?" Alex then said from the doorway, making Bernadette look at her in surprise and Leonard stare at Alex in shock.

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Penny had come a long way since she returned home after the New Year, she had mostly returned to the young woman she had been before she left, however there were still some parts of her life that were still controlled by the events she experienced in California. Carol knew she still had a strong distrust of men and Penny didn't want to do the normal things that woman of her age did for entertainment, which Carol saw as part of the reason she seemed to want to just stay at the farm. So Carol was extremely happy at first to hear that Penny was training to be in the Rodeo when it came to town. However, even though Penny had seem engrossed for almost two weeks training with Buttercup, Carol still did have some questions for her that Saturday morning during their ride.

"Don't you have to be a professional with a license or something to be in a Rodeo like the one coming next month?" A Rodeo was something Carol had no idea about, but she was wondering if all Penny's training was for nothing.

Penny nodded, "Yeah to be a professional you need credentials, otherwise any guy with a pickup truck around here would think they were a cowboy and would want to ride a bull."

"So how are you going to be in the Rodeo?" Carol now asked confused, now thinking maybe her previous happiness, with Penny taking the initiative and doing something on her own, may have been premature.

"They have front people that come a week earlier and have tryouts. The people that make it through that are then allowed to compete in an amateur part of the Rodeo, first, second and third getting a trophy and a little money." Penny explained.

"How do you know all that?" Carol asked

"When I was in junior rodeo we all learned how it works. You have to start somewhere when you want to be a professional, so the amateur thing allows some people to get into the professional side of it." she further explained.

Carol thought about all Penny had told her for the next few minutes as they slowly rode their horses down one of the trails on the farm. It was during the quiet time that something came to Carol's mind and it made her wonder suddenly if Penny's motivation was based on something else. "Penny you can get hurt in the Rodeo, can't you?"

Penny was quiet for a few moments before she turned to Carol. "Yes you can get hurt."

Penny's response immediately made Carol wonder if this was some sort of suicide thinking by Penny, it was every therapist's nightmare to have their patient go down the road to suicide. Carol now worried that since this Rodeo thing started after her phone call to Gloria that maybe Penny had decided there was nothing left to live for. However Carol had to be careful and not accuse Penny of anything, it would only make things worse if she was contemplating suicide or even if she was not.

"Why would you want to do something you could get hurt doing?" Carol asked trying to get some insight into Penny's real thoughts.

Penny turned her head and just looked down the trail, "It is something I was good at once, maybe I still am good at it."

"Penny there are other things you are good at, you don't need to hurt yourself to prove anything." Carol tried to reason with her.

Penny's head now shot around to stare at Carol, "What would those things be, being a porn actress maybe, was I good at that, maybe I should go back and do that. I wouldn't be hurt physically, but…but….." Penny stopped her horse and started to cry.

Carol stopped her horse and stared at her patient, trying to resist the urge to get close to her and hug her while telling her everything would be okay. She was wondering if she was getting too close to Penny and her family, because it was becoming harder and harder to look at Penny objectively, she now took helping Penny as one of the most important tasks in her life. It was for that reason Carol knew she needed to get her shit together, she needed to act like a doctor and not her mother.

"Penny, I didn't say anything about you being a porn actress. Didn't we say a while ago that it was in your past and was not part of your future anymore?"

Penny's crying stopped and through her remaining sniffles she responded, "Yes."

"If I misspoke I'm sorry, I know there are plenty of careers you can get hurt in, but that should be up to you if the risk is worth taking." Carol now told her, getting Penny now to look up at her.

"So, it is okay?" there was a sense of pleading in the way Penny said that to Carol which again made Carol feel she like she wasn't helping her patient. If Penny was to get all her confidence back she shouldn't be asking Carol's permission.

"Penny it is not my decision if it is okay or not, I am just here to help you decide by the giving you the options and the possible consequences of your choices, but even then the choice is yours and only yours." Carol explained.

Penny nodded, "I want to do this." Penny then laid down on Buttercups back wrapping her arms around the animals neck in a hug. "I want to do this, her and me together."

Carol just looked at her hugging the horse, the horse seeming to know what was happening, it being very calm and seeming to enjoy being cuddled by Penny. Carol now thought about Penny's words, she wanted to compete in Rodeo with Buttercup, she loved that horse and would never hurt it, so now the thoughts of Penny being suicidal seemed less probable to Carol. It was a few minutes later they started riding again, Carol now asking Penny more about the Rodeo, it was still amazing to her that after all her schooling and becoming a doctor, Penny and family could make her feel stupid by their knowledge of everyday things that she never knew about.

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Bernadette and Leonard just stared at Alex, neither knowing how to answer her question and maybe they would have stood there in silence for a lot longer if it wasn't for the next interruption. "Hey guys." Howard said as he walked in the door, then seeing everyone's expression he asked, "Is something wrong?"

Bernadette saw her escape immediately, "Howie, I was looking for you, I have something downstairs I need help with." She then practically ran to him and dragged him out the door with her, trying to get as far away as she could to what was probably going to happen next.

No sooner that Howard and Bernadette where out of sight, Alex and Leonard turned to look at each other, again a silence falling over them as they just stared at each other. Alex was very confused, first by hearing Bernadette saying Leonard needed to talk to her and then the so obvious exit of the same Bernadette like she was a rat escaping a sinking ship. Leonard on the other hand felt like he had been thrown out into the sea without even a life jacket to keep him from sinking.

But through it all Leonard knew this was his fault and that it was only him that could correct it, so he let out a small sight then spoke, "Alex we need to talk."

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Bernadette pulled Howard down to the next deck, into the area where her and Glen had been doing their experiment, and then into their room where they controlled it. It was completely empty except for a table and a couple chairs, Bernadette and Glenn having finished packing up everything they had just before Bernadette went to find Leonard and apologize, them having a lot less equipment that Leonard's team. In that short time, running away from the difficult situation that was between Leonard and Alex, Bernadette had started putting Leonard's situation in the back of her mind while what Leonard said about Howard took front and center in it. It was Leonard telling her that Howard was serious about her and this was not a shipboard fling that stuck in Bernadette's mind and it made her think back to all his actions since they found each other on the ship.

Making out with Howie first came to Bernadette's mind, she knew her chest attracted a lot of attention with guys, some really hunky guys asking her out, only for her to find out later, to just see if the girls were real, which they were. It also meant that every time she made out with guys, her chest was felt up, many times not gently, and many times her having to push them away and shout 'NO' when they wanted to feel them bare in their hands. Howard had been different, making out with him was…exciting and he didn't grope her, if anything he was very gentle with her, never pushing her, he actually seemed very happy to just kiss her. It made sense to her now, if he was really thinking about her long term, he was willing to take his time with her because he really wanted her. It made Bernadette's heart skip a beat when she really thought about it, Howie wanted her.

Bernadette closed the door to the room as soon as she pulled Howard in, looking at his confused eyes as they now were alone together, he looked so cute it made her just want to run into his arms. "I think we will be okay here until it is over."

"What is over, what is happening?" Howard was so confused.

"Leonard has to break up with Alex." Bernadette just blurted out.

"I knew it." Howard exclaimed, "He said there was nothing between them but no girl acts like that without there being something there."

Bernadette shook his head, "He was telling you the truth, he is not her boyfriend but they sort of have a weird relationship and he needs to break it up now."

Howard's expression suddenly changed and in a very quiet voice he asked, "Why now?"

Bernadette knew exactly what was going through his mind and she both loved him for it and wanted to smack him for thinking it. However, maybe it was a little her fault too, maybe her actions were not giving him the positive reinforcement he needed to be sure of himself with her. Well she thought, maybe it was time to ramp things up, after her talk with Leonard she was feeling more loving to him now anyway, so now was a good as time as any.

So in her sexiest voice, "Well because maybe now is a good time to let people know where they stand." Bernadette took a step towards Howard while at the same time unbuttoning her shirt, her watching his eyes go from her chest to her eyes with a huge question in them.

"Bernie?" being the only thing that escaped his mouth before she got to him.

She locked lips with him a moment later, her one hand going to the back of his head to run her fingers through his hair, while the other went to her back to unclasp her bra, her breasts now almost spilling out of her unbutton shirt. However she was not done, she now put her hand on one of his, bringing it up and into her shirt to rest on her exposed breast, the feeling of it making her whole body seem to be enveloped in electrical energy. She then brought her free hand to join her other around Howard's neck, her tongue now demanding entry which she got almost immediately. It was a moment later that Howard's finger started to circle her nipple and Bernadette felt her whole body shudder with pleasure, and it was only a moment later, after that, that Bernadette told herself that her original plan to let Howard go to second base may turn into a multiple base game after all.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: I'm sorry it has taken so long to update, but the last month has been very busy for me, with two week long business trips out of town making things worse.**

 **Chapter 54**

Alex felt her stomach clench, Leonard's words, though not revealing what they needed to talk about, still represented gloom and doom to her. This fear lead to the only word she could get out of her mouth, "Okay."

Leonard brought her into their little experiment control room and motioned for her to sit down, Alex doing it reluctantly, the feeling that she wanted to run now building in her with every second nothing was said. Leonard brought a chair to sit directly in front of her, their knees almost touching, him fighting a strong desire to reach out and hold her hands. He now prayed everyone was completely wrong and Alex had no desire for him and this would be just a big embarrassment for him instead of him hurting her.

"Alex we will be in port in less that two days, have you made any plans after we get back?" he asked trying hard to find a way to ease gently into what he had to say instead of just putting it out there. However even he knew what he was saying was lame by the look on Alex's face after he asked her that.

"I guess not." Alex replied with confusion an fear, "We were going to go over the data….weren't we?" she desperately asked looking for reassurance.

"Yes, that is what I would like to do." Leonard then just stared at her, her expression tore at his heart and it made him now be at a loss for words, which was bad enough, but he was also getting a little panicky because he didn't know what exactly to do.

"I will be working with you and Howard still…right?" she had a very noticeable hint of worry in her voice.

"Yes of course." Leonard quickly replied. "Well I was just wondering." Leonard then quickly looked around, he felt like he was really screwing up his conversation with her very badly and he just wanted to leave this awkward situation, "Can you box a few more things by yourself, I have to check on something on the lower deck."

Alex nodded, still confused, "I can do that."

"Thanks." Leonard then made a beeline out of room, going down the stairs as soon as he was outside, to the main deck then he went back inside the ship again, down another set of stairs, to the berthing area and the room he was sharing. His heart now started to finally calm down, from it speeding up over his attempted conversation with Alex, so as soon as he sat on his bed he finally was able to relax. However now that his nervousness seemed to be in control, feelings of inadequacy started to consume him, he felt stupid and pathetic because he couldn't even talk to his grad student about what was going on between them, like many other experiences with girls, he didn't know exactly what to say.

Leonard sighed and laid down on his back in his bunk trying to think about what he should say to Alex, he had a lot to think about and wasn't really sure where to start. He knew he sort of panicked around Alex a few minutes ago but to his defense he wasn't really ready to address anything with her and she also caught him by surprise, he told himself. He figured he needed to make sure that he told her that anything between them was tainted by his feelings for Penny and not because of anything Alex had done or not done. The bottom line was that Leonard didn't want to do anything to hurt Alex, she was his friend and he did like her, it was just he still wasn't over Penny.

However his thinking about Penny also made him sort of feel stupid, it had been many months since he had seen Penny and he had not heard anything from her or about her since she left. It really made him wonder about what happened to her, he didn't even know if she was doing okay or not, and if she was doing okay he thought wouldn't it be okay to contact her. So with that thought, Leonard decided he needed to contact Penny, it had been long enough he reasoned, and it was time for him to find out if she still interested in him or was really out of his life for good or not, even though he was terrified on what the answer to that question would be.

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Alex slowly worked at the task Leonard left her with, wrapping the remaining equipment up in bubble wrap and then placing it into the hard side cases which would allow it to survive the riggers of shipment back to Cal Tech. She was working on automatic because her mind was still centered on what had happened just a short time ago with her and Leonard, the only way she could describe it to herself was weird. That was what was troubling her, 'weird' was not a term she ever associated with Leonard, cute, smart, kind, exciting, handsome and other terms like that she always applied to him, so 'weird' felt especially like an alien way to describe Leonard to herself. This disturbed her, because she rationalized that if suddenly he was 'weird' then it had to be over something about her and that realization scared her.

Thinking that Leonard's actions where because of her, Alex immediately asked herself if Leonard could be mad at her, however remembering back to the weird way he was acting, he didn't really seem mad. This made things worse she reasoned, because the only other thing she could think about was Bernadette had been talking to him before she came in and it was Bernadette who told Leonard he needed to talk to her. What if that talk was about Leonard and Bernadette wanting to be together and Leonard wanted to make sure she knew that, maybe Bernadette taking Howard away was to have a similar talk with him. Alex couldn't help the tears that dripped down her cheeks, she cared for Leonard so much, so very much, and the thought of Bernadette taking him from her ripped at her very soul.

Alex didn't know what to do, so she just went back to finishing the work Leonard left her, while trying to stop the silent sobs that seemed to force themselves out of her. However the thoughts of Bernadette kissing Leonard invaded her mind and only made things worse because once her mind went there she couldn't help herself from thinking the worse, that Bernadette had made love to Leonard. Bernadette was so pretty and Alex had seen many men on the ship checking her out, so imagining her sleeping with Leonard was easy for Alex, it also made her jealous because that night she took care of a very drunk Leonard and slept the night with him, he never even tried to touch her.

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Gloria had just gotten comfortable again against Steven, she now had a visible baby bump that showed under he pajama top that seemed to be irresistible to her husband who would touch and gently rub it whenever she was close. The problem for Gloria was that she loved it when he did that and it made her want to be even closer to him like she was now, tucked in tight to him on the couch, practically laying on him as he stroked her belly as they watch Television. There was nothing in the world that could move her now, she was comfortable and content, she knew she was experiencing a form of nesting, but she didn't care, it felt good, so she just accepted this new experience of being pregnant.

Gloria had just gone through about 15 minutes of comfortable bliss when her phone started to ring and unfortunately it laid on the table right next to Steven, who could pick it up without moving her from her comfortable position. Regrettably he did pick it up, looking at the screen, then turning to his wife, "It is for you."

Gloria who did not want to be disturbed or moved from her comfortable position responded quickly, "I'm not here."

Steven gave her a little smile, "Not even for Leonard."

Hearing his name immediately seemed to shoot adrenaline into Gloria, as she sat up and grabbed the phone from Steven. She had not talked to Leonard for a very long time, only sharing a few emails with him while he was away at sea, so she had been concerned about him and there was no way she was not going to talk to him now. Immediately hitting accept on the phone as soon as it was in her hand.

Steven snickered, then got up, taking away her nice warm husband pillow, but before leaving he looked at her and quietly said, "I'm getting ready for bed, so I'll be there when you are done." he then kissed her forehead, turned down the TV and left the room.

Gloria nodded and watched him leave before then turning her attention to the phone "Leonard, Hi, How are things going." she greeted her friend, happy to hear his voice after so long, her worry about him ever since he left now at least being placated a little by talking to him.

"Okay, mostly, I guess." Leonard was already feeling nervous and wondering if calling Gloria was a good idea.

"Is something wrong, Leonard?" his response making Gloria suddenly a little concerned.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm just calling because I wanted to ask you some questions." Leonard decided he had made the call so he would ask his questions, it actually calmed him as soon as he committed himself.

"What questions, Leonard?" Gloria was feeling a little nervous now.

"Gloria, have you been in touch with you friend who was treating Penny? I was wondering how she was doing." he felt good now that he had asked her and was thinking that the call had been a good idea.

"Well you know Leonard I can't discuss the condition of a patient." Gloria was stalling, she was not prepared for his questioning and she had to get herself prepared, she needed time to think.

"I don't want a medical evaluation, I was just wondering is she doing better, is she okay." Leonard told her.

Gloria could answer that, it was just a general question, nothing specific. "Yes, she is doing much better than since you last saw her and she is okay."

Leonard sighed to himself, Penny doing better is what he hoped for, so the next question to Gloria left his mouth much easier, "Gloria, I want to call her and talk to her, do you think that would be okay now?"

Gloria swallowed, it felt like her mouth had went completely dry after hearing his question, it also made her barely able to answer him. "No, Leonard you can't call her."

Gloria's words stunned Leonard, "But you said she was doing better and was okay, so wouldn't now be a good time to call her?"

Gloria now thought back to her conversation with Penny and then later with Carol about Penny. Penny didn't want to contact Leonard anymore and she wanted to keep all information about her attempt to contact him secret, she was very clear about that. Gloria couldn't tell Leonard Penny tried to contact him but she did have to tell him she didn't want to contact him, even if she so badly didn't want to hurt him by those words. So trying to think of something that wouldn't hurt him so bad she just repeated her previous remark, "Leonard you can't call her."

Gloria repeating herself confused Leonard and also made him a little mad, it was obvious she was hiding something and he wanted, no needed to know what she was hiding about Penny. "Gloria, what are trying to hide, tell me what is going on with Penny!"

Gloria could hear the anger in his voice, she had know Leonard for a while and had seldom seen him angry, so the change of tone in his voice was very obvious. This whole conversation was going badly so Gloria just decided to tell him the truth, exactly what Penny wanted. "Leonard, Penny doesn't want to contact you." she told him as calmly as she could, even though she was feeling anything but calm right now.

Leonard went silent, it felt like he had been punched it the chest and he actually had to purposely regulate his breathing or he knew he would be needing his inhaler. His mind was racing and in a brief desperate attempt at hope he though maybe her heard Gloria wrong. "She doesn't want to contact me?"

Gloria just nodded, then slowly realized he couldn't see her, "Yes Leonard, she said she didn't want to contact you."

Leonard almost dropped his phone, he suddenly felt very weak, and a little light headed, so he leaned against the wall that surrounded his bunk on three sides. It seemed his mind didn't even work anymore, a terrible sense of loss seemed to engulf his body, making it so he couldn't even speak as he sat there leaning against the wall barely holding his phone to his ear. He probably would have just stayed there for hours if not for Gloria trying to get through to him.

"Leonard…Leonard….LEONARD!" Gloria finally shouted, she was now extremely worried about him.

"Yes." Leonard barely got out, his mind almost unable to interface with the outside world right now.

"Leonard talk to me." Gloria begged

However, Leonard barely heard her, much less understanding what she said, his mind still not able to grasp anything except the thoughts of Penny not wanting to contact him. He kept trying to understand what he did wrong that she wouldn't want to talk to him and he asked himself if everything that had happened between Christmas and New Years had really been a dream. Again it was Gloria who pulled his mind from receding back into itself, it wasn't her words that got through to him but her crying that pulled him back.

"Please Leonard, Please talk to me." Gloria got out while she cried, she was hormonal from being pregnant, so hurting her good friend broke her heart, making it impossible for her not to cry.

Leonard's sense of empathy to people, especially people close to him, now took control of him, making his own grief take second place over his friend's crying. So in a quiet voice from still being confused and hurt from his own grief he responded to Gloria. "Gloria don't cry….I'm sorry."

Even though Leonard responded Gloria still couldn't keep the tears from falling, "Honey you have nothing to be sorry about, I'm sorry so very sorry."

Leonard went quiet again, however this time he couldn't draw into himself because he could still hear Gloria sniffling on the phone, it making him concerned for her as he remembered she was pregnant. He didn't want to anything to harm her, she was his friend, and making her cry did not seem right to him. "Gloria, I'm okay, you don't have to worry. I guess it just surprised me that's all." He didn't really feel okay, he still felt a extreme loss, but now being concerned for Gloria made it less intense that a few moments before.

"Leonard I'm so sorry I had to tell you that, I never wanted to hurt you, I'm so very sorry." Gloria told him, trying hard not to start crying again, even though it was all she wanted to do.

"Gloria, you have nothing to be sorry about and I'm really glad it is you that told me." He was telling her the truth, he was happy it was Gloria that was the one to tell him. He was realizing it was something he needed to know, he started to rationalize to himself that he had not been very realistic since Penny left, he knew deep down inside he was not the kind of person she would ever be with. The problem had been that just that week with her had showed him something he had never experienced before with any woman and he wanted that again, with her. "I needed to really hear what you told me, I have been on hold with my life for a while and now I need to move on."

"Are you sure Leonard? Are you sure you are going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I just need some time." Leonard knew it would be hard, but it was not the first time he had felt crippling disappointment, but to be honest this was probably the worst out of the top ten.

"Leonard you know I am always here for you."

"I know and thank you Gloria." Leonard then remembered it was six hours later where Gloria was and that it was probably her bed time. "Well I have to continue to pack up our equipment, we get back into port tomorrow evening, so I better get back to work."

"Leonard are you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay, besides work is good for me, you know that." he said with a strained chuckle at the end.

"Leonard please promise me you will take care of yourself and be careful."

"I will, I promise." he knew he really needed to hang up, he just wanted to lay down in his bunk for a while and think.

"Okay, call me anytime day or night if you want to talk." Gloria was actually a little afraid to hang up on him, because as long as they talked she knew he was safe.

"Thanks Gloria, you take care of yourself too….and take care of that little one. Good-bye."

Gloria made a silent sigh, "Good-bye Leonard." she then immediately heard the connection end. She just sat there for a couple minutes holding the phone and feeling helpless.

Steven, a few minutes later, watched as his wife hurried into the bedroom and got in bed with him, immediately wrapping herself around him before she began to sob. He immediately became worried, even though he could see she was physically okay, "Honey what is wrong."

Gloria, between her sobs only said one short sentence, "I just broke Leonard's heart."


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: I actually have a very good excuse for taking so long to update, I had to get a new computer. I've been working on an old computer that has met my needs for years, but it suddenly started having serious problems booting up, so the time came for me to purchase a new one. After much shopping and getting a good sale price, I set my new computer up only to find out they don't come with word processors anymore in their software bundles, so again I had to go off shopping. I finally found a word processor bundle that I could buy instead of rent, on sale of course, and installed it only to find out I had another problem, the software I had written my story on was so old that the new word processor couldn't convert it. It took me a little while to find some conversion software off the internet but finally I'm back in the writing business again. Hopefully you won't have to wait for updates this long again.**

 **Chapter 55**

Alex didn't see Leonard the rest of the afternoon, again the word "Weird" coming to her mind when she thought about everything that had happened that day. She almost went down to his room, when she had packed up the last of the equipment and found she had nothing else to do, but her deep seated fear of rejection by Leonard prevented her from going out to seek him. She still couldn't get it out of her mind that somehow that pretty, petite and stacked blonde, Bernadette, had seduced Leonard, so she told herself, the longer she just did what she was told the longer she could be with him before Bernadette told him to let her go. It was with those thoughts that she finally went back to her room to find her two roommates chatting away while looking at clothes to wear for the 'Last Night on Ship' party everyone was having that night.

"Hey Alex." Judy greeted her, Judy was actually a PhD from MIT, she was extremely smart and extremely single as she had pointed out several times during their cruise.

"Alex what kind of revealing clothes did you bring with you?" Veronica quickly asked, she was a grad student like Alex, but Alex knew she was not as smart academically as her, though probably 10 times smarter that her when it came to men.

"I didn't bring any revealing clothes." Alex admitted, now thinking back at her Leonard and Bernadette problem and how maybe if she had brought revealing or sexy clothes she would be the one with Leonard.

"I told you." Judy stated to Veronica making Alex think they had discussed the particular subject before she arrived.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you get laid." Veronica replied.

"I can get laid, it is just who I want to do the laying that is in question." Judy defended herself.

Alex just stood in the middle of the room watching her roommates, look through clothes as they talked, just listening while still trying to process what happened earlier with Leonard. It was Judy, of course, who noticed her being so quiet and so it was her that directed the obvious question to her, "Alex are you all right?"

Alex just stared at her like a doe caught in the headlights of a car, "I don't know." coming out of her mouth without even the thought of saying it coming to her mind.

Judy stopped what she was doing and took a step towards Alex so she could rest her hand on Alex's shoulder, "Are you having problems with Dr. Hofstadter?"

Judy asking her exactly what was wrong, shocked Alex to her core and she looked at Judy in complete surprise, not knowing what to say, "Umm…." being all that came from her mouth.

"Did that asshole, decide to dump you from his team after he realized how successful his work was? I've heard of these 'Brilliant Mind' types wanting to have all the glory for themselves many times before." Veronica blurted out.

"No…. No, nothing like that." Alex quickly defended Leonard.

Veronica just looked at Alex for a minute before a big smile crossed her face, "Holy shit, are you and Hofstadter doing it?"

Judy now grabbed Alex's shoulder and turned her so she was looking at her, "Are you and Dr. Hofstadter fooling around?"

Alex just looked down at her feet before softly responding, "No."

"Then why are you acting like you just lost your boyfriend." Veronica now responded.

Judy looked at Veronica and Alex, they were both in their early 20's while she was now 30, it even still amazed her how much she had learned since she was their age. Like now, Alex was upset about something concerning Dr. Hofstadter, but Judy knew she would never discuss it in front of the Veronica, who was the biggest party girl on the ship. "Hey Veronica, I think Emily has some of the kind of clothes you were looking for."

The sudden change of subject caught Veronica off guard, "Huh...?" coming out of her mouth as she looked directly at Judy in confusion.

"I said, Emily probably has some of the clothes you were looking for, you know slutty, revealing, the kind of clothes that scream out 'Fuck Me'." Judy stated, hoping Veronica took the hint.

However, Veronica didn't get the hint at all, the thing that motivated her to leave the room was actually that she wanted the clothes because tonight at the final night party that was planned, "Fuck Me" was exactly the message she wanted to convey to all the guys there. So, Veronica headed to the door, only turning for a minute, "Maybe the conversation in Emily's room won't be so "Weird" like it is here." She then disappeared, closing the door behind her.

Judy sighed then turned back to Alex, "Why don't we sit down and talk." getting a positive nod from the grad student.

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It was a half hour later when Veronica came back to the room, happy in that she had some better clothes to wear to the party that night and ready to rub that into Judy's face. However, their room was empty and all the clothes were still on Veronica's bed, so not only couldn't she gloat on her find she would have to clean up her mess, "Crap."

Judy sat across the table from Alex, drinking coffee with their chocolate brownie's, watching the younger woman and trying to phase in her mind her next words to her. "You know Alex, Dr. Hofstadter may not even know you like him as more than a friend." After getting a condensed version of Alex's time with and feelings about Dr. Hofstadter, Judy was convinced this young woman had a huge crush on the man.

Alex nodded, "I…. I don't know what to do." Talking to Judy was like a pressure release for her emotions and she would be crying right now it they weren't in such a public place on the ship, the mess hall.

"You need to talk to him Alex, tell him how you are feeling."

"But…. but what if he doesn't want me?" Alex was now almost crying.

"Alex, you're smart, think about it. If you never talk to him about this it will be like he has rejected you because you'll never have the relationship with him you desire. If you discuss this with him, you have a chance he will want the same thing, so there is a probability something will happen where if you do nothing it is almost a certainty that nothing will ever happen." Judy explained.

"I don't know." Alex's fear of rejection still dominated her mind.

Judy just nodded, "Alex just think about it. Tonight, there is our cruise completion party, both of you can have a couple drinks to relax and then discuss this, it will be sort of an idea situation." Judy knew it wasn't exactly ideal but she was being honest about the drinks, Alex needed something to calm her down.

"I don't know." Alex repeated.

"Just think about it." Judy told her again, finally getting a small nod from Alex. Judy knew this was the best she was going to get, so just started to eat her brownie, watching Alex as she seemed to relax a little and ate hers.

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Alex just watched everyone at the party, half her mind content to do that while the other half looked for Leonard every time someone came into the room. It was one of those times when she saw Howard and Bernadette enter, and it was then the other part of her mind began to watch them, everyone else in the room being unimportant to her. However, watching Howard and Bernadette confused Alex, because the longer she watched them the more obvious they were having a good time with each other. Alex now wondered if she had made a big mistake that afternoon in assuming that Bernadette had taken Leonard from her, because the Bernadette she was now watching, was smiling and giggling with Howard and kept giving him little kisses every so often.

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Leonard woke up about 2000 (8 PM) ships time, he hadn't even known he fell asleep, the last thing he remembered was him wallowing in pity about how everything good in his life seemed to be always taken from him forever. However, the noise outside his room was even too loud for him to sleep through, there was laughter, loud talking and noise from people who seemed to be bouncing off the walls as they walked down the berthing corridor. It was the opening of the door to his room though that finally made him fully awake and the words the people opening the door said without being quiet at all.

"Oh Damm, Leonard's in there." he heard one of his roommates say.

"Well I'm not doing it with him there." he then heard his roommates female companion state.

"How about your room?" Leonard now heard his roommate try to negotiate with his companion.

"Maybe, let's check." the female answered, a giggle in her voice that reminded Leonard of a Grad Student named Veronica who was on the ship with them all.

So, Leonard just laid there and listened to the commotion as his roommate and his girl moved away down the corridor, they were obviously drunk and he actually felt jealous of them. He wished he was drunk and oblivious to the world around him right now, instead of having to face the continued feeling of emptiness he now felt since he woke up. It was then that Leonard remembered, they were having a last night onboard party on the ship that night and there was going to be a lot of alcohol there for everyone. He was never much of drinker but he decided it was the place he needed to be, the thought of having a few beers and consequence of doing that actually sounded very appealing to him.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Alex spotted him as soon as he walked in the door to the room, her heart immediately starting to beat faster as she watched him walk directly to the makeshift bar and grab a beer from the huge bucket they were in. She also watched as he seemed to down over half of it before he took a breath and she watched as he seemed to visibly sigh before he put the bottle back to his lips and finish its contents. Alex had never seen Leonard down a beer like that before, even that night they went out with Howard, Leonard never drank that fast, so when he immediately picked up another beer and started to drink it, Alex knew something was wrong.

Alex made a quick scan of the room, seeing Bernadette and Howard in the corner, Bernadette in Howard's lap, both with huge smiles on their faces as they continued to be very handsy with each other. However what Alex was looking for didn't happen, Bernadette didn't even notice Leonard come into the room and didn't seem interested in anything except Howard. So, Alex wasted no more time with the well stacked blonde, as she turned back to look at Leonard who was still near the beer bucket finishing off his second beer.

The beer was very cold which Leonard appreciated since it made it easier for him to drink as he took the last drink from the bottle he just finished. Again, he sighed, he did feel like the beer was starting to have an effect but he still felt bad about this afternoon so without a second thought he grabbed another beer and unscrewed the top. He was about to lift it to his lips when he noticed her in front of him and it made him feel immediately bad at her seeing him acting like he was, so he lowered his beer and tried to force a small smile to his lips, "Hi Alex."

Leonard was taller than her but not by much, so being separated by a couple of feet from him allowed her to look directly into his eyes without having to look up, it was one of the reasons she attracted to him, he was small and cute. "I finished packing up everything after you left." she lamely told him, not really knowing what to say.

Leonard nodded, now feeling worse that he left her there alone to finish the work, "I'm really sorry Alex that I left you to do all that, it is just…." he caught himself before he told her why, telling anyone now seemed stupid. "Things just got complicated." he shrugged, now needing his beer with that memory so taking a sip.

Alex's mind locked on the word 'complicated', immediately thinking that it involved her and Bernadette coming back to her mind again. "It is okay, there wasn't much more to do." she again lamely answered.

Alex seemed to be ashamed or something since she suddenly looked like a beaten puppy to Leonard and he quickly remembered how he ran off earlier in the day from her. He felt he did need to tell her something, but now what he planned to tell her earlier seemed so pathetic to him, that he was in love with a girl he knew for just over a week and didn't want anything to do with him now. Leonard took another mouthful of his beer wishing he was drunk already so he didn't feel so bad about Penny and now Alex. He didn't really understand that the beer was already clouding his mind, he just wanted to correct the unhappiness he now saw in Alex. "Alex this whole thing is my problem, it has nothing to do with you."

Leonard's words surprised Alex and she couldn't help the next thing that came from her mouth, "Does in involve Bernadette?" It took her a second to realize what she asked and when she did she wanted to run away in embarrassment when she saw the look on Leonard's face.

Leonard was surprised at the mention of Bernadette, then he saw the scared expression on Alex's face which made him feel sorry for her again. "No nothing to do with Bernadette." he told her.

Leonard then smiled at Alex, "Although I would like to thank her for making Howard so happy, I've never seen him like this before, since he has met her on this ship."

Alex let out the air she didn't even realize she was holding since she mention to him about Bernadette. "Howard and Bernadette." Alex mumbled.

Leonard nodded, "Surely you've noticed. Have they shown up here tonight?"

Alex nodded and pointed off towards the corner of the room.

Leonard stood on his toes, to see over the people in the room, finally noticing the two people he was looking for kissing very seriously in the corner of the room. He chuckled, the beer having more and more of an effect on him now, "Surely you can't ignore that." then without even thinking Leonard put his hand on Alex's shoulder to turn her towards his friend and girlfriend so she could see.

Alex didn't resist Leonard turning her around, she was too occupied by his hand on her shoulder and how good it felt to be touched by him. She stood on her toes too to see the two love birds making out in the corner and in that moment any concern she had for Bernadette being after Leonard or Leonard being interested in Bernadette died a quick death. It also made Alex now think that Leonard was not lost to her, as she had thought before, and his hand still on her shoulder as they both looked across the room now had much more meaning to her. "I guess you are right."

"Yeah, I'm happy for him." Leonard said sadly, as that empty feeling seemed to come back to him.

Alex turned to him, the change in the tone of his voice catching her attention, as she saw him take his beer to his lips and not remove it again till it was empty. She then watched as he put that bottle in the trash and pick up another, unscrewing the cap and taking a sip from it before he looked back at her again, almost like he just noticed her again. That was the fourth beer she had seen him with and she wanted to warn him he was going to get drunk and then sick again, but she knew she didn't have the nerve to do so.

The beers were already taking a toll on Leonard as he now looked at Alex, "Alex you want a beer." something he would have never said to her if he was sober.

"Okay." Alex didn't want to do anything that would make her and Leonard separate so she agreed with him even though she felt it was a bad idea.

"Here you go." Leonard quickly pulled a beer out of the tub, opened it and handed it to her.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was only just over an hour later that Alex was leading an inebriated Leonard back to the berthing area, she was thankful he wasn't as drunk as the night with Howard, but he was still pretty out of it. The last half an hour he had been talking about Christmas and how all his life it had been bad for him until the last one, but that one seemed to have gone bad too eventually if she was understanding him right, which based on his current condition she couldn't be entirely sure. Again, the word 'Weird' came to mind as she wondered why would Leonard talk about Christmas while at a party on a ship at sea, during the late summer. However, those thoughts didn't last long because Alex had much deeper thoughts right now, thoughts of how good it felt to be tucked in close to Leonard as she held him walking down the ships corridor and how much she wanted to be with him when she finally got him to his room. Alex too had a little buzz on, because of the couple beers she had with Leonard, and it was dulling her inhibitions making her feelings for Leonard run unchecked with the alcohol now in her system.

So, it was not a coincidence that Alex lead Leonard to his room by a route that took them first by her own room and it was also not a coincidence that when they got there Alex leaned Leonard against the ships bulkhead so she could see if her room was empty. "Leonard wait here a second, I'll be right back." she told him as she released him.

Leonard nodded and tried to smile as he barely responded. "Okay." Sliding down the bulkhead wall to a sitting position, no sooner than being released by Alex.

Alex looked at him for a second to make sure he was fine before turning to her berthing room and slowing opening the door to peek inside, trying to be as quiet as she could be in case anyone was inside. It turned out it had been a very good idea because no sooner than she got the door open she heard noise that reminded her of two pigs rutting and it took every ounce of her remaining control to not break out laughing. The moans and whispers of 'harder' and 'Oh God' could only be from one person, her roommate Veronica, and although it was funny at the moment it still left Alex with the predicament that she could not bring Leonard to her room that night.

Alex carefully gather Leonard from the floor, happy he was still enough there that he could do most of the moving by himself with her help, knowing that if he had been dead weight she would have ended up spending the night with him there where he sat. When he was finally standing she then proceeded to his room with him, trying to enjoy the closeness to him again while knowing once at his room it would probably be over for her. She had no idea that it was one of Leonard's roommates that she heard with Veronica just a few moments ago and that another of his roommates was drinking himself to unconsciousness in the lounge the party was being held in and would spend the night there asleep on the couch. Also, Leonard's fourth roommate, Howard, was somewhere on the ship with Bernadette and would not be around that night either, so she and Leonard would be alone.

Alex learned of their luck as soon as she slowly opened the door to Leonard's room and it took her a moment or two to realize that they were fully alone, before a small smile formed on her lips. She couldn't actually believe it, she was finally alone with him and after rubbing against him all the way down to his room her desire for him was in overdrive, enhanced in no small way by her own inebriated condition. So, it was without an ounce of regret she changed her position from supporting Leonard to hugging him, pressing her whole body against him while he held on to her for support. This hug lasting for several minutes before Alex reluctantly had to let Leonard go, knowing if she held him much longer he would fall asleep on her shoulder.

Alex stepped back a very short distance, far enough so he could see her face but not so far that she could still support him from falling. "Leonard would you like to go to bed now?"

Leonard looked at Alex with unfocused eyes, not really knowing who was talking to him but barely understanding that going to bed now was what he wanted to do. "Okay" he mumbled.

Alex smiled, "Okay, then I'm going to sit you down and take your clothes off, Okay."

Leonard barely nodded, "Okay."

Alex was happy that Leonard's bunk was the bottom one, she had been to his room a couple times before and knew that Leonard slept on the bottom bunk and Howard slept above him. So, she sat Leonard down on his bunk and then hesitated for a moment, her normal shy character trying hard to exert itself on her current uninhibited self who was looking down at Leonard right now. However, her slightly intoxication uninhibited self prevailed and Alex quickly sat down next to Leonard, while he leaned against her, and began to undress him, the removing of each article of his clothing having a huge effect to her already overly stimulated libido.

Alex soon found herself placing the covers over an almost nude Leonard, his boxer shorts the only clothing still on him after Alex was through getting him ready for bed. She again found herself looking down at him, her mind trying to convince her what she was doing was wrong, but again her desires fueled by alcohol won out as she quickly stripped down to her panties and crawled into the bed with him. It was almost impossible for her to stop now, the heat from him, as she pressed her naked chest against his warm back causing a small sigh to involuntarily come from her mouth, the skin contact to the man she adored immediately making her want even more intimacy from him. So, Alex wrapped her arms around Leonard, burying her face in his hair close to his ear, kissing him there before becoming enthralled by the moment that she couldn't help but whisper in his ear.

"I love you Leonard." she confessed to him with all the passion in her soul.

Alex however didn't know that Leonard had only one woman on his mind the whole night and in his drunk state, he only knew one answer to Alex's statement of love. "I love you too, Penny."

It actually took Alex a second or two realize what he said and she backed away from him a couple of inches before she asked the question that was now foremost in her mind, "Leonard, who is Penny?"

Leonard however, was beyond understanding her, the thoughts of Penny now consuming his drunken mind and the feeling of the person next to him moving away only making him desperate, "Please Penny don't leave me again."

Alex just edged further away, tears now coming down her cheeks as she looked at the man she loved begging for another woman not to leave him. It was more than she could stand, making her quickly leave the bed to put her clothes back on, then leaving the room mercifully before she witnessed that same man cry himself to sleep, mumbling the name of the woman he was hopelessly in love with. The walk was short, so Alex quickly burst into her own room, not even noticing the surprised shriek or the scrambling for covering by its current to occupants, just climbing into her own bunk and burying herself under the covers before her own silent sobs took control.

Veronica just looked down at the lower bunk, the lump of bedding completely covering her roommate, before she became bored when nothing else happened, "I wonder what is bothering her." she said to herself more than the man next to her. Finally, just shrugging and wrapping her arms around her one-night stand and kissing him, in her intoxicated state ready to resume where they had left off before their rude interruption by Alex.

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Penny sat on the living room couch, really actually laid there, her legs stretched out on the couch in an attempt to relieve the ache that seemed to be there every night after she trained for the rodeo each day. She wouldn't admit it to anyone but she welcomed the pain, she had felt numb ever since her phone call with Gloria, so with her now training and the pain she actually felt like a person, more like herself again. It was only the times like now, the end of the day when she was relaxing that Leonard came back to her mind, the longing for him still there deep inside her and it was only the pain, like now, that kept those thoughts from consuming her. So, she just watched TV and ate some ice cream her mother had for her, stretching her legs to help the aches and trying to think of what she had planned for the next day of her training and not about the man she knew she would never forget.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

The next few weeks flew by for Penny, she worked hard in the morning helping her father get his chores done, so that she could get his help, as she practiced hard during the afternoon for the Rodeo trials. She had only a couple more days until the trials and although, like riding a bike, Penny had not forgotten any of her Rodeo skills, from when she was a teenager in Junior Rodeo, her ability to perform those skills with extreme high precision and in record time were in great need of fine tuning. Her father was needed not only to let the calf out for her calf roping training but to time and give her pointers on where she was lacking. Even her mother started to help her, during the last two days, so that she could train more as the final trials day came closer.

Everybody in her family and her doctor, Carol, could see Penny was becoming fixated on her attempt to get into the Rodeo, it actually made them happy for her, she seemed to be finally motivated to live her life again and no matter how she got to this point they all knew it was a good thing. Carol even helped Penny with her training a little, their session on the previous Saturday being almost entirely done on horseback and Carol helping Penny with some kind of Rodeo event training before the day and their session was over. Carol had gotten extremely comfortable on horses since she had started coming to Penny's parents farm on Saturdays and even she was a little excited to try one of the Rodeo events with Penny, barrel racing, even though Carol knew she would never been good enough to compete.

There was however a downside to everyone's support for Penny, though they could see the signs of how she was becoming more of the person she once was, they missed that Penny was also going back to that person that held her feelings inside. Through her life, whenever Penny's heart was broken, she had forced herself to ignore the pain and replace it with other diversions, the pain of knowing she would never see Leonard again being replaced currently by her focus on Rodeo. If someone would have noticed this change and tried to force her to talk about it, they would have now found it would have taken force to get her to discuss her problems since she was better and more herself. They would have also found out that she was pushing herself almost unmercifully to forget, to put a man she only felt love for and the pain of losing him behind her. Penny was balancing on an edge, on one side was deep despair from losing Leonard forever and on the other side was the failure in her current quest to forget, her only hope was to keep on that edge and succeed in what she was now doing and try to move on with her life.

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The weeks went quickly for Leonard too, he had been working the whole time, since they returned to dry land, on the data he had obtained from their scientific voyage, and those results had been better that he had originally hoped. Dr. Hawking had even been excited about what he brought back and had not only requested regular updates on his progress but had even stopped by his lab to make sure Leonard had everything he needed to complete his work. This had motivated Leonard to work long and hard on analyzing the data and start the report on his findings, which in turn left him mercifully little time to think about his feelings or the broken heart he knew he would just have to live with.

One thing though that had made his work much easier these last few weeks was that the problem with Alex, that Bernadette told him about, also had seemed to have gone away ever since that last party they had on the ship before arriving back at port. He had drunk too much that night and didn't hardly remember that evening at all but ever since then Alex seemed to be more work oriented and he was noticing now that she wasn't doing anything that could be interpreted as flirting with him anymore. That lead Leonard to only one conclusion, he must had said something to Alex, while he was drunk that night, about how there couldn't be anything between them. He also knew if that was what happened, it had been the coward's way of the addressing the problem, using alcohol for courage, but he was glad never-the-less because after all that had happened that day, concerning Penny, he didn't think he could have handled any more emotion pain by consciously hurting Alex.

So, at the moment Leonard was content, his work was keeping him busy and the results were showing to be so promising that he couldn't help but find some pleasure in them and how they were being received by Dr. Hawking. Penny was still in his head, but Leonard, who had been hurt so many times before, forced himself to move on, even though the loss of Penny was the most difficult emotional loss he could ever remember in his whole life. Finally, the situation with Alex seemed to fix itself without his conscious effort which was a great relief from his mind, so all-in-all things for Leonard were about as good as things got for him in his life.

Alex however did not have the opinion of the situation as Leonard did, it was hard for her to put her work with him above her feelings for him, even though she didn't let those feelings detract from helping him as much as she could. She still found herself waiting for some girl to walk in on her and Leonard's working area and announce herself as being that "Penny" Leonard asked for that night on the ship and that alone made each day for her more difficult than the last. She was upset about the situation and in a small way mad at Leonard about this "Penny", that anger at him though still heavily surpassed by the love for him she still felt. Added to that was her inability to confront him on any of it, her feelings towards him and finding about his feeling towards her were just too much for her to address with him, so she just continued to work with him, keeping her emotions to herself. She didn't even realize that just like Leonard she was using work to keep the emotional grief associated with lost love at bay.

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Penny couldn't help the feeling of success that pulsed through her body as the results were put up on the board even though there was a small part of her, deep inside her heart, that wished Leonard was there so she could feel his hug of support for all she accomplished. The amateur qualification had been tough and she wasn't even close to being one of the best out there, but her second place in calf roping had allow her to qualify for the amateur competition event at the upcoming professional Rodeo. She would be riding against 9 other amateurs next week and it would be much more difficult than these last few days with a crowd of spectators watching every mistake she made. In addition, the people she had just competed against, to get in the competition, were much better trained and were not starting over again like her, but it was a start for her and it was the most positive step forward she felt she made since she left California.

"Oh Sweetie, I'm so proud of you." Susan exclaimed after looking over Penny's shoulder at the list.

"Good job Slugger." Wyatt chimed in, obviously happy at his daughter's accomplishment too.

Penny nodded and smiled, partly for herself and partly for her parents. "Now that hard part comes." she said seriously, mostly to herself but loud enough her parents could hear.

Wyatt put his hand on his youngest daughter's shoulder. "Slugger, just relax and do your best, you're better than you think."

Penny looked up at her father, a genuine smile of affection on her lips. "Thanks Daddy."

However, Penny promised herself she would keep training hard the week she had now before the Rodeo and she promised herself she would get better. Penny now had something to strive for and it made her feel good to have a goal in her future again, a goal she felt she had control of, one which she could influence the outcome by her own actions. However again, a small feeling of sadness drifted over her, as she thought back to Leonard and she quickly turned her head from her father to look back at the board to hide her feelings. She wished she would have had more control over the situation with Leonard because even though she felt she didn't deserve him and that he would never be happy with a country girl from Nebraska, who couldn't make it in the big city of Los Angeles, she couldn't help herself, she still wanted him.

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Leonard was staring at data in front of him a little surprised at the results, they were better than he had hoped for, making their whole scientific sea voyage a total success. He still had a lot of data reduction to do to determine the exact frequency band for getting the maximum detection of Unruh Radiation in water, but he knew now from a cursory review of the raw results that he was going to find a way to detect it and hopefully prove Dr. Hawking's theory. He was excited, probably for the first time in a long while, this whole project was making him feel he was finally accomplishing something important in his life, that his work was important.

That excitement was however tempered slightly because Leonard also thought that, a little sadly, that his work maybe the only thing that would give him satisfaction in his life from now on. He had been trying to put Penny out of his mind since talking to Gloria, since he phoned her on the ship, but it was times like this he missed having someone he cared about to tell about his work and share in his excitement. However, Leonard was always a pragmatist, people like Penny never ended up with people like him, so he told himself he needed to get over his fantasies a move on to a life more suited for someone like him. So, with that mindset, Leonard put himself totally into his work as he went back to his preliminary report on the data for Hawking's team.

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Penny paced around the chutes trying to mentally prepare herself for her first event, however she was failing badly because she was still scared to death. It was especially bad because the first event that she was doing was what she was supposed to be good at, calf roping, but right now she was so nervous that she didn't think she could hold a rope, much less get it over a calf's neck to stop him. It didn't help either that she was the ninth contestant, so listening (she couldn't make herself watch) to three other amateurs, like herself, taking their turns at roping was even putting her more on edge. Therefore, when she felt the hand on her shoulder she almost jumped out of her boots, turning her head to see her father standing next to her and looking down compassionately down at her.

"Slugger you're going to wear a ditch into that ground with your pacing." Wyatt told her with a small smile on his face.

Penny let out an audible sigh, "Daddy maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe I'm not meant to be in the Rodeo."

Wyatt shrugged, "Maybe you are right."

Her father's response surprised her, "So you think I shouldn't be here?"

"I didn't say that slugger, I'm just saying that maybe you are right which on the flip side also means maybe you are wrong. You won't know for sure until you at least give it a try. The people that run this Rodeo gave you a try and thought that you were good enough to be here today, so why not see if they are right. Whatever happens at least you'll have some fun." Wyatt said the last sentence with a bigger smile.

"FUN!" Penny repeated. "Danny what if I screw up badly and do something stupid, even fall off my horse?"

"Have you fell off Buttercup before?" Wyatt asked

"Nooo, but it doesn't mean I won't today." Penny answered him

Wyatt chuckled. "Slugger I promise you won't fall off your horse today."

"How can you promise that; how could you know what I will do?" Penny said in exasperation.

Wyatt just smiled, "Because I have in faith in you. You have always been good at this and I've watched you train all month. You've got this Slugger, you're ready and I know you can do this if you want to. So just relax and have fun with it, and when it is over you can decide if Rodeo is for you or not."

Penny just stared at her father for a moment, then slowly nodded. Their little talk had actually calmed Penny a little, so when the Rodeo hand walked up to her a second later to ask if she was ready, she was in a much better state of mind then before her and Wyatt talked. So, she gave a quick look at her father, who smiled and nodded to her, then turned to the hand and nodded, "I'm ready".

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Calf roping is a much more controlled event than it appeared, each calf is put into a cute and a lightweight 28-foot rope is attached to the calf's neck, the other end being attached to a trip lever. That trip lever controls a barrier to a large pen where the horse and rider wait, allowing the calf to get a good head start. Since timing is critical the rider puts the horse into a gallop shortly after the calf is released so that when the barrier drops the horse and rider come out at full speed after the calf. It is then a matter of timing and skill by both rider and horse to lasso the calf, then get it tied in the minimum time, top professionals doing it in as low as 7 seconds.

Penny now sat on Buttercup in the pen as the Rodeo hands got the calf ready for release, it would be up to her and Buttercup in a few seconds to determine if the Rodeo was really for her or them. Penny leaned down to pat Buttercups neck smiling as the horse turned its head slightly to look at her. "You ready girl. This time it is going to count." Buttercup nodded her head and snorted like she knew what Penny just asked and even though Penny knew differently she liked to think Buttercup knew exactly what she had to do.

"You ready?" The Rodeo hand asked breaking Penny's thoughts.

Penny looked at him and nodded, then looked ahead at the barrier her and Buttercup would need to go through, mentally timing when she would need to start her horse to reach the barrier just when it opened. She then looked back at the Rodeo hand and yelled "GO", then counted mentally in her head before giving Buttercup boot nudges in her ribs, while shouting "Go Girl" to get her horse galloping towards the barrier. Penny timed it perfectly, Buttercup reaching the barrier just as it opened, the barrier dropping and suddenly they were out, chasing a running calf for all they were worth.

Mostly the beginning/amateur events were kept at a slightly less dangerous level than the professional events, calf roping and barrel racing much less dangerous than something like steer wrestling or bull riding. However, saddle bronc riding was still an advent for the amateurs, just like the professionals, though the horses ridden by the amateurs were not as "Wild" as the ones the professionals rode. Penny had no way to practice this event, so had to rely on her experience in steer riding from junior rodeo, which had resulted in her being thrown off during the amateur trials a week ago.

"Ready?" the chute crew leader asked her.

Penny wasn't ready at all, but she had no real excuse not to be let out into the arena, she was physically all set to ride even though mentally she was already seeing herself laying in the dirt after the horse threw her. "Ready" she said without showing her fear.

What happened next only took a few seconds, the horse came out of the chute into the arena and then tried to throw its rider, it was during this time that each second seemed to go on forever for Penny as she hung on for all her life. She was acutely aware of each buck the horse subjected her to, as she just tried to hang on through each one, and she just tried to face each one as they came, desperately hoping she could hang on through each. So, it came as a shock to her when the horn went off and the rider came to her to take her off the horse, she had made it, not fallen off and it was at that moment that Penny knew that Rodeo was for her.

She did very well in the barrel racing, coming in second, but that was actually anticlimactic for Penny, she already knew she was going to continue at Rodeo by then so she wasn't even nervous when she tackled that event. Penny was extremely happy though when she found she came out third in the amateur/rookie class, even getting a small $100 prize for her efforts, it was a beginning for her and she knew with more practice she could do better. However, there was still something missing, even though her family were a great encouragement to her and very proud of her, she still missed having someone special to share this new accomplishment, she still missed Leonard.

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That Monday found Leonard drinking coffee while setting up the computer to run data reduction of his raw data, Alex working quietly at her computer, putting the raw data into data groups for computer reduction. Howard had gone back to the states weeks ago, with the Cal Tech equipment, his expertise not needed for the data analysis Leonard and Alex were now doing. So, Leonard was now thinking, in between doing his work on the computer, about the logistics of transferring their current work back to Cal Tech, since the fall school season would be starting at Cal Tech in the next couple weeks.

"Dr. Hofstadter, do you have a few minutes for a meeting?" somebody speaking in the quiet lab Leonard and Alex were now working making them both jump and then quickly turn to look at who was the source of the question.

Leonard noticed him first, "Dr. Dalton. Yes, I have some time." Dr. Dalton was one of Dr. Hawking's closest associates and most of the time represented Dr. Hawking for many concerns.

Dr. Dalton then looked at Alex, "Ms. Jensen could you join us too?"

The request surprised Alex, but she recovered quickly. "Yes, of course."

It was couple hours later, that found Alex sitting across from Leonard, still a little shocked and thrilled about what happened in the meeting they had with the great man himself in attendance. Alex had always felt honored that she was considered an equal in the project with Leonard, even though it was obvious it was Leonard's project. However, being requested to stay at Cambridge for the fall semester to work on the project with Leonard was a big surprise for her. Hawking's staff having worked with Cal Tech to get approval for Leonard to work at Cambridge that fall, was not a surprise, their work to arrange it for her and keep her on tract with her Master's program was the thing that really surprised her. She would have to take two courses at Cambridge, but those eight semester hours, along with working with Leonard, would not be that hard, especially with her having her own private tutor in Leonard if things got difficult for her.

Leonard was more than happy to spend the next few months at Cambridge, he was really excited to get all his data analyzed and then use the results to set the requirements to develop the new equipment to discover the Unruh radiation. Dr. Hawking letting them know they would be going out again that next summer, to detect the radiation, only motivated Leonard even more to accomplish his work and prepare for the next scientific cruise. Dr. Hawking's staff making all the arrangements for Leonard staying and even providing him free housing and extra money to cover him keeping his apartment in California was the 'icing on the cake' for Leonard and he actually had to force himself from seeming too excited over the offer they made him.

So that lunch was had with muted excitement from Leonard and Alex, discussions about the next couple months and the work they had to do dominating the conversation between them. Leonard's current success making it easier for him to bury the hole in his heart over the loss of Penny in his mind which now was even more dominated by his work. Alex also was excited about the success in Leonard's project, however the hole in her heart was more difficult to bury because the object of her affection was sitting across from her now and she saw him every day.

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The Rodeo went on all year long, it just moved from town to town depending on the time of the year, so Penny was able to enter a few more Rodeo's, through next month, going to each one that wasn't more than a whole day's drive to get to from the farm. The big benefit of this continuous competition was that it allowed her to get her professional license and begin competing in the professional events after that first month of amateur competition. But it was also hard, traveling so far, each weekend while training all week, and she really didn't make much money, if any, however it did allow her to make friends on the Rodeo circuit and she started to get better, actually beginning to be treated like a real competitor.

So, by the second month, Penny had made a real friend in a female professional, named Shirley, who could see how serious Penny was in competing. It was during this same time that the Rodeo started to move farther south and too far for Penny to travel each weekend. Consequently, it was with a little bit of sadness that Penny left home to follow the Rodeo circuit with Shirley, using a bunk in Shirley's trailer while traveling with her going from Rodeo to Rodeo to compete. It was actually sort of an adventure for Penny, her first after California, but this time she was safely with someone who would not take advantage of her, someone who she knew actually enjoyed her company.

Each person it Penny's circle of friends and family had mixed feelings about this change in Penny, mostly seeing her intensity in Rodeo competition and the return of her confidence as a good thing. However, her parents were not happy about her leaving home again, no matter if this time it was into a much better situation, they being still haunted with the memory of when their daughter returned from California. Carol also knew Penny still needed help, her fear and distrust of men was still very evident in her actions, but otherwise Carol didn't discourage Penny because she was sure that this new determination by Penny was only good for taking back control of her life again.

Penny herself was determined and excited to do well in this new career path and this independence, away from the farm, was finally getting her back into the world. Carol, although not being happy she would now not have contact with Penny for at least a month at a time while she was on the Rodeo circuit, did get to talk to Shirley for a while, when she came around to the farm for a few days. This resulted in assuring Carol that Shirley would be a safe companion for Penny, which upon telling Penny that made her more confident in her decision to leave. So, Penny was getting to spread her wings again, in the world she had avoided for most of a year, it was both exciting and scary, but it was something Penny wanted to do, which ultimately was the deciding factor for all involved.

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Howard just stared at Bernadette, normally looking at her made Howard want her because to him she was the most beautiful woman on earth, but today was different as he looked at her in amazement. "Are you sure?"

"I need to verify it, of course, but honestly Howard I'm sure." She knew this was a lot of information for him, but she had to tell him sometime, hopefully it wouldn't bring an end to them as a couple.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

Raj was sitting at 'their table' in the cafeteria with Sheldon, the table that always seemed to be available when they came to eat lunch at the specific time Sheldon had designated for lunch. It may have seemed that they were very lucky that the table was always available but that wouldn't be exactly true, the table's availability was more due to the fact that if someone was using the table when Sheldon arrived, he would stand over them with his tray until they were done and had vacated the table. In their facility dining area that was just too much crazy for anyone to deal with so for the whole hour, that Sheldon always came to lunch, the table was not occupied by anyone until the crazy man left the cafeteria.

So today, as every day before, Raj and Sheldon were sitting and preparing to eat, at Sheldon's allocated time, when Howard finally came trudging along, a sort of gloomy expression on his face, which made Raj wonder what was wrong with him. However, even with Howard's dour expression, his presence immediately made Raj happy, Howard was his friend and Raj was use to meeting with him and coming to the cafeteria with him each day. But today had been unusual, Raj at first being put off by Howard all morning and then having to come lunch with Sheldon alone, which had been real torture, Sheldon having been more 'Sheldonny' the whole time they had been together. Therefore, Raj now felt relieved as he watched his friend walk up and sit down, purposely waiting a couple moments before he began to ask what was bothering his best friend in the world.

"You're late." Sheldon stated as soon as Howard sat down.

"So." was Howard's only response.

"I set our lunch schedule for the most optimum time. It is at the time the energy value of breakfast has begun to dissipate from the body and the addition of the lunch would add to the bodies energy production, which will add to peak efficiency in the afternoon. Also, our lunch schedule allows me to keep my afternoon bowel movement at the most opportune time and on schedule." Sheldon lectured the engineer.

"I don't care Sheldon, if your afternoon shit is on schedule." Howard responded.

"Please, can we not talk about boom-boom at the lunch table!" Raj added.

"Boom-Boom! Are you a three-year-old?" Howard now asked looking directly at Raj, he was aggravated already so Raj's reference only made him more annoyed.

"Hey I am who I am, don't try to change me." Raj responded defensively, noticing his friends unusual anger.

"Well I find less offensive that your vulgar comment." Sheldon added, thinking if he sided with Raj against Howard, Howard would have to admit defeat and he would win the original argument about why Howard was late, after all Sheldon loved to win.

"Whatever." Howard said after staring at them both for a second.

The next few minutes passed in silence, which was actually a surprise, Sheldon being just as quiet as Howard and Raj for a change. So, it was Raj who was the first one to break the silence when he felt enough time had passed to ask the question that was bothering him since Howard showed up at lunch today.

"Howard, what is bothering you?" Raj asked very bluntly

"Nothing." Howard's response so quick it actually surprised Raj.

Now Raj thought it was something serious and he knew what was serious to Howard, women, especially the one he was dating now, Bernadette. "Did something happen between you and Bernadette?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Again, Howard's response being quick enough to surprise Raj.

"Neither do I." Sheldon interjected.

Raj ignored Sheldon, "What happened between you and Bernadette?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it." Howard repeated.

"That is what I said, too." Sheldon again interjected

Raj now thought the worst, so ignoring Sheldon again, "She broke up with you, didn't she!" immediately feeling a little guilty because if she did that would mean Howard would have more time to hang out with him and that actually made him a little happy.

"No, she didn't break up with me, however that will probably happen soon enough." Howard now started to open up about his problem.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about it." Sheldon stated for the third time trying to shut down any conversations about relationships, he didn't care and he had much more interesting things to talk about if these two chimps he was eating with would just listen.

"Shut up Sheldon." Howard and Raj both said at the same time, finally making Sheldon look down at his food and concentrate on eating.

Raj now looked back at Howard, "So what did you do that is going to make her break up with you?"

"Nothing, that's the thing, for once I didn't do nothing." Defeat and sadness evident in his tone.

Raj was now confused, "If you didn't do anything, why would she break up with you...unless...did she find someone taller, stronger and better looking than you?"

"Nooo, and thanks for vote of confidence about my looks." Howard responded in disgust.

"Well in my defense, Bernadette is very pretty and could do a lot better than you." Raj stated.

Howard first looked like he was going to punch his friend but then his expression changed again to sadness as he slowly nodded his head, "Yeah she is and that is why she will probably leave me."

"Dude you can't worry about that, if it happens it will happen or it may never happen." Raj now tried to comfort his friend.

"Oh, it will happen, it will happen in January." Howard flatly stated.

Raj was now confused again. "What makes you think that she will leave you in January, did she say something."

Howard nodded, "She said she is leaving California in January."

"Really." that was a surprise to Raj, "Why?"

Howard sighed, "Well you remember I told you that Bernadette was in a pilot graduate program to prepare the graduates for doing research in the commercial sector."

Raj remembered some of that. "I remember you saying something about that and that because of it her program was two and half years long."

Howard nodded, "Well in is longer because it requires each student to be very involved in two research projects, Bernadette's first being that research trip in the North Sea, where I met her."

Raj just nodded, "Okay."

"Well she told me last night that she applied and got interviewed for her second research project. She also said she thinks she got the position and it would require her to leave California for Georgia in January." Howard explained.

"Oh." Raj responded, "Why Georgia, what will she do there and how long will she be gone?"

"She will be working in the research labs of Communicable Disease Center (CDC) and will be gone for the whole semester." Howard responded.

Raj shrugged, "Well that doesn't sound too bad."

"Raj the CDC is located in Atlanta, one of major growing large cities in America. It is full of places to go and see, plus tons of places to meet other singles. Bernadette is going to be like a kid in a candy store, plus she is beautiful and will be hit on guys constantly, and I won't be there to keep her mind off all that. What am I going to do?" Desperation was evident in Howard's voice.

Raj thought about all Howard told him and sadly shook his head, "I'm sorry dude, Bernadette was a great girl, it will be hard for you to find someone to replace her."

Howard just nodded and a silence fell between the two friends.

"Are we done talking about your silly relationship now because I have important things to talk about." Sheldon now broke into the silence.

Howard just looked at him, "Sure Sheldon, talk away." He saw the small smile form on Sheldon's face, as he got his way, and then tuned him out as he babbled about something he thought was interesting to him, but was actually boring to the rest of the world.

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Without Howard being there in England, Leonard and Alex only had each other, even though they were part of Hawking's team and now interfaced with the team more, both professionally and socially, they still found themselves alone together most of the time. There could only be one outcome to all this time alone, Leonard and Alex became best of friends, one of the main reasons this coming to pass being that Alex was not flirting opening with Leonard anymore so Leonard didn't have to worry about leading her on in any way. So, over their time working together they both each enjoyed each other's company and in Alex's case, although she refrained from opening flirting with Leonard, she still loved being with Leonard any way she could. They actually spent so much time together that Alex knew she spent more time with Leonard now than if he was some guy she was dating or had a relationship, as a matter of fact, to spend more time with him would have involved them living together. But even with this understanding it was still little consolation for the romantic relationship she wished she had with him, that found her daydreaming some days thinking how it would be to kiss him and make love to him.

These feelings though were kept repressed by Alex and she used her times with him, when they would go to dinner after work or when he would help her with her school work, to substitute for the closeness she really desired. She was also not reluctant to deceive him any time she could, though asking him to help her with some new lesson concept, even though she understood it, just to have him be close to her while he explained the subject in detail, his heat and smell filling her senses as she tried to act like the helpless student with her teacher. There were also those dinners, she tried to treat them like dates, without being obvious to Leonard, the hour or two they just spent talking and being friends so wonderful to her, she could only dream how it would be to spend her life with him and being able to enjoy his company forever.

This friendship continued through September and October, until it became comfortable for Leonard, him not worrying anymore about Alex having a romantic interest him, like Bernadette had suggested on boat months before. He actually enjoyed Alex being around, because she not only provided him a friend during their time there, she also provided him a form of female companionship, without a romantic attachment. Leonard still couldn't deal with any type of a relationship between himself and a woman, his mind still filled with the blonde homeless girl he lost his heart to and there being no desire to replace her yet in his heart with anyone else. So, his friendship with Alex helped him go on from day to day, that and his work, which was progressing much better than he imagined. He knew he was moving on, not to the life he dreamed of but to the best future he could hope for, after all his work had been his life, even though for one week he began to picture his life differently when he thought his life could be with Penny.

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Penny soon found that being on the Rodeo circuit was both interesting and stressful at the same time, she got to learn all the ins and outs with being a professional, however in that same time she had to train and work to earn money. She wasn't really making any money competing, so she had to take jobs around the Rodeo to get money to pay her way with Shirley, feed herself and buy the few necessities she needed to get by. So, she would find herself helping to set up at each Rodeo, working at the ticket booths and riding in the opening ceremonial events to earn some money. With all this work, which only paid minimum wage, she had to fit in some training and then finally compete in her events, so Penny was very busy which was actually good for her because it left her no time to think, much less reminisce over her past.

Shirley, on the other hand, had been in the Rodeo for over 10-years, ever since her dad started to take her along with him on the circuit when she finished high school. Rodeo had been her life ever since and she had no regrets, the adrenaline rushes she got every time she competed being the only addiction she ever had in her life. She thought she had seen some of that same desire by Penny for the Rodeo, plus even though Penny seemed to have a lot on her mind she was one of the most personable people she had met in a long time, so it wasn't really hard to offer the rookie a chance and to tell the truth Shirley like Penny's company.

So, it was this growing friendship and the mentor and student relationship that was between them that found Shirley looking down at Penny, sitting in the dirt. "That's three for three." She told the blonde sitting in the dirt trying hard not to chuckle at the Blonde's aggravated expression.

Penny looked up at her friend and mentor, a sour expression on her face, "Shut up."

"Penny you know you have to stay on the horse to actually do well in this event." Shirley said to Penny, smiling, to try lighten the mood. This was Penny's third attempt to ride that bucking horse and like the two times before she sitting in the dirt with not only a bruised bottom but a bruised ego to go along with it.

Penny looked at her friend in defeat, she was always a wealth of knowledge on ways to perform better and Penny knew she was only kidding with her. "I guess I don't have what it takes to ride bucking bronc."

"Penny, I've seen a lot of people thrown from a horse, you are not the first or the last it will happen too. Also, didn't you stay on the horse during your first competition as an amateur?" Shirley now became serious.

"I was just lucky." Penny answered sadly as she slowly got up, obviously a little sore from hitting the ground three times.

"Well it does take skill to win, but sometimes luck can be a big factor too, so don't let it get you down, you just need more skill." Shirley tried to explain.

Penny just nodded with a forced smile, trying to suppress the thoughts of how it would feel to be sitting on her ass in the middle of the arena with the crowd laughing at her. "Yeah skill, where do I get that from." Her tone very evident that she felt defeated.

"Oh, lighten up, if you think you aren't going to perform in the Rodeo and not find yourself on your ass in the middle of the arena, you better quit now. A lot of people come just to see the riders thrown from their horse or even get hurt, it is the trill of watching people do something dangerous that attracts them, also the chance that something will go wrong and the animal will win." Shirley explained.

Penny nodded, she heard the same speech in Junior Rodeo, people get hurt and once in a while someone dies, so think about that before you compete. "I understand" Penny's only response to her mentor.

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Leonard and Alex had quickly become part of the social group, that was present at Cambridge, of the professors and students that worked for Dr. Hawking, their couple of months of working on Leonard's project to support Hawking's theory cementing their relationship with the group. So, it was during the first week of November Leonard and Alex found themselves, with that group, celebrating Guy Fawkes Night, watching the fireworks and then going to one of the pubs to celebrate. Leonard and Alex were surprised how much the holiday was similar to America's Halloween, with people dressing up in spooky costumes, lighting bonfires and serving treats, it actually made them sort of feel at home. So, the both of them joined in on the festivities quite readily even going to the pub for a few drinks with the group, even though the next day was a regular business day.

Once at the pub though, Leonard was quickly drawn away from Alex by a couple of the professors who wanted to talk about his data and plans for the North Sea trip planned for early next summer to gather more data for Dr. Hawking. This left Alex at a table with a couple of the women of the group who were a few beers past being their normal selves and having a very intense conversation about some of the men there in the pub that centered around speculation about how each was endowed. The conversation was not one Alex was interested in, and therefore, she would look over across the pub at Leonard, her mind beginning to wander as she tried to analyze the last couple months in her mind.

Alex had never really given up hope on being with Leonard, although the last couple of months she had settled to just be his friend, reverting a little bit back to her nervous shy self when it came to anything other than work related activities. During this time, she had been actually expecting some beautiful British girl, named Penny, to walk into the lab one day, go straight up to Leonard and then kiss him right in front of her. That image she created in her mind had kept her from being as forward as she had been on boat and dampened her spirits from the feeling of excitement she first experienced when she first found out she was going on this adventure with Leonard.

Tonight, had had started out promising but now turned out especially bad, they were both closer to each other than the rest of Hawking's group so they had spent the evening together, enjoying the festivities, laughing and having a good time. Consequently, upon their arrival at the Pub, Alex was feeling better than she had in months and hoped to spend the rest of the evening in the company of the man of her dreams, talking, laughing and just enjoying each other's company. So, Leonard now on the other side of the Pub, talking with his peers, had crushed all her hopes for the rest of evening and in her disappointment, she began to take too much interest in her drink while trying to distract herself from her current situation by partly listening to the other girls at the table, nodding when something was directed at her, while still trying to watch him without staring.

It was therefore over an hour later, after Alex had consumed way more alcohol, than she was use to, that she found herself looking up at a very handsome blonde hair young man with one of those strong British accents that American girls found so sexy. "Alex isn't it. I'm Colin."

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Shirley liked to go out to the Cowboy bars in each town they set up, usually her and several of the girls in the Rodeo would go and there were a couple times when Shirley brought a guy back to the trailer to spend the night. It was at those times that both Penny and Shirley were happy that the bedrooms were on opposite ends of the trailer, not for the noise, after all it was a trailer so Penny heard everything, but because it allowed Penny to stay out of the way until Shirley sent her guy packing next morning. Penny had never participated in these girl's nights out, until tonight, the frustration and bruised bottom she sported from being thrown from a horse repeatedly making her actually want a drink to relax herself a little. It was not lost on her though that she hadn't had a drink in a bar since she left California, so Penny promised herself that two beers would be her limit that night, no matter how much peer pressure the girls tried to apply.

The girl's night actually started out nice at first, the girls sitting around drinking and just gossiping about things around the Rodeo, it would have been great for Penny if the whole night just remained that way. However, like any other bar Penny could remember, it wasn't long before drinks started to come free to their table and then the guys began to come by thinking they bought some kind of favors by the free drinks they supplied. Penny soon became disenchanted with the whole night as she nursed her second beer, the free drinks still sitting in front of her untouched, their presence only reminding her of California and all the games she played while there only to end up...she stopped herself from going there.

"Wow, I think I'll move to Texas if all the cowgirls are as pretty as you." the handsome stud said to her, he was tall and extremely masculine, so handsome he could have been a male model.

Penny looked at him, "I'm not interested." She hoped he took the hint because she was already sick of talking to him, even after saying only three words to him.

The guy stood their confused for a second then smiled, "Hi I'm Ken." he then offered his hand.

It was more than obvious to Penny that the guy was trying another technique to win her over, he didn't know Penny wasn't interested in him or any other guy in that bar. "Just go away, alright." Penny answered hoping he finally got it.

Again, Ken paused a moment confused before smiling again, "Come on, you wouldn't have taken the drinks I sent if you weren't interested."

That was it, something snapped in Penny as she just looked at him, right in the eye, "Buzz off Asshole." she almost shouted making all conversations at the table stop as everyone was now looking at the guy Penny just called an "Asshole." She then looked at the untouched drinks and slid them to the edge of the table, "And take your damm drinks with you."

Ken was again confused, but this time he didn't smile after it passed, he just looked at the full drink glasses then turned and walked off mumbling just loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. "Crazy Bitch."

Those two words tore into Penny more than the asshole could have imagined, her immediately wondering if the guy was right, after all she saw a therapist regularly and she almost died in California because she couldn't take care of herself. If it wasn't for Leonard she wouldn't be here today, it made her heart hurt, she couldn't help herself from thinking of him at that moment and that he wasn't there right now to hold her. She knew right then she was done for the night, she just needed to go to bed and put the day behind her because if now stayed there she would only think of him and she knew from past experience she would be crying before the night was over.

"Penny are you okay." Shirley gently touched her shoulder while looking her with concern.

Penny sighed, "I'm tired, I just need to go back to my bed and sleep."

Shirley nodded, she wasn't sure what was exactly wrong but Penny was obviously upset about something. "Okay I have to get up early too."

"Really you're leaving." the guy said who Shirley was talking to and thinking about bedding that night.

"Yeah, I'm leaving." Shirley shot back, her anger starting to rise because this guy thought he was due something from her, even though she had been flirting with him for the last half hour.

"You're all crazy bitches." he responded, then turned and walked off.

"Well fuck you all." one of the girls with Shirley and Penny then said.

"Yeah, I'm ready to leave too." the fourth girl in their group added.

So, it was only five minutes later Shirley pulled her crew-cab pickup from the bar parking lot, three women in the truck that weren't sure what happened and one that was just looking out the window, wanting to get back to her bed before the tears escaped.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

Leonard stood in his lab distracted, he hadn't accomplished much since he got to work that day and he didn't know if he would be able to get anything more done that day because he was worried about Alex. It was already past 10 AM and ever since they had been working together Alex had been never late, add that to the fact that she went off with a guy the night before, made Leonard worried for her and her safety. So, he was just in the process of convincing himself to start hunting for her, when the soft noise of the lab door being gently opened made him turn his head quickly towards the subject door while a surprised expression took hold of his face at the site before him.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Alex said very quietly, embarrassment written all over her face.

Leonard looked her over quickly, and noticed she was wearing the same clothes as she had on yesterday. "It's okay Alex, you're here now." he then gave her a small smile to let her know it was okay.

However, Alex's face remained blank, she couldn't even nod without it causing her pain, so she just responded "thank you". She then just swallowed, trying not to vomit again like she had done twice already that morning, and started to make her way slowly to her desk, fighting both the pain in her head and the queasiness in her stomach. She just wanted to sit at her desk as soon as possible to try and get head from not spinning anymore.

Though Leonard was not a party guy, he had seen plenty of hungover people and he had been hungover before himself, so there was no doubt in his mind that Alex was hungover. He walked over to her after she sat at her desk and put her head in her hands, a soft moan of pain escaping her lips he was sure she didn't even know she emitted. It was that morning of worry, then relief at her appearance and now the sympathy he felt for her that suddenly made Leonard know what his relationship with Alex was to him. He was not using her as a substitute for a girlfriend, he was using her as a substitute for family and friends, he was trying to take care of her like a brother or father would do and did everything with her because she was his friend. That revelation made him both happy and sad, happy because he felt he wasn't leading her on because of some deep-rooted feelings of attraction and sad that he was still in effect using her for comfort, which maybe was causing some problems between them.

However, that was all mute now, she needed to rest and the brother/father instinct in Leonard now took over. "Alex, you need to lie down."

Alex hadn't even sensed he had walked up to her, so she just looked up him from her desk in surprise, "I'm sorry Dr. Hofstadter."

Leonard smiled, "I know Alex and like I said before it is Okay. You need to get some rest still though."

Alex looked down at her desk in shame, trying not to cry in front of Leonard, even though that is all she wanted to do. She hurt and still felt a little sick and the thought of just lying down and sleeping seemed like the greatest thing in the world to her. However, her embarrassment was too much for her, "I'll be okay, I can work." she mumbled back to him.

Leonard was sure what was going to happen next, his office had a large leather couch and there where throw pillows on it and a blanket in the closet, he was going to force Alex to rest. "Alex have you taken any aspirins or water." was all he said back to her, ignoring her offer to work.

"No" she squeaked out, still not looking up at him.

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It was a couple of hours later that Leonard was able to concentrate on work again, knowing that Alex was safely asleep on his office couch. She had a whole bottle of water in her, with some aspirins, and would probably feel much better when she woke up, that made him feel a calmness inside allowing him to continue his work. He actually got a lot done that afternoon and was feeling a lot better than that morning, when again the door to the lab opened slowly and gently, making Leonard expect to see Alex only to be surprised at who now timidly entered his lab. He stared at the young man for few minutes, something being familiar about him, yet his apparent age bothered Leonard the most because he seemed to be the same age as Alex.

"Dr. Hofstadter?" was all he asked as he looked at Leonard in fear.

"Yes, can I help you?" Somehow Leonard knew deep inside what this young man wanted, which made him want to yell at him. However, Leonard also started to understand something that made him interested in what the young man had to say.

"Dr. Hofstadter...Sir, I was told Alex Jensen worked for you." he asked Leonard, his voice almost cracking in fear, or maybe it was just the remnants of a hangover making him unsure of himself.

Leonard though didn't feel any sympathy for the young man, as now that brother/father feeling about Alex came back to him, so he just confronted the young man as he decided he should act to protect her. "Are you the man Alex spent the night with."

The young man's eyes shot wide open and after a second or two he slowly nodded until he found his voice again, "Yes Sir."

Leonard wanted to ask him more, like if they had sex and if he used protection, the thought that maybe this guy took advantage of Alex and had unprotected sex with her making him angry. However, Leonard knew that was not his place, so he just looked at the young man for a few seconds before asking, "What do you want?"

Colin looked quickly around the lab again, like he did when he walked in, to verify Alex still wasn't there, then looked at Leonard, "Sir, I was wondering if you knew where she was."

Leonard cocked his head to the side in interest, "Why?"

Colin swallowed, "I would like to talk to her, she sort of rushed out this morning, very upset, saying she was late."

Leonard nodded, he was really torn now, he didn't know if he should throw the guy out or tell him that Alex was in his office, after all he came looking for her, guys usually don't come looking after a one-night-stand. It could be nothing, but what if he really liked her, how could Leonard keep the young man away from Alex if he liked her, suddenly Leonard's heart hurt and he turned and sat down on a stool in his lab. Thoughts of Penny flooded through his mind and it took everything he had to not start crying at the moment. So, he looked up at the young man, "She is asleep in my office, my office is in the second corridor down, room 114."

A smile crossed the young man's face, "Thank you Sir, thank you very much." he then practically ran from Leonard's lab.

The tears started to wet Leonard's eyes as soon as the door closed, he had thought that the pain would decrease as time went on, that Penny would only seem like a dream after a while, but right now she was still too real and the pain of losing her too fresh. He couldn't understand it, he had dated before and had girlfriends for short periods, but no ex had ever made him feel the way that Penny did. He had felt linked to her in some way and her not wanting to see him again had hurt in ways he had never experienced before, it was like he lost of piece of himself. His thoughts made him just sit on his lab stool for over a half hour, staring at nothing while remembering everything. He would have probably sat their longer if the lab door didn't open again making him turn to see who was entering his small world again.

Alex walked quietly in, followed closely by Colin, who had woken her up a half hour ago and she had been talking to all the time since. She didn't feel back to normal yet, but she felt much better than that morning, and even hungry a little, Colin asking her to go to dinner with him. She couldn't be mad at Colin, he told her about what happened the night before, them both having more drinks at his place, then her falling asleep and him watching her making him fall asleep too, the big thing being he never took advantage of her. It made her feel that he might be kind and sweet, plus he was cute and had an adorable British accent, so she forgave him when he pleaded with her for forgiveness just a few minutes ago.

"Dr. Hofstadter, we were thinking of getting some food, would you like to come?" Alex cautiously asked Leonard, his expression on his face giving her a little concern.

Leonard forced a smile, "No that is okay, you two need to eat if you are hungry, it will help you get over being hungover. I just want to finish up a few things before I leave tonight."

Alex stepped into the lab more, "I could help, I feel much better."

Leonard could see the worried expression on the young man's face that Leonard would take her up on her offer. "No, you two go get something to eat and I'll see you tomorrow, on time." Leonard said the last two words with a chuckle.

Alex smiled, "Thank you Dr. Hofstadter." she then took a second of two to just look at him before turning and smiling at Colin before they both left.

Leonard just sighed after the door closed, he couldn't do anymore work if he tried, his mind occupied with thoughts of Penny and how it felt to hold her tight against him. He just sat again for a few more minutes before finally getting up to shut down everything in lab, his slow methodical movement even noticeable to him in how tired he really felt at the moment. So, it was a short time later Leonard locked the lab door and slowly made his way to his office to close it up too, thinking along the way on where it would be best to get a six pack of beer to take home with him, knowing he would need something if he was planning to sleep at all that night.

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Penny didn't go to another bar with the girls for the next month, preferring to stay at the trailer or in the stables with Buttercup on those evenings the girls need some male companionship. Even though Penny didn't go man hunting with the girls on weekends it didn't mean she didn't have male friends at the Rodeo and even one male who she considered a good friend, Ted. Penny was still not very good at bronc riding, so she found herself sitting in the dirt a lot during the rodeo and it was Ted who usually picked her up and took her to safety so the horse that deposited her there didn't get a second change to hurt her more by stomping on her. Ted was a rodeo clown, he was sweet and honest, just like Johnny and...Leonard, so she quickly took to him and they became friends. It was a real friendship for both of them too, Ted was 15 years older than her and quickly became like an older brother to her, someone she could trust and would have her back if she needed it. He also brought her into his group of friends, the rodeo clowns, people who impressed her more than she ever imagined, most being ex-rodeo performers who would eventually give her more good advice to help her in her rodeo career.

Therefore her current Saturday evening routine was now becoming the norm for Penny, she had spent a couple hours with Buttercup, walking her, brushing her down, feeding her apple treats and talking and loving on her, the horse seeming to enjoy every second of the attention it was getting. However, as it got dark, Penny found herself on a lawn chair sitting around a portable fire pit, the flames dancing around in front of her eyes, its warmth actually soothing as she sipped on her beer and listened to stories the people around her told, along with the latest gossip from around the rodeo circuit. It felt pleasant and comfortable for Penny and she couldn't help how happy and warm it felt to her to be around these amazing people. There were five of them, Ted and his friends, all rodeo clowns and some the nicest people Penny have even known, it felt like family being around them and to Penny it was just what she wanted right now.

"You know Penny, hon, you really need to treat a bronc different than your quarter horse." Connie said to her out of the blue.

Penny blinked, "What do you mean?" honestly confused, both at being talked to so suddenly and then the subject.

"Well Tommy and I were talking about it a little after he picked you up off the dirt this afternoon." Connie stated while looking at her husband Tommy who just nodded. Connie was the only female rodeo clown in their group and she was Tommy's wife, both of them were really nice.

Penny was a little embarrassed about her constant failure to stay on a bucking horse, only her excellent performance in other events, especially calf roping made her still competitive. "Yeah, thanks Tommy." she said in defeat.

"Penny you love on that quarter horse of yours all the time, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to change gears when you get on a horse like "Lighting" or "Devil", those horses are just mean and like putting you on the ground." Connie told her, then shook her head, "Honey, they would probably try to stomp and kill you if we didn't get you both separated at the end, they are just evil." Again Tommy nodded to his wife's comments.

Penny nodded, she knew Connie was right, it is just she was raised with horses and to her all horses were just big pets that you loved, took care of and could ride on. The rodeo had introduced her to another type of horse that she never seen before, and she just had trouble overcoming years of experience with them, she still loved the ones that were mean too. Penny knew she was the problem, but old habits were hard to get over, "I understand Connie, I'll try."

Connie smiled and reached over to pat Penny's leg, "Honey, we are not being mean to you, we just would like to see you beat this problem, we know it upsets you."

Penny nodded, they were right of course, it did bother her, "I know." she smiled, "and thanks."

"Now we need to fix you up with a man." Connie added with a smile.

Ted quickly looked over at Penny, her eyes wide in stunned silence at what Connie just said. Penny wasn't too forth coming about very personal things but in the month that he had gotten to really know her, someone named Leonard did come up once or twice, he was the only man from her past she ever mentioned and even Ted could tell there was something still there for him by her. "Connie, don't you think you have given Penny enough advice for the night."

Connie nodded, "Maybe you're right. Anyway, did you hear about them talking about doing a rodeo in LA this Christmas?" She quickly changed the subject, taking Ted's advice to heart, Connie like Penny and wasn't really trying to make her uncomfortable with her comment about a man.

The conversation quickly changed to the rodeo schedule for the rest of the year to Penny's relief, however Connie's question made her think about the subject of boyfriends and she found herself having a hard time not thinking about Leonard. It resulted in her being mostly quiet for the rest of the night as her mind now thought about Leonard and how she missed him, only going through the motions of participation with her new group of friends. She was actually good at her deception, adding a comment every so often to the conversation, fooling everyone in her interest, it was another of her abilities that had returned as she got mentally better from her ordeal almost a year before now.

So, it was around 11 PM that night when their little get together ended and Ted and Penny walked back to their respective trailers, Ted always walking her to hers since it was on the way to his. "I hope Connie didn't get you upset tonight." Ted suddenly asked her.

The question surprised her for a second before she was able to lie quickly back to him, "No, it didn't bother me."

"Okay, Good. Connie has always been a sort of matchmaker around here, so she thinks every single girl needs a guy." Ted then let out a small chuckle, "She has even tried to set up your roommate, Shirley a couple times."

Penny smiled, happy the conversation was now about her roommate instead of her, "That must have been interesting."

Ted chuckled again, "Yeah it was, Shirley took it okay the first time but the second time was once too many and she read Connie the riot act, which put an end to Connie's desire to fix her up anymore."

"Yeah, Shirley has her own ideas on the kind of guy she wants." Penny explained.

"And how many." Ted added

Penny did actually laugh this time, "Yeah and how many." Her remembering that once Shirley brought two guys home with her one Saturday night and how Penny got no sleep that night due to Shirley's yelling "Ye-Haw" every few minutes, most of the night.

"Well here you are, I guess I'll see you tomorrow in the arena." Ted said as they stopped in front of Shirley's trailer.

Penny nodded, "Thanks Ted...I'll probably be looking up at you next time I see you."

Ted shook his head, "Don't think like that, Connie did give you some good advice and you will get better, don't give up."

Penny nodded, "Thanks again." she then looked at the darkened trailer, "Well I better try and get to sleep quickly, Shirley is out with the girls and she said earlier, when she left, that she was going to get some."

Ted chuckled, "Well your right about getting to sleep early then. See you tomorrow Penny."

Penny smiled as Ted walked off, "See you tomorrow." she then turned and went into the empty trailer.

Penny did get to bed early but not to sleep, ever since Connie's remark she had not been able to get Leonard out of her mind, even though she had more friends now she still sometimes felt incredibly lonely. She wanted someone she could hold that was more than a friend, but every time she had those feelings that person that she wanted was always Leonard. So, like many times before she laid in bed awake going over in her mind why she couldn't be with Leonard, while at the same time wanting him so badly that it physically hurt, tears sometimes in her eyes as she convinced herself she would never see him again and it was for the better for him.

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Thanksgiving soon came around and that time of year found the Rodeo in Colorado performing in an indoor arena which turned out to be lucky for Penny. Not only was Colorado close to Nebraska but by chance one of the hands, that worked the Rodeo, was being sent out that Tuesday on a trip to pick up a new bronc named "Fireball" in southeast South Dakota by Wednesday. This allowed Penny to hitch a ride up into Nebraska before Thanksgiving and a ride back on the Friday after, as the hand came back with the horse trailer rig. Penny was honestly really happy about being back home for the holiday, hugging everyone she loved, allowing her to get over some of the loneliness she had been feeling on the Rodeo circuit the last few weeks. It also gave her a chance to talk to Carol a little and discuss something that had been on her mind for those couple of weeks.

"So how are you feeling." Carol asked Penny that Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving.

"Okay, a lot better than earlier this year." Penny honestly answered

Carol smiled and nodded, "You sure seem to look and act better. Are you happy."

That question was a double-edged sword, she was happy about getting better, but the time that had passed since that telephone call about Leonard hadn't done anything in helping her get over him, she still thought of him a lot. "I have friends and I enjoy competing in the rodeo, so yes I'm happy." She was happy about the rodeo and her friends there so Penny didn't feel she was being dishonest with Carol.

"Good, the emails you have been sending me and the skype sessions seem to back that up. However, I need to ask you about how you been feeling about men, Penny. You know we have talked about that before, have you changed your desire to interact with men as more than just friends, like Johnny." Carol now stated, since she didn't have much time with Penny and she was much better now, Carol just went to the point of her concern.

Penny looked down at her hands, her first thoughts were to put walls up between her and Carol, it was something she did with people all her life, and now that she was better the feeling to do that came naturally. However, she had been thinking about Leonard so much lately she didn't want to do that, instead of looking at Carol as a person she didn't want to tell her personal secrets about, she now thought that maybe she could help. "There is someone." was all she said, she was so nervous talking about Leonard, it was almost like she felt if she discussed him too much she would lose him.

"Really." Carol said with a smile. Carol had become a phycologist because it was so different that being a doctor that treated the body, her type of doctor treated the mind and each mind was different. However, most people never got completely better, she only helped them cope, so someone actually getting completely better was a huge thing for Carol. Penny was one of those people, she was so much better than when Carol first met her and now that she was actually meeting men again, her last major problem from before, Carol could actually declare Penny as one of her successes. Yes, she would still need a few more sessions, but she was definitely on the way to a fully recovery.

Penny nodded, every word out of her mouth now was a fight in her mind, one side of it wanting to keep her personal life secret and the other part wanting so much to see Leonard, she would do anything to make that happen. It had been a conflict in her she fought since that telephone conversation with Carol's friend Gloria and it was a battle she had lost every day since. "Carol can you help me see Leonard."

Carol blinked, not believing what she just heard and not knowing how to actually answer her. So, a few moments passed before Carol could actually form in her mind a response to Penny. "I thought you said this summer that you didn't want to contact him?" Carol knew it was a lame question but she honestly couldn't think of any else to say to her.

Penny nodded again, then sighed, "I know I said that...I was wrong."

Carol now sighed, she hadn't really been prepared for this response from Penny and she wondered if she had been too optimistic about her progress, Penny still didn't seem able to move on from what happened in California with the guy named Leonard. It was somewhat confusing to Carol, Penny seemed so much better with everything else, it was only the subject with Leonard that seemed to be keeping her from completely being healed. It was then Carol got an idea, Penny was much stronger, maybe she could understand if Carol spelled it out to her about, in more clinical terms what was wrong. "Penny have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome?"

It was not what Penny expected to hear from Carol, but she answered honestly, "No."

 _"Stockholm syndrome_ is a condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity." Carol explained

Penny blinked a couple of times as she tried to understand what Carol meant. "I don't understand, what does that have to do with me and Leonard."

Carol sighed, "Not Leonard, you Penny." she was actually now wondering if this had been a good idea.

"ME?" Penny was now really confused.

Carol nodded, "Think about it, when you were with Leonard you were basically a captive in your mind, you had nowhere else to go and had no other place you wanted to go. Therefore, in an attempt to survive and stay you were you felt a little safe you developed an emotional bond to the person who had the power to either let you stay there or make you leave, he served as sort of your captor in that you were not able to leave."

"NO!" Penny shook her head, "Leonard never treated me like those other guys, he cared about me, he was not my captor."

Carol could see how agitated Penny was so spoke softly to her now. "Penny, you are right Leonard wasn't like those other guys, he did his best to help you and succeeded, look at you now. I'm not saying he did anything wrong or did not care about your well-being, he appears to have been a very good man, but Penny that doesn't change the situation you were both in, you were desperate and you depended on him for your survival. A bond forming from that is not unusual, but it is a bond born from the situation, and those bonds don't usually last after that situation ends. Penny remember you actually told me previously that you would have done anything to stay with him, does that really sound normal?"

Penny stared down at her hands, thinking of the words Carol just said and racking her brain wondering if Carol was right, was she still a little messed up and that is why she couldn't get over Leonard. On one hand, the way she described it, Carol made complete sense to her, Penny knew she had been messed up and she still remembered the feeling of wanting to be with Leonard so bad, she still felt it even, though not as intensely as then. However, the urge, no she corrected herself, the need to see, talk and hold Leonard was something she didn't think she could ignore, maybe even if it was just for closure so she could move on. The last several months, since that aborted call to him, had done nothing but confirm to her that she couldn't just forget him, her heart would just not let him go.

Penny looked up at Carol, she didn't know exactly what to say to her because she felt she needed to think about all that was said before she made any decision. "I'm sort of confused right now. I guess I need to think about what you said and how I feel."

Carol nodded, she wasn't really happy with Penny's response, but at least her saying she needed to think about what she told her was a positive step. "Penny please do think about it, I think if you really ask yourself what happened to you in California, you'll understand what I'm saying."

Penny just nodded.

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Leonard's Thanksgiving was very quiet, which did not really bother him because he was use to having Thanksgivings to himself, based on the way he was raised. That is not to say he was alone the whole day, since it was a work day and class day for Alex, he spent some time with her and then at lunch he was treated to some turkey sandwiches from some of the other PhD's to remind him of the holiday. The rest of the day for him was spent working and interfacing with the other members of the Hawking team like every normal work day, so he definitely wasn't alone.

So, it wasn't until that evening that he actually found himself alone, walking across the Cambridge campus, a cool fall breeze making it just cool enough to make him button his overcoat up another button towards the top. It was actually pretty and picturesque he thought, as he walked, and he thought how he would have liked to show Penny this place and be holding her hand as they both enjoyed all that was around him right now. That thought had entered his head so naturally that after he realized what he was thinking he stopped dead in his tracks, actually looking around to see if anyone else had read his thoughts even though he knew that was impossible.

Leonard ended up just standing there for a whole minute, trying to understand what had just happened, why his thoughts were betraying him and why he couldn't get the blonde homeless girl out of his mind. His logical brain told him she was just a random event in his life, that had happened and was now over, but his heart, actually the part of his brain that people thought came from their heart, told him she was special and that he would never find another woman like her again. Those thoughts actually did make him feel truly alone, alone in a world that she was a part of but also a world he was not allowed to be with her, and it made him now feel that he was totally alone in a country far from home. That feeling actually made Leonard come to a decision, he wanted to go home, his old life was back in California and he needed to get his life back, he couldn't go on fixated on someone he would probably never see again, he needed to continue with his life and to do that he needed to go home.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

The next few weeks went quickly for Penny, the rodeo schedule was very busy those weeks, the rodeo going from Colorado to Texas, then Arizona until the week before Christmas Penny found herself again in Los Angeles, just over a week short of almost exactly a year from when she found herself on that bench in front of Leonard's apartment building. It had taken almost all of her inner strength to even come to Los Angeles, the horrible memories of being on the street haunting her as she rode in the passenger seat of Shirley's pickup truck just looking out the passenger window. It honestly made her cringe as they drove the streets of Los Angeles, each homeless person Penny saw taking her back to her time on the streets and chilling her to the bone as she thought of her last days trying to get warm when she too was out there. So, it was a relief when Shirley finally pulled into the parking area, they were allocated for their trailers at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, it was a place Penny had never been to or seen before and she could fool herself that she wasn't really in Los Angeles. As Shirley parked her trailer, Penny thought about the situation she was now in and knew except for one reason she would not even be there with Shirley, her feelings about Los Angeles still being too strong for her to ignore. However, the one thing that was drawing her to there, against all her inner feelings wanting her to leave, was too strong because for some inexplainable reason being in Los Angeles made her feel closer to Leonard.

Nevertheless, even with the intense feeling of Leonard being closer, Penny knew she could never go looking for him, she just wasn't that strong yet. She knew she couldn't leave the area of the coliseum, the thought of being on the streets of Los Angeles bringing back the nightmares of her time there a year ago, and the fear of leaving the security of her Rodeo family, to be lost in Los Angeles again, too deep a feeling for even her to overcome. So, it was several hours later, after Shirley and Penny had their trailer set up and hooked to utilities that Penny sat on a chair outside with her friend realizing the torture she had created for herself by being so close to where Leonard lived while being mentally unable to leave the safety of the Rodeo to go looking for him.

"Hey are you doing okay." Shirley's question broke Penny from her thoughts and made her realize that Shirley was now staring at her.

Penny's first response was to lie, because to be honest she couldn't really deal with the truth herself right now. "Yeah, I'm just awed on how big this city is." She had never told Shirley about being in Los Angeles before and being there now she remembered when she first came to Los Angeles thinking the exact same thing.

Shirley gave Penny a small smile and nodded, "It's quite a place, but a little too much hippie for me, the men around here are just...different, give me a good Texas city and a Texas cowboy any day of the week."

Penny nodded, the men around here were different, her experience with them was they would use you in a minute they throw you away...even to the streets. That thought again bringing a chill to Penny's body and only confirming to her that she couldn't leave where she was now, she just couldn't go out into Los Angeles for anything, even Leonard.

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Leonard couldn't believe how good it felt to be home, even if it was just his small 2-bedroom apartment in Pasadena, it still felt like home to him and he was really happy he had decided to come back to California then stay another semester at Cambridge. The only thing he regretted about his decision was turning down Hawking's request that he stay, the man was his hero and to turn him down was like disrespecting him to Leonard. So, it was with a sense of extreme guilt that he left Cambridge, his sincere promise to do the expedition again next summer his only respite in his own mind, to try and appease Hawking, and lessen some of that guilt Leonard felt about disappointing the great man. Therefore, along with the good feeling of being home, Leonard also had to deal with the guilt of disappointing his hero, so that along with a few more things were the reason he was sitting at a coffee shop with Gloria that Saturday morning.

"Gloria can I get you something else?" This was the first time he was seeing his friend since he got back and although he knew she was pregnant, seeing her now obviously so pregnant made him feel really bad at asking her to see him.

Gloria smiled, "Leonard, I have to deal with a husband who worries about everything I do and wants me to just lay in a cocoon of pillows whenever I am home, while he takes care of me, so please don't you go all protective on me too."

Leonard chuckled while forcing himself to not act like she just described because to be honest that is what he felt he was supposed to do. "I would think that would be enjoyable to be pampered."

Gloria again smiled, "It is and I love him so much for doing it, but sometimes it gets too much, I'm not going to break because I'm pregnant."

Leonard nodded, "I guess maybe Steven thinks you and the baby are his whole family so he needs to protect you both."

Leonard's words tore at Gloria's heart and the thought that Steven was thinking that way made her want to cry, damn her pregnancy hormones. There was something else she noticed, Leonard seemed very sad as he said those words to her, "Leonard do you think that way."

Leonard looked confused, "About you being pregnant, no of course not...but you are my friend, I would do my best to protect you, too."

Gloria smiled, again wanting to cry at the thought of having such a good friend, but right now she was also in her doctor mode, "I guess I mean do you think that way about having your own family."

Leonard got quiet thinking about Gloria's words, before answering her, "I guess."

Gloria knew about Alex and Colin and that Leonard felt he was more like a father or brother to Alex, he was not romantically involved with her. She also knew Leonard had not seen any other women since the last Christmas, so she knew she had to ask him if he was thinking of her. "Leonard, are you thinking that way about Penny?"

Leonard looked down at his coffee, he didn't have anything he could say that explained how he felt about Penny, but Gloria was right, he wished Penny was his family and he would do anything to protect her.

Gloria just looked at him and then slowly realized he wasn't going to answer her, his actions reminding her of how Penny acted during their telephone conversation that summer, so quietly she spoke to him, "Leonard, everything in my professional training tells me that you should move on and so should Penny. You are two different people who were brought together in an unusual situation and that type of situation creates a temporary bond between people that does not normally happen in real life. Therefore, you two should really be going back to your separate lives, however that is not working for you is it Leonard?"

Leonard looked up at Gloria, "I'm sorry, it is just I never felt like this before, I don't know the right way to act or feel."

Gloria nodded, "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but my gut tells me I need to do this, Leonard you and Penny need to talk to each other and get closure or I think neither of you are going to be completely healed."

Leonard looked back down at his coffee, "I wish we could but she doesn't want to talk to me and I have to respect her wishes."

Gloria knew now he had to know everything, no more secrets, "That is not exactly correct Leonard."

Leonard eyes shot up to Gloria, "What do you mean."

Gloria sighed, "Well Leonard it is like this..." for the next half hour Gloria told Leonard about what happened that summer and how Gloria felt that Penny was dealing with same issues as Leonard, explaining that them talking was probably, at this point, the one thing they needed to both settle their minds.

Leonard just listen and nodded, not saying a word till Gloria was finished, then just staring at her for a few moments, before speaking, "Can you and her doctor arrange for us to meet?"

Gloria nodded, "The thing is Leonard that I'm not sure doing it over the Christmas holidays is going to be very productive for the both of you to talk seriously, there is too much emotion between you during this holiday."

Leonard nodded, "After maybe."

Gloria nodded again, "After will be better and I promise to try and arrange something for you." but then Gloria remembered it had been a couple of months since she talked to Carol about Penny. "Leonard you do have to understand that I haven't gotten any information on Penny the last month or two so there is always a chance she has moved on, you understand."

Leonard just nodded, "Then I guess I will have my answer then." he said extremely seriously.

Gloria just nodded.

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The closer it got to the new year, the greater the strain Bernadette's leaving became to both Howard and Bernadette, Bernadette trying hard to not just give up everything for Howard. Howard on the other hand was over thinking her departure and working himself up so much that those last few weeks in December he thought to be his last with Bernadette. This resulted in both him and Bernadette spending almost every moment they weren't working or in school together and their make out sessions reaching a level of intensity that neither of them ever experienced or now wanted to lose.

So, the Saturday morning after they had dinner at Bernadette's parents' house, Bernadette sat at the kitchen table eating some cereal while talking to her mother. "Mom, I don't know what to do, I love him and I have to leave him."

"Honey you are still young, there will be other men." Bernadette's mother tried to comfort her daughter.

"What do you mean other men, I want Howard." Bernadette now exclaimed to her mother, surprised that her mother would even say such a thing.

The kitchen went quiet for the next few minutes, Bernadette mad at her mother while her mother afraid to say anything that would make things worse between her and her daughter. It was therefore the worse time for Mike, Bernadette's father, to come in. "Well I'm happy to see you alone for once, though I don't want to see you go, you being away from that skinny little nerdy boy is worth it."

Bernadette's mother couldn't even get it out before Mike said those words, "Mike...NO." It was like closing the barn door after all the horses had already escaped.

"DADDY HOW COULD YOU!" Bernadette glared at her father for a second before getting up and out of the kitchen, it being only ten minutes later that both her parents heard the front door slam.

It was another half hour later that Howard heard the knocking on the front door of his mother's home then heard, "HOWARD THERE IS SOMEBODY AT THE FRONT DOOR!"

"I'M UP IN MY ROOM, CAN'T YOU GET IT!" Howard responded

"I'M NOT DRESSED TO RECEIVE." Howard heard in return, thinking since when was his mother ever ready to receive. However, he knew it was silly to argue anymore so he got off his bed and headed downstairs to see who it was, stunned to see Bernadette standing outside his door with red eyes and a wet face. "Bernadette what's wrong?"

Bernadette lunged at him, engulfing him in a tight hug as she began to whimper again, the need to be comforted by Howard now the only thing she needed. Howard could do nothing but hold her tight, feeling terrible that she was so upset and wanting to do anything to make her feel better. So they just stood there for several minutes and would have stayed there a lot longer but for one thing, "HOWARD WHO WAS AT THE DOOR!"

Howard sighed, "IT IS BERNADETTE!"

"WELL INVITE HER IN, IT IS NOT POLITE TO LET HER STAND OUTSIDE!" Howard looked down at Bernadette and the both of them chuckled.

They spent the next four hours in Howard's room, even having their lunch up there, most of the time just quietly holding each other and giving each other small kisses. Howard didn't really know what made Bernadette come there so early but was more than happy to hold her the last few hours, so it was while holding her that the thought came to mind that maybe there was more to her arrival to his home than he had first thought. Bernadette's arrival in such a distraught condition made him think about what had been bothering him the last few weeks, something that he had expected them to discuss any time now since her departure was only a couple of weeks away, her departure and their relationship. It actually started to eat at his mind now so much so that after another fifteen minutes he couldn't stand not knowing what was going to happen to them.

"Bernadette, it is only a couple of more weeks till you leave." he started what he hoped would not be a too painful conversation for him, while expecting all the time that today was the day she dumped him.

"I know." and with that Bernadette grabbed him harder and began to sob, remembering what her parents said that morning.

Howard wanted to cry himself, convinced now that it truly was the day they were going to break up and that his girlfriend, the sweetest girl he ever met, was just having trouble telling him because she did actually like him, not love him because actually no girl ever did, but was too nice to want to hurt him. So, with all the internal strength he had he went on, "Don't you think we should talk about it?"

"Yes." she barely got out as she buried her head into his shoulder and cried more.

Howard closed his eyes, this was it, she was surely going to end their relationship in the next few minutes and it was all he could do to not beg her to stay with him as in his mind he kept telling himself over and over that he loved her. He had been thinking about it so hard he didn't even realize that he mumbled it out loud. "I love you."

Even through her crying Bernadette heard him mumble those three words, they made the tears stop and she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him, "I love you too." She then watched his eyes open to look at her and, in that moment, it became so clear to her what she wanted to do.

Howard looked at her in surprise, partly because he now realized that he said what he was thinking out loud and partly because she said she loved him too. It was a little overwhelming to him and the next words out of his mouth seemed to have a life of their own, "I don't want to lose you." he confessed.

"I don't want to lose you either." Bernadette responded, him saying he didn't want to lose her giving her the strength to ask the question that came to her a few moments earlier, "Howard I want to be married to you before I go."


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

It was the same but different for Leonard to be back in his old apartment, where he had once lived with Sheldon, playing video games with his friends, well his friends except for Howard who had called earlier to tell them he couldn't make it tonight. Playing video games with Sheldon, Raj and Stuart, did provide a comforting familiarity to him of old times, but at the same time, for the last year he had not really done anything like this so there was a weird feeling about it, too. Though that weird feeling didn't seem to extend to his friends though who appeared to be fully engrossed in the game.

"LEONARD! Watch those guys to your right...cover us." Sheldon admonished him, making him having to concentrate more to the game. "Okay, I got them." his only response.

It went on like that for the next two hours, Leonard's mind wandering while they played, his ability to totally concentrate on the video games they played, like he use to before, now lost to him. It was during those moments he was distracted that he began to understand why he wasn't able to concentrate on their games anymore, he felt like he was missing something now in his life. Being with his friends and doing all those things he had done with them before wasn't enough for him anymore, he had seen something different a year ago, a life with someone else that didn't really center on the nerdy things he did with the guys. It was during that moment that Leonard realized he wasn't the same person he was before and would probably never be that person again.

"Leonard your skills at HALO, as limited as they were, seem to have deteriorated over the time since you moved out. I would surmise that all of your efforts have been diminished since you moved out, too." Sheldon stated with no emotion but still obviously hinting Leonard would be better moving back in with him.

Leonard just looked at him, except for tonight playing a video game, his work and prestige in the world of science had actually improved greatly since he left being under Sheldon's thumb while living in that apartment. However, before when he would just accept Sheldon's cutting remarks about his abilities, Leonard now felt Sheldon's remarks needed to be responded to and not left to stand like some kind of truth. "I don't know Sheldon, my work has been praised by Dr. Hawking and his continued efforts to get me to stay at Cambridge and work for him seem to infer I've done quite well for myself since I moved out."

Leonard now watched while Sheldon's mouth moved like a fish taking in water, though no words seemed to be coming from it. He knew Sheldon was extremely jealous of his work with Hawking and even had sent Hawking a letter about how much better the great man would be with someone like him working with him instead of suffering with Leonard's substandard work. Leonard knew all this because Hawking had shown Leonard that letter, to both give Leonard a laugh and confirm to Leonard he was very impressed with his work. However, Leonard now knew what a selfish person Sheldon was and he knew he would never live with the man again no matter how much Sheldon hinted.

"Actually Dr. Hawking said he would be willing to consider having you work with him," Leonard now watched Sheldon's eyes lit up with anticipation before he stuck the knife deeper, "if ever your work shows any relevance to the real world or has any scientific significance."

Sheldon again just stared at him with nothing to say, the silence continuing until Raj let out a snicker he obviously had been trying to hold in, followed by Stuart who now laughed. Sheldon just gave them a death stare before composing himself to glare at Leonard, "I don't know what you learned over there in England but being condescending seems to be something you remembered." Stuart and Raj now laughing louder as the man who was the definition of a condescending asshole called someone else condescending. Sheldon again glared at them before standing up to address them all, "Goodnight." before walking back to his room and slamming the door.

Leonard, Raj and Stuart just looked at each other, a small smile on each of their lips, before Leonard stated, "I guess the night is over, so we better go." Raj and Stuart both nodding at him.

The three of them walked quietly to the lobby of the apartment building and then outside, preparing to go separate ways, until Raj decided to ask Leonard something that was bothering him all night. "Are you doing alright Leonard?"

The question stunned Leonard and he was at a loss for words so he just lamely answered, "I'm okay."

Raj slowly nodded, "It is just Howard and I were wondering about you. He said you and Alex had some sexual chemistry on the boat and then when you return you tell us Alex has a boyfriend."

"There was nothing going on between me and Alex." Leonard immediately stated.

"Really! Howard said she slept with you." Raj responded.

Leonard just stared at him thinking 'damn Howard for telling everything', "She did, but nothing happened...I think." Leonard still was unsure what had happened that night.

"Okay..." Raj drug out his 'okay' response making it obvious that he believed that something happened. "Well you were distracted tonight." he made it sound like an accusation to press his point that he thought Leonard was depressed over Alex, not knowing how wrong he was.

Leonard just stared at him a moment, wondering how or even why he would tell his friend that he was thinking of a different life, one with a young blonde woman he has known for just over a week a year ago. "Raj, Sheldon sent Hawking a letter just after he asked me to stay at Cambridge after the North Sea trip. That letter said he was better for any job Hawking had for me and that he shouldn't settle for a mediocre physicist when he could have him. I was mad at Sheldon all night." Leonard lied.

"OH." Raj said in surprise, "Howard didn't tell me that."

Leonard looked at Raj sternly, "Because Howard didn't know, I don't tell him everything...for obvious reasons."

Raj got Leonard's implications so now answered him very apolitically, "I understand...well we better go...goodbye Leonard."

"Goodnight Raj." and then with a nod, "Stuart." He just turned and then left the two of them without another word.

Leonard's mind now raced as he walked to the car, the discussion with Raj making him think about Penny and that making him feel an incredible loss as it sunk in deeper in his mind that it had been a year now since he first saw her. Even the euphoria he felt about Gloria getting them together to talk was dissipating inside him as he thought about how it had also been a year that had passed since they last talked. He couldn't help remind himself that a year was a long time and Penny was a normal person who would probably have moved on by now, while he was just a nerdy little guy who was still pining over her.

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Penny that night was lost in her thoughts too, the feeling of helpless she felt while being in Los Angeles and the thoughts she had about the fence of the Coliseum being the only wall keeping her from being drawn back into a life on the streets. She had talked about this with Carol before she left, Carol telling her it was up to her if she felt strong enough to come to this place, Penny thinking she could do it, but now wondering if she had been wrong. It was not a surprise to her why she came, Leonard lived here, she didn't know if he was here now but this was Leonard's home and little bit of her hoped that if she was here somehow, they would meet. She knew those hopes were nothing more than like a plot to a movie, but she wanted it to happen so bad that even taking a longshot like that was something she was willing to risk, that risk in her mind being that if she left the Coliseum the streets of Los Angeles would swallow her up again.

"You doing okay Penny?" Shirley stated and Penny saw she was looking at her concerned when she looked back at her. They were eating salad and sandwiches for dinner in Shirley's trailer and Penny realized she had not said a word since they had sat down to eat.

Penny didn't want to tell her friend the truth, the walls she had rebuilt in her life now prevented anything from coming out, so she went to her tried and true method for answering questions she didn't want to answer, she lied. "I'm okay, just a little tired." The had worked all afternoon, after they arrived, at setting up the trailer, getting their horses settledand everything else they normally did when arriving at a new Rodeo site, so she thought that excuse was believable.

Shirley just shook her head, "I think you need to see a doctor girl, most new 21-year olds can't think of anything but partying after they become legal to drink. And pretty girls usually like meeting guys too."

"You can be 21 and tired too." Penny lamely responded.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, the girls and I are going to check out the local bars here and see what wildlife we can stir up. You want to come; a couple of drinks will make you forget how tired you are." Shirley did not hide the sarcasm in her invitation to Penny.

Penny shook her head, drinking in Los Angeles was more than she could take, the thought of being there with alcohol in her terrified her to death. "No, I'm going to stay in and maybe check on Buttercup."

Shirley shook her head again, "Your loss, seriously Penny you need to see a doctor."

Shirley's last remark was making Penny want to laugh hysterically in her friend's face while telling her she was seeing a doctor because her mind was still filled with demons, "I'm okay." however was all she said.

It was therefore almost two hours later that Penny took the harness off of Buttercup and let her loose in the Rodeo arena to exercise some that night. Travelling is stressful for horses so Penny didn't want to ride her horse that night, just let her gallop around the arena by herself to stretch her legs and let her have some time to run. This time between them being comforting to Penny too, being with Buttercup always helping Penny to relax while being with an animal that she considered more of a pet and friend than just a horse.

Buttercup just did what Penny expected, galloped around the arena for a couple laps before coming directly back to Penny, slowly walking to her and putting her head against Penny to nuzzle her. The half-ton animal being as gentle as it could be with the human animal she had known since she was a foal, an animal that had never hurt her and an animal she trusted as much as any horse could. Buttercups actions again being rewarded with the good feeling of having her ears rubbed, along with her head and neck, the feeling of the warm trusted human animal being close and the tasty apple that human animal seemed to always have when they were so close.

So, Buttercup just stood there with her head down, while Penny held and rubbed her neck and ears, eating her apple, the short run stretching her legs, and the being alone in the arena with her trusted human animal, rubbing her, making the large horse very content. Penny was also comforted being able to love on the large animal as it stood quietly next to her, the ability to show her love to another creature calming her and making her more relaxed too. Penny had been masking the feeling of real loss since she had started in the Rodeo, although she had been getting better mentally there was still a lingering feeling in her that something was seriously missing in her life, which at times like this made worse by the fact she knew she wanted to see Leonard.

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"TONIGHT!" Howard said in surprise.

Bernadette slowly nodded, "I want to be your wife now." she said softly to him. Her voice was slightly cracking because she was ready to cry, she had exposed her heart to Howard and was terrified of his rejection.

"But what about our parents and friends, there is also the arrangements and everything." Howard lamely replied.

Bernadette just looked at him, again softly asking. "Do you not want to marry me tonight?"

Howard looked back at his girlfriend, immediately remembering how he had suffered the last month thinking he was going to lose her. It suddenly made the idea of marrying her tonight the greatest idea he had ever heard, "Tonight." he said softly to her with a smile that made a big smile form on Bernadette's face.

"Okay, I have some clothes packed but we will need to stop by at my parents for a minute to pick a couple more things up quickly. So, Howie pack your stuff and we can be on our way to Las Vegas." Bernadette said to him, the excitement about what they were doing now taking control.

Howard though was now thinking more rationally, "Are you going to tell your parents what we are doing?"

Bernadette quickly shook her head, after the way her father acted that morning, she didn't care if they didn't find out until they were married, "Nope."

Howard blinked at her response but knew the way she said it was firm. He however now thought about his mother, "Bernadette, I love you and want to marry you, tonight, but I have one condition."

Bernadette immediately got worried and in a soft voice said, "What is it?"

"My mother has to be allowed to see us get married, it would kill her to find out after it was over. She raised me and she deserves to see her son get married." Howard pleaded to his soon to be wife.

Bernadette sighed, "She is not sharing a room with us and after we are married she has to agree to give us the night and the next day alone."

Howard nodded and smiled, "I'll make sure she knows the rules." he then got up from the bed and walked to open his door, "MA, PACK A BAG, WE ARE GOING TO LAS VEGAS TONIGHT."

"WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO THERE TONIGHT." was her response.

"IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR SON GET MARRIED, YOU WANT TO BE THERE TONIGHT." Howard yelled then smiled at Bernadette who smiled back.

"MARRIED...WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRIED?" her voice obviously laced with surprise.

"MA, WE ARE LEAVING IN AN HOUR, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU." Howard now said seriously to leave no room for doubt.

A couple moments passed before his mother responded, "I'M PACKING, DON'T YOU LEAVE WITHOUT ME." the response making Bernadette role her eyes before both Howard and Bernadette starting giggling.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Monday found Leonard walking up to and placing his lunch tray at a very quiet table occupied by Raj and Sheldon, making him immediately realize something was wrong, "Hi Guys." he said carefully as he wondered if this quiet was because Sheldon was still mad at him from the weekend. He knew with Sheldon it was hit-or-miss whether he took something personally and put you on his enemy's list or just dismissed it as a lesser mind's babble.

"Oh good, now we can talk about something other than Howard's marriage." Sheldon said in a tone that reflected he was happy to see Leonard.

"Howard's Married!" Leonard was stunned by the news.

"Isn't that what I just said." Sheldon shook his head in disgust, again wondering why he always had to repeat everything to Leonard.

Leonard glared at Sheldon then looked back at Raj, "What happened."

"Oh, not again." Sheldon said then sighed loudly to emphasize his remark.

Again, Leonard glared at him before turning back to Raj, "Did he really get married and was it to Bernadette?"

"Yes, he got married and yes to Bernadette, now can we talk about something more interesting." Sheldon injected himself again into Leonard's question to Raj.

"Will you please shut up." Leonard hissed to Sheldon while glaring at him again.

"Well this is boring, I can have more fun at my desk than discussing Howard's sexual exploits." Sheldon then stood up and left.

Leonard sighed, finally taking a seat across from Raj, "Now that Mr. I don't care about anything but myself has left, tell me what happened."

"Howard ran off to Las Vegas with Bernadette and got married." Raj stated.

Leonard couldn't help but smile, Bernadette and Howard seemed to connect on the Boat and Leonard remembered thinking that Howard would be one lucky man if he could ever find someone like Bernadette who loved him. "Good for Howard."

"Yeah, good for Howard." sarcasm just dripping from Raj's response.

"What is wrong with you, you should be happy for Howard, isn't he your best friend?" Leonard said while glaring at Raj, a little angry about how he was acting.

"Yeah, well my best friend didn't even invite me to his wedding." Raj said in disgust.

Leonard shook his head, "Well if they ran to Las Vegas, they eloped, so when you elope you don't invite anyone."

"He took his mother." Raj spat out.

Leonard thought about that for a moment, Howard had a very strong relationship with his mother, "Does that really surprise you?"

"Noo." Raj said quietly

"So, you need to be happy for him." Leonard tried to reason with Raj.

"I guess, but Christmas and New Year's is going to suck." Raj responded.

Leonard blinked, "Why?"

"Howard and I would do things together and I would spend Christmas with him and his mom." Raj explained

Leonard sighed, he now understood, Raj was jealous and already lonely. Howard would probably spend every minute with his new bride before she left and would definitely have no time for Raj, which was most likely the main reason Raj was upset. An immediate thought came to mind but his logical mind told him not to say anything, however his excessive empathy overruled his mind. "I could hang around with you during the holidays."

Raj perked up, "Really, you would do that, we can have so much fun, we can be wingmen."

Leonard was already regretting his offer, "Yeah, sure, fun, right."


End file.
